The woman who introduced me to Damon, I thought was my best friend. Her husband is serving time as well and they brought Damon and I together. As time went on her husband started treating me differently.:argh: His wife told me that he doesn't trust too many "white people" and my friendship with her started to fade away:broken: . Now she is saying that the only reason why black men date white women is to place another notch in their belt. That a white woman could never make a black brotha truly happy like a black sista and that they always return back to where they belong, with their own kind of people. She said that Damon may be different because If I stay with him through his long sentence, he may feel that he needs to stay with me because no one else did this time with him. When I asked her if she believes that people should stay with their own race, she quickly changed the subject:confused: .This hurts and makes me angry because they are the ones who brought Damon in my life and now they are against my relationship. I am the first white woman Damon has been with in a relationship, not just a one night stand. I know that he loves me, his actions speaks louder than words. He always tells me that I am nothing like the woman of his past and that he is truly in love with me. I don't understand why my friend would hurt me like this. In the past she always tells me that I am not the typical white girl and that I am considered a black woman stuck in a white woman's body. I also have another friend who tells me that she is tired of all the white women taking the black men away and that we are Kryptonite to them. As she is saying this to me, she is acting like she doesn't notice that I am a white woman. I am angry to this treatment. :angry: Why can't all women be equal?:shrug:

**{HUGS}} I believe that woman can be so mean and cruel sometimes, honestly, I am a white woman, and have never been in a "relationship" with a black guy, have alot of black friends, and notice alot of the time, when I am with my black guy friends and we are out and we run into one of his friends that are woman and black, some are like wtf? and just give me that look ya know. . . . I too wonder why cant woman be equal? thats a darn good question!

Good luck and stay strong!

Race seems to be one of those things that people can't think straight about. Blacks are still a beleaguered community in this country, and prone, sometimes for good reason, to fear involvement with whites. It's a sad fact of life; it doesn't reflect on you, but on the world you and I live in.

People are strange creatures. Don't listen to what your so-called "friend" says. All men are NOT the same and all black men are not the same. If you know in your gut that your man loves you, it doesn't matter what anybody else, black or white, thinks.

I have a very simple philosphy on life. If you don't pay my bills, put food on my table, or keep the roof over my head, I don't have to give a damn what you think.

It seem that they are more hating on your relationship and what you have rather than race. Yes they are making it seem that this is what its all about but I sence haterism. No matter what the case is the way they are treating you is not right but it is showing you they were never your friends and I have found that is just how females are in my exsperiences. Get rid of them know that you see how they are. I am hispanic / white and my best friend rest in peace was black and she used to always tell me I was a black girl in a h/w ody and that was years before I ever dated a black man. My point is this there are good in all races its just that alot of women of all races are haters. You hang in there and follow your gutt.

You love who you love and I don't understand why people have to find some reason to knock it. The ones who are saying you are a black woman in a white body are just as bad. You should be accepted for who you are and all of who you are and the only thing that should matter is how you treat them and how you treat Damon. Friendship or love shouldn't be based on color. We all have the same kind of heart and mind but it doesn't seem like these people are using either. I'm sorry they have hurt you this way.

I feel for you. i have always dated black men and have heard all types of things about trying to act black or he is with you cuz white woman are dumb. first off i am not white and 2nd if they got issuess dating another race that is their problem. as long as you and damon are happy that is all that matters.. You are always gonna run into people who are against it but really does what someone else think make a difference on what you do.. hell no.. At least you found out now who your true friends are.. Let what they say slide off you and keep striving to be you..

Let me try to say what I feel is right...I'm a black woman (obviously, look at the pic:) ). About ten years ago, before I got the chance to spend more time with my bio father, I would have to say that I was a black woman that hated the thought of interracial relationships. Then, I found out that my g'mom's husband (who was also my g'dad) was white (Irish to be exact). But my dad, though he looks exactly like pic's of his father, looks 100% black...(and just from my syblings, I have nieces and nephews that range from Mexican, Puerto Rican, Asian, Indian, and White--17 bro & sis)...I digress.

At that point, I had to reassess. Well, if the 'white' guy hadn't had jungle fever':D I prolly wouldn't be here:thumbsup: And then I got more in touch with my spiritual side and then the race thing had to go. When we die, our bodies (whatever color they are) get left behind. I personally have no problem with it and have befriended several interracial couples who are truly in love with each other.

