i've been knowing him for a couple of months now he's been down for 13 years i've spoken to mom and all his family members he doesn't ask me to do anything he does hint me off sometimes i offer sometimes i don't. so what are some signs to look out for?

i've been knowing him for a couple of months now he's been down for 13 years i've spoken to mom and all his family members he doesn't ask me to do anything he does hint me off sometimes i offer sometimes i don't. so what are some signs to look out for?

did you meet him before or after he was locked up??

In general I think that he wouldn't put you in touch with family if he didn't have good intentions. Have you talked to him about this? If not, maybe you should and then you can see how you feel. I originally met my man while he was incarcerated and he did everything possible to show me he was for real without my asking. I wonder what it is that your guy is OR isn't doing that makes you wonder?

Patty

Hello & Welcome To PTO mrs.ghetto!

With so many trifflin' families out here, meeting his family isn't a sign of good intentions for me.

I would just take it slow, keep your eyes open and only do what feels right to you. If you question it, step back, evaluate and act with caution.

If he's the one for you, I hope you two work out.

With so many trifflin' families out here, meeting his family isn't a sign of good intentions for me.

I would just take it slow, keep your eyes open and only do what feels right to you. If you question it, step back, evaluate and act with caution.

If he's the one for you, I hope you two work out.

OPTIMISTIC, OPTIMISTIC, OPTIMISTIC- I could not have said it any better.....You absolutely nailed it :thumbsup: People and there families are real trifflin now a days....You have got to be careful....I would follow optimistics plan. She is a very smart person.

Have faith in love but also keep your eyes open and anytime you feel like he may be using you really sit back and think about the situation. Maybe even think to yourself, "Would a man be saying this to somebody who he was in love with?"

There is a thread in here called Red Flags or something- where many signs are listed. The families will play into it because it takes financial pressure off of them is their loved one has someone else taking care of him.

I think it's important to remember that your chances of being played and taken advantage of are extremely high, and things too good to be true usually are. The nature of the prison system makes it so that (they percieve) that their survival depends upon preying upon women. However, there are a lucky few, and good men are in there, they are just extremely hard to find- likewise in the real world. Best of luck to you and welcome to PTO!

Take care of YOU before anything else, you will get your answer. If you are not the most important thing then...dump it. It really is that simple. Anyone who has a problem with you being number one, they arent your best asset.

time will tell...unfortunately it takes longer for some to realize than others, and too many feelings get involved. Just stay alert hun!

I too was thinking it was a positive sign that she had been in contact with the family. Thank you ladies for helping to keep it real and show me another side of things. My advice is to keep communicating. If your gut starts to tell you something is wrong, it probably is.

I personally don't believe that a female should hook up with someone who is locked down. If you knew eachother when he was free and he has a short bid...take the chance. Otherwise, just be "friends" with this guy. If he's genuine, he'll understand. There is plenty of time to go further with this when he gets home. I'm not saying that a guy who is locked up isn't worth the effort, but maybe YOU are worth having more.

If its real love, you will feel that love. Not sometimes, but ALL the time, since love isnt something that can be switched on and off like a switch!

I personally don't believe that a female should hook up with someone who is locked down. If you knew eachother when he was free and he has a short bid...take the chance. Otherwise, just be "friends" with this guy. If he's genuine, he'll understand. There is plenty of time to go further with this when he gets home. I'm not saying that a guy who is locked up isn't worth the effort, but maybe YOU are worth having more.

Just wondering Trish, do you speak from personal experience? I happen to hold myself in very high esteem and yes I met and fell in love with a man who happened to be incarcerated. I realize that not all of these types of relationships will make it in the freeworld as mine has but at the same time many relationships where incarceration never enters the picture don't make it.

Patty

I personally don't believe that a female should hook up with someone who is locked down. If you knew eachother when he was free and he has a short bid...take the chance. Otherwise, just be "friends" with this guy. If he's genuine, he'll understand. There is plenty of time to go further with this when he gets home. I'm not saying that a guy who is locked up isn't worth the effort, but maybe YOU are worth having more.
are you speaking from experience ugly? first of all you need to ask some of that are in that siutation. secondly it does not matter if he is on the streets or in prison. I met my man while he was in prison and i love him to death. He is now my fiance'. I am slowly getting to talk to his family. But you know what the most inportant thing is how he feels about her we aint there when he talks to her so we can not cast judgement. Go with your feelings missy whos to say when a person can fall in love. Take your time dear there is no rush. When the time is right you will know sweetie i am sorry for this negative post. please do not let it turn you away we are here for support :) if you need something do not hesitate to ask me:thumbsup:

