Hey it's me again you know the oddball with posts in Met While Incarcerated, Now That Your Loved One Is Home and even a countdown in the Coming Home forum. Hey I've been/am all those things and more.

I wanted to share some feelings with you today. I know that we all have high expectations and a fair amount of fears about when our significant other returns home especially because we have never spent time together in the free world.

Doing time with him was much more of a choice the first time around than this time, sure I could have said uhhh naww I don't think I want to do this again, as if anyone of us does but I love him and painful though it might be I have to respect his decision to max out rather than suffer the frustrations of his conditions of parole. It wasn't easy for either of us to make this decision but we did.

Here's the thing though, now that I have got to have Sebastian here with me and he's gone back and now he's getting ready to come home again it feels soooo different. Moreso than I had ever considered.

In some ways I miss all the unknown factors, the hope , the expectations of our first homecoming together. This time around I'm not nearly as excited. Don't get me wrong I want him out of prison, off paper, DOC free and home with me but it's not nearly the same.

We've discussed this between us and we feel there are a couple of factors, we've had our ups and downs during the time he was home. I would guess no more or less than any other couple of hard headed individuals would have. Only a month before he went back in we were going through it and in retrospect alot of that had to do with our frustrations about his parole.

The other thing is that when he comes home this time he will only have been gone 3 months. Sheesh we can do that standing on our heads. I have to factor that in and count it among our many blessings.

I know that noone wants to consider the possibility that the person they love will go back to prison and I certainly don't want to dash anyones homecoming dreams. I hope it is not the case but I just want to put this out there in the event that any of you ever find yourself in my situation.

It's different,
Patty

Well of course it's different hon!!! Our first time together without the cops watching is gonna be every Christmas and birthday I ever knew with a lot of Thanksgiving (lord yes!) thrown in.
If they manage to git him again after that, I'm pretty certain I still wouldn't be going anywhere- but we will already have unwrapped that first time surprise package, including (I'm sure) how bullheaded and annoying we can both be in our lesser moments. I'm so glad for you that this time is short, and soon you will be DOC-free. They are about as much fun as crab lice and I would bet things between you and Sebastion will reach new heights once you are without their help in arranging life!

haswtch ~ you're right as always. Of course it will be better but I have my doubts about how cop free we'll be as this raggedy azz community we live in never lets ya forget your past, yanno? I have faith in him and remain hopeful well as hopeful as a romantic turned realist can get. Color me jaded.

Patty

Do I know??? Have we already been advised he should think about taking up a new life in some other town about six million times??? There's just something so irksome about that. 'We don't like you, get offa the playground.' Who the BLEEP do such folks think they are, I'd like to know.

Well I don't know who they think they are but I'd like to put em on time out!!! Bullies on the playground beget bullies in the world we live in.

Patty

I am scared because my man lost his visits for 3 years and he doesnt get them back until Aug. of 2007. There is chance that he will go to a half way house before then. Which is a good thing, except... I have never met him face to face before.

That's rough honey. It was several months before I was able to visit Sebastian and meet him face to face for the first time. I can honestly say that while I enjoyed that visit and all the others we had before his release it wouldn't have made a difference to me because our bond was built on letters and calls even before that.

I hope that you will be able to visit before he comes out but if you are unable just keep the faith, things happen for a reason and if it's meant to be it will be.

Hang in there,
Patty

Thanks Patty. I totally agree with you. Me and him have a strong connection. I feel more close and more connected to him then I have ever felt before with anyone. I have faith that everything will work out. I totally believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Thanks for all your support.

Hey Patty, I have to say that I would never want to go back to the wondering, what if stage. You know wondering what if he doesn't like this or that, or how will this or that be...too nerve racking and stressful. I much like this way of life better. Things between us just fell into place, there was no awkwardness that I wondered if there would be. The coming together of us was so natural it was like we had been together already. This was due to the relationship we had nurtured and the foundation we had grown together.

Staci

Staci ~ I understand completely. There really is something to be said for met while incarcerated relationships that those that have never experienced them cannot understand. Of course as individuals we all handle it differently I know that for me I was sooo excited when he was coming home and like you and yours things just fell right into place. I'm so happy things are going well for you.

Hugggz,
Patty

Although I haven't gotten to the homecoming stage yet, I feel one obstacle that will be different is employment. My husband has never worked nor lived in this state and even though he has a short work history from his former state, he also was very young. I don't think that getting employment is going to be as easy as he thinks.

I have had friends who got employment and didn't have too much of a problem, but they also lived in the state they came home to after prison.

Just have to take it one day at a time and be hopeful when the time comes I guess.

I haven't quite gotten to the homecoming stage yet either. Nuro has his first parole hearing next year. Of course I am prayerful and hopeful that he will come home.

In my case, I am more fearful about the possibility of him returning to using drugs more than I am about him committing another crime. His crime was drug induced. He hasn't used drugs since he entered prison 20+ years ago; but now drugs are so free out here in the real world and the access is unlimited. I honestly don't know if I could handle going through that with him.

I haven't quite gotten to the homecoming stage yet either. Nuro has his first parole hearing next year. Of course I am prayerful and hopeful that he will come home.

In my case, I am more fearful about the possibility of him returning to using drugs more than I am about him committing another crime. His crime was drug induced. He hasn't used drugs since he entered prison 20+ years ago; but now drugs are so free out here in the real world and the access is unlimited. I honestly don't know if I could handle going through that with him.

Nuro has your husband addressed his addiction? This is so important to give hima fighting chance out here. My husband served four years for a crime that was also drug induced. Not one time in those 4 years did he address his addiction, seek help, recovery, etc. I thought that he would never commit another crime because we are in Cal and he is a 2 striker, one more and he is out. But the drugs got the best of him and he is now back on a new charge. By the grace of God it was not counted as a 3rd strike. He is only now seeking help for his addiction.

Sorry this is kinda off topic of the thread but I just had to respond!!