My man and I have been writting to each other for almost a year. We started as penpals, and continued like that till around December. He stated that his feelings were changing, I was still undecided at the time. I met him at the end of January, and it was like I had known him my whole life. He felt like the missing puzzle piece to my life. At the end of the visit he told me he loved me, I told him I loved him back. I went to see him again a week or two later, and he asked me to do something that I wasnt comfortable doing. And I told him so, and he stated that it was ok. A couple of weeks later, he asked if I could pick up a girl that lives over an hour away from me and bring her to see her brother, he stated it was for "business". I once again told him no, she was way to far out the way. I go to visit him again the next week, and we talked about this favor again, I asked what had to be done about it, and he told me in detail. Well he calls and asks if I took care of the favor, I said no, but I will. He called On Saturday and asked if I did it, I told him I had disscussed with my friend, and I still wasnt comfortable. He told me on the phone that he dosent want me to disscuss our business with my friends. We hang up, which I thought was on semi decent terms. I didnt go to visit on Sunday, because the weather was so bad. He called me on Monday afternoon, and I missed it. He hasnt called the whole rest of the week, which by today I was starting to wonder what was going on. Well, I got a letter today stating that I betrayed his trust, by talking to my friend, and that he has another girl that will take care of this favor for him, and that she is a friend and nothing more. And if I cant handle it, then I need to re-evaluate what is going on between us.He also stated that he is going to kick back on my letters and calls, untill he is ready to proceed with me. He states that he is taking this personal. I dont know what to do!!! I dont know if he was trying to use me to get this favor done or what!! I hate the fact tha that I cant call him and talk to him, I am so angry that he is being this harsh about this, without me even being able to explain myself. Should I go to see him Saturday to get answers? Or should I just leave it to him, to make the next move?? I need advice, sorry that this post is so long, but I had to give you the major details!!

First I wanted to say that I am very sorry that you are going through this!

He needs to be respectful of what you are and aren't comfortable doing, and shouldn't be asking you to do things that you don't want to do! Because I don't know your man, I don't really feel like I can say much about his behavior, but this is my take. Some men are very good at flipping things around, see, the way I see it, you should be upset about how he was pressing the issue, but you're upset because of how he's acting because you would do it.

Anyway, I think you need to decide if this man respects you, because that is so important in EVERY relationship. You're happiness should be what he is most concerned with, not whether or not a favor gets done.

I hope that you get to talk to him soon, and that you find a way to work through your issues, regardless of the outcome. Whether or not you should go see him and all that, I don't know. I'm all for communicating but I am notorious for avoiding confrontation. You do what's best for you!

Always remember that you don't deserve to be walked on, you're a woman who's worthy of love, make sure you get that.

im sorry but it seems very fishy to me and i wouldnt even feel sorry for anything u stood up for yourself and thats what u need in life is to always respect you and you only i wish u luck in your decision

He is manipulating you to get you to do what he wants.

I agree with silverleaves786...it seems like he is trying to hook you by trying to make it seem like he dosen't care. And, if he REALLY did care, he wouldn't be playing these stupid games. I think he is trying to make you jelous of this "other friend" if there is one, why didn't he ask her to do the favor in the first place. Something is missing here...I am really sorry that you are experiencing this. And how did you "betray his trust"? Why SHOULDN'T you be able to talk about things with your friends? Girls NEED to talk with their friends. Please be careful and watchout for your heart. Don't forget to put yourself first here!

i see a red flag waving on this one. sorry to see it. i got issues with my pal also at the moment so dont take my word on anything right now lol.

Girl , Listen , I have seen it all my stepson , my brother and my ex husband were all guests of the state at one time or another and unless your bond and trust were tight before he went in he is downright using you!! I know it stinks to hear it but men can be a**holes most of the time and especially inmates . you are a loving caring woman and deserve a loving caring man , move on and close the book on this user before you get hurt anymore , just chalk it up to experience and know that in your heart .. this is his loss

he sounds like a game player to me.Aman who really cared for you wouldn't treat you that way. Please be careful and don't do anything your uncomfortable with.

I would really be watching the red flags on this one. It seems that the change in him isn't for the better. If he placed any value on the relationship you have and the love he says he has he wouldn't be even thinking about asking you to do something that you are uncomfortable with let alone say that he has another girl that will do it. If they get busted for something illegal....be thankful you weren't involved. Should something happen they may watch you since you were also visiting him.
Not saying he is doing something illegal, but it sure doesn't sound right to me. JMO

Patti

Fri, sorry this is happening to you. Please go with your gut and do what's right for you. I worked for criminal attorneys years ago and had a client who I got very friendly with. I can tell you that a lot of them "buy" things and trade things from each other and most of the time it's drugs. They take advantage of their loved ones to cover things for them because they owe somebody. I'm not saying that your situation is this, but I thought I'd throw that out for you as food for thought. He claims he loves you and should be protecting you not subjecting you and certainly not copping an attitude. I'd say run as fast as you can from this man, but it may not be that easy because that silly love gets in the way - at least we think it's love. Notice above I said to go with your gut. The brain and heart mess us all up, but the gut knows best. So, God bless you and I hope he gives you the guidance you need.

