wow this is weird but after reading some of the post i feel like i want to share... first of all i am still with the guy who abused me... this is my story...
i'm 18 and i've know him (Gary) since we were 13 i got pregnant with his baby when i was 15. i grew up real fast but stayed strong and had a wonderful family to support me. when i told him about being pregnant he disapeared. i called his friend when the baby was 1 week old and told him to tell gary that i had the baby and then a week later i got a call from gary asking to see the baby and i talked to his mom.. well we took the baby down to see everyone... i thought it was a dream come true.. yeah right i founf out he had another girl friend... one night he asked me to come down to his house so me and him and the baby could spend some time together well when i arrived his girlfriend was there... but i swollowed my pride and stayed anyways.. well he ended up getting drunk and i saw all i needed to see i called my mom to come pick me and the baby up... there was no way that we were going to be around all that. well after that wel didn't have any contact... he would call my house at 3-4 am all drunk but eventually that wore off. and i met a new guy, Joey... geez i loved him so much. he treated me like a queen.. we talked about getting married and he wanted to adopt my daughter... i was so in love with him... then one morning i got a call from joey's bestfriend asking me if he was there and i said no but that he was coming over today as far as i knew and the last time i talked to him was the night before. his friend started to cry and said oh my God it must be true i looked everywhere i thought he would be and i can't find him. then he went on to tell me that police had come to his moms house and said that Joey was killed in a car accident. i thought i would die when i heard those words i dropped to the ground did not want to believe it. i called my mom at work and told her and she promised me that she was going to call the hospital and his mom and then call me back. then what seemed like five minutes later my mom walked in the house crying and told me that it was true. i went into a deep depression for a couple of months and then moved on ( i still love joey to this day and will never forget him). i was 16 at the time by the end of the summer i was still broken hearted but back to normal and i decided to call gary just to see how he was (life is to short to harbor anger) wel his mom informed me that he was locked up that they sent him to bootcamp and gave me his address. i wrote him a letter and eventually we formed some kind of a relationship i loved him to from the time i met him as weird as that might sound. then i realized that he hadn't learned or changed and i stopped writing him he called me when he got out and we got together. everything was fine for two months.. perfect... we were actually like a family... i had just turned 17 at this time... well then he started drinking again and getting into the old street life he was so use to. and then it started... very slowly he started being very jealous and controling. one night he was drunk and i was driving (i don't drink at all) and his friend was following us well we stopped at the store and he was being a asshole and i very nicely told him that i was going to go home that i didn't want to be around him being of how he was acting. and he told me no that i was staying the night with him. and i said no (at the time i had no reason to fear him) and told him to get out of my car. he said make me so i picked up his 40 and got out of the car and looked him right in the eyes and said i bet you'll get out if i bust your 40 and he said i dare you so i did and when i did i saw a side of him that i never thought i would. he pushed me up asgainst my car and coked me... until his friend stopped him... i got in my car a left. i was in a state of shock. well i forgave him and it continued and got worse... it went from that to brusied all over my body (no wheres visible unless i was undressed) he became a drunk most of the time and got even worse... black eyes, busted lip, knots all over... with that i went into a deep depression... i ended up pregnant again had a miscarriage i believe it was from the stress. i kept everything to myself (as far as him hitting me). when he was sobber he was the best man ever but when he was drunk he turned into a animal. finaly i had enough of the bullshit and i started standing up for myself where i got beat up or not. everyday when i went to work i would make him promise me he wouldn't drink but he would. so when i came home from work and he was drunk i would go stay with my mom. then one night he beat me up and i had enough of it. i went to the police station and pressed charges they took pictures and everything. he was locked up for about 2 weeks and his mom bailed him out. he was out for awhile we started talking again and he wasn't drinking.. then slowly he went back to drink.. first beer and then liqour... the asshole started to come back.. but since i pressed charges he hasn't hit me. we are still together and he is now in jail for other stuff but in the beginning of january he had court for the charges i pressed against him and i went i never dropped them he did 30 days for it. he understands that he was wrong and that i had to go ahead with the charges. hes facing 8 years possibly 4 if he gets parole. i am standing by his side. i love this man even though he has hurt me so bad. he has come to know the Lord... he has turned down all drugs while in prison, controlled himself from fight i believe he has changed (before he would have taken the drugs and went looking for a fight) thats what landed him this current bid. we've gotten to know each other again on a completly different level now and he hold my heart. i'm giving him the benifit of the doubt but when he gets out he has a lot of proving to do. get a job support our daughter, never drink again..etc.. well thanks for listening and letting me share. i could have gone on forever there is so much more to this story but anyways thanks

