View Full Version : Guards at visitation


cobwebqueen
06-05-2002, 09:37 PM
Ok, I'm back in Australia (sob) and I can tell you guys a little about this visitation. The first guard was cool, he'd been to my hometown so he was asking me questions about what it's like now. And Craig said he's alright. Then the next day the guard who was there, well what a different story! He went to get Craig and he's like "What the **** is she coming to see YOU for" and just generally making Craig feel inadequate. And all the time during the visit he kept staring at us. What a sleaze! God I wanted to say something to him so badly, but I knew that it would be bad for Craig if I did. Why do some guards have to act like that? Isn't it punishment enough to be locked up away from your loved ones without some ape trying to make them feel like less of a man. Craig is more man than that guard will ever be. I just hate to see these men some of whom are America's best and finest inside on some rinky dink charge, being made to feel so small. How do you go about restoring a man's self esteem when he gets out after 12 years of that?

jdswifey02
06-05-2002, 11:03 PM
I definitely know what you mean about some of the guards treatment and the effect that it can have... but I also know from JD's experience, that while he has his days when it gets to him, it is more because he is just having a "low self-esteem" kind of day... feeling lonely and guilty about everything he wants to be doing and can't because he is locked up... but he always picks himself back up (many times with the love and support of those on the outside who stand by him)... and in THOSE moments, he too knows that any CO who has to treat ANYONE like that has their own issues... and he knows it isn't about him, but that CO obviously has something going on in his own mind or life where he has to be so shallow as to get off on such a little power trip.... So all you really gotta do is love Craig and help him see himself through your eyes on the days when he has a hard time seeing the good in himself!!
Here's a little tidbit I am sending to JD today that kind of fits...

The Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders...
It's seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice...
It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits...
It's in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest...
It's in his heart, that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved....
It's in how he can be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift....
It's in the burdens he can carry.
________________________________________________
(I like that last line the best.... and it speaks to just how strong our men are....)
Peace.........

Isadora
06-06-2002, 12:09 AM
You know I love that poem about 'the strength of a man'! I'm going to write it down and send it to my husband.

lizbeth
06-06-2002, 12:12 AM
Hey cobwebqueen,

I also have had problems at visitation. Although I have never seen any of the COs disrespect my husband. Lately there has been this one B**** CO that has been sitting all the people of colour in the front. And not only that she was putting the check down every 20 minutes. Junior told me to call central office on her. Me and some of the other ladies of colour were talking and I told them to call central office too. To my pleasant suprise, the very next weekend (last weekend) she had been moved over to a minimum yard, from medium. :)

I know of your frustration

lizbeth

DJohnson
06-06-2002, 08:15 AM
I haven't had to deal w/a guard putting EJ down...yet.
I think the CO's think it's just 1 more way to bring the guys down (like they don't do enough already)!
I think JDs said it best...with all our love & support to these wonderful me of ours it will help them to over come those type of moments.

sherri13
06-06-2002, 09:05 AM
I can identify with all you all have said- another isssue is we get a lot of flack b/c we are an interrracial couple-

a lot of CO's in small towns in NC dont like that-

Ron and I both have had to grit our teeth a lot of times to not stoop to their level of ignorance

CREAMYALMONDZ
06-06-2002, 10:04 AM
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN to that Cob I hate when they do that. Some guard was all on our butts this past Sunday. It irritates the heck out of me. Just try to hang in there it's only temporary (unless he has a life sentence.).

cobwebqueen
06-06-2002, 03:17 PM
Thanks Guys, and yeah, thank God, he's on the last 15 months of a 12 year stint. But he's always so upbeat in his letters, never even hardly mentions the place, but lately he's been saying how much the place is getting him down, and how he hopes he can keep it together till he gets out. But then he says ''You don't need to hear me cryin' about this" (he's a Southern man, keeps it all inside) and I feel helpless.

soraya
06-07-2002, 03:41 AM
these guards are pathetic....probably jealous that an inmate (who's a lowlife in their eyes) gets a visit, and that from somebody across the globe...plus they enjoy the power they have...

