The Streets! Every Person in prisons ultimate dream!!! Right??? Well Maybe No!

They go out into the world & EVERY TIME they end up breaking the law AGAIN, violating parole AGAIN & going back to jail AGAIN. Why? How? I'm sure a lot of you Mothers, Fathers, Husbands, Wives, Family & Friends out there are asking the same questions Over & Over & Over Again. I seen a thousand of guys come In & Out myself..

I don't know if you guys can handle this article! I've looked at a huge # of posts on here & I hesitate to write this. Sometimes the truth hurts but here I go.

One of my best friends in the world (Eddie) is in or out of prison all the time! He's been to prison 11 Times! (& Jail 21 Times). He is a Criminal, some people are. I still Love the Old Convict :rolleyes: I never got to go in & out personally! I was in for over 18 years then went back on a 1 year violation & cleaned up my time. I've asked him Why & How so many times! I've seen a lot of guys like my friend.

When I was in Nevada there was a guy, Mike that everytime he came back in it was like a Welcome Home party & He'd have a new girl friend out there that would bring in his drugs for the next XXX time till he gets out AGAIN! He Loved Prison, He was a Star there. He died in there.

I've seen guys that would make every excuse known to man over why they came back in AGAIN They would blame their parole Officers, they would blame the system & their friends & the cops that hated them! I've even heard them blame their Wives, Girlfriends, Mothers & Fathers too! They would blame it on economics & luck & accidents & Every Other Thing (Besides Themselves!) that there is.

A lot of them would blame their addiction. Drugs & Alcohol play a HUGE roll in this a LOT of times. Addiction to crime too. Some Guys are just Criminals. They somehow get addicted to Crime & just go & break the law Again. One guy I know is doing a life without for burglary! He 1st got 2 years, then 6 years, then 10 years, then 5 to life & when he came back in with a life without parole you know what he told me? He said that the HOUSES were calling him & he couldn't stop himself! Wow!

Some Guys like prison too, that may be a hard pill to swallow for some of you but none the less it's TRUE.

Some Homosexuals I've seen Love prison & go back Over & Over again. There was one gay guy in Nevada people would TIME HIM, They'd make bets on how fast he'd be back (Men in prison can be very crude) & Everytime he'd be back within a few months with a new sentence or violation. Some guys are gay on the inside & strait on the outs! & Some hide their homosexuality from their wives, girlfriends, family & friends that way!

Some guys just don't have anything better on the outside or their lazy & would rather be in prison than work (These guys call it 3 Hots & a Cot!) Many guys are Saved from the world BY PRISON! They come back in & HAVE TO spend the 1st 6 months getting healthy again because they beat themselves to death, usually with Drugs or Alcohol, out in the world.

The truth is (Of Course) that there is no easy answer. I guess all we can do is keep Loving them & hope that its enough!:thumbsup:

Is your Loved One one that goes In & Out AGAIN? Why?

What can we do?

HI, Well, as for "What to do"...I don't know.
I have a cousin that has been in and out of prison since he was 18. He's 47 now.
Drugs, and those related crimes, his last incarceration is manufacturing meth.
Now his family has passed away while he was "in" and he was incarcerated in a different state this time. He used to live in Navada, but this time got incarcerated in Oklahoma.
We are his only family now. Actually, the only people he has in the whole world, since, naturally , ALL his friends are incarcerated or on parole too.
We are planning to try to Interstate compact him here to Texas to live with us when he gets paroled this time.
My husband thinks this is a losing proposition, and I guess I do too. But we are going to try, because to do any less would leave ME feeling somehow that I had let him down.
You have to take into consideration, as we have...that a person like my couisn has been locked up and or/doing drugs for so long that they are 'stunted' about the 'real world'. I think about my cousin, he has never had children, has nothing... and who will he date? How will he build a life? He will have a job witn my husband, but just the social skills, the security a woman is looking for (especially a woman in his age bracket)...the list goes on and on of strikes against him...
But we will try ONCE. If he messes up - well, of course we will visit him in prison, but we will not ever involve ourselves and our family in the drama of his personal life again.
Actually, if he messes up again, I think he's looking at a very looooong time in prison. And that's probably for the best, if he can't/won't keep it together.
Pretty tragic to see this happen to someone who is really a 'nice person'. I adore my cousin, he's one of the funniest, sweetest people in the world.
JMO
lis

I read your post and left out and thought that I should tell that your message was profound. However, some people make mistakes and realize the error but as you said some are institutionized and they know that the world will never allow them to forget that MISTAKE. Our system tells us that they have paid their debt to society but allow employers to discriminate against them for the rest of their lives and they... end up back in prison.... where life is often familiar.

