Hello I am pretty new here but I am so glad to see this forum. My son is being released in 10 days and I am a lesbian with a wonderful partner. My son knows of my lifestyle , but I am not sure as how he is going to handle it. I was not out when he went in 8 years ago. Maybe just some words of encouragement .

Debi

Hi Debi

I split your post from someone else's thread, so that you could get more answers.

First thing, welcome to the PTO family and the GLBT forum. Second thing, congrats on your son being soon released, I guess you must be overwhelmed with joy !! :)

Do you have some organizations in the US for people with gay parents ?? We have in France, they are very active, and I know it helped a lot of people who found out one of their parent had an "alternative" life style.

You say your son knows of your new situation, so I guess he had time to think about it and get used to it.

I think what might maybe bother him, is to meet your partner, as I am sure it is the same for your partner !! You didn't say whether he knows her or not, so I assume he doesn't.

I guess both your son and your partner will have to get to know each other, and hopefully things will work out.

When he comes home, don't forget he was in prison for 8 years, so he will also have to readapt to a life outside the walls, besides the new lifestyle of his mom. So maybe it might take a little time for him to adjust to all those new things in his life. Just show him love and support, and talk things over with him. Many good things come out from a heart to heart discussion.

If your son wants to talk with other gay or lesbian, please tell him to come to PTO, he will be very welcome. We have a couple of wonderful lesbians here, and they have children. Hopefully, they will share their experience with you.

All my very best wishes and good luck.
Phil

Welcome to PTO! I'm so very glad you found us.... Hang in there and take it slow. He'll be adjusting to life outside as well as your relationship.....

Deb

Hi, Debi,

Hope you are well? Again welcome to PTO, this has been a wonderful place for us.

Phil, bless his heart, brought your thread to our attention, in hopes that we could give you some thoughts to our experiences with our children.

Linda and I each have three children. A few years ago, we were faced with the challenge of not only bringing our children together as a family, as well as, dealing with their acceptance or non acceptance of our relationship.

This was a year after Linda's husbands death and my divorce, so none of them actually had a clue as to our lifestyle.

Anyway, we had been pretty close friends before Jerry's death and my divorce (in 1997) and were pretty much inseparable as families. That is pretty much the way it stayed for much of the year before we started dating. We did not celebrate our Holy Union until April of 2002, so there was plenty of time to merge our families.

Once, we had decided to become a couple, we thought that telling the kids would be easy, for they had known us as close friends. With the exception of one of Linda's daughters and my youngest daughter things went relatively well. Both our sons, hers 25, mine 23, were very accepting and really do not have problems with us as a couple. In fact, my son James goes to Linda for advice, etc., and has a better relationship with her than he and I do. Her son is the same with me and I have a wonderful relationship with her 30 year old daughter. My oldest also 30, lives in Tel Aviv with her husband, but when home has always been wonderful to Linda.

As for, her daughter, 32 and mine 17, they have been the problems. Linda and I both, do not think that her daughter will ever really be comfortable with our union, but that is ok, for she seems to accept me as family friend and we leave it at that.

My, Sara, 17, has been the challenge, she is coming into her own sexuality as well as dealing with Mom and Linda's relationship.

Telling her was the easy part, since then she has been very inquisitive, constantly asking questions, etc., and we answer them as best we can. As Phil put it we have alot of "heart to heart" conversations with her. We do not hide anything from her - we are completely in the open.

She has seen us as a couple and she is getting to know Linda as an individual. Her relationship with Linda has improved 100% because of the way Linda interacts with her.

Linda has an advantage that I don't - most everyone we know likes her because of her outgoing and friendly personality, I am more reserved.

But, one thing, I would suggest is that, when you son is up to it, first sit down with him and have a heart to heart - then as Phil said let him get to know your partner, as he is willing.

You will have to deal with his decompression from prison life, that will take some time. That is one thing we did not have to deal with, I dealt with prison later.

I know your partner is nervous too, Linda says, tell her, just be herself and don't expect to much too soon. Patience.

Patience, and time, maybe what will be necessary.

Love, support, and open lines of communications are the best way to deal with this.

I know a time from now that you and your partner will look back at this and say, What were we worried about?

If we can help in anyway, we would be happy too.

Linda and I hope we made sense!

The Best to You and Good Luck!

Thank you all for your encouraging words, I am so happy I found pto. your all wonderful !

I just wanted to offer a welcome to the PTO family! :) Love--Helen