Thats what I say, just take your time, and any of us who meet as a pen pal has had that thought, but just take it slow, and in time things will begin, to be more clearer, to you and you won't even have that doubt, you will know for sure.

hhhhmmmm I like this and I feel you-creator of post- I actually am having the same issue kinda with Aaron and he hasn't put me in contact with family(blood) but with really good partners of his and I have been wondering this to cuz it seems now that everytime he calls he needs me to call someone for him and he has asked me to write a partner of his in another facility which I did and he wants me to keep writing so I am starting to question but I don't know if it is just my insecurity or if I should really wonder... I am going to take a look at the red flag forum maybe that will answer some questions I have... I met him about a year ago so I am really riding with him as best I can and he never asks for much nothing within reason and although he tells me that I can't tell him no he accepts it when I do cuz it so far and few between the yes's that I give him and he knows I usually have a good reason to why I tell him no

sorry aaronsgyrl but your post screams red flags all over! if your loved one loves you he would not ask you to contact another inmate at another facility as it can very well get you in trouble and the inmate.

Take care of YOU before anything else, you will get your answer. If you are not the most important thing then...dump it. It really is that simple. Anyone who has a problem with you being number one, they arent your best asset.

amen!

if i had to use one line in your post for my siggy, it would be:

"if you are not the most important thing then...dump it!"

holla!

not to jump too far off topic here but aarons be careful that you don't steer him in the direction that it's OK to walk all over you and make demands that you are uncomfortable with. be careful, and if you two have a chance of working out girl grab control of the relationship NOW!

OPTIMISTIC, OPTIMISTIC, OPTIMISTIC- I could not have said it any better.....You absolutely nailed it :thumbsup:
Like a carpenter wearin a tool belt!! :o

i've been knowing him for a couple of months now he's been down for 13 years i've spoken to mom and all his family members he doesn't ask me to do anything he does hint me off sometimes i offer sometimes i don't. so what are some signs to look out for?


My advice is to trust your intuition as you take your time getting to know him. And do check out the "red flags" thread, it may help answer your question about "what are some signs to look out for.":thumbsup:

Jala

ugly unless your are talking from some thing you had happen to you then... what makes you think any guy in there wouldnt be worth waiting for ever one is special and ever one deservs a chance.. im not better are more worth than any one in prison ....

Hi my name is christina an I met my boyfriend while he is in jail. An i feel the same way sometimes. An he made me meet his family too. But i know excactly how you feel. We have such a strong love for each other but, thers always that dought.

In my opinion, if you are having that doubt then check it out because when things arent right the Lord will let you know. Not to mention that we women just have that intuition but most of the time we chose to ignore it.

And aaron's gyrl- be CAREFUL because going on what you posted not only does your man sound disrespectful but he also sounds selfish and out to get what he can get.

It's really about your gut instincts. I've seen people get played and they have no clue.
You learn to trust people until their deception comes to light and of course until that happens you're going to believe that it could never happen to you.
How do you know if he loves you or is using you....?? Just be very careful and diligent to watch for the signs and any change in their behavior.
Otherwise there is no way to know until the truth comes out..... only then will the trust be broken.
This applies to relationships inside and out of prison too, these red flags aren't solely for inmate relationships.

My friend is just now finding out that her ex-husband had been deceiving her for the past couple years, another woman on the side (during their marriage). Until she found out the truth, she trusted him completely, their marriage obviously didn't work out for other reasons. But simply trusting somebody doesn't mean they are worthy of the trust. Always keep your guard up.

Hi,

I think that it's great that he put you in contact with his family, but I think that only you know what kind of relationship you really have with him, just take it slow and kepp your eyes open.

Rebeca

watch all the signs i met my man through a pen pal site and it was all a lie. he has 4 others in all diffrent states. and i was to marry this man, he just transferred to Allenwood to be closer to me so we could be married.

beware some are all about the games

I also believe that no one should get involved with a man who is locked up. Most of them lie, and most are in there for a reason. If it's real, it will last until he gets out. Otherwise, there's many more fish in the sea....