Now, let me tell you (as a person who used to have a problem with it) why some black women feel threatened by this. First off, black people are a minority. Not only that, but women are a minority. I think the figure is like 7 women to 1 man. On top of that, a massive amount of black men are in prisons or are dying by the thousands every year. Many black women are aware of the slim pickings and resent that women (white) are 'stealing' black men when there are so few out there and "why don't they just marry a white guy"? Now, included in that equation is when athletes or other prominent (paid) black men go get white women. That really sticks in some women's craws:D because they feel there are not enough prominent blacks out there to go around:confused:

Then there is history. In slavery days and Jim Crow times, white women were the proverbial forbidden fruit. Sadly, there are many black men that will date a white woman just because he feels it makes him 'arrive'.( I think he just doesn't have enough self love in that case). And in prison, you see it more than a little bit. Men who I personally know would never have looked a white woman's way before now has a white girlfriend or wife. I think why this happens though, is that he has no choice but to look beyond the color to the heart of the person.

There are a variety of other reasons, but those are a few of the biggest. Is is right? No. Its wrong, but ask if something being wrong ever stopped someone from doing something. I just know that some of these same black women that hate on a black man/white woman, will high 5 a sister for dating a white man (especially if he's done something with his life). So this tells you one thing...those friends of yers,,,,IG'NANT AS HELL.

You do you. Uphold your man. Be his Queen and treat him as your KING and you will have his love and loyalty for life. You cannot worry about everyone else and their opinions. There are enough issues to deal with dating within your race on top of those dating outside of it.

mrzshabazz ~ thank you for your thoughtful and insightful post!

MsLane ~ In times like these I try to remember a couple of things. First that we cannot hold others up to our own self imposed standards and secondly that when others lash out with negativity in our direction it is all too often attached to disappointment in their own lives. Keep your head up and your relationship the focus and you can't go wrong!

All the best,
Patty

Okay this here made me shake my head just because I have been here more times then I care to admit. My story is this, my hubby is Puerto Rican and I am Irish. On top of that, he's two shades darker then a carmel sundae and I'm ten shades lighter then snow :) Anyway, people of BOTH colors seem to have a problem with it and that in and of itself makes me laugh. Why anyone in there right mind would have a problem with who I date is beyond me, maybe their own damn relationships aren't interesting enough. Case in point. My baby's ex wifey said when she found out he was with me (a white girl) and I quote "What a sell out, he's sellin out la raza she must have money" I laughed until my sides hurt on this one because I'ma be REAL honest with you ladies. I'm not even neighbors with rich, I work day to day check to check just like the rest of the world.:D My only bit of advice to you ladies out there with a man of a different race is this (it's gotten me through)
If you love him and you know he loves you, forget what everyone else says because unless they pay your bills, take care of your home, children or you, their opinions mean NADA tu sabe?! *lol* When people start talkin out of the side of their face I laugh because things like this are born of jealousy that someone else has what YOU want. Nada mas. Hope this helped a bit *hugz* Forget the rest girl

Is this your first interracial relationship? I would have to say that as the years go by and you are with your man longer this type of stuff wont bother you as much. Maybe it will, I dont know. I have been with Black men my whole life, have a mixed child and all that. This type of stuff dosnt bother me anymore.

I have a very simple philosphy on life. If you don't pay my bills, put food on my table, or keep the roof over my head, I don't have to give a damn what you think. Thank you! I agree with that! I think everyone should live by that rule!:thumbsup:

Sweetie i think that its a good thing that you and that person arent friends any more .. For a true friend would never disrespect you like that . If she truly felt like that then from the beginning she of all ppl shouldnt have been hooking you up with other ppl .. If she is just taking her husband's views then she needs to get a mind of her own.. Girl dont bother with her .. or NO one for that matter .. ONLY you can make YOU happy ... no one else..

A true friend would not treat you that way. After some time her comments/attitude will not matter as it'll be water under the bridge. Mixed relationships can bring out the best and the worst in others. Focus on your partner and not other people's reactions. They are simply displaying where they are coming from, their bigotry and that is for them to work out and deal with, not you. Malaika.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, girl!! (((huggs))) But, like everyone else has said...you are better off without her as your friend...cause if she was your *friend* she wouldn't treat you that way or say those hurtful things. I am in the same position as you in a way. The guy I'm seeing...well, 5 years ago his homeboy was also a "friend" of mine & that friend is the one who introduced us and hooked us up. Everything was fine with the "friend" until he seen it was more than just a "hook up". Now, here we are 5 years later & still "going strong" & the "friend" of his gives him BS about "Why are you with that *white girl*". It makes no sense & really ticks us off because if it wasn't for him...we wouldn't even know each other or be together.

If ya ever need to talk, girl...I'm here...all you gotta do is holler at me!
But, shake them haters off, girl!! You & Damon are the only 2 people that can control y'alls relationship...don't let the haters get to you!!