love muffin
06-07-2002, 05:48 AM
I think Soraya's got it right. I think alot of it is being jealous and also the power goes to their heads.

lizbeth
06-07-2002, 07:03 PM
I have a friend that used to work for DOC and he said that most of them are wanna-be cops that couldn't make the cut. So they had to settle. Now that I think about it thats probably why their so resentful.

lizbeth

Budwoman
06-12-2002, 06:58 AM
WELL GIRLS..... 38 SPECIAL SHOULD BE ABLE TO ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.... YES, YOU ARE ALL ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. THIS TYPE THING IS PREVAILANT IN ALL PRISONS. 75% OF THE GUARD HAVE POWER PROBLEMS.... THEY WANT THE INMATE TO KNOW THEY ARE IN CONTROL.... THEY SHOW IT TO EVERYONE INCLUDING THE FAMILIES.....

IT'S A REAL BAD SITUATION..... WONDER WHAT 38 SPECIAL WOULD ANSWER?

DONNA

sherri13
06-12-2002, 07:25 AM
I ALSO THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH A LOT OF THE INMATES HAVE BEAUTIFUL AND INTELLIGENT WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS COMING TO VISIT THEM AND ONCE AGAIN THE GUARDS FEEL THEY DIDN'T "MAKE THE CUT'- JUST LIKE WHEN THEY TRIED TO BECOME "REAL" POLICE OFFICERS-

aprilcat
06-12-2002, 07:28 AM
jds wifey....i sent a copy of the "strength of a man" to my friend in prison. i just want to thank you for posting that poem. it speaks volumes. thanks again for sharing! *hugs*

Isadora
06-12-2002, 08:34 AM
Yes, I have also sent a copy of 'the strength of a man' to my husband; he should be getting it today actually.

maflegs
06-13-2002, 08:32 AM
Hi there,

I've just discovered this site and found it really helpful.

I visited my friend on DR for the first time in April, and whilst the visits went really well, our last parting was horrible. The (female) guard was really rude to me....

I was getting a little tearful (as I was visiting from the UK), and she obviously assumed that we had some kind of romantic relationship going on. She said to ME in a REALLY sarcastic way "oh, boo hoo hoo, don't make me cry". My friend called her a bitch because he saw how shocked and upset I was. I wanted to yell at her but bit my tongue because I realised I would really rock the boat for my friend if I insulted her.

I walked out of the prison in a daze... I couldn't believe what had just happened. It does make me pretty mad/sad because the last thing I remember about my last visit is this guard being so horrible to me. I do my best to blank the memory out, but I'm going back next year to visit and am a little worried that something like this may happen again.

Any thoughts anyone?

soraya
06-13-2002, 08:35 AM
sorry to hear what happened. Like stated before, this guard was probably jealous that you visited a guy on death row from all the way in the UK.
If you visit again next year, there might be another guard who just acts normal.

I understand what you mean, by the last thing you remember is something bad....

sherri13
06-13-2002, 08:52 AM
MAFLEGS-SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED-I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT BUT TRY TO KEEP IN YOUR MEMORY THE GOOD PART OF YUR VISIT WITH YOUR FRIEND AND NOT THE GUARD'S IGNORANCE AND UNPROFESSIONALISM- THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THE WAY THE FEMALE GUARD ACTED OR WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU BUT THAT IS HER ISSUE, NOT YOURS-YOU HAVE DONE A WONDERFUL THING TO TRAVEL SO FAR TO VISIT SOMEONE AND I AM CERTAIN HE APPRECVIATES IT MORE THAN HE COULD EVER EXPRESS TO YOU-DO COME BACK NEXT YEAR- AND HOPEFULLY THERE WILL BE A GUARD WITH A LITTLE MORE COMPASSION

Budwoman
06-14-2002, 09:10 AM
MAFLEGS;;


I AM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED.... THIS IS A SITUATION THAT WE, AS US CITIZENS ARE REALLY TRYING TO REPAIR... SOMETIMES THESE GUARDS GET SO VERY POWER HUNGRY THAT THEY FORGET THE PEOPLE WHO COME VISIT AND THE INMATE ARE HUMAN BEINGS.... THEY JUST WANT TO SHOW THEIR AUTHORITY... DON'T, WHATEVER YOU DO, LET THEM GET THE BEST OF YOU... IF YOU WANT TO COME BACK FOR MORE VISITS, THEN YOU COME..... DON'T NOT COME BECAUSE OF AN IDIOT..

