Marnthunder63b
02-26-2006, 06:04 PM
7 December 2005
Education of Domestic Violence
MYTHS AND FACTS
There are several myths about domestic violence. One might be that law enforcement, nurses and doctors, or even military personnel, are trained skilled batterer. In some cases people think that it can only happens in certain types of neighborhoods, predominant in one ethnic groups, happens only when you are young, or to a specific economical class of people. Most young females think that it never happens to those they marry or that you can tell if they are a batterer just by seeing the way they act. The sad part is that lack of information-KILLS. It is necessary that we educate ourselves first so that we can educate others about how erroneous these myths are.
The fact is that it can happen to anyone. It does not have to be a certain type of group, race, social-economical class, or in certain places. There are no true signs in the beginning; it is only in the latter parts when your spouse (i.e. loved one, significant other, or mate) becomes increasingly violent. The majority of the victims are females. Domestic violence is not only physical, but also psychological abuse. The victim is scarred not only physically, but also emotionally; being left in an abyss of hurt feelings, state of confusion, resentful and even have frightening feelings. The victim may find it hard to continue with everyday task. A simple knock on the door can turn into a frightening feeling of the abuser being on the other end or even trigger memories of previous beatings. For victims a new relationship may take even longer for trust to be built up. The feeling of inferiority may develop into a habitual lifestyle due to the verbal abuse of previous spouse. Those who batter their spouse are sometimes people who cannot express themselves adequately or are looking for total domination of their spouse. Domestic violence is a crime, a misdemeanor in the state of Georgia.
CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMS AND VICTIMIZERS
To help you understand the victim, here are some characteristic that may exist. They may have been mentally abused. At one time they may have been confident and outgoing people; they may end up believing what the victimizer has told them is truth, they are ugly, dumb, worthless, and many other hurtful names and have a low self-esteem or self-image because of the verbal abuse. They may be withdrawn from social or daily functions and may not attend church, PTA meetings, school, social gatherings, go out to do normal daily routines, or withdraw from friends and family and may all together become a recluse. Victims may always have an excuse for every situation. For example, they may have a reason as to how they got the bruise; even if it does not add up, they will try to believe it for fear of the victimizer [batterer]. The victim may make up excuse for the victimizer [batterer], he had a rough day or he or she is under a lot of stress lately, he or she did not really mean it or even he or she did not know what they were doing. The may even go as far as saying; had I listened as he told me, I never would have made him or her mad, or he or she told me not to make him or her mad and yet, I DID. They may even feel some sort of responsibility or loyalty towards the victimizer [batterer]. They may feel some hopelessness, loneliness or that no one will believe them. Some times they might feel that this only happens to them and that no one knows how they feel. They may also may be unwilling to make own decisions for fear of victimizer [batterer] response.
Now the victimizer [batterer] is normally the manipulative type of person. (They like to subdue the victim to fall in love with them, in what others think about the victim, how the victim sees things is sometimes the wrong way or that the victim does not understand it. The victimizer [batterer] will also get the victim to think that they are wrong or at fault.) They are habitual liars, promising to get help and never do or say that the beating will stop and that they will not do it again. Sometimes they tell the victim that it is his or her fault, why her or she feels angry (that made them feel that way).Victimizers have low-self esteem; they do not communicate effectively with others and feel as though their thoughts are not validated enough. They have not accepted themselves and feel frustrated (may have unresolved issues that could stem from childhood). Victimizers may exaggerate a situation, something as trivial as the floor not being clean could develop into the end of the world for them (ever met someone who over reacts and make a mountain out of a mole hill). They are controlling, they do not want anyone to know what is going on, or for the victim to have friends, and they limit conversations (setting time limits or how many visits). Victimizers may threaten to take away personal belongings or children, to increase physical assault and or sexual assault and even to kill other family members.
