Me and my honey plan on getting married before he comes home. Weve talked about having a baby together. At first i didnt want one, because to me, we had enoguh already... I have 3 (12, 10 & 7) and he has 2 (19 & 18). After speaking about it in-depth, we agreed that we will have another one (if nature allows).
At the beginning of the week, his mum told me that he's gonna be a granfather... his daughter is pregnant!

Now im feeling real gutted. Im not even too sure why! Thoughts keep running around in my head...
- Im gonna be a step-grandma as soon as he puts that ring on my finger!! Im 30 and aint ready to be a grandma yet!
- The 7 year age difference seems real big now... i never noticed it before.
- I dont want a baby who has a niece or nephew that is older than him or her. So there goes our chances of having a baby together.
- My honey is going to be a GRANDFATHER!!

All of these thoughts have caused me to have a mental-block when it comes to writing to him. I dont know what to say. he's distraught enough that his baby girl is having a baby. I dont want to burden him with my negative thinking. I always keep it real with him, so i would have to say something.

I need advice please... how can i get these thoughts out of my head? How can i stop the negative thinking?
Its really getting to me right now. I love this man more than anything, but i feel that if i dont get out of this rut in my brain, that it is only gonna get worse. :(

Hey 2 nice, (((hugs)))) you're just going through the panic stage... I hear you.

My cure for negative thoughts?

Just spend a minute counting your blessings and appreciating what you do have... a man you love; he is coming home; and you are both about to be blessed with a new child in your lives.... yeah, it's a shock but that baby will need your love and support too, as will your new step daughter.

I remember when I became the step-mom of an 11 year old, and I was 21! But I will never regret having her in my life, she was and is a joy.

These are all just numbers anyway... my dad was 7 years older than my mom and what mattered is that they were great parents who had a great marriage -- far more precious than any number.

I hope you feel better soon. I'd say wait a day or two before you write him...

Usually, when I'm on that kind of squirrel wheel, it's because my imagination and reality just aren't matching up, and I love my fantasy an awful lot.
It sounds like you've been putting a lot of emotional energy into something that's suddenly not going to be true. The naturally conservationist mind goes bonkers when that happens. So, you just have to live with the new ideas for a little while.

Let me give you an example - right now - cross your arms. Now unfold them and cross them the OTHER way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the OTHER way, but it's a piece of mental confusion and dis-comfort to do. I think that's all that's happening to you right now. Good Luck

I was a midlife baby my mother had 7 children in 9 years then 10 years later I was born. I have a niece just two years younger than me. We were raised like sisters. We are close, it's a good thing! I had my first child a month past my 16th birthday and became "Nana" to my first grandchild at age 33. I treasure him as you can imagine. My children are now grown, 27, 22, 19 and Sebastians boys are 10 and 12. We are not planning to have any children although if I were to become pregnant we would welcome the little one with open arms.

I'm not saying that you should change or renegotiate your plans only you can decide what is right for you. I am saying that families come in all flavors/sizes etc. You don't have to do anything at this moment except to search your heart and make a decsion that is in your best interest. Whatever the outcome we are here for you.

All the best,
Patty

Q is right, whenever negative feelings seem to take over thinking of what you have to be grateful for can be very helpful. That his daughter is now starting her own family does not mean the two of you are now 'past it' and too old or anything to have a child together. Her baby can be a true joy and enrichment to the bigger family though.
You know, I work as a maternity nurse. One of the things I have learned is to never assume who is father/grandfather etc when I walk into a family. And more than once the man whom I may have presumed was the grandfather turned out to be the babies father. At times they were indeed already were.
Once his daughters baby is born, you'll develope you own relationship with it, and find your place in each others lives. You'll see.
I can understand your feelings, but please don't forget to enjoy the excitement of this new hope too!

It's always easier said than done when you're going through w/ negative thoughts. But like the others said, write down your blessings daily to see how blessed you are. Sometimes we need to see and hear ourselves say how blessed we are and how worse things could be.

For when negative thoughts try to creep in, I try reading a psalm and or proverbs. I also pull out my book by joyce myers - battle field of the mind and the book, the power of positive thinking by norman vincent peale.

I know how you feel about the grand ma thing, b/c my friend has three grand children and I don't have any. It took some getting use to what they would call me, but they had to decide (along w/ their parents and my friend) what they wanted to call me. Sometime I have to say to myself, I'm a grandmother before I'm a mother and I get a kick out of it. It's a running joke between me and my sister and this helps quite a bit and I realize that it's not deep.

Best wishes w/ what ever you decide to do.

I used to have to just keep confronting my negative thoughts. The more I confronted them, the less they kept invading into my mind. Its NOT easy!

Now I just let them in because I know that in a minute, they will be gone again!

good luck

I have been having secontd thought alot lately, I have known my guy for awhile and he has yet to introduce me to anyone he knows. That makes me wonder, no has he ever brought up the idea.

I can understand this from a different perspective. My guy is 10 years younger than me, his daughters and 15and 16 next weekend, and my grandson is 5...he has been so gracious about this...he just said that Alex can't call him grandpa...which is ok with me...family is a blessing no matter how big, how old or how young...be happy with what you have...

