I am starting to see that on here a big difference is being made with people that have met there men or woman Through pen pal adds. I have said this several times it should not matter where you met someone on the street in a club or a bar or a dating service. Those that met there peoples before prison what makes you any better than the ones that met while incarcerated? Cause it seems some of you that had your men or woman before they went in are always the ones talking about yall got played or your whom ever is cheating on you. Or your the one out there doing the cheating and want the rest of us to agree with you and get mad when we don't. Where is the support in any of this? I am not seeing it. i have been here for a short time and i am starting to feel i do not see much support here. I am a person that hates for people to be negative i can deal with that out here in the world as yall call it. I deal with that everything i say something about my man in the real world and i am catching it here cause i met him as a pen pal. As long as i love him and he loves i can careless what others say. i talk to him about this site he says if they are going to give you support then go ahead and be here. Then when i talk to him about some post i had made he wanted me to get off here he said what kind of support is that. My mom always said if you can not say something nice about someone do not say it at all. Ain't none of yall that met your mates in the free world better than us that met ours while they was in jail. stop singling us out cause of your insecurities with your mates. I can see why some of these pen pal woman and men ended up taking someones other half where is the support? I always tell my man and remind him all of the time just because your in prison does not make you a bad person. You did a crime true enough but who am i to judge you? It is for the Most High to judge you for what you did not me. I am very supportive of him and have been and will continue to be. any of us can go to jail or prison at any given time. What will happen when the shoe is on the other foot and your needing someone to write and someone to talk to and your family abandons you who will you run to? *ahem* you will be begging for pen pals then. To every situation put your self in that position and think about how you would feel if it was you. Like my friends at work that harp cause he is an inmate i tell them this sit back and think about if it was you that went to prison for something. what would you want and how would you feel and what would you need if your family is not wanting to be bothered etc. There are people in prison on charges of crimes that they did not comment imagine that and everyone has to be a criminal as everyone says. Tell there case has been truly investigated then they are stuck and lose everything and everyone. Everyone try this and think how they would feel if it was them before you decided to con dome people that met while they were in prison. Everyone and Everything needs love how about you? Keep that in mind when you talk all that *Head* about us that met our mates while they were in prison. Cause as far as support i hear the same thing on here that i hear from my friends at work it is no different. I do not need to come here and here what i hear at work. *cause my man is an inmate.* He still has a pen-pal add and that is cause i am not trippen he asked me to have it taken down i am not tripping off of it so i have not had it taken down yet.

Well first off I think when you make a post of this kind you are asking for people to disagree with you. The thing is people who are not in your/my situation can't always see the validity in it. For some it is just lack of like experiences, some just don't take the time to look that deeply, others have their own troubles to contend with so it is easier for them just to discount our relationships. Imagine if we did the same? Laughable but just imagine?

Let me tell ya one of the reasons I think I transitioned so easily into a relationship with an incarcerated individual who just happened to accidently call me one day is because at the time I was almost with one or two exceptions internet dating. Hence my screenname as I was only interested in meeting younger men. The reason I chose this route is because at the time I was not of a mind to settle into a relationship and found it more interesting to date men who lived about 30 minutes to an hour away so that they were not on my doorstep 24/7. I was dating alot of guys at the time openly and honestly, note I said dating not having sex with (trust me this ALWAYS comes up).

One of the reasons this forum was created was because we do have our own issues separate from those that have not been in our shoes. We hope that within our little community we can share and support and some of those who happen upon us who met their loved one under different circumstances will begin to see that we have much of the same concerns as they do while at the same time are unique which is fine as well. I'm sure from time to time we will see supporters who have evolved enough to see beyond the penpal/misdialed phonecall/work-related or whatever situation we were in that brought us to our significant other. Expect the unexpected but be prepared that it is for many people much easier to question our reasoning than to accept and embrace it.

Patty

Rather they agree or not this needed to be said.
so if someone catches feelings what can i say.
i am keep it as real as i can Patty.
This is the way i see it.

