Did you ever imagine or expect to receive it FROM THE STAFF? :confused:

Because IRRs are so common in prison, BEFORE this forum was formed it was my thinking that staff, therefore, though they are regular people too, just did not care. It was my thinking that staff basically viewed you as "just another relationship in the system," no race affiliated.

If staff has penalized your man a little (or a lot) extra because of your race, while you may have expected opposition in some form from visitors or other inmates, did you ever expect to receive it from the staff? Or, did you believe as I did before you two entered the system -- that Staff could really care less what race the man's woman is?

{Please share your stories in observance of the PTO rules no c.o. bashing.}

{I don't think it matters, but because to some, it may -- I am not in an IRR}

I never had problems from staff when he was in the County infact they were really nice. As for prison haven't done that as of yet still in reception. I too would think the staff could careless. I have had other women in the same IRR trip on me. [ALOT] I haven't even had women of his race trip on me just women in the very same relationship makeup as my self. lol Go figure.

[quote=MrsForeverMine]
Thanks for sharing that MrsForeverMine. From the looks of things so far, those could have just been isolated incidents. That's a good thing because I'd hate to think it's more common that we know.

[quote=HeSoHandsome]Did you ever imagine or expect to receive it FROM THE STAFF? :confused:

[respectful brevity snip]

If staff has penalized your man a little (or a lot) extra because of your race, while you may have expected opposition in some form from visitors or other inmates, did you ever expect to receive it from the staff? Or, did you believe as I did before you two entered the system -- that Staff could really care less what race the man's woman is?

{Please share your stories in observance of the PTO rules no c.o. bashing.}

A couple of the staff have made rude comments to my husband, but they haven't penalized him. If they did, trust me, I'd know. He would have told me by now.

LifeTraveler

Well if my b/friend was being penalized b/c of me I have no idea, the only time I have heard a comment was from an older white lady in the visiting room, everyone else has been cool.

My husband is at a facility that is in the sticks. They do not encounter many IRR Couples, let alone do they not see many people of color. Like everyone, in my experience some guards treat us like anyone else, and others well you know.

...the very first time I visited a prison...the very first time my guy was in prison...within the very first hour of my visit...I was falsely accused of a sexual misconduct and had my visits taken away from me indefinitely, not just for that prison, but for any prison in the state of MI...my name was on the "list" stating that I could not ever visit again because of sexual misconduct next to my name...that lasted for eight months while we fought the ticket...which was not easy either...he's black...I'm white...he's bald...I'm blonde...he had a blue shirt on...I had a blue shirt on...the CO that issued the ticket was a white female...her counterpart was a white male...I cannot prove it had anything to do with race...I can speculate it has something to do with race...I am still curious to know why...why me?

We have had some guards mutter stuff under their breath about our IRR. there was even one that was over heard by several inmates. the guard was suspended but came back and was rude, arrogant and disrespectful. and still is to this day. but that is the only one that we have had trouble with. Most are completely cool with us.

Most are completely cool with it, I have had a few "I cant believe you" looks though.

The chaplin of the facility gave us hell when we were about to get married. Two weeks before the ceramony after he told BOTH me and my husband he would sign the license as my witness he stated he would no longer be my witness because "he did not condone interracial relationships." I THREW A FIT! I had paid the chaplin already, bought the rings, had the license. Finally the Assistant Deputy Warden cleared his sister to get clearance to enter the facility for the wedding only and we got married as planned. I was visiting one day and waiting to go in the visiting room and one of the officers called me up to the desk and asked me what had happened. As it turns out my husband and I had been the talk of the facility and for the next few weeks I had officers coming up to me telling me my husband and I needed to file complaints, and law suits and everything else because the chaplin's actions were unfair and discriminatory. So....in the same occuance we experianced both negative and positive views on our IRR.

My husband has only had one person say something to him .. and it was by one of the guards who told him that he shouldnt date black girls .. All my husband could do is laugh .. the guard was like what is so funny? My husband was like umm she is indian not black .. so i think you need to learn to tell the differnce before you say something again.. lol.. my husband said the other white guard was pounding on the wall and holding his side from laughing ..

i was visiting my man thanksgiving weekend a few years back and the yard he was on the "blacks" were on lockdown only. when i got my paper from the first guard outside of the visiting room he had made a N/C for non-contact and put a O around it with a / thru it, so it was very clear i had a behind the glass visit. when i walked up to the guards in the visiting room and handed them my paper, one guard said "table #whatever", and i said "Well Um No, it is non-contact" and the other guard looked at me and said "but your white" basically like a question, so i looked at him dumb founded, looked down at my hand and responded, "Um yes I am, but what gives you the impression that my man is?" ....."Oh Sorry, window #whatever".