Staci

Thank you all for your adice and wisdom! I knew that i could count on yal to pull me into check and see sense. :)
Today i took a time out from everything. I was going through mine and my honey's photos. What was i thinking? Im guessing that the devil was just trying to attack me!
Now having thought about it all, my conclusion is this...
- The age difference still doesnt matter!
- Im gonna go ahead with our plans of having a baby, because it hasnt hurt my kids and their uncle and aunt (whom are only 3 & 7 years old! - My dad kept on going!! LOL ;) )
- Im gonna offer complete and utter support to both my honey and his daughter.
- Im gonna accept the fact that im gonna be a grandma... a good-looking, young one at that!! :D

Thank you all once again! Youre all the best! :thumbsup:

My advice is that right now you are worrying needlessly. He is not out yet and nature has not taken it's course yet so why stress??? Alot can change between now and then so just let it go.

I have been having secontd thought alot lately, I have known my guy for awhile and he has yet to introduce me to anyone he knows. That makes me wonder, no has he ever brought up the idea.

Well, I've read some of your posts and I think you've been in this relationship for just a few months, three at the most? You're still in the early stages of your relationship, so don't worry too much about him not introducing you to anyone. Also, maybe he wants to see you in person first, before he introduces you to people he knows...it would be weird if all of his family knew you, when he's never seen you at all??? Just take it slow and stop looking for signs that are not there!

Let me give you an example - right now - cross your arms. Now unfold them and cross them the OTHER way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the OTHER way, but it's a piece of mental confusion and dis-comfort to do. I think that's all that's happening to you right now. Good Luck

Wow, thanks! That is a very interesting exercise and a good lesson...

Well, I've read some of your posts and I think you've been in this relationship for just a few months, three at the most? You're still in the early stages of your relationship, so don't worry too much about him not introducing you to anyone. Also, maybe he wants to see you in person first, before he introduces you to people he knows...it would be weird if all of his family knew you, when he's never seen you at all??? Just take it slow and stop looking for signs that are not there!

Thank you for the insight Miss Piggy..my relationship however has been longer than three months try alot longer :) However if it was 3 months as you said I would no be stressing.

Oh, I'm sorry :o I wanted to know how long you've been together and I thought I read somewhere in your history that you broke up with a previous boyfriend in October last year...and that you were catching feelings for this new guy around that time...my bad :p

Anyway, I can imagine that you would want to be taken "seriously" and be introduced to people as his partner. That way he would be telling people that you're a part of his life... [SIGH] Difficult situation, because you don't want to beg for introductions... Maybe if it bothers you, you should discuss it with him?

You are correct. I had officially broken up with my boyfriend right around my birthday, but we had technically broken up a month prior to that. And I was starting to have feelings for my pal back In August. so it was kind of complicated. :)

I dont want to "meet" his family, but i would like maybe to talk to someone who knows him..so it can verify what i already know about him. Hope that makes sense.

I am in your shoes. I'm 28 and will be a step grandma!! At first I took it a little wierd. I think I took it harder than he did but i eventually got over it, there's nothing I can do about it and I can't change our life plans because his all to young daughter had a baby. Just talk to him about it!

Me and my honey plan on getting married before he comes home. Weve talked about having a baby together. At first i didnt want one, because to me, we had enoguh already... I have 3 (12, 10 & 7) and he has 2 (19 & 18). After speaking about it in-depth, we agreed that we will have another one (if nature allows).
At the beginning of the week, his mum told me that he's gonna be a granfather... his daughter is pregnant!

Now im feeling real gutted. Im not even too sure why! Thoughts keep running around in my head...
- Im gonna be a step-grandma as soon as he puts that ring on my finger!! Im 30 and aint ready to be a grandma yet!
- The 7 year age difference seems real big now... i never noticed it before.
- I dont want a baby who has a niece or nephew that is older than him or her. So there goes our chances of having a baby together.
- My honey is going to be a GRANDFATHER!!

All of these thoughts have caused me to have a mental-block when it comes to writing to him. I dont know what to say. he's distraught enough that his baby girl is having a baby. I dont want to burden him with my negative thinking. I always keep it real with him, so i would have to say something.

I need advice please... how can i get these thoughts out of my head? How can i stop the negative thinking?
Its really getting to me right now. I love this man more than anything, but i feel that if i dont get out of this rut in my brain, that it is only gonna get worse. :(

"When your personal truth is negative and riddled with doubts,
distortions and shame, you scream that message to the world
in a million and one nonverbal ways."

I thought this way something that said alot in such a clear clean tone...
it's something to take your mind in a healthier direction. :thumbsup:

I dont want to "meet" his family, but i would like maybe to talk to someone who knows him..so it can verify what i already know about him. Hope that makes sense.

I agree with you here! I was fortunate because my honey automatically gave me his mum's # for me to call her. Once her and I started to get to know one-another, it really helped to strengthen our relationship because i learnt even more about him. She verified everything that he said to me, without even realising it. It helped me with some of the doubts that i was having in the beginning!
Talk to him about it and see what he says. Maybe he might see it you way and offer an opening to his family. If he doesnt, dont automatically assume the worse though... Maybe he might not be so ready just yet, or maybe his family arent to comfortable with meeting a 'stranger'.