CYCLES OF ABUSE
The abuse happens incycle. One is the honeymoon phase in this phase the victimizer is remorseful, loving, and very unhappy or sad about the abuse and is willing to change. They make promises that it will never happen again and to start counseling right away making all types of promises. It is in this phase that most victims are accepting the behavior of the victimizer as normal, even though they know that it is not appropriate. Making excuses for the victimizer [batterer] as to why things are going the way they are; victims may start believing that it is their fault for their [batterers] action or feelings. The next phase is the tension phase [build up phase]; here the victimizer [batterer] bottles up pent up frustrations (compounding the emotion) taking everything to heart and do not express their true feelings (they may “put on a mask” to hide their true feelings) while keeping score of all the wrong doings or shortcoming of their spouse. Then there is the triggering event, the straw that broke the camels back. This is where victimizer may make a mountain out of a molehill, which leads into the last phase. The explosive phase (acute battering incident); they let loose and begin to throw things at the victim, beat victim with anything (a belt, bottle, or even hold them at gunpoint). The victimizer [batterer] will blame the victim for their [batterer] behavior and may say that had the victim done things the way they [batterer] told them [victim], things would not have gone this way. Then the victimizer will go into the honeymoon phase once again and repeat the cycle. ( In some cases the victimizer will think he has gotten away with it and over a period of time may even skip the honeymoon phase and go into the tension phase [build up phase].)
REHABILITATION
Hope? Only if the victimizer himself acknowledges on his own that he has a problem. You cannot help them or save them from their own destructive behavior, only they can save or help themselves from it. Remember that, if you are a victim of domestic violence (verbal or physical violence), or if you even know a friend who is... it is not their your) fault. In closing, remember that education is the key, to begin to solve any situation in life. If we do not share this information with others, are we not as wrong as those who commit the crime and get away with it, everyday? My hope is, that I have been able to empower you and maybe even educate you a little more than what you may have known or not known. There is a lot of information that can be found in your local library, internet, schools, hospitals, and other organizations that can give you more information about domestic violence and resources available to the victim and the batterer. (If you are married or live with them) Gentleman, remember that the most important thing you could do for your children is to LOVE their mother. Ladies, the same is true vise versus, the most important thing you could do for your children (aside from nurturing) is LOVE their father. (Enclosed are some of the wheels to help you better visualizing it. The last page is not only for medical personnel, but also for those who are friends of victims, to enable you better to handle the situation.)
Education of Domestic Violence
MYTHS AND FACTS
There are several myths about domestic violence. One might be that law enforcement, nurses and doctors, or even military personnel, are trained skilled batterer. In some cases people think that it can only happens in certain types of neighborhoods, predominant in one ethnic groups, happens only when you are young, or to a specific economical class of people. Most young females think that it never happens to those they marry or that you can tell if they are a batterer just by seeing the way they act. The sad part is that lack of information-KILLS. It is necessary that we educate ourselves first so that we can educate others about how erroneous these myths are.
The fact is that it can happen to anyone. It does not have to be a certain type of group, race, social-economical class, or in certain places. There are no true signs in the beginning; it is only in the latter parts when your spouse (i.e. loved one, significant other, or mate) becomes increasingly violent. The majority of the victims are females. Domestic violence is not only physical, but also psychological abuse. The victim is scarred not only physically, but also emotionally; being left in an abyss of hurt feelings, state of confusion, resentful and even have frightening feelings. The victim may find it hard to continue with everyday task. A simple knock on the door can turn into a frightening feeling of the abuser being on the other end or even trigger memories of previous beatings. For victims a new relationship may take even longer for trust to be built up. The feeling of inferiority may develop into a habitual lifestyle due to the verbal abuse of previous spouse. Those who batter their spouse are sometimes people who cannot express themselves adequately or are looking for total domination of their spouse. Domestic violence is a crime, a misdemeanor in the state of Georgia.
CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMS AND VICTIMIZERS
To help you understand the victim, here are some characteristic that may exist. They may have been mentally abused. At one time they may have been confident and outgoing people; they may end up believing what the victimizer has told them is truth, they are ugly, dumb, worthless, and many other hurtful names and have a low self-esteem or self-image because of the verbal abuse. They may be withdrawn from social or daily functions and may not attend church, PTA meetings, school, social gatherings, go out to do normal daily routines, or withdraw from friends and family and may all together become a recluse. Victims may always have an excuse for every situation. For example, they may have a reason as to how they got the bruise; even if it does not add up, they will try to believe it for fear of the victimizer [batterer]. The victim may make up excuse for the victimizer [batterer], he had a rough day or he or she is under a lot of stress lately, he or she did not really mean it or even he or she did not know what they were doing. The may even go as far as saying; had I listened as he told me, I never would have made him or her mad, or he or she told me not to make him or her mad and yet, I DID. They may even feel some sort of responsibility or loyalty towards the victimizer [batterer]. They may feel some hopelessness, loneliness or that no one will believe them. Some times they might feel that this only happens to them and that no one knows how they feel. They may also may be unwilling to make own decisions for fear of victimizer [batterer] response.
Now the victimizer [batterer] is normally the manipulative type of person. (They like to subdue the victim to fall in love with them, in what others think about the victim, how the victim sees things is sometimes the wrong way or that the victim does not understand it. The victimizer [batterer] will also get the victim to think that they are wrong or at fault.) They are habitual liars, promising to get help and never do or say that the beating will stop and that they will not do it again. Sometimes they tell the victim that it is his or her fault, why her or she feels angry (that made them feel that way).Victimizers have low-self esteem; they do not communicate effectively with others and feel as though their thoughts are not validated enough. They have not accepted themselves and feel frustrated (may have unresolved issues that could stem from childhood). Victimizers may exaggerate a situation, something as trivial as the floor not being clean could develop into the end of the world for them (ever met someone who over reacts and make a mountain out of a mole hill). They are controlling, they do not want anyone to know what is going on, or for the victim to have friends, and they limit conversations (setting time limits or how many visits). Victimizers may threaten to take away personal belongings or children, to increase physical assault and or sexual assault and even to kill other family members.
CYCLES OF ABUSE
The abuse happens incycle. One is the honeymoon phase in this phase the victimizer is remorseful, loving, and very unhappy or sad about the abuse and is willing to change. They make promises that it will never happen again and to start counseling right away making all types of promises. It is in this phase that most victims are accepting the behavior of the victimizer as normal, even though they know that it is not appropriate. Making excuses for the victimizer [batterer] as to why things are going the way they are; victims may start believing that it is their fault for their [batterers] action or feelings. The next phase is the tension phase [build up phase]; here the victimizer [batterer] bottles up pent up frustrations (compounding the emotion) taking everything to heart and do not express their true feelings (they may “put on a mask” to hide their true feelings) while keeping score of all the wrong doings or shortcoming of their spouse. Then there is the triggering event, the straw that broke the camels back. This is where victimizer may make a mountain out of a molehill, which leads into the last phase. The explosive phase (acute battering incident); they let loose and begin to throw things at the victim, beat victim with anything (a belt, bottle, or even hold them at gunpoint). The victimizer [batterer] will blame the victim for their [batterer] behavior and may say that had the victim done things the way they [batterer] told them [victim], things would not have gone this way. Then the victimizer will go into the honeymoon phase once again and repeat the cycle. ( In some cases the victimizer will think he has gotten away with it and over a period of time may even skip the honeymoon phase and go into the tension phase [build up phase].)
REHABILITATION
Hope? Only if the victimizer himself acknowledges on his own that he has a problem. You cannot help them or save them from their own destructive behavior, only they can save or help themselves from it. Remember that, if you are a victim of domestic violence (verbal or physical violence), or if you even know a friend who is... it is not their your) fault. In closing, remember that education is the key, to begin to solve any situation in life. If we do not share this information with others, are we not as wrong as those who commit the crime and get away with it, everyday? My hope is, that I have been able to empower you and maybe even educate you a little more than what you may have known or not known. There is a lot of information that can be found in your local library, internet, schools, hospitals, and other organizations that can give you more information about domestic violence and resources available to the victim and the batterer. (If you are married or live with them) Gentleman, remember that the most important thing you could do for your children is to LOVE their mother. Ladies, the same is true vise versus, the most important thing you could do for your children (aside from nurturing) is LOVE their father. (Enclosed are some of the wheels to help you better visualizing it. The last page is not only for medical personnel, but also for those who are friends of victims, to enable you better to handle the situation.)