View Full Version : Counting down the days.....

06-03-2002, 09:21 PM
Hi everyone! I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a little support on a thing that is oh-so-hard to deal with. My boyfriend/fiance and I met in November 1997 and have been dating since Dec. 20, 1997. Since then, he has been in a maximum, then moved to a medium, and then was moved into a mimimum which was very nice. Now, he is back in a medium security prison. It's been a long 4.5 years not having him here with me, although we write, talk, and visit constantly. It's only 9 months till his MR and I can't hardly believe that in under a year, the dream that I have been dreaming for over 4 years is finally going to come true! I guess I just need some help in keeping calm these last months while waiting for him to come home. Inside, I am going crazy thinking of what we are going to do and everything. He is getting antsy, too. Just looking for some support ...... :p

06-03-2002, 09:34 PM
First of all, congratulations on his short-timer status!

Just take things one day at a time & one step at a time. Don't rush into things. When he comes home, it might be a little awkward at first. More so for him than you.

I discussed the same thing with my fiance (who will be my husband when he comes home). We agreed that we will start courting each other again. Kinda of start all over, slowly. Does that make sense?

Best advice I can offer, do take things slow when he gets home. You have to remember your boyfriend/fiance has to adjust to all the changes on the outside world. It might be a stressful period for him too.

06-03-2002, 09:42 PM
I know what you mean. Cliff is so close to home, I can taste him! Just be calmed by the fact that he WILL be home.

06-04-2002, 04:43 AM
Welcome to PTO and congratulations on his soon homecoming.

06-04-2002, 05:48 AM
welcome to pto, treysgirl! how wonderful that your husband will soon be home!!!

06-04-2002, 06:31 AM
Congratulations Trey and welcome! You'll find a lot of support here, you've come to the right place.

06-04-2002, 04:40 PM
Thanks everyone for responding!! Wow, Veronica - you have less than ONE MONTH!!! How wonderful for you!!

I think that he is going to have to live with his parents when he first comes home because we met while he was in the system. His PO didn't feel comfortable with us living together when I didn't know him out in the real world, so she denied me. My friend is a PO though (in Milwaukee) and she said that sometimes they can have their residence transferred within a few weeks to a few months. It's going to be very, very strange to have him out here and I know that everything will have to go slowly. He's been in there for 7 years! He hasn't experienced all of the things that we take for granted. We have talked AT LENGTH about the things that we will have to deal with when he's home and a lot of things we simply won't know until they come up. In fact, we were talking about it on Friday .... I was visiting him and I said "I know there's a lot of things that we don't know, but the only thing I really want to KNOW is that we will be together forever." He said there's no doubt because I have been the only one to support him fully throughout the last 7 years and he said that I offered to go through this and do his time with him when we started dating.

So, what is visiting like in the different states? Do any of you get conjugal visits? HE HE!! :) I'm gonna have to go through and read each of your stories and posts, but I don't have a lot of time tonight, and I was on the computer for hours yesterday ..... so, until then - thanks for your support! I am looking forward to being supportive to those of you who are in the same position as I am in!!

Shan & Kev
06-04-2002, 07:02 PM
There was something in your post that caught my eye and brought back a very sad and emotional memory for me. When I met my man he had just gotten released from a 14 year bit. I found him very startled easily by loud noises and he had some strange(what seemed strange to me) requests. He always had to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door. (If someone came into the house, he would hear them and respond faster than me supposedly). When out in public, he had this habit of staring people down, almost a challenging look in his eyes. By far the worst thing I witnessed was us going to the grocery store for the first time and him looking helplessly at the chained carts and not understanding that we needed to put a quarter into them to unchain one for us.I found that when they are first released they are a sad mix of confused child in a scary world and grown man waiting for someone to "take away" the little that they have. To the day they took him away from me again, he did not like me in the laundry room alone(apartment), or walking to the store alone at night(hidden dangers everywhere).
I know this seems a rambling post, but it is my input into what I saw firsthand when someone is released from prison after a lengthy sentence.
Patience, love and understanding cure all :)


06-04-2002, 07:12 PM
Trey's Girl...
Just want to extend another welcome to PTO... you will find much love and support here, both UNTIL your man gets released and as you both readjust... I am another one who can totally relate to all of your anxieties... I met my man when he was already in.... and he has been in since 14... so he is going to have to not only RE-learn a lot, but it will really be the first time he has EVER lived as a man on the outside.... I know that we will face some rough times, but I gotta agree with Shannon's wisdom... that patience, love and understanding will see us through... and I know that just being together will ease a LOT of pains.... Here's hoping to the remaining time passing quickly!!

06-04-2002, 08:41 PM
trey's girl-welcome-and congratulations on the unpcoming homecoming- i think it is a great thing that you plan to take it slow - in five years both of you have changed-those changes dont have to challenge your love, but they do need to be considered so you can understand where each other are coming from-things that you see as insignificant may be very important to him and vice versa- It will be refreshing to start anew in some ways but still have that certain comfort level in others- i am sure it wil be a rewarding experience for both of you-

and while you are waiting out these last few months, I am certain you will be full of apprehension-i suggest pamper yourself- take a bubble bath in a candlelit room, lay in a field and stare at the sky, go to a spa, write a list of things you want to do when he comes home, take a daily trip to PTO and read people's posts and the jokes and day brightners- take some "me" time-cuz soon it will be "us' time-

take care!!

06-04-2002, 09:07 PM
Here is another welcome and I want to let you know that we are all here for you. Know that these next nine months are going to go by really fast you better hang on and get ready