MY LOVE
DONNA

torrey
06-14-2002, 10:37 AM
I think what is so puzzling and shocking to us is that in everyday settings throughout the day (business, pleasure) NO one else would be rude, crude, and socially unacceptable enough to do and say something like that too another person. We walk on the streets and hardly ever ever will someone atttack a stranger with verbal abuse unprovoked.
Not very often at all in the southern states anyway.

We walk into a visitor room at the DOC and thier manners and sociall skills vanish towards us. These people that work there have to socialize in public too. They have to eat out, shop, get thier cars fixed. I really don't think they just talk to everyone they meet on the street with such callous rudeness. SO why is in thier mindset that it is OK to speak to friends and family of someone incarcerated that way?

Or do you think that CO acts like that 24/7 everywhere she goes? Tc church, PTA, hairdresser ? I think someone would have slapped her mouth by now if she did.

I guess for me since it was the very first time to be in a prison visitor room I walked in that those CO's were nonething more than workers. Police officer respect was all they got from me. I could since the tension especially in one guard that kept whispering about me to the other guard. He didn't think I could hear. I didn't think much about it but later found out that was the guard that wrote Richard up and sent him to jail.
The CO was trying to imtimidate me but being ignorant to the history I just ignored him.

sherri13
06-15-2002, 08:44 AM
TORREY-THESE ARE SOME VERY GOOD POINTS- SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE CO'S ACT THIS WAY IN THE PRISONS B/C THEY FEEL THEY HAVE TO BE HARD AND PUT THEIR "HUMANESS" ASIDE TO EFFECTIVELY DO THEIR JOB-HOW CRAZY IS THAT- THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT MAYBE HAVE SOME ASPECT OF "HUMANESS" TO THEM-OTHERS I THINK ARE JUST PLAIN A**HOLS ON A POWER TRIP-EITHER WAY YOUARE RIGHT-I AM SURE THESE PEOPLE DO NOT ACT THIS WAY WHEN THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF PRISON WALLS- I THINK THEY SHOULD BE SECRETLY VIDEOTAPED WHILE ON THE JOB AND THEN BE FORCED TO SIT DOWN WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS AND WATCH THEIR BEHAVIOR

B-Ray
06-15-2002, 10:55 PM
I don't think these CO's can work a 40 hr week and not have that "work attitude" flow over into the rest of there lives in some form. It becomes a habit in reacting to certain stimulant's and they will be found on the outside also!

sherri13
06-16-2002, 06:34 PM
PROBABLY SO B-RAY BUT MAYBE NOT QUITE AS OVERT, MORE SUBTLE SLIPS

aprilcat
06-17-2002, 05:45 AM
maflegs ~ that guard was just being mean! i am so sorry you had to experience that. i'm sure it was very overwhelming when you had to leave. i have a friend on death row myself that i plan to visit when i gain approval, and i'm sure leaving him will be difficult as well. i certainly hope i have someone more pleasant than that individual to deal with *hugs*

Joy
06-17-2002, 07:22 AM
To those of you here that have talked about visiting your friend on DR, I was wondering if you could tell me what to expect from beginning to end. I am going to visit my friend for the first time here in a couple of months and this is ALL knew to me. Just kind of would like to know what to expect from the moment I walk in till I walk out.

Thanks

aprilcat
06-17-2002, 07:44 AM
joy, i think a lot of it depends on what death row you are visiting. my friend is at florida state prison, and, while i have had a wait forever while they process my vistation application, once everything finally gets through the system, we are able to have contact visits, which is unusual for dr inmates. i'll be sure to fill you in on the visit once i have it! :)

CREAMYALMONDZ
06-17-2002, 02:14 PM
Keep your head up girl those guards are full out of, taking advantage of people's feelings especially in prisons.