softheart
07-15-2003, 11:50 AM
One Year ago the State of Mississippi changed my life forever.
These last few days have been very hard days for me. It was exactly one year ago today, that we got word from the Gov of Mississippi that Tracy's sentenced would not be commuted. And that he would be executed on July 17.
It was at that very moment we knew that the last little bit of hope we had was gone. It was at that very moment once again Tracy changed my life forever, but this time he had no choice. It was at that very moment I hated a whole State, a Gov the system and life.
That day I was powerless and helpless. No matter what I couldn't do anything to save this man. The man who was part of my very soul. All I could do was Love him and share with him and tell him my thoughts from the very depths of my soul.
And tell him that he will always have part of me, because that day he took part of me with him.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is squeeze a lifetime in a very few short days. But we did and we laughed and we cried.
Although we both knew in our hearts that the Gov would never comute his sentence. See Tracy was charged with an unspeakable crime according to law enforcment. He killed a State trooper. But no one ever looked at, he tried to save the troopers life. No one ever looked at the henious crimes his Mother committed againist Tracy as a young child.
None of it mattered, because he killed a State Trooper and everyone was Hell bound to see him die for his crime so many years before.
The day Tracy was murdered by Mississippi there were over 1000 police cars from around the State surrounding Parchman to cheer his death.
They had two reasons to be happy that day, someone who killed one of their own was going to die. And the State of Mississippi had its first execution in 13 years.
They finally got their revenge 15 1/2 years later. But Tracy won, because he had no hate or revenge in his heart. He had only Love and compassion for others. And a Love for the Ladner family. And a regret for taking Bruce Ladner from them.
It was a sunny beautiful day in Mississippi that July 17th day. But that all changed as they proceeded to execute Tracy the skies turn gray and the rains fell hard. Not just a trickle, but very hard with thunder and lightning.
I pray that Tracy's death some how has brought peace to the Ladner family. Tracy wanted that more then anything. But I know in my heart that it hasn't.
But I do know after reading about Bruce Ladner that he was the first to greet Tracy after his death. See he was that kind of man, the kind that would have helped Tracy in his younger days.
I have been trying very hard not to let those feelings of anger and hate creep back in, because Tracy told me if I have those feelings in my heart I have no room for his Love. But I am sorry I can't help it. The anger and the hate I have for those who took his life are there and very real.
But I am taking those negitive emotions and using them to try and make a difference for and with others. Because Tracy ask me to never give up and I never will until I take my last breathe.
Today I realize that it is just as real as it was this day a year ago. But I know I will get through this and will keep on. I just have been keeping myself busy.
There isn't a day that goes by or when I do something that Tracy doesn't cross my mind and heart. The years I spent with Tracy made me a better person. he taught me so much about Love and caring and compassion and most of all about forgiveness.
I was blessed to be part of his life and to have him touch my life.
I am not sure why I wrote this, I guess because I needed to.
I Love and Miss you Tracy!
softie
These last few days have been very hard days for me. It was exactly one year ago today, that we got word from the Gov of Mississippi that Tracy's sentenced would not be commuted. And that he would be executed on July 17.
It was at that very moment we knew that the last little bit of hope we had was gone. It was at that very moment once again Tracy changed my life forever, but this time he had no choice. It was at that very moment I hated a whole State, a Gov the system and life.
That day I was powerless and helpless. No matter what I couldn't do anything to save this man. The man who was part of my very soul. All I could do was Love him and share with him and tell him my thoughts from the very depths of my soul.
And tell him that he will always have part of me, because that day he took part of me with him.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is squeeze a lifetime in a very few short days. But we did and we laughed and we cried.
Although we both knew in our hearts that the Gov would never comute his sentence. See Tracy was charged with an unspeakable crime according to law enforcment. He killed a State trooper. But no one ever looked at, he tried to save the troopers life. No one ever looked at the henious crimes his Mother committed againist Tracy as a young child.
None of it mattered, because he killed a State Trooper and everyone was Hell bound to see him die for his crime so many years before.
The day Tracy was murdered by Mississippi there were over 1000 police cars from around the State surrounding Parchman to cheer his death.
They had two reasons to be happy that day, someone who killed one of their own was going to die. And the State of Mississippi had its first execution in 13 years.
They finally got their revenge 15 1/2 years later. But Tracy won, because he had no hate or revenge in his heart. He had only Love and compassion for others. And a Love for the Ladner family. And a regret for taking Bruce Ladner from them.
It was a sunny beautiful day in Mississippi that July 17th day. But that all changed as they proceeded to execute Tracy the skies turn gray and the rains fell hard. Not just a trickle, but very hard with thunder and lightning.
I pray that Tracy's death some how has brought peace to the Ladner family. Tracy wanted that more then anything. But I know in my heart that it hasn't.
But I do know after reading about Bruce Ladner that he was the first to greet Tracy after his death. See he was that kind of man, the kind that would have helped Tracy in his younger days.
I have been trying very hard not to let those feelings of anger and hate creep back in, because Tracy told me if I have those feelings in my heart I have no room for his Love. But I am sorry I can't help it. The anger and the hate I have for those who took his life are there and very real.
But I am taking those negitive emotions and using them to try and make a difference for and with others. Because Tracy ask me to never give up and I never will until I take my last breathe.
Today I realize that it is just as real as it was this day a year ago. But I know I will get through this and will keep on. I just have been keeping myself busy.
There isn't a day that goes by or when I do something that Tracy doesn't cross my mind and heart. The years I spent with Tracy made me a better person. he taught me so much about Love and caring and compassion and most of all about forgiveness.
I was blessed to be part of his life and to have him touch my life.
I am not sure why I wrote this, I guess because I needed to.
I Love and Miss you Tracy!
softie