***huggs***
Sel

first off you can not help on who you fall in love with no matter what my dear, and second off these black men that fall in love with us white woman most of the time love ever minuete of it so do not worry about what any one is saying girl. i am very much happy to my husband and he is black and i meet him almost like you did but i meet my online under prisonpenpals.com and that is how i meet him 3 years ago and then we just got married dec 9th of 05 i talk to his family almost every day they are very happy for us so happy that i thought in the begging i was going to have a problem with his father cause he stated that dad might have a problem and when i meet dad he opened his arms and told me welcome to the family. so i am very happy with my husband . and i can careless what a BLACK woman says about my husband so do not worry about what other woman or men say about you and yours girl for real keep loving your man and let him keep on loving you. GOD BLESS YOU ALL. TAKE CARE OF EACHOTHER THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

the FIRST thing i said when i read this post is: HATERS!

sounds to me like they aren't hating on your race...but using your race as a reason to hate on your relationship. i would do this: count them as a blessing because they got you two together...but count that blessing as something that's passed...and move on! it's already hard enough doing prison time PEROID...who has TIME for the added and unneccessary drama of someone getting mad because of a black/white issue?

:rolleyes:

don't worry girl...congrats to you AND your hubby for getting past the drama!

41538There are so many haters in this world, it's pathetic. I've had people say the same thing to me. My friend said she just can't stand to see white girls with a black guy expecially if they're not really pretty (I guess she doesn't consider me as that). She said my boyfriend's gonna get back with his baby moma and that most black guys only get with white girls to use them and stuff like that. But truthfully I think it's all based on jealousy. Anybody that says something like that is just jealous of what you got and probably wish they could have it for themselves. I try not to waste my time talking to people that are so negative all the time and never have anything nice to say about the situation because it really makes me mad! So I would just ignore the rude comments or just don't talk to her.
:angry:

. . . She said . . . most black guys only get with white girls to use them and stuff like that.
Just wanted to shed some light here folks on where comments like that originate from. They originate from black men because it is the black men who are in the relationships with the white women, not the black women which means "so black women do not know what goes on in your relationships -- they have no idea." They only call back what black men have told them, or, what they have heard black men say, because those are the ones who are in the relationships with you.

Also, when you listen to country music (songs they don't play on the radio) you will hear terms like snowbunny. E-40 has a track on his latest c.d. called White Girl, and what he and his boys are kickin is "when you get low on some money just getchoself a snowbunny". There was a thread on that word and at that time I never heard of it. But since then, I've heard the word used a bit, and I've ONLY heard it come from the mouths of black men, not black women.

So before you get feeling so bitter about the black woman and how she feels, I just wanted to peep yall to the source of where they get their information from.

One more thing -- it is my hope that no one here is with a black man who downs black women. I say that because if so, that means he's with you because he believes you are the up of the down. Meaning if he can't do this or can't have that with his black woman, then because of what he's heard from other black men, he believes he can do this or have that with a white woman.

Tyra recently did a show about black and white and dating, and a black man said black women don't let you get away with much, but with white women, it is so incredible what you can get away with that it really blows him away. I say this to prove my point -- the information that black women go on when it comes to how some feel about white women with black men comes directly from the source's/horse's mouth -- the black men who have been with and who are with white women.

Hmmmm, inter-racial...what does that mean? Really? My heritage is hmmm Euro-American, if that is the up and coming politically correct term. LOL In history race was a matter of where you lived. My race would then be Scottish, Welsh, German, Dutch, etc....... I am a blue eyed red head, which scientists now saw is the biggest minority, lol endangered human "species", in the world. Now I'm not only "mixed" but a minority and endangered???? Wow!! Who do you know that has a one "race" family anymore? White, what the heritage? African-American, what's the heritage? Asian, what's the heritage? American Indian, what's the heritage? Has anyone heard of Pangia? When the land was one? My point being that really none of us are "pure" to our original ancestor. So who has WHAT to say? ....just a thought....

i'm the absolute first "white" girl my husband has ever dated. until he met me he had only dated Hispanic or black women. (he's puerto rican & hatiian:thumbsup: ) we started as friends and it evolved into more. the only people who make a really big deal about it is his Puerto Rican ex-wife and some of the guards at the prison. i would say that "with friends like you have who would need enemies?";) you don't need the stress that they are causing you. move on and don't look back. i bet they only assume he would be with you til he got out then leave you. i have a ton of "black" friends who could care less who i date as long as they are good to me. and he is the best person in my life.:) :p

I have very few people who support me in my relationship. The people in my town look down on irr. Not all of them of course but just some examples. When I first started dating my husband we went over to a cook out at our friends parents house. When we got there I introduced him to her dad. He looked him up and down and said to our friend " You better go bolt everything down we got n*ggers in the house" I couldn't beleive it. Needless to say we got mad and left. I was shocked that he could say something so hurtfull right to us. My husband is in prison because of an assault on a correction officer at our county jail and the reason he was in jail was because of an assault on a man at a bar here in town. When we walked in the man looked over at us and called me a n*gger lover!! Yea Clete doesn't take to kindly to people disrespecting me.:( People can be so cold!

