View Full Version : son was sentenced today

07-07-2003, 09:56 PM
Hi to all! Son was just sentenced today to 4 years and I have never been so afraid in my life. I just don't know what to expect and I am sure he doesn't either, he is trying to stay strong in hopes I don't fall apart and vice versa. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

07-07-2003, 10:01 PM
Try and stay strong for him.... he is gonna need you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you both!

07-07-2003, 10:16 PM
I agree with chevy try and stay strong and write lots of letters.

Put him on the birthday card list and he can get cards for his birthday. You will be in my thoughts and prayers


07-07-2003, 10:26 PM
Hi, why don't you go to the California forum there is a great post there by Kconnor 10 part in fact. It will answer a lot of questions for you and may help to ease your mind. Love Barbara

07-07-2003, 10:30 PM
I know it's rough, gimmy, but right now's the hardest it'll ever be. You keep hanging in there and stay strong, for both you and your son... and make sure to take care of YOU so you'll be able to be the best you can be for both of you. I know everything seems awful right now but once you, and he, get used to things and get a routine going, things won't seem so scary and overwhelming as they are now. Hang in there and keep hanging around PTO... it helps soooo much.


07-07-2003, 10:34 PM
i'd be glad to drop your boy a note if you'd kindly leave his address. you have come to the right place. these people are very wise. this is a mourning WILL feel more at ease, soon.

07-07-2003, 10:44 PM

07-08-2003, 02:15 AM
Hi gimmy ... I KNOW how hard this is for you ... my Son also is in prison ... a little over a year now ... he was sentenced to 5 years but made his first parole hearing and will be released once he completes a 9 month rehab program ... this was supposed to start the 1st of May but he is still sitting and waiting ... but the point is, he won't be doing the 5 years ... stay strong for him and for yourself ... and don't give up hope ... like my Son, he may be out sooner than you think ... this is the hardest part, what you are going through now ... it doesn't seem possible but it will get better ... the pain won't go away but it will get better, I promise ... I will keep you both in my prayers ...

07-08-2003, 04:35 AM
Hang in there..... Hopefully he'll get out sooner as others have said..


07-08-2003, 09:56 AM
Oh, Gimmy...I'm so sorry. I know this is such a hard time for you. The best I can say is that your son will find his own way once he's in the general population. He will understand the rules (both written and unwritten) very quickly and he'll figure out how to deal with it. You have to trust him now, in terms of his ability to adjust. Good luck to both of you!
- Jane

07-08-2003, 10:19 AM
I can relate to your pain. My son was sentenced in Feb. of this year. It hurts, but we just have to stick by them, love them and be there for them. Remember though, take care of yourself so he will have you to be his 'anchor' in a crazy world.

07-08-2003, 10:35 AM
I agree with everyone else stay strong. He is lucky to have you standing beside him! We will pray for an early release!

07-09-2003, 07:03 PM
gimmy i just read your story about your son my heart gos at to you i know what your feeling i have a 25 yr old son that was taken away from me when he was 22yrs old he also got 6 yrs you must stay stronge for him he needs you , write him as offen as you can , be strong

07-09-2003, 07:22 PM
Welcome to PTO! I will keep you and your son in my prayers. PTO is a great place to be for support and friendship! Glad to have you with us :)

07-09-2003, 08:01 PM
Hello Gimmy! So sorry to hear about your Son!!! I remember this day so well myself. I remember crying myself to sleep for many many nights. My whole world was unside down. It stayed that way for a long long time but it has gotten much better for us both. I hate that anyone has to go through this kind of pain. It's one that no one knows until they go through it. I believe the most important thing is like everyone has said, take care of YOU. He will need you more now than ever. You will be the only one that will stick this out with him. Everyone else will sooner or later fade away but not dear old mom! We become their "everything". He will NEED lots and lots of letters and visits when possible. Family pictures are a big plus. I will keep you both in my prayers. And remember, all this will get easier as the days go by. If I can be of any help to you, PM me anytime! Take care!!

Lori in waiting
07-09-2003, 08:12 PM
I agree with everybody else, stay strong, keep yourself healthy, and write lots of letters. Although it's my husband, not my child, I can relate to your pain. It's been 9 months and sometimes I still cry myself to sleep. You might want to check out the phone forum, phone bills can get astronomical. Try and encourage your son to stay outta trouble and perhaps he can get some education also while he's in. It is truly hard, but try and make the most of each day and the situation, both of you. God bless and hang in there. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to visit.

