I have noticed this forum is not getting alot of activity. I know that alot of us are affected by either being a former drinker or drug user and some of our loved one are suffering also. There isn't alot of rehabiltation in the units today I know that Texas has done away with their counselors and are relying heavy on volunteers to carry the message inside. This forum can give you hope, experience, strength and love and support because as many of you know PTO is very big into supporting our members and the ones on the inside. I wish that PTO was around 5 yrs ago when I started doing meetings on the inside it would have given me so much strength, and hope, and love, and wisdom and most importantly support. I have been sober for 9 yrs now and I know nothing more helps me than helping someone who might be suffering the way I did. So if you want to talk or vent don't hesitate to pm me I will be glad to help anyone that might find themselves needing it.

hugs to all!!!
cherrie from tx

Congratulations to you and your Higher Power on the nine years Cherrie! That's wonderful! I'm sure you have a lot of valuable input to the other recovering people here and on the inside.

I had my last drink 5/5/85 and I know we've got several others in recovery here in the forum, too. Maybe we can get some good posting going on here.

Thank you so much. And congrats to you also. I want to see this forum get going because I know it has affected alot of us whether we are on the inside or outside if we have chosen to look at it. I know when I do meetings on the inside they are so willing to get what I have today and I know for me that I could be sitting where they are had I not chosen to take a good look at what was happening in my world because of my drinking and using. I have today the life that I drank and used for so many years and it is truly a wonderful one. I would not trade my worse day here for what I was then.

cherrie from tx

I haven't had a drink or drug since 11/2/01; AA has really helped me learn how to live a different life, one that I really love. I haven't had a desire to drink or get hi in a pretty long time, but I still have a desire to butt into my husband's recovery (or lack of) on a daily basis. I go to Alanon when I can but their meetings aren't as often as AA in my area, I listen to speaker tapes when I can get them. I was pretty excited when I saw this forum because I need all the extra help I can get on the subject of butting into my husband's recovery or lack of recovery or what I think it should be, and I should know better because it wouldn't have worked for me like it did if someone kept butting into my recovery. I do hope this forum gets rolling because it sure does help to talk things out to people in recovery.

Right on Kath!!!!There is a few good books that helped me stay on my side of the street per se. One is the language of letting go. the other one is co-depency no more. Hang in there congrats on your being a part of the program.

cherrie from tx

well, i just had 3 yrs on june 11. HOORAW!! :)

i think it would be VERY helpful for us, newbies, or umm..oldbies? lol that doesnt look right. but, i have always wanted to go into the prisons and do meetings there. but, just havent had the nerve to do it. anyways, im glad this is on PTO, it will help me for when i am feeling in the dumps, and want 2 spend some time w/my good friend jack!

I'm 6 months sober, but it's a start, right?! :) --Helen

Cherrie CONGRATS on your nine years and I agree to lets get this forum started. It can be a wonderful place for support and YOU have so much to offer because of your experience, strength AND hope.

Pixie 6 MONTHS WONDERFUL!! It's a terrific start and a true miracle in every sense of the word.

Right on sunnie and thank you wow pixie I just noticed also you are off of house arrest. I am glad for you!!!!

cherrie from tx

Cherrie, this forum is much needed. I have not had a problem with alcohol or drugs, but you have taught me alot. Not just with your words but with your life. You live and breath your recovery. I know that when you speak at the prisons regarding recovery that you inspire and help so many people. Having people like you that have been successful in turning their lives around willing to help those who wish to is a blessing. Sure hope this forum gets going!

Thank you ompa I want to see it happening myself girl. It is a needed forum I really believe each of us are affected by it somehow whether it be directly or indirectly somehow alcohol and drugs have played a role in so many others lives and I love going in and doing the prison meetings it truly has given me the insights I so much needed with my problem. And if I can give back just a little of what was so freely given to me then I feel I am doing what I was asked to do for my recovery. I always remember that I could be sitting where they are today and that helps me stay with my recovery and working with others. So thank you for your input and support. Your right my recovery is everything and then some to me today and I am so glad that I have been able to help you when you needed it!!!!

