View Full Version : is it wrong to believe he didnt committ a violent offense

03-06-2006, 09:51 AM
my boyfriend is in costal state prison i dont know how long he will be there but he is in jail for shooting his mother in the back of the head. they didnt have evidence to convict him. and i find it strange that his aunt dated the prosecutor that was on his case. they say when his mther died somebody spent 200o dollars on jewelry i think he was framed for insurance money. now my baby is in jail. he may habve abused me, his ex wife and his mother but i love that man. i dont know why he did it

03-06-2006, 10:06 AM
Welcome shjoll, it is never wrong to have the feelings you have. You start out asking that question but then end with saying you don't know why he did it. So it sounds like you really don't know if he did or not and that is ok too. You can't always help who you love. But since you say he abused you I have to wonder if you don't have some issues you should address, like why do you want to be with someone who abused you! If it is at all possible I would suggest you talk to someone who may help you deal with those issues. I hope I did not offend you, I am just concerned about you.

03-06-2006, 10:16 AM
No, it is not wrong to believe that he's not guilty or that there is more to the story than came out at trial, but, for me, even though I KNOW mine is innocent of the crime for which he was convicted, it was still important to answer for myself the question everyone around me asked "What if he DID do it?"
Would you still love him? Would you still be in his corner if was guilty as sin and everything went down exactly the way the Prosecution laid it out?
For me, the answer was "Yes, even if it all happened just like they say, I'd still be right where I his side and in his corner"

03-06-2006, 11:06 AM
Definitely sounds like it needs more investigation. shooting someone in the back of the head is more of an assasin's thing than a family thing. it wouldn't be the first time somebody got set up like that.
Then again you say abusive- that does not make him a murderer. But abusers do sometimes end up going that far. Still, if the case was weak and the money ended up in someone else's pocket, you could well be right.
Maybe he DIDN'T do it.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in that truth.
People say, All convicts say they're innocent. That really isn't true. People who say that don't know, what we here on PTO know: that it is totally impossible to generalize people in prison into one big huge lump like that. They are people.
When you said you don't know why he did it, did you mean to say 'if?'

03-06-2006, 03:17 PM
There are no rights or wrongs to your feelings. They are your own. It does sound like though that there could be several possible questions raised as to whether he is guilty or not. Have you been able to speak with him about it yet? It certainly leaves alot of room open for questions. Those are just my thoughts.

All my best to you and yours.

03-06-2006, 07:10 PM
i'm sorry you are feeling this way...but it seems to me as if you should truly seek some type of help for your feelings. if he did do's NOT ok...and considering that you admit that he was abusive to both you and his mother, your feelings are NOT ok to have. you have to determine what's more important in this case...your love for him...or his abuse towards you, and make a decision from there. i am not commenting on his guilt or innocence, but if he is guilty, then you have to seriously rethink your place in his life. it doesn't matter who dated who, or who stole what...right now his mother is dead and that is serious business. has he ever admitted to wanting to kill her or you or anyone else? if his abuse and anger is that deep...then it is possible that he at the least had something to do with her being killed. i pray that you sort out your feelings, but to be quite honest, in my opinion, this situation is a more dangerous than you believe it is. just my opinion. you cannot overlook the fact that you were beaten by this man, as was his mother and another family member. that is something serious not to be played with.

03-06-2006, 11:50 PM
Personally i dont think there is anything wrong with the way your feeling. On here it doesnt really matter if he did it or not we are here to support you. I know what you are going through i was in an abusive relationship for many years with my honey, but i did manage to get out of it before it went too far. I know that i could have very well have been the person that he beat up and shot in a rage of passion, but i wasnt. i know that sounds harsh and it may seem like im seeing him through rose colored glassed. I guess the point that im trying to make is that the saying that once an abuser always a abuser isnt true and people can and do change. But i do give props to all the ladies and men on here that are there for their Violent offender and being the loved ones of Violent Offenders we love the person that they are, not necesserly the crime that they did or didnt do.
just my 2cents.