07-10-2003, 11:20 PM
Hi gimmy and welcome to PTO.
I am so sorry.
I know some of your pain. My almost 23 year old son was sentenced to 3 years in May, well actually double that, but running concurrently. The pain hasn't gone away and the fear still jumps up in my chest all day long, but I did finally kind of come out of the fog from the shock of it all and I'm sort of beginning to function normally again. (Whatever normal is...)
I still wake every morning thinking about him, and go to sleep every night thinking about him. Each time I do, I say a little prayer for him. That helps. I still occasionally have bad dreams...just another chance to say a prayer for him.

I would say just take care of yourself. You need to be in good shape to support him, because he will need it. Write often, even if there's not much going on, just to have a lifeline to the outside world for him. Send photos. Keep your letters light and cheerful, as I hear it isn't so cheerful in there. I try to make my letters full of news and fresh air, seasoned with a little humor. I don't tell him anything that he can't do anything about because that would just frustrate him. Just lots of the day to day stuff. Lots of reassurance that those he loves are doing just fine. :)
Someone said it earlier. This is the worst it gets. It will get better. It's only July and I am almost beginning to function! LOL But it is a bit like a roller coaster ride, so I imagine you will learn to e flexible if you are not already.

Oh, and when you come out of the fog and are frustrated with the system, just speak up. The mail moves slow and the poeple who answer the phones are brain impaired, but hey you've got the great folks on this site for support! You'll get through it.

Hang in there!

07-22-2003, 09:41 AM
I know this is probably an older post, but I just wanted to say that I am wishing the best for you and your son. Josh was sentenced to 5 years and is only going to have to serve 2. I am sure your son will be out in no time. Good Luck to you both.

07-22-2003, 10:37 PM
Thank you all so much for your kind words I really appreciate it all. Since then he has been moved from the county jail and is in the reception center waiting to find out where he will go. I am hoping to see him next week if all goes well I have to call them tomorrow and see if we are able to go or need to be approved on a visitation list. I miss him terribly and for some reason he is always on my mind. Thank you all for lending a ear. Take care

07-23-2003, 12:39 AM
gimmy, I don't know how old your son is but I would guess that he is young. My son was 18 when he went into the system. It took almost a year for him to be sentenced. The county jail was the worst for him. That was the worst year of my life. I won't go into detail I've shared on other threads some of the nightmare he's endured there. Ironically the prison was much easier for him than the jail. I don't understand that but that's the way it was for him.

There are a few things that I did with my son when he was in county and it didn't seem like he was going to make it. I have a very close relationship with my son and therefore have alot of influence on how he looks at things. I'm not sure that makes sense but let me go on.

His letters of desperation were frightening to me as a mother. I knew it was up to me to find some way to get him out of there at least mentally since I couldn't do anything about it physically. When it gets to where you can't deal with things, I told him, then I want you to go lay down on your bed and close your eyes. Then I would paint a very graphic picture of a happy moment, either one from the past or one yet to come in the future. One such event was a picnic at the lake. I wrote these things in my letters to him when it just sounded like he needed them most. It was very detailed in the description using alot of reference to the physical aspects of the environment. Now imagine you are laying on a blanket. Can you feel the wind blowing and hear the waves from the water? The grass is tickling your toes a little. The birds are chirping happy songs because it's a beautiful day. The sun is shining but it's not hot. We are under a shade tree resting after a yummy meal. All of your favorites were there. Maybe after we rest we might go feed the ducks. You can hear them quacking faintly in the background. Children are off in the distance sounds like they are flying kites. And I am there with you. I'll always be there when you close your eyes. Just come meet me at the park and we'll enjoy a wonderful day together.

That's the jest of it. You get the idea. The plan is to get his focus off the terrible environment he was in and mentally leave for awhile. Sounds crazy doesn't it? But you know what my son said it was great and helped him tremendously. He would call me and talk about our time at the park. Once I discovered how much it helped him, then I did that with him quite a bit until he got past the terror of where he was. Like I said it was only during the time he was in county that I had to do this.

Sometimes he'd call and I can sense fear in his voice. That's when I wanted to get his thoughts elsewhere. I might ask him, where do you want to meet tonight in your dreams.

Another thing that helps is to make plans for the future. My son has been in for almost 6 years now. We still make tons of plans for the future. Now I know that there is no way we will be able to do all that we discuss in one lifetime. But whatever fantasy he decides to take I always go with him. And believe me he has a lot of them. There is no way I would tell him that isn't realistic. Sometimes now I will even do some research on his ideas on the internet and send it to him.