Cherrie from tx

My son has a severe alchohol and drug problem. I am just wondering if you know what made you finally be able to choose not to use. I know that is a hard question but I wish I had more insite into it. I know that my son has chosen it over everything. They say you have to hit rock bottom but as far as I am concerned, he has hit it many many times. I mean he has ended up in prison over it. How much worse can it get? I want to understand him and why he is this way. I love him alot and am not judging him. I am just afraid of him because he lacks judgement and is dangerous because of this. You know?

PS I admire all of you that have managed to get straight. I wish you all continued success and to go on to have the best lives ever!

Kim, I'm a recovery alcoholic/addict myself, and my husband is in prison because of a drug problem. For myself I just reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore, I hated my life and I didn't want to live, yet I didn't really want to die either. I just had a moment where I thought, "there has got to be something better than this, there has got to be a better way." Lots of bad things were happening in my life, my husband had just been sent to prison, I was arrested in front of my 7 year old daughter, my house was raided twice in one night with my daughter present, she saw the police chase after my husband with guns as she screamed, "don't shoot my daddy, don't kill my daddy," a lot happened, yet I continued to use and drink for another 4 months because I was miserable and couldn't think straight. Then one day I just got sick of crying all day, all the time, and I decided to give this AA/NA thing a shot. I told myself I'd try it for 30 days, to get this under control. That was 11/2/01 and I haven't had a drink or drug since, the people there showed me that there really is a better way to live. But it's different for everyone, my husband has been in prison 4 times behind drugs, he is 37 years old and has spent 15 years in prison all together, he has 3 1/2 more years left on this round. Each time it get s worse, it gets harder, yet I don't see him doing anything to change his life (getting into recovery while in there), and I don't understand, he sees it's working for me, he sees I'm happy with my life, so why can't he see he can have this great life too? Well I just have to learn to let go and let God, I just have to take care of me and maybe he will see one day that life really can be better than what he's had so far. Don't feel alone in that you can't understand his actions, why he hasn't hit bottom, I'm in recovery and I have a hard time understanding it. I have more understanding with strangers I meet in a meeting than I do with him, but I just pray for him and I try to make my life what God intends for it to be and hope that he will one day find recovery.

Thank you JJH and what motivated me to quit was the same thing kept happening to me and I just didn't want it to continue that way. Plus I knew that when I drank and used drugs that one was never enough and a 1000 was too many. Plus my pain was really great and I didn't like ME at all. So my suggestion JJH is to continue to love him and support him with his recovery! If you need to talk don't hesitate to pm me ok I will be glad to give suggestions!!!!!take care and thank you for your kind words.

cherrie from tx

cherrie,
Hi. I keep coming to this thread. I want to be posting something. I just do not know what I want to say. But one thing for sure is that I am glad there is support for me when I am ready to ask. I know intellectually so many answers. Of course that is sometimes my problem, you know. Living in my head. Until July 2000, I had been alcohol and drug free for nearly 20 years. I know God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. But now I do not know what is priority. I do know that alcohol is only a symptom of the real issues and problems. I do not know if I am in denial or not. For now PTO is my only safe place of support. And I am
truely grateful. But I am back to not wanting anyone to really know me.

One day at a time.

HONEY

Six months is nothing to sneeze at, PixieQueen. You hang in, we are cheering for you!

Honey,

I just want you to know you aren't alone in what you are going through. If you want to pm me sometime I will be glad to offer some suggestions to you.

And yes JJH I agree with ya on pixie it is awesome to hear I remember very well when I was there.

I truly love what my program has given me and gives me today.

Cherrie from tx

Honey, please don't give up.

