I think all this heat and sun has fried my brain, but I have gotten in a mood to clean out and get rid of some junk at the house. Then,,,,,,,,

There is my husbands truck, that has been sitting in the same spot since he left, filled with crap, I want to get rid of whatever is in there so it won't be a trigger to him when he comes home. But I know what I find is going to make me angry and make me sad. I hate that life and want to get rid of any reminders of his coke, crank, weed, drinking lifestyle. The sight of drug related stuff makes me sick to look at anymore. I just really dread this chore because I don't really know what all I will find and how I will feel.

Sorry to ramble on about what may seem like nothing, but it is a major deal to me and hurts my heart.

If you have made it this far, thanks for listening :rolleyes:

Brandy, I feel for you... I know it would be as hard for me to have to do something like that as you are dreading it. This may well be one of the most important and significant things you do in preparation for his homecoming, if not THE most.

Yep, it's gonna hurt, no doubt. My advice to you - try as best as you can to treat it like any other chore (I know that's impossible, but try), and try hard to not let it get to you. Go into it with strength and hope, and let that get you thru it, and for everything you throw away, remind yourself that you're throwing away that old life in preparation for the new one.

I think my ex had been gone at least six or seven years at the point I found the last stashed empty bottle and threw it away. It made me mad and hurt every time I found another bottle or another forgotten piece of paraphernalia, for years... but if I'd known then what I know now about taking care of myself in the face of addiction, I think that might have saved me all those years of misery and anger cleaning up what all he left behind. I have been determined ever since that if I should come across another of those stashed bottles, I'm gonna just toss it away like any other piece of garbage. The heartache and the misery is just NOT worth it.

Hang in there, be strong, I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best... **{hugs}}

Thank you Lys, I knew I could count on you for support with this, I really do appreciate your thoughts on this :) I will let you know how it goes.

P.S. It is nice that at least one person here cares.

Brandy,

try to think of the truck as someone else's. I can imagine how you feel- heck, I can't stand the sight of Brillo pads.
Whn I moved in April, I found an old crackpipe undernesth the washer. Ever since, I have really had problems dealing with the fact that he's coming home this year.
Just hang on in there- if I could, I would come over and clean out his truck for you!

Try to enjoy the fact that he's coming home and it CAN be a fresh start.

Hugs,

Tanya

Try to not let it ruin your day because you are already aware of what you might find. Take your anger out on the "stuff and junk" in the truck. "Throw it" in the garbage and/or "break it" ~ "jump on it", "cuss it out"...then you are taking your anger out on "things" and/or "his past behaviors" and not your actual husband. Maybe that will make you feel like you are on a mission and that you not just cleaning out the past! I know it sucks but make it worth your time and energy! :) :fb:

I can really relate to this discussion. Many years after I quit using drugs I would find items here and there in old purses, etc. that I had stashed. OUT! I think it's high time ya got all the crap out of the truck, and I would suggest you get a friend to come help for support. Just make it shine, and put in air freshener and make it a positive experience. Maybe get something symbolic to put in the truck - a 12-step coin, a religious medal, whatever means something to you and him. I am not even Catholic but I keep a Saint Rita medal around, someone told me she's the saint of hopeless causes. Good luck

I can relate to that, I had a lot of cleaning to do after my husband got locked up, some of it I just couldn't handle at first. I was smoking crack and drinking myself when he was out, I just wasn't doing it as much as he was, I still went to work, he quit his job to get hi all day. I had a lot of anger and resentment, also I went into recovery 4 months after he went to prison, so I was new in recovery by the time I thought about cleaning it out, and I was afraid to start cleaning, I was afraid if I found a pipe I would call the dope man. I had to wait about 7 months into recovery before I could do it, and I found quite a bit of stuff but I was prepared to find it, I waited for a day that I could face it as if it were just another piece of trash, like someone mentioned earlier. I thought I cleaned everything out real good, and about a year after he was arrested my 9 year old daughter had a friend spend the night and we are all eating supper in the dining room when the dog comes trotting out with the screen stuck in his tooth, and the pipe hanging on to it, just a little bit of screen hanging there. I about died, luckily no one else saw it (I don't think they would have known what it was but I still didn't want anyone to see it) but anyway I quickly threw it away, but it really upset me pretty bad, I wasn't expecting it. I have no idea where it came from but he had stuff stashed everywhere so there's no telling. Anyway, it really upset me that day because I wasn't prepared to see that, but on the day I did the cleaning I was prepared to find anything and everything and I waited for a day that I felt like I could look at it like any other peice of trash. I have since went thru the house cleaning cabinets and such just making sure, but I wait for days when I think I can handle it. I still have the shed to tackle but I'm kind of scared to go in there, it's junk piled sky high and I think I will need some help in there, I'm sure there are all kinds of nasty bugs in there maybe mice or something too, so I'll get some help when I tackle that job but I still have plenty of time. Good luck, I wish I could help you though because I know how that anger can be, even though I was doing some of the same things I still got angry at him, because he was the one who started it, and he took it to extremes that I didn't. Today I know that only means his degree of sickness was greater than mine, and it is a disease. But it's still hard not to let the emotions get to you. I agree it needs to be done though, finding a pipe is a gigantic trigger even for someone who is in recovery and doing well, I guess it depends on the person but I wouldn't take any chances.