I know lots of people that are the same way. They get a bus ticket out of jail and back to what? back to their life of crime, they don't get alot of help with their problems in jail here. It's not because my man has nothing to come home to though, it's just what he does, I guess its all he thinks he knows how to do. He's in prison not jail this time so he is getting the help that he needs to hopefully stop the cycle.

i know people who are that way, prison time to them is a cake walk. they dont have to do any thing but their time , no worries! i care about them but they are who they are and no one can change them but the good lord and they dont want him to.it is sad really but it is the life they choose. good post

benjamin, that was very well said, and thought provoking. i get the feeling that the majority of women on pto are experiencing a relationship with a man in prison for the first time in their life, and therefore have nothing to compare it to or have past experiences to really know what they are in for, waiting for their love to be released from prison. there's probably a high percentage that will return to prison for one reason or other. that's very frustrating, after waiting many years for someone to get out and come home.

Benjamin,

Now that I may have a return ticket, I have read and reread this thread. When I came home in March of 03, I was a short timer, had a doggone good set of attorneys.

I was fortunate came home to supportive parents, sisters, life partner and children, I came back to great job, have had a couple of promotions since, have been on the right path right up to early this year.

Problem was and is I like to take risks, I push the envelope in almost all areas of my life, I have always felt that was and for that matter is the only way to success or to obtain a goal.

Well I pushed too hard and too far, I stood up for what I believe in and it looks like I could get slapped down for it. I go in front of my original sentencing Judge later this month, my po is recommending at this moment tighter controls on me as far as supervision, but is not recommending a return to prison. Of course, you and I both know that the Judge can disregard the recommendation and send me back for almost any amount of time up to the 33 months I have left.

I don't know what I am trying to say, this is just what is happening to me right now, and because of the way I live my life I have no one to blame but myself.

Will I change, probably not, I like the excitement too well, that is the way I lived while I was in the military, I stood for what I believed in and pushed hard and fast and went places most women never have a desire to go and by standing for my beliefs and taking those assignments I advanced my career.

I just hope that the way I live my life, does not lead to the yo yo of in and out, I guess that is what I fear the most now.

Patti

I truly believe that alot of re-entry is because society as a whole does nothing to help with re entry, society just makes it harder, o people will resort back to what they know. We need better programs for people who have lived a criminal life, better re-entry programs and mandatory counceling.A felon cannot get a good job, because of his criminal record, so they are almost forced to go back to a life of crime to survive. A drug addict never got the help for the stinking thinkinh=g that goes along with being an addict, they just get clean, that dont fix the problem. I know some just dont care, but with the right programs in place the success rate woiuld be much higher i think.

We have all heard the stories of those who have a revolving door in and out of prison. I'll never understand why anyone would want to do a second bid, much less a third or 4th one. I think you make some valid points in why.
I have no experience with someone who travels that revolving door all the time, but what I will say is this. It truly pisses me off that these people can get out like they do. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not coming down on anyone, really I'm not. What I am coming down on is a system that releases these people that are obviously unprepared to re-enter society, when my guy, who has jumped through all the hoops asked of him, cannot get a shot at that second chance.
He has completed all courses, has recommendations from influential people, a job waiting for him, and cannot get the governor of our state to sign his parole. I don't understand at all. So when I see these others rotate in and out and back in again, I can't help but wonder WTF?????
I know if they would ever release him, he would not ever, ever, do anything to put himself at risk of going back in.
The whole thing is just crazy, and I for one am sick of it.