It's been said a thousand, million times or so in some small part that is why this forum was created. Whether or not it needs to be said a thousand, million times more or just once more if and that is a very big IF it would actually affect change is subjective.

I guess my point is you are preaching to the choir here, we all for the most part those of us posting in this forum met while incarcerated we feel you, it is outside of this forum and outside of PTO and outside of our own neighborhoods, so forth and so on that the REAL work needs to be done. The best that we can do is try to lead by example and so we, you I and countless others are, let's celebrate that for a change!

Patty

Patty, as always you hit it right on, although I do get tired of answering the questions all the time about How do you know, what if and all the others "they" meaning the ones that truly don't understand and are just seeking a greater understanding, not those that are here wanting to meddle and cast judgement. In my opinion I think since this site started we have been shown the ut most respect even from those that aren't in a 'met while incarcerated' relationship. Yes there are and always will be people that don't understand, you can talk until you are blue in the face and they will never understand, and that is ok, as long as they are respectful about it.
What I have learned, it that I am very careful as to whom I devulge that information too, because there will always be people that truly don't understand it...

Staci

I see both kinds of comments actually. But I see more support than not. There are a few people who "write us off" so to speak, you're right about that. But that's a very small minority and I haven't seen a lot of it. Or I just don't notice, I don't know.

There are hundreds (even thousands) of people (with hundreds of opinions) on PTO and it's inevitable that things are said that shouldn't be said sometimes. That's life. I'm actually surprised at how peaceful this community is considering its size. I'm on another chatboard sometimes where people talk about politics (all kinds of stuff not related to prisons) and they keep fighting with each other.... there are a LOT of people very mean on that board. PTO is heaven compared to that.

I have a very simple motto: I can not control other people or what they say/do to me, but I can always control how I react to them. It really does help.... you should give it a try. I promise you that you'll feel a whole lot better ;)

i am glad Patty and them created this part of PTO i just come here now check the post answer questions.

Ikes ~ we're glad you're with us! =)

Patty

Thanks Patty

I have never felt that I was judged by the others on this site who did not meet their men while incarcerated. Maybe I over looked something or chose not to see what was being said.

I have found such great strength and support for PTO. Now I have seen some posts that were not too kind and or judgemental regarding how to handle a situation. But then I fell that maybe someone is posting or sharing based upon their experiences.

Ikesbabygirl, sorry that you've felt that way, but please know that we enjoy having you here and are truly a support system. With anything dealing w/ humans, you're going to find imperfections, dislikes, lack of understanding, etc., but I guess this is what makes us unique.

Take care.

Thank You thunder

IKEsBabyGIrl, I hear where you are coming from regarding the "meeting him inside versus meeting him on the outside" thing which is why I have not posted in the "where did you/how did you MEET HIM" threads.

All of the "knew him before" women are not the same but there are some here who do have a "how could you meet him on the inside and then marry him?!:eek: " aire about them. Some will even throw out there "we met at 7, have not seen him since he was 9 and ran into him again in prison at 27 so we've known each other for 20 years before we became a couple."

This forum does make me feel like the women who post in this forum are on display for scrutinization for their choice to continue on with what their heart has commanded. Since the forum is for them I think it would have been nice to have a survey to ask how do we all feel about having such a forum.

I'm not with the singling out thing but with the blending in because Lord knows there's enough separation in the world as it is. I feel there's enough strife in the regular forums, why come up with a separate[d] forum to draw even more attention to the "met him on the inside" crowd.

The way I feel, okay, some women have an idea of what you had before he went in but because prison and it's environment CHANGES a man either positively, negatively or both, I don't think anyone really knows what she will get once he's been released.


I have not publicized it here, yet, meaning like an NBC exclusive you'll only see it here on IKEsBabyGIrl's thread: I met my husband on the inside and three months later we were married. I am not ashamed of that, I just feel I don't need the extra attention because the bottom line is many of us are in love with an inmate or convict, and all of us are hopeful that our relationship is The Real McCoy!!

IKEsBabyGIrl, I hear where you are coming from regarding the "meeting him inside versus meeting him on the outside" thing which is why I have not posted in the "where did you/how did you MEET HIM" threads.