When my man was at the Transfer Center we had issues when a couple of female guards. One more so than the other because she wanted my man and didnt think he should be with me. The other was just bitter because she got pregnant by another guard and he didnt want her after that. Since then we havent had any problems of course we get the usual stares but I dont pay attention because once my man is around its like the whole world fades away and its just us.

When my husband was in county I had absolutly no problems, but as soon as he went to Gurney that all change. At both Gurney and Dawson the guards and I am sorry to say the black female guards always would trip on us. They would let other couples hold hands and lean on the table but not us... We had to sit up all proper and could barly hold hands. Then when I would leave he would write me and tell me that them guards would ask him why he is with a white girl and tell him he dont know what he is missin. They would flirt with him just to get him to leave me and then towards the end at Dawson I had the female guards comming up to me before I went up to visit telling me that my husband flits with them... I know that is a lie because he doesnt like " Dark skined girls" Why do they care who the inmates are with... Is it because they like them or is it just a race challenge.

Well, I feel doubly blessed because we are mixed plus i'm an ex-officer so we get harrassed, retaliated, sexually assaulted on shakedown, you name it! But its all being documented for future use.

I KNOW THAT A LOT OF TIMES I RECEIVE HARD TIMES FROM BOTH THE MEXICAN AND BLACK FEMALE GUARDS. YEAH MY MAN IS BLACK BUT DAMN JUST CUZ I'M WHITE DON'T MEAN A DAMN THING. HE LOVES ME SO WHY THE CONSTANT STARES. THAT IS STILL SOMETHING THAT BAFFLES ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF BEING IN IRRS THE STARES NEVER CEASE. I JUST STARE BACK AND SMILE. :D THE SMILE IS WHAT GETS THEM.:D

NICOLE

While he was doing time at Eastern Kentucky Correctional Complex the guards on visit watched us closely. Would do things to agitate him like refusing to let us take pictures at the end of our visit but the guards there were very racist to him without adding me in. He is now at Western Kentucky Correctional Complex and the guards there are so much nicer. There is very few IR couples on visit when I'm there and I do see people staring at me but I feel they jealous. We always hold hands while walking around and if we going through a door he opens it I do not touch it and he says after you my lady....We will always run into haters either within the system or on the streets but I truthfully dont care, neither does he.

You would think in this day in age there would be no racial issue, but some people are just stupid!

I thought I was going to have problems when I first started visiting my friend, but I have never run into a problem over the past two years since I have been visiting him. He has been in a few different max facilities in NY and all the CO's I have had contact with have suprisingly been extremely polite so far.

I thought I was going to have problems when I first started visiting my friend, but I have never run into a problem over the past two years since I have been visiting him. He has been in a few different max facilities in NY and all the CO's I have had contact with have suprisingly been extremely polite so far.
That's what I be trying to tell folks jleigh -- me along with all who I have seen in my walk in society and up in the prisons do not react to interracial couples or even mixed kids the way many here (and off of here) have said they have been reacted to. The racism is here but in other ways.

ChrisNPoohie, because I have family (aunts, uncles and first cousins) who look just like you (and no one in my family has married white), if I was the c.o. on call that day you would have passed for black in my book. When I saw your picture I thought you were and when you said you are white I asked myself "is she sure??" :o That's funny for a change, huh -- a white person passing for black, instead of the other way around. :o

Gosh guys, I can't imagine your struggles being in an IRR, and, you can't imagine mine just being born in black skin. But because I don't feed into it or look for problems, I do not see them but like dustmites and bacteria -- I KNOW IT'S THERE.

Race is not going anyway so people need to get over that "gosh, racism is still here :confused: " thing as if they woke up this morning and it was supposed to be just gone. We've come a long way from having to drink from separate water fountains. We have come so far that my peace rests in "I'm just HAPPY that we've come as far as we have". :yay: And, I'm even happier that progress is STILL being made. :o But not ever do I ever expect to wake up and poof, racism be gone and totally be a thing of the past because I can tell you now -- that is not gonna happen in this country.

HeSo....I totally agree with you. Race is not going away and neither is ignorance. :( Progress is still being made and we see it all the time. God created us all, wrote out our lives for us. My baby and I feel we were sent to each other by God himself and feel very blessed to have each other.:yay: We love it when others stare and just give them something more to stare at.:rolleyes: I have never had any trouble with female guards, they all are very nice to me. Where he is now even the male guards are very nice.