I am not in an interracial relationship, but I have friends who are. I am a black woman and it doesnt matter who you fall in love with. You cant help who you love, if they make you happy, it shouldnt matter. People are very cruel but that just means they are ignorant and they are walking around this world with their eyes closed to other possibilities of happiness. If he makes you happy, dont worry about what other people say, even if they are your friends because you always have to remember that misery loves company. They see you are happy and they want to be just as happy and they dont know how to be, so they try to bring you down and make you doubt your decision to be with this person. If God has put you together that is all that matters. He loves you and you know this in your heart, so nothing else matters.

Also, when you listen to country music (songs they don't play on the radio) you will hear terms like snowbunny. E-40 has a track on his latest c.d. called White Girl, and what he and his boys are kickin is "when you get low on some money just getchoself a snowbunny".


Just to clear up mah boys name...he is actually talkin bout drugs...not a white girl.

Cant have ya'll hatin on mah E-40 :D

Ahhh, okay, like in OZ when they were talking about "tits", they were not talking about "breasts" but about the drugs. Thanks for clearing that up because you've put a lot of sense to what I couldn't believe I was hearing. I hadn't grasped the beginning of the song which is where E-40 starts of talking about "cookin it up" but then when his boys collaborated in and disguised the premise I was like :eek:. Thanks for clearing that up MizzCandy, because now when I hear that term in the music, I know what it is that they're really talking about.

Ms. Lane,

I totally understand your concern and your frustration. I have been through what your going through now and still do with my mother. The way I handle this with my friends and family is honestly...... distance myself from them. I'm not telling you to do this at all. But it was what helped me. You being involved with a man incarcerated is very hard to deal with out here on this side of the walls. You need support more than anything, not negativity. I have told my friends this, "I appreciate that you are concerned about me and this situation but I'd rather only hear positive things. If this fails, it's a lesson learned on my behalf." As for black men considering white women and a notch in their belts, I can't say that for all black men or white men for that matter. Personally, I do not put my black man in the same category as anyone using me, or wanting to make themselves look better. I speak nothing but positive things toward him and we talk deeply about our feelings. If your concerned or having doubt, aske him how he would react in a certain situation. What would he do, what would he say. Yes, I have done this before, this is one way I have learned to trust in what he says he is going to do. You have to follow what's in your heart. Your gut instinct will tell you what to do. If I've learned nothing else in my time of incarceration, You have to do what's you feel is best for you. No one else will take care of you but you. I hope I didn't say anything offensive. If so, I do aplogize, but I could go on and on and on about this. Just follow your heart. If this don't turn out the way you intend or hope..... learn from it !!!! Life is a great lesson.



The woman who introduced me to Damon, I thought was my best friend. Her husband is serving time as well and they brought Damon and I together. As time went on her husband started treating me differently.:argh: His wife told me that he doesn't trust too many "white people" and my friendship with her started to fade away:broken: . Now she is saying that the only reason why black men date white women is to place another notch in their belt. That a white woman could never make a black brotha truly happy like a black sista and that they always return back to where they belong, with their own kind of people. She said that Damon may be different because If I stay with him through his long sentence, he may feel that he needs to stay with me because no one else did this time with him. When I asked her if she believes that people should stay with their own race, she quickly changed the subject:confused: .This hurts and makes me angry because they are the ones who brought Damon in my life and now they are against my relationship. I am the first white woman Damon has been with in a relationship, not just a one night stand. I know that he loves me, his actions speaks louder than words. He always tells me that I am nothing like the woman of his past and that he is truly in love with me. I don't understand why my friend would hurt me like this. In the past she always tells me that I am not the typical white girl and that I am considered a black woman stuck in a white woman's body. I also have another friend who tells me that she is tired of all the white women taking the black men away and that we are Kryptonite to them. As she is saying this to me, she is acting like she doesn't notice that I am a white woman. I am angry to this treatment. :angry: Why can't all women be equal?:shrug:

just shake da haterz , my friends latina ,black and other ALL WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME . he could be any race , as long as he treat's me like the Queen I am . an I don't let dude get away wit shiznit !! I"M all up in da mix on a daily !!