i write to someone and well i have to admit that there IS something there, but not quite there. . . hmm, i don't think it makes sense, but let's just say that from my part, all i know is that i'm confused.

so i met this guy through an ad, he's not the only one i write to, and well in his last letter he asked me "what in the hell are you doing writing to prisoners??" , i thought, hmph, if he would've been nice about asking me that, then maybe i would've taken it better, but unfortunately i didn't. i dunno what's up with him, i have a feeling, well actually, this IS the first fight we're gonna have, cuz once he gets my response, oh man, it's gonna get ON!!

okay, so how many of you have been questioned by your honeys about writing to them and/or more inmates, in a way that they're greatful they've found you,but they don't believe in your good intentions??? i guess this all leads to doubting you??? please help me understand this guy!!

When they think that you're nice or sweet or they're liking you, they just can't imagine why you would want to write to someone like them. A lot of these guys aren't use to people being nice to them. My guy is always wanting to know if I'm for real and me I don't see that I'm doing anything extraordinary, just loving him the best I know how. Your pen pal saying it in a less than friendly manner may have been testing you. He might think no one sticks around so he'll push you away rather than have you hurt him. Strange behavior, I know but it happens.

For many incarcerated men it is a sign of disrespect for their woman to write to other inmates. If I were to take a guess he thinks of you as "his".

I did not meet Sebastian thru the penpal ads (accidental phone call) but once we were an official couple I knew he would have no part of my writing other inmates with the exception of his family/friends. Not a problem for me as I wasn't writing anyone else anyway, I do correspond with two of his cousins on a regular basis on both of our behalfs. We both think that people who make the effort to write to incarcerated individuals are truly amazing and wonderful people it just wouldn't be something that we as a couple would be comfortable with.

Patty

I agree with the above posts that he can't believe that you're taking your time out to write to him. I don't think he was disrespecting you by asking it that way. Let's face it, Men don't really have the best way of saying things sometimes. If anything I think it's a compliment, like he's saying you're great and why would you be wasting your time writing to him. He's probably trying to test you. They don't want to get hurt because they think someday you will stop writing to them when they've already fallen for you. I'm sure that he's jealous you're writing to someone else too. He wants you all to himself because if he's falling for you and loves you, then he probably thinks somebody else is/does too.

If there IS something there, but not quite there, he's probably picking up on it and that's why he's asking you. He wants to know your intentions without coming right out with it. They've got a lot of emotions locked up so he's probably just protecting himself. Good luck! :)

alot of them can not beleive that someone will take there time out to write someone. i once had a guy that was like asking me are you going to get to fn know me and fn this and that needless to say his letters went un answered.

Is the question too hard to answer so instead of offering an answer that you just decided to blow up instead? He may be seriously interested to know out of all of the things you could be doing with your life, what in the hell are you writing prisoners for. You know the answer -- if you look inside yourself, you know why you are writing them. That answer in there inside of you, THAT is the answer he is looking to hear. Not all that other stuff you talking about. Yes, it's hard for some of them in there and the one thing that makes it even harder is when we take things other than how they sent it because that's how arguments start. Cut the dramatics and just answer the question to him in a letter, and not here on the board.

yep, I went through that with Dave too... he'd always say, "you're gonna hit the free and just forget all about me... YOU don't need to be involved with someone in my situation... yeah right, you aren't going to be any different than anyone else from the past" and all kinds of crap like that... I've questioned him about it several times and he just tells me that it's hard when you're there because you really do need someone to be there for you, but you don't want to need them and well, the whole thing is pretty confusing, but it boils down to guys being guys... and they say we are confusing!! :D

Yes, it's hard for some of them in there and the one thing that makes it even harder is when we take things other than how they sent it because that's how arguments start. Cut the dramatics and just answer the question to him in a letter, and not here on the board.

hahahaha, cut the dramatics. . . that's classic!!!:) hey HeSoHandsome, thanks for keeping it real! I'm sorry that it seems that way though!

i think more than anything i just wanted reassurance from everyone in here that i was perceiving it correctly, that i am on target when i think that perhaps he does truly appreciate knowing me instead of taking it as he's an idiot that runs his mouth. cuz i'm sorry, i don't care how tough a person has it, there's no excuse when they let themselves go and be disrespectful. i'll admit that i did explode, but that's only because i felt disrespected. there's more to the story, and well. . . i feel like he should know me better than to be telling me those things.

I think if you really think about it, their handle on things or their frame of mind is a little different than ours. There are so many of us that have compassion, and understanding of things differently than most.
We choose to write to men in prison, or however the case may come about, because there is something inside us that feels for them in a very real way. At first it's just cuz maybe we feel "sorry" for their situation (for lack of a better term). Or maybe we feel like they could just use a friend. Whatever the reason for US to write to them, They don't usually GET IT. Somehow it doesn't make sense to them "why" we would do that, or "how" we justify it in our own mind.
Just like men out here can't get a grip on why we do some of the crazy things we do, our guys on the inside, can't get a grip on why......when life out here is so terribly interesting (NOT) we would want to write to an inmate that has nothing to do but the same thing over and over all day.

And it's not a question that just has one answer. It has several. It's sort of like asking why is the sky blue.

Just tell him what you feel. The reason you wrote him in the beginning might be totally different from why you are still writing him now.

Dunno!! But I know that my guy thinks my letters are the greatest thing since sliced bread........And I am pretty sure he asked me that "why" question.........and for the life of me i cannot remember my answer......other than now...it's cuz i think he hung the moon.

Smootches!!