My son and I are huge animal lovers. Well since he has been in prison his cat that he got when he was 3 years old died. His dog that he spent most of his young days with died. I know this had to be hard on him. But he was being strong for me since I was the one that lost it. So when he started talking about, Hey mom I want to get a monkey when I get home. He's never even seen the apartment I live in now. Well there was no way I was going to tell him that was a silly idea. I simply agreed that would be an option. He asked for me to find out more about them. In doing so I found information about why they should not be kept as pets or at least the less than glamerous side of it. I sent it along the other stuff. He decided that perhaps it wasn't a good idea after all. The point is that we are always makes plans and decisions about the future. They may change but that's part of life. He needs to still feel like he has a life.

I hope this may have given you some ideas of what you might want to try if there comes a time when he gets desperate or overcome with fear. Just as when they are small and we read stories to them before they go to bed so they will fall asleep with happy thoughts, sometimes they just need a story even now all these years later.

Last thing before I go, like the others said lots of letters and phone calls. He needs to feel that you are there for him just as you were when he woke up in the middle of the night having a nightmare when he was young? What did you do to comfort him then? If it helped then chances are you might be able to make modifications to it and use it now to get the same results. Visit as often as possible. And when you do don't be afraid to touch him as much as allowed. My son always holds my hand or touches my hair or something. It's almost as though he is afraid it is a dream and wants to make sure I am really there with him. Make your time together happy and leave the unpleasant stuff at the door until he has adjusted well.

If I can help in any way please let me know. We are all here for you. I most certainly know your pain. Don't hesitate to post your thoughts and feelings. We are good listeners here and we do care.

07-23-2003, 08:19 AM
i heard from your son thankin me for takin the time to send card to him what a good writer i hope his parole meeting goes well and i got the card on the day of the parole meeting so he is in my prayers let me know how it goes ok//
hope you are well thru all of this as it is not easy huh?? i know being a parent as well keep us in your prayers too please thanks for th support helps to know that there are good people in and out of the systmn huh?? take care love ya cecelia

08-04-2003, 11:12 PM
I can relate to your pain. My 19 yr old son was sentenced to 20 yrs on June 13th. It was the worst day of my life. Our whole family was devestated that day. Once we all calmed each other down, we found that if he was ok, that we were ok and vice versa.We find our strength in each other. There have been good days and bad days. We just pray that he will get a sentence reduction or the laws will change or with the state budget, he will get out sooner.Just be strong for each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

08-20-2003, 07:45 PM
Stay strong, pray alot and don't ever give up on him. Keep updated about everything going on as much as you can and make sure people at the prison know you are watching. My prayers are with you and your son

08-20-2003, 08:24 PM
Everyone is so right! This is the worst that it will be. You will all learn to cope and the days will get easier. You will learn how not to think about it too much. You learn to block things. I know that sounds weird but it's true. You just have to become numb literally and you will. It is self preservation and the human mind protects itself. I went to see my son last weekend and had a great time. My friend said "You are the only person I know that could have fun visiting their child in prison". (She obviously doesn't know us at PTO). It is the only way to survive it all...and you will. I always say that I pretend he is at camp and making lots of friends. I'm kidding but it is almost to that some days when I just can't face the truth. You WILL survive.

08-21-2003, 05:59 PM

My son was similarly sentenced today. I have provided details on a separate post but wanted to share my empathy and sympathy with you and your son.

It is, hands down, the worst day of my 50 years.

My thoughts are with you.


08-21-2003, 06:49 PM
Wow, Jim. I am sorry for you and your son. Why does all this happen? Maybe we will find out someday but for now we all have each other and we will survive all of this. I think it will make us all for the better. I really believe that. Take care.

08-26-2003, 05:03 AM
You give me such strength. I know my son may be looking at a long sentence but is now in county jail and terrified. I do not want to face trial and sentencing. I am so anxious. I draw strength from knowing that you all lived through it, even with broken hearts. Special thanks and prayers to msveggie and Jim.

08-29-2003, 06:20 PM
I am dreading the day my son gets sentence so I can only image what you are going though. My heart goes out to you. Pam

08-29-2003, 07:00 PM
Pam, It has been a little over a month now since the sentencing and I am still in a fog but everyday is a new day and I will make it because I have to for him especially. He has been assigned to his parent institution now and we are working on getting used to things. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. When is his sentencing? Make sure you keep in touch! Good luck to you both. Donna