A man who trully cared for you would never ask you to jeopordize your freedom and respect so that he can gain something from it. I know many men in prison, and how the game works. He is going to "kick back on your phone calls an letters until he's ready to proceed with you"? Girl, you deserve better than this.

If I have said it once I've said it a thousand times, "Noone should give more than they are comfortable with be it physically, emotionally or financially." If his request made you feel uncomfortable then that should have been the end of it and he should respect you for it. Instead it seems that now he is bent on emotionally blackmailing you. You deserve better.

Best of luck,
Patty

Girl , Listen , I have seen it all my stepson , my brother and my ex husband were all guests of the state at one time or another and unless your bond and trust were tight before he went in he is downright using you!! I know it stinks to hear it but men can be a**holes most of the time and especially inmates . you are a loving caring woman and deserve a loving caring man , move on and close the book on this user before you get hurt anymore , just chalk it up to experience and know that in your heart .. this is his loss


I agree, my friend once said "you can be in prison or you can be an ***hole, but you can't be both" Your man, at this time is being both. Don't let him get you into something that will get you on the other side of the razor wire.

Good luck

I'm so sorry your going through this! I have to look at it like he wouldn't try to make you do something your uncomfortable with, he totally disrespected you even asking it. He thinks he is controlling you right now, don't let him! He's being an manipulating a$$, I wouldn't go see him at all. I think there are way too many red flags going up to stick around.

Thanks to all of you, for your advice. Thanks for kind of reading between the lines a little bit. I think I am going to visit tomorrow, just because I need to speak my mind, so I will feel better with some answers. I only hope he dosent deny my visit. I see plenty of red flags, and this whole incident definetly changes everything. Once again, thanks you guys, and I will keep you posted as to what is happening.

Thanks to all of you, for your advice. Thanks for kind of reading between the lines a little bit. I think I am going to visit tomorrow, just because I need to speak my mind, so I will feel better with some answers. I only hope he dosent deny my visit. I see plenty of red flags, and this whole incident definetly changes everything. Once again, thanks you guys, and I will keep you posted as to what is happening.

Good Luck at the visit! :thumbsup:

Be careful!!!!

L.

I agree with everyone's answer, however Ravenslove said it best........

"Don't let him talk you into something that will get you on the other side of the razor wire"..



I'd think long and hard about visiting him again! It seems he has you, or wants to think he does, right where he wants you. Please be careful! Stay home, if you can, if at all possible. he is holding toooo many of the cards in your "relationship"!


Amanda8088

Good luck and be careful. What was going through my mind reading your post was "If he is acting this way behind bars what would he be like on the outside?" Ask yourself.

That is a very good point!!! Im just not to sure how sincere he really is now. We were writting for over 6 months and he never asked me for anything, absolutley nothing. But the second visit, wow!! Good luck and be careful. What was going through my mind reading your post was "If he is acting this way behind bars what would he be like on the outside?" Ask yourself.

Good luck if you choose to visit and please be careful.

If it doesn't feel right, then let it go. It bothers me to know that you are going through this. Try to go w/in and be honest w/ yourself and decide what it is that you truly want w/ this person. If he makes you feel bad at all, then re-evaluate your relationship.

Best wishes

Im one of those type of people who would rather confront an issue than leaving it dangling... so i would go visit and have it out with him!
I also wanna add, as some of the other ladies have said... it doesnt sound as if he has very much respect for you. Im not saying that because he asked you to do what he did, but because of the fact that you said no, and his reaction to that!! Put you down to one side, huh?????? I would never take him back... i would be missing!!

I am interested in how the visit went...... But from everything I read here, if he cared at all for you he wouldnt ask you to do AYNTHING that would put you in harms way! I worked at the jail my hubby to be was at where I met him, I had all access to just about everything and he never not once asked me to "bring" in anything for him !

Good luck! Keep us posted!

Well, I got up at 3am to make my visit, and I was just about half way there, and then they shut down the freeway due to snow. So needless to say I didnt make it to visit. I will have to till next weekend. I still havent gotten any phone calls or letters, and I just dont think I can trust him, as I am pretty sure he was just trying to manipulate me. I will let you all know when I hear from him, IF I hear from him.

frie, so sorry about the trip for nothing! that had to be horrible after everything you went through to go. i hope you hear something soon or are able to make the trek very soon. take care and hang in there.

I think you need to make it clear that there are lines you will not cross, and as best as you can, spell them out in detail. Putting yourself in a risky situation is most definitely one you should not even consider, and no one has the right to ask you to do such a thing.