I don't think employment is the problem, it is the social part. You gotta figure they come home from their cell time to the madness of homelife. Reality for us. But for them too much sometimes. I've been through it so many times, in & out, in & out. My son does good, and then sometmes he will pop off sometimes with " I'm just gonna go back it's easier" then I tell him it's easier for who him or us (family). You know what I mean? Are there any others out there who have heard the term cell time?

I think that it is probably different for each person who goes through the yo-yo effect. My person opinion is that some people are not willing to deal with the outside world. I think that living on the outside is a certain type of prison, an economic prison, social prison, etc. Plus, once you have messed up and get a record, that makes things 100 times worse. Dealing with all this stress is very hard, and some people are not able to handle it, especially if they do not have strong support systems. JMO

As for us personally, it has been an uphill battle. He has gone back in because of his record. He was convicted of a crime he did not committ because his first crime waS A VIOLENT ONE. He is no longer a violent offender. But society still treats him as one. He just can't get a real second chance. That's why we see the revolving door. If we get pulled over you better believee there will be a search of our vehicle, yet anyone else and they take it easy on them.You see, when you live in the same community th you committed a violemnt crime in, you never get a second chance.

very good post and much of it is so true...

as someone who is with a man who has done bid after bid (this is our first and praying to God last one together), i will say that he did it because it was all he knew. no formal education, no real family, and the need to take care of his own family that started at a young age, all combined kept him from staying home. he told me plenty of times that he was never in a rush to leave prison because he had nowhere to go once he was out. there may (actually there are) be a heap of reasons why he continued to go back, many of which i won't discuss here. but i know that now he has the love and support he didn't have before, and we're well on our way to making this the last time the DOC ever pays us company, with the help of God and our own determination.

Mine too...this is his 4th time in. Every time has been less than two years in and less than two years out since he was 23. He's now 36. Only 1 "violent" conviction, the first. His family pretty much walked away from him then. Until last month, his mom NEVER visited him.

I met him 2 months after he got out the last time. He got a great job right away (not a problem for him). He completed ISP, no drugs either. He just keeps finding women like his mom that he thinks he needs to "fix". I keep telling him his mom is happy with her life, there's no need to "fix" her. Childhood abuse from both his dad and stepdad. I'm the first person he's told about it (that's normal). He's now at the point where he wants to get counseling to deal with it. Not an excuse, but it is explanation of his self-destructive behavior.

He's on another 2 year sentence. If he goes back on another felony no matter what it is, he'll be sentenced under habitual criminal statutes. Every state has one.

I love him, but I've told him I will only do this one time and never again. I'm the only person who has ever stuck it out with him (the only one who has ever even VISITED). I'm hoping that my belief in him will help him believe in himself...that's all that will keep him out, his investment in believing in himself.
:idea:

Benj-I really like your post-you layed it all out and you expalined it very well. This is my man's second time. It really scares me that the odds of him going back are very high. I'm not sure what the answer is to keeping these people out of prison. I dont think i can go through this all over again. I did not know him the first time he went in. He was young and carefree. Now he has a family and i pray that this will help him to stay on the right track. You mentioned something about men being gay and the wives and families not knowing. Now that bothers me, because i'm sure that he is not that way. But you never know! How could we tell if they were gay inside but hiding it from us out here? I have always wondered what leads men to men on the inside. Or is it that they were always that way and then being on the inside made it easier for them?

. . . I know if they would ever release him, he would not ever, ever, do anything to put himself at risk of going back in.
The whole thing is just crazy, and I for one am sick of it.
When I hear about the in and outters what comes to my mind first off is "that's a person with an addiction problem." I also agree with the people who said social issues and social pressures of regular society living kicks in. What I believe is once he start having those social issues that he could relapse to self medicate, and once the addiction becomes active, it's only a matter of time before he goes from "out" to "in" again.
***************
JKB's from what I know, a skid bidder can skid til he finally get "life" on the back of his sentence. But for fellas who do stretches, like your man -- one good stretch and it really is common for them to have had enough, have had so much, that whatever it takes to make it out here THEY DO IT once they do get out here because when it comes to time, the men who have done the stretches "have had enough".

