Hi Ladies,

Over the past week. We've talked constantly. Like every other day. SInce 10:00 a.m Friday...we've talked about 4 times, which is abnormal for us. But each phone conversation, we were both like "You know I would never hurt you!". And making lots of other statements about how down we are for each other and the many ways we show our love for each other and everything.

How did you ladies know it was time to make that next big step? I'm feeling that way and he is to, but we are both holding back because of past issues with individuals...we have that guard thing up, you know? Problems in past relationships is the #1 reason why we havn't gone a bit further. We have both said "I love you" to each other several times during our conversations.

I'm considering making a big move with him...but I don't want to make myself look like an a**hole for making a move that he'll say no to. Please advise because I'm at that point where I want to commit fully to him and to him only.

Sebastian was much more open to the possibility in the beginning than I was. I had recently ended a bad relationship and wasn't sure if I was prepared to enter into another one, a little time went by and I realized I was already in one and I wasn't going anywhere. Things between us just evolved very naturally through calls and letters and visits. When he came home it was as though we had already done this even though in reality up to that point we had no free world experience together.

It is important to remember that we all have our baggage and that accompanied by the fact of incarceration can seem magnified at times. However, I know for certain that all things are possible, I'm living proof.

Communication is key to any successful relationship. Talk to him. I know you will be glad you did.

Best of luck,
Patty

Thanks for responding,

He's gonna call again today after his visit. So I'm considering talking to him then. I'll let you know how it goes if I talk to him about that.

I remember being at this place in my current relationship when we started out. All you can do is talk to him, and communicate your needs with him. I remember, I wrote him (because at this point we weren't talking on the phone) and I can't remember what I said, but when he wrote back he asked what exactly did I want from him? A relationship? Friendship? And after mulling it over I decided to take that leap and tell him I wanted a relationship with him.

About holding a piece of you back, you both just have to let it go. My fiancé tore down my walls so quickly that I didn't realize they were gone. Let yourselves be vulnerable to the other person, because even through the fear you'll realize that it's what you have to do in order to have a good relationship.

You can't just give someone part of your heart and hide the other part away, if you do, your heart's already broken.

i agree with whiskey and hot. all you can do is really communicate your true feelings and let things progress naturally. it already sounds as if you both are on the same wavelength.

my hubby, like hot's, was more inclined to move straight into a relationship than i was. his openess and honesty and respect for my situation, position, and feelings was what helped me to decide to be with him eventually. all you can do is gauge your feelings, compare them to his, and if they are the same, then go for it. if not, you two should discuss why. don't be afraid and hope it goes well for you!!!

Whiskey, Hot and MrsChris make great points and I can remember feeling the same way at first,we will protect our heart at any cost that is human nature.However, the only thing I can add is that for us as we are both very spiritual people and it was like God spoke to me,to my heart and "told" me that this was ok, that I was safe and from that point...I never held back...I was open about my feelings, what I wanted from a relationship, from him, and life...what I didn't know at the time was he had dreamed of me, and his Mom had prayed for me...they both consider me an answered prayer, his angel...big shoes to fill...but I do...What I know is this...he is my angel, my answered prayer as well...He asked me this just the other day, how did I know he was the one? My answer: Because God "told" me, he says, well you can't get any more sure than that...

Staci

Ladies..Update!!!

I got a letter from him yesterday and he was talking about how I should not get upset when he talks to this female his sis-in-law is trying to hook him up with. One that my visits get bumped for, so she can go see him. And how I don't have anything to say about it because we are just friends and from what else I took from the letter that we should stay that way. This is what I got from the letter, maybe I'm reading it wrong or maybe it was because I was in a "bitchy" mood yesterday. Anyways, he called last night after a visit from his "aunt". As soon as the call was connected, I told him that he didn't have to worry about me expressing my feelings about that female anymore, that it wasn't going to be an issue.....because he's not my man...only my friend and that's all I see him as.