Marsha

it never ceases to amaze me how negative people are specifically towards relationships with inmates. No offense to anyone posting on here, as everyone is entitled to their own opinion.... I'm not naive by any means, and I'm quite aware that there are inmates who are more than willing to take advantage of anyone who will allow it. I'm also very aware that inmates are inmates for a reason.
However, I have to say that, IN MY OPINION:
a) There are good, decent people who are incarcerated. I myself very narrowly missed becoming a resident of a correctional facility, and while I deserved what I got, that doesn't mean that I would automatically take advantage of someone just because I was locked up or that I'm a bad person. It's all in a person's personality as to whether or not they will willingly seek to take advantage of others, not in the fact that they are an inmate.
b) I met Jesse while he was incarcerated. The whole time we've known each other, I can honestly say he has never asked me for anything at all, except for me to keep writing to him. I've never given him money or anything either. He has sent ME money, however. I know not everyone is like this, but this proves to me that there ARE good men out there, incarcerated or not.
Now that I have that out of the way, all I can say is that a relationship with an inmate is the exact same as a relationship with anyone else.....Yeah, we don't get to see them all the time like we might if they were out here with us, but that really doesn't mean much. In my experience, I've lived under the same roof as my signifigant other, put 110% in to my relationship, and really didn't see any problems, and yet everything was a lie. I know I'm not the only one out there who's been thru that, so.....
As with any relationship, all you can do is do your best and give whatever you are willing to give. You should keep your guard up somewhat.....your instincts should tell you if everything is going okay or if something doesn't feel right. And when your instincts talk, LISTEN!!! Too many times we put them aside because they're not telling us what we want them to say. Not saying that we should never wonder about our relationships, because that's okay and healthy, but if you are constantly questioning it, there's probably something wrong that needs a closer look.....
Just my :twocents: Thanks!

MuhBabyJesse ~ I hear you loud and clear. It's very odd to me as the ONLY place I ever the negativity towards MWI relationships is here at PTO, a support site for crying out loud. That is just my personal experience though.

I'm no idiot and yes sometimes these relationships do not work out but that can be said of ANY relationship no matter where it began. You have to trust your instincts. If I didn't trust mine I wouldn't be doing a second bid with someone I originally met while incarcerated. He didn't use me while he was in the first time, not while he was home with me and not this time around. I think it's about choosing an appropriate mate for oneself...

Patty

I AGREE WILL HOTLATINA I DONT THINK HE WOULD LET YOU CONTACT HIS FAMILY AND MAYBE EVEN MEET THEM IF HE WAS NOT SERIOUS. IF HES NOT ASKING U FOR MONEY THEN U SHOULDNT WORRY MA JUST KEEP POSITIVE.

TAKE CARE
RICKS WIFEYhttp://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10716;116/st/20070821/e/MY+BABY+GETS+OUT%21%21%21%21%21/dt/-1/k/d143/event.png

did you meet him before or after he was locked up??

This question have no relevence. People you knew before hand can play you also.

Just keep an eye out for the red flags and pay attention to your feelings. If you feel used then you probably are being used. Good luck

I would just follow my heart. It takes time for love to grow. Check him out when he says something. Raymond told me that if he did'nt really love me he would'nt have had me meet his family, because if he did me wrong they would be really upset with him. If you don't feel peace in your gut about something, ask him. Communication is the key.Carol:)

I'm in the same boaso to speak, I met my man while he was incarerated through a god friend of mine all atarted well but then he began asking for things...a lot of things.I never said no and always filled his orders but then last week he asked me to send something to his cell mate when I said I did not mind helping him but did not want to help the celly he got very ugly. He threw up in my face that I travel and do my thing what was the big deal. Everytime I take a trip with family he sends orders for way over a hundred . I put over a hundred on his books weekly and visit 3x a week.There is nothing lately romantic in his letters or conversations.I noticed tonight that with all his order forms then he'll say how he wants me sexually...I wrote him and told him he need not hint at sex to have an order filled.It seems it all about him yet I find it hard to say godbye.I think because I gave my word I would never leave. I know guys out here that ask me out and have a friend who has even asked me to marry...I keep asking myself what the heck am I doing?:confused:

Tiger, I dont mean to sound harsh but it sounds like this man is using you! $100pw!! thats ALOT of money, and its money best spent on yourself. I can understand you being reluctant to say goodbye because you gave your word but he's not respecting you the way you should be respected. Hope I havn't offended you.