i hope everything works out for you but if he has hit you in the past then i would be very skeptical about still being with him.yes some men do change but do you really want to take a risk with your life? and he will act any way to make him look better while behind bars.he may have given up the drugs and all while hes been in but when he gets out that will be a different story.

i hope everything works out for you but if he has hit you in the past then i would be very skeptical about still being with him.yes some men do change but do you really want to take a risk with your life? and he will act any way to make him look better while behind bars.he may have given up the drugs and all while hes been in but when he gets out that will be a different story.

yes i totally agree with you. it is very easy to change while in prison... he really has no other options if he wants to get out. thats why i said he has a lot of proving to do when he gets out. hes not moving right in with me... i know this man like the back of my hand, i can tell when hes lying, when hes had just a little bit to drink, etc... so if i see a change then we'll be together but if i see him going back to his old ways i am done... for good.

I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, and that everyone makes mistakes,which is okay as long as we learn from them, I dont ever do anything I will regret later...take care of you and your child first and I wish you the best.....

Thanks for sharing your story, but I would go into this really slow, he can says whatever he wants you to hear while he is in prison, in order for me to believe it I would need to be shown. The true test will be when he gets out. I wish you the best luck and I hope it works out :)

garyswife, you have had it really hard and starting from such a young age too. i wish you and your family peace and blessings. you have a big heart to forgive all that he's done. it also seems like you have the knowledge to know when it's enough. i hope it all works out.

You are getting some good advice here and I will agree to take it slow, people can change but you have to put yourself and your child first.

Honey, I am so sorry about Joey, that is really harsh!
As for Gary, well, it's hard to walk away from the father of you child, especially if he's a Jeckle & Hyde type, wonderful until the "Evil Potion" kicks in.... but Darlin', you owe your child a peaceful, violence free home and by the time Gary is out, she'll be old enough to understand EXACTLY what's going on if Gary goes back to being a boozer and bruiser.... Over the next few months, you need to get VERY clear with yourself that you can't ever again forgive ANY man for hitting you, not just on your account, but because you would be teaching your baby girl that it's okay.
If Gary is willing to attend anger management and parenting classes, and swear off the drugs and alcohol for life, there might be a chance here, but honestly, Darlin', it's long odds and this is your beautiful, innocent daughter's future you'd be gambling with...when he gets out, please don't live with him right away. Make him show you that he can live up to his promises and do not forgive again if he drinks or acts a fool.
Been there, done that, paid the hospital bills.

gary's wife, im really sorry to hear of all the situations that have occured just stay strong and know GOD"S IN CONTROL

Be careful and on your gaurd. It is very easy to change in prison but once your out the temptations and issues that were there before are still there.
Loving someone is a wonderful thing but it shouldnt include hitting and violance its possable to change but I have seen these beating in my own family and heard those stories and found it never did. Take care of yourself and your daughter. The man whom you lost would want the best for you and beatings arnt.
God Bless you and take care

i never knew this about you Garys! *hugs* i am hoping that he changes for the better. but if he doesn't, you'll know it...please don't stay for "love" if he's hitting on you. you owe it to yourself and your daughter to live a healthy life, and "love", no matter WHAT people say, is NOT worth you being unhappy. i hope all goes well for you, i'm here if you ever need to talk!