03-07-2006, 09:37 AM
eventually we must all come to a point where even if our loved ones are in fact guilty that we can look past the crime to the person they really are ...
I didnt want to believe that John had done his crime, but now I believe in my heart that he is NOT the same CHILD he was at 15, that every day he is growing into a different man ..

03-08-2006, 02:09 PM
You are right in any feelings that you have! THEY ARE YOUR FEELINGS!!! That said if I were you I'd investigate further into his case. There's more to this than whats being said. No one can help who they fall in love with.Personally I'd want to know more before feelings got stronger and deeper.Just because a person reacts in a violent way one time,in a certain situation doesn't mean they'll do that again.

03-11-2006, 01:48 PM
Hi i am not saying you shouldnt have feelings but what i will say is IF he DID shoot his mum in the back of her head i would be very careful
i think you need someone to talk to
You need help to sort out your feelings and help with what has happened
find out the true facts please just for your peace of mind
take care hunni
respect shazmy boyfriend is in costal state prison i dont know how long he will be there but he is in jail for shooting his mother in the back of the head. they didnt have evidence to convict him. and i find it strange that his aunt dated the prosecutor that was on his case. they say when his mther died somebody spent 200o dollars on jewelry i think he was framed for insurance money. now my baby is in jail. he may habve abused me, his ex wife and his mother but i love that man. i dont know why he did it

03-11-2006, 06:12 PM
There is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. You will find a number of members on PTO who are with men who have been wrongfully convicted. However, would you feel differently if he did commit this crime? If he's saying that he didn't do it, and you trust him - go with that.

Stay strong, and you're never wrong for feeling the way that you do, because those emotions are your own.

03-17-2006, 11:30 PM
{{HUGS}} There is no "text book" feelings for things we go through with a loved one in prison/jail. Those feelings are normal, be careful best wishes to you both!

03-28-2006, 02:51 PM
you situation is semi-simular to yours....but my man told me he didn't do it and lied to me and everyone else..i believe him for so long then the other day at the visit he told me the truth...he did do it and he was ashamed and didn't know how to tell anyone..he appoligized so much for lying like he did and no matter what anyone else thinks/says I FORGIVE HIM FOR EVERYTHING HE'S DONE!! so you should do the same if you figure out its true...everyone makes be it a big one

04-03-2006, 11:42 AM
I guess what you have to look at is the facts and what they point at. Alot of times they feel like the choices they made weren't wrong but the evidence is more convincing than their account of what happened! In my husband's head what he did wasn't wrong but some of his story wasn't the truth which made his case worse and he knows it wasn't so I think that some individuals will lie about some of it to taylor their story to what they believe is the truth or what they think they can make someone else believe! Is is wrong to believe them? If you trust your man than sometimes you have to stand by them even if you think they are wrong but if I were I'd run a background check or get copies of the court records.

04-03-2006, 03:56 PM
shjoll, Wow, I just read the responses to what you said. All I have to say is BE CAREFUL you do not turn a blind eye to the facts. There is violence in his past. Ignorance to the facts could get you into more trouble than you ever dreamed. Make really sure you know, not from him, but from studying his past and the facts in his case. Loving someone is one thing, but blindly accepting something you must question is dangerous. Find out.

04-03-2006, 04:04 PM
just be very carful girl.

Eternal Hope
04-22-2006, 10:52 PM
It isn't wrong to believe he didn't do it...if those are your feelings you have the right to feel them...
People- even if guilty can change. Just know we support you here whether they are guilty or not...we are here for you regardless. ;)

09-12-2006, 08:01 AM
No it's not wrong for you to feel like he is innocent. Hell we all want our men to be. At the same time please don't be in denial about it either. I mean I have violent fiance as well. He then slept his ex-wife with a gun, put a gun in his sisters mouth. I am not justifying what he has done but at the samt time if they wouldn't have done what they did he wouldn't have done it either.