Kathy,
Just curious what was your drug of choice & how bad of a habit did you have? I have had this monkey on my back for 7 yrs straight. been through a hell of alot. I know what is at stake I think about quitting but I just don't. Either I can't do it by myself or I am so afraid not to be high I don't want to stop. I know I have to someday...Thanks lm

LM,

Over the years I have had problems with extasy, crystal & coke (shooting) but the thing that really brought me to my knees was crack. The last year of using I had come into a lot of money, it's all gone now and on top of spending all of it we also got in debt about $30,000; most of which I've finally paid off now, but anyway I smoked crack every single day for at least a year, between me & my husband we spent about $200 a day on the average, and we got pretty good deals so I can't tell you exactly the quantity we were doing because I didn't really think in those terms. I couldn't do it for days straight like a lot of people do, I almost always would quit sometime late at night so I could catch a few hours sleep, I still kept my job but I'm self employeed, in other words I didn't loose my business, but it was close. But my husband would stay up for 3-4 days with no sleep and no food, then sleep for 24 hours & wake up & start all over again, but I'd go to bed everynight and catch a few hours sleep, wake up, take a hit & go to work. I did it all throughout the day. Anyway it was like that for at least a year, before that it was maybe 3 or 4 times a week for about 4 or 5 months and then I came into all that money which we smoked away & then when that was gone we still couldn't quit and that's how come I got so in debt. After my husband got arrested I tried and tried to quit, I just couldn't do it. Finally one day I just said I'd give this AA/NA thing a chance, and when I went I met other people who really inspired me, people who had the same problem I did, and they beat it, and they were sitting there smiling, really smiling, the kind that comes from deep inside you, and I wanted to feel that way more than anything in the world. So I got a sponsor and I started doing what she told me to do, and in time the desire left me, I've managed to pull my business out of the whole and build it up better than it was before, and I paid off most of the debt I was in, but more importantly, I can look my daughter in the face today with no guilt, no shame, and we can have fun together & be happy together. I'm no longer trying to avoid her, I want to spend time with her now. And I can look myself in the mirror and like what I see today, I feel good about myself and I wouldn't give that away for any amount of dope in the world. Good luck, have you ever tried going to meetings?

My fiance is incarcerated as a result of alcholism. He wasn't drinking when his probation was revoked but he attitude was the same (funky). I want to know if anyone knows how the prison treatment centers operate? I have been to a NA meeting for another love one and it was more of a testimonial service (kinda like a baptist church) no offense to anyone. Do the treatment facilities address the possible emotional reasons for substance abuse?

koko,
sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. my suggestion is if he has a counselor he can talk to he might want to mentioned about his attitude and how he was in a funk the nite of his arrest. i know for me if i don't go to meetings, and work with others and share what i have then i could get into a real funk too. by doing the meetings, working with others i am less likely to stay in the funk and i more apt to stay clean and sober no matter who or what is around me. their are other meetings to go to so i would encouraged you to try others.

cherrie from tx

I also would like to add that it's not meetings alone that keep me from drinking/using, it takes work, working the steps with a sponsor. So if the meetings you went to were like a baptist church don't think that's what the entire program is about, working the steps is the way I got to the root of my drinking/using problem, the emotional reasons & the physical reasons, there's a lot more to it than just going to meetings. But I agree with cherrie, try different ones. You may like one better than another.

Right on Kathy working the steps and working with a sponsor helped me to realized the root of my problem too. Thank you for sharing!

cherrie from tx

Thank you guys so much for the insight. This situation (jail, alcholism) is all very new to me. I appreciate any advice I get. Did you guys have love ones that wen to the meetings in order to support you? Was it beneficial?

Koko,
My husband never has gone to meetings with me to support me. The only time he has ever shown up is when I receive my yearly chip and then he is right there for me which is good for me. If you ever need to talk ko don't hesitate to pm me okay.

cherrie from tx

My husband is in prison and has been in prison since I started the program so no, he has never went with me. And I did not have any friends or family members go with me, I went by myself which is really the only way it could have worked for me. I had to be brutally honest, and to me it was a lot easier to speak freely when I didn't have someone close to me there, if I would have had a friend or family member there I might have been thinking differently while I was there, and the things I shared might have been different. I know that no people are the same, so it might be different for everyone, but I know that for myself, this was something I had to do on my own, and soon the strangers in those rooms became family to me.