I guess you can say we got into a mini-argument....because I was telling him how I had a bad day, he said I had no reason to have a bad day because I have my freedom..I reminded him that even us on the outside have bad days. We went back and forth. I was telling him how I needed a break from work and he was like "Oh..you need a break from me too hunh??". I had to bite my tongue as I was only talking about work and not him. Needless to say, at the end of the conversation....I told him to "Shut The Hell Up". Even though we were sort of playing around...I kind of meant it because he told me not to give him anymore attitude the next time he called.

Over the last 24 hours...my feelings for him have changed...I'm no longer really seeing a future with him. I don't know if it's me having a bad day, hormones or what...but I'm not feeling him like I was. i was going to lay my feelings out on the table for him on Sunday...but couldn't because...that same female was visiting him. He tells me...that he can have any female he wants. I'm at the point where I want to tell him to go do just that!!

Well this may not be a "great point", but it's how things happened with us, and many times what works for me and my husband may not work for others, but here goes. He just went for it, and I rode with it. Everything seemed to take a natural course in progression.

missteail ~ I know what I am about to say is probably not what you want to hear but I'm gonna say it, please know my intentions are not to hurt you...

If I found myself in your situation as per your update, I wouldn't have to bother telling him to go be with any woman because he would have to assume that as I would return his mail unopened and would not accept another call from him.

In any relationship whether one is incarcerated or not I think it is VERY important to listen to exactly what the other person is saying. Too often, women do not do this and then down the road seem surprised when he does pretty much what he laid out for them all those months before. He has made it known to you that he is not serious, I wouldn't waste another romantic thought on him.

Whatever path you follow I wish you much joy and love...

Patty

Ladies..Update!!!

I got a letter from him yesterday and he was talking about how I should not get upset when he talks to this female his sis-in-law is trying to hook him up with. One that my visits get bumped for, so she can go see him. And how I don't have anything to say about it because we are just friends . . . Over the last 24 hours...my feelings for him have changed...I'm no longer really seeing a future with him. I don't know if it's me having a bad day, hormones or what...but I'm not feeling him like I was. i was going to lay my feelings out on the table for him on Sunday...but couldn't because...that same female was visiting him. He tells me...that he can have any female he wants. I'm at the point where I want to tell him to go do just that!!
Missteail, please don't do it to yourself. Please don't.

I don't mean this to be mean, but you can't make someone love you, and why would you want to? I know it hurts, but better to find out now, than later on down the road! you deserve someone who is into YOU 150%, don't waste time on anyone who isn't giving you that!

. . . don't waste time on anyone who isn't giving you that!
And, don't be mad at the guy because all along he has been honest in telling you just how he feels when it comes to "the type of relationship you'd prefer to build with him." What he's saying is "he's not the one". Which means it's up to you to either accept that, or, set yourself up for spiraling disappointment.

Recommended reading: "He's Just Not Into You" because your next friend may not be as honest as this guy, especially if it seems opportunity to take advantage is all up on him. Like the other ladies, just trying to be helpful, not hurtful.

Now I see why you understand me so well. You yourself have been where I was in the beginning. thanks for all your advice

Sebastian was much more open to the possibility in the beginning than I was. I had recently ended a bad relationship and wasn't sure if I was prepared to enter into another one, a little time went by and I realized I was already in one and I wasn't going anywhere. Things between us just evolved very naturally through calls and letters and visits. When he came home it was as though we had already done this even though in reality up to that point we had no free world experience together.

It is important to remember that we all have our baggage and that accompanied by the fact of incarceration can seem magnified at times. However, I know for certain that all things are possible, I'm living proof.

Communication is key to any successful relationship. Talk to him. I know you will be glad you did.

Best of luck,
Patty

Lady Catone ~ You will find many similarities amongst those of us in these relationships, it's eerie at times but the end result is a forum that fosters support and insight and that is a wonderful thing.

Patty