LeBeau had some good advice. Remember that your child experiences this abuse as well as you. My mother married an alcoholic that beat her and made her a shell of the woman she might have been. I would maintain a healthy skepticism about him. You need to try and be as financially independent of him as you can be and plan EXACTLY what you will do if he goes back to being Hyde again.

Did I miss the part in your post where you and Gary got married?

Garyswife, you need to get away from this guy. You have no self-esteem. While all this abuse is going on you keep coming back and even got pregnant again. Until you get help, I worry about the choices you make when chosing a man. You were "surprized" when he beat you up against the car. I was not surprized you reported that.

There is another post here that is the same as yours. Husband is in jail for 10 years, he gets out, the wife immediatly gets pregnant, husband gets abusive AGAIN.. AND SHE feels bad about calling for help which put her husband back in jail. Now she has another baby, who will have no dad. It is a story that repeats and repeats.
I truly don't understand why the women don't wait to have a relationship until the man has prooven himslef. Are you all afraid some other woman will "get" them? If they do.. then they would be writing the post!

I feel bad holding you responsible for your conduct. But I can't bring myself to say, I'm sorry and not point out, this was your choice, over and over. And there are kids involved. Breaks my heart.

PhaderaYou are speaking on me, and frankly you are starting to piss me off.
You say he got abusive again; he was not in prison for 10 years for abuse.
We dated in the past and did not have an abusive relationship.
And I do not have another baby just the one you say I immediately went out and got pregnant with. And who do you think you are to say my child will have no Dad?
You do not know what his out come may be are you GOD? I was not going to say anything when I read your post here. But… The way you worded my story was not correct. As if he was in for abusing me for 10 years I took him back got pregnant twice and just the way you come off is not so nice. I know this is an open forum for advice, and some times you’re not going to get what you want to here.
I agree with some of what you are saying, the waiting to see if they can prove there self’s worthy of a relationship after they come home. That the children are affected too.
I just can’t help but fell like you are harsh and judgmental.

I could ask you how is it that your son is in Prison?
Surely it couldn’t have anything to do with how he was brought up. Oh yah but then that’s where you would probably rebut and say he is grown made his own decision, not your fault he’s where he’s at right??????????? Some people are just brutally honest and some people are just honest. No matter how it might make another fell.

Garyswife
Im sorry that you have gone through this and I pray that you can find in you to love you and your child before him. Thats what I am trying to do now.
My Husband has picked up a drug problem and thats when the recent abuse started.
Im just thankful that I had enough sense to make the right choice and call for help.
Becuase no matter what no one has a right to put there hands on another sober or not.
Take care

Phadera.... i think your word were very harsh and uncalled for... i know this is a open forum and you can say what you feel but in the same sense we are all here to support each other and NOT judge. you may want to re read twhat i wrote and take it for what it is... and ya know... i don't know if you've been in a relationship before or not but unless you've been there in my or others shoes than you have no right to say those harsh words.it's not like he was a terrible man and i said okay let me get if him becuase i want the shit beat out of me... well anyways have a nice day... and try not to judge others... because how you judge others is how GOD is going to judge you...

RAM... thank you for your kind words.

I'm sorry but I've read many of Gary's Wifes posts and I have to say that I agree with Phadera. You are such a sweet, successful girl who has a big heart and would do anything for anyone, so why waste your time on someone who may not change?

I know it's hard, but many a times he has broke your heart while being incarcerated, so what makes you think he is going to magically change when he gets released? So many people hang around for men that don't respect them and I think all of these women deserve better. I almost got stuck in the same trap but I've moved on. Please don't take this as an insult but I think you need to trust your instincts, especially since he's beaten you before. 4 years is a long time to wait around for someone. Maybe just be friends for awhile until he gets out. Don't make yourself too available. It's very unlikely that he will change, but that's the reality. I know you may think it's harsh, but the truth hurts. The truth hurt when my reality hit that previous guys I've dated weren't going to change for me. Your too young to stress over a guy this much; so go out and find someone who does really appreciate you.

girl i wish you all the best...and i hope that when he comes home that you both will be able to live a life full of love and not violence...you'll be in my thoughts!!