These lil "in and out" skid bidders though -- they ain't had enough time, I mean because if you can do one year, you can do two, if you can do two, you can do three. Next thing you know it, because they've done 5, doing 6 or 7 is no big deal. But when they get hit with a 15-life or a 20-life, it becomes a big deal -- they are now on a stretch -- they have found that the judge has played with them no more.:eek: "

A friend of mine, her husband was a skid bidder, then, he got it -- a sentence of 20 - life. Because he got all of that time from being a persistent, after 19 years the parole board felt he had done enough time so they paroled him last November. And guess what -- I do believe he's had enough because as it stands now, he's working two jobs and doing very well for himself and his family. Whereas when he was pullin skid bids, he came out b.s.ing instead of doing the right things by his wife. My girl hung in there though -- she did the skid bids and them 19 on that 20 to life. Why? Because as the club here goes -- "she loves herself some him!!" Incidently, she met him in there too. :o

I will continue to beat myself over the head why my son would do something that he knew would put him back in jail, what have I done wrong when he got home, yes I did constantly nag him about what he was doing but I just had too. It didn't do any good because he is back in for the second time, is this the end or do I have to go through this hell over and over again. I pray not.

Some people are better suited for institutional living then trying to survive on the outside?

Some people are better suited for institutional living then trying to survive on the outside?

You know, it is sad but true. My ex asked me when we were dating, "IF I go back to prison, will you write to me?" I said, "Why would you go back, if you don't mess up you won't have to." And he told me prison was just easier than living on the outs. I told him it may be easier but it's not better. Hopefully this time he will see the light, but I have a hard time trusting that.

That is scary, becuase my son went back after swearing he _never_ wanted to go back to prison. Hopefully, he's thinking twice about going back when he gets out in a couple years.

Benjamin,

Now that I may have a return ticket, I have read and reread this thread. When I came home in March of 03, I was a short timer, had a doggone good set of attorneys.

I was fortunate came home to supportive parents, sisters, life partner and children, I came back to great job, have had a couple of promotions since, have been on the right path right up to early this year.

Problem was and is I like to take risks, I push the envelope in almost all areas of my life, I have always felt that was and for that matter is the only way to success or to obtain a goal.

Well I pushed too hard and too far, I stood up for what I believe in and it looks like I could get slapped down for it. I go in front of my original sentencing Judge later this month, my po is recommending at this moment tighter controls on me as far as supervision, but is not recommending a return to prison. Of course, you and I both know that the Judge can disregard the recommendation and send me back for almost any amount of time up to the 33 months I have left.

I don't know what I am trying to say, this is just what is happening to me right now, and because of the way I live my life I have no one to blame but myself.

Will I change, probably not, I like the excitement too well, that is the way I lived while I was in the military, I stood for what I believed in and pushed hard and fast and went places most women never have a desire to go and by standing for my beliefs and taking those assignments I advanced my career.

I just hope that the way I live my life, does not lead to the yo yo of in and out, I guess that is what I fear the most now.

PattiBy no means am I trying to be a smart a**. But please explain to me why you or anyone else would want to go back with a family and especially kids. Do you not realize how hard it is on kids and partners and moms, etc.. So please explain to me why.

It isn't that anyone wants to go back - but untill you have walked in the shoes of an exconvict, with the pressures of society, family, DOC, and LIFE on you which is 10 times greater than that of others, many times you are about to break from the pressure strain on you.

You almost cannot get a job, you have to watch everything you do, everywhere you go, you cannot do certain things, talk to certain people, and you have to constantly keep youreself in check.

When riding to work with a coworker, I have to think, are they on drugs, is it in the car, do they have a weapon on them?

WHY? Is that paranoid? NO

Because if you are pulled over and it is realized you are a excon and in the vicinity of a weapon, drugs, etc. YOU ARE GONE!

Will I change, probably not, I like the excitement too well this was posted from Patty. This is why Im asking. And No I have not walked in those shoes but I have walked beside those shoes for 13 years. And he has also done some stupid sh!t because he enjoys certain things.

I can understand that!