To mention a vaguely parallel example, some years ago I had an inmate correspondent who has a mental illness (which is basically what landed her in prison, unjustly so, to my mind and those of many others). We corresponded enthusiastically, on one occasion I sent a small amount of money--she responded with some lovely artwork.

Then one day I received a thick envelope containing a handwritten legal brief of over 100 pages, most of it very difficult to read, a similar amount bordering on incoherent. With it was a letter from her explaining that she hoped I would transcribe the handwritten document, correct as many errors as possible, and get the "finished product" back to her in two weeks. I simply couldn't do it--what she asked would have required at least a month's work, possibly more, and none of it had the approval of her attorneys. I sent the papers back with a polite explanation. She took no offense and we remained friends for some time after, parting while I was going through some personal problems I had no desire to involve her in.

So, be up front and be honest! Anyone who would disrespect you for doing so is not worthy of your respect in the first place.

Two cents' worth and a bit more from a male who at least hopes he is not an asshole.

hey, I am sorry that you have to deal with this. first of all, from what I read, I think I can guess what he asked you to do. And secondly, dont carpool with anyone you dont know. You can be doing them a favor but if they get busted, you get busted too coz you guys were in the same car.

I dont wanna sound mean but if he really loves and cares for you, he will want to protect you. He will not even consider asking you to do something uncomfortable. He might ask for some cash or a package but that is it. And by him not calling you or writing, he is giving you the answer that you need.

I know we all need closure, but sometimes we gotta let it go so we dont get hurt more. In Jan. when I visited my bf, the girl that sat at the table next to me got busted for bringing drugs in. They took her away and I still wonder what happen to her. Her face turned real pale like she saw a ghost. If her man really loved her, why will he put her in that position?

You deserve better and dont get involved in his business. Good that you talk to your friend about it and gave you good advice. Your friend has your best interest not him.

Some guys have their own mother bring in drugs for them and get busted and end up doing jail time. Just be real careful when you deal with people who want you to help their "business".

Hey, I am really sorry he put you through this!! It must be real letdown for you... :(

He needs to respect your choice, end of story... I had a friend try this once, and when I said no, he tried the "I thought I could trust you" guilt trip for a minute... I said I'm not falling for that line and Nope, no means no. He realized he got caught trying to BS me and he never, ever did it again.

I understand about needing to speak your mind to him... I'm sure you will.

Well, he tried to call me today, and I missed the call by 4 minutes!!!:eek: Hopefully he will call back, tonight or in the next couple of days!! I will keep you posted.

Y'know, with the fact that your visit had to be cancelled and that he hasn't been writing, I would take the missed call as a blessing...you're being given a chance to step back and undo the knots of this relationship and your emotions. Don't hang around waiting for that phone to ring again, and don't turn yourself inside out to go visit, either. Put yourself on ice and stay that way!

He did finally call tonight!!! We didnt get to say much as he was using someone elses phone time. He did state that he was never going to ask me about this favor again, he said he just didnt appreciate me telling my friend about something that I shouldnt be speaking to anyone about. WE agreed to talk more, when and if I visit this weekend. He wouldnt apologize for not calling or writting for the past week. Now that I have been able to to talk to him I feel a little bit better. We will see where we end up with this, because I definetly dont feel the same, although he told me tonight that he loves me and misses me!

Hi,

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with something like this. It's a real bummer, but I agree with everybody else, he has to respect you in any decision that you make, I do think that he is just trying to manipulate the situtation, but hopefully you will be able to talk to him soon, I'm sure that you will know for sure what is going on after you talk to him face to face.

Rebeca

Frie, Glad you got to speak if only for a minute. They get real touchy when we discuss them with anyone as I learned too. So, now I don't get too detailed about anything and certainly never tell him about anything. I hope you take all the advice you've been reading here and take everything he says with a grain of salt. They will say anything to stay in our good graces. Check out the thread about Convict Lines http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=144300 (http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=144300) – you’ll get a good laugh out of it if not some pointers on what they’ll say to us! Take care and good luck!

Just a thought -

The favor he asked for you to do I will assume is not legal. If it is not legal, then if he gets caught, he will catch more time. To me that is like he did not learn his lesson and could care less about straightening out his life. Maybe I am wrong in assuming this. But if it is true, think about it carefully if you want to be involved with someone who has no intention of straightening out his life.

If I am wrong, then I apologize for assuming. I just dont want to see you get hurt. But in the end, only you know what is best for you.

Let us know how your visit went. Good luck.

hey girl....

Tread lightly.... and carefully!!! Just because he says he loves & misses you, etc.. blah blah blah... Just don't ignore all those red flags. Sometimtes it's better to just count it up as experience and move on. Broken hearts & hurt feelings heal.... I just don't get a good vibe about this whole situation. Regardless if he doesn't ever "ask" you about this "favor" again.... it seems he is up to something that could still get you into lots of trouble just for being associated with him. You put yourself first and BE CAREFUL!!

love & blessings,
shell