All of the "knew him before" women are not the same but there are some here who do have a "how could you meet him on the inside and then marry him?!:eek: " aire about them. Some will even throw out there "we met at 7, have not seen him since he was 9 and ran into him again in prison at 27 so we've known each other for 20 years before we became a couple."

This forum does make me feel like the women who post in this forum are on display for scrutinization for their choice to continue on with what their heart has commanded. Since the forum is for them I think it would have been nice to have a survey to ask how do we all feel about having such a forum.

I'm not with the singling out thing but with the blending in because Lord knows there's enough separation in the world as it is. I feel there's enough strife in the regular forums, why come up with a separate[d] forum to draw even more attention to the "met him on the inside" crowd.

The way I feel, okay, some women have an idea of what you had before he went in but because prison and it's environment CHANGES a man either positively, negatively or both, I don't think anyone really knows what she will get once he's been released.


I have not publicized it here, yet, meaning like an NBC exclusive you'll only see it here on IKEsBabyGIrl's thread: I met my husband on the inside and three months later we were married. I am not ashamed of that, I just feel I don't need the extra attention because the bottom line is many of us are in love with an inmate or convict, and all of us are hopeful that our relationship is The Real McCoy!!

:thumbsup:

This forum does make me feel like the women who post in this forum are on display for scrutinization for their choice to continue on with what their heart has commanded. Since the forum is for them I think it would have been nice to have a survey to ask how do we all feel about having such a forum.
I'm not with the singling out thing but with the blending in because Lord knows there's enough separation in the world as it is. I feel there's enough strife in the regular forums, why come up with a separate[d] forum to draw even more attention to the "met him on the inside" crowd.


Well let me just say a few things about this. The Met While Incarcerated Forum did not just spring up overnight. Alot of thought was put into it as with any other PTO forum. There was a definitive need. Personally, I peruse and post in a variety of forums however there were/are many members that felt they didn't quite fit into one forum or another. That is their opinion and they have a right to feel that way. While you are correct there was no structured survey handed out to members trust me we've done our research.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=180653

By no means was this forum created to single out those of us who originally met our loved one during incarceration it exists just as any other forum that brings like minded members together. Infact members that post in this forum post in their state forums, hobbies of interest forums, so forth and so on.

As far as this forum like others no two individual members are alike in that some like myself have gone on to enjoy free world experiences with their loved one, some may never get that opportunity, others fall somewhere in the middle.

Those who would write us off or any of our diverse membership and the forums they populate will do so whether or not this or any forum was created. So be it. With all the choices PTO has to offer noone is being chained down to this forum or any other. If one stumbles onto a forum or a thread for that matter that they have no interest or see no value they are free to move on.

Patty

Well let me just say a few things about this. The Met While Incarcerated Forum did not just spring up overnight. Alot of thought was put into it as with any other PTO forum. There was a definitive need. Personally, I peruse and post in a variety of forums however there were/are many members that felt they didn't quite fit into one forum or another. That is their opinion and they have a right to feel that way. While you are correct there was no structured survey handed out to members trust me we've done our research.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=180653

By no means was this forum created to single out those of us who originally met our loved one during incarceration it exists just as any other forum that brings like minded members together. Infact members that post in this forum post in their state forums, hobbies of interest forums, so forth and so on.

As far as this forum like others no two individual members are alike in that some like myself have gone on to enjoy free world experiences with their loved one, some may never get that opportunity, others fall somewhere in the middle.

Those who would write us off or any of our diverse membership and the forums they populate will do so whether or not this or any forum was created. So be it. With all the choices PTO has to offer noone is being chained down to this forum or any other. If one stumbles onto a forum or a thread for that matter that they have no interest or see no value they are free to move on.

Patty

Oh, I do so agree with you Patty.

That is the beauty of PTO, there are many options here where people can post and share. This forum has really taken off well as there are so many of us.

If someone doesn't wish to post in it, that certainly is their choice. We want to encourage the support, knowledge and info just as it is in any other forum.

If you are not getting the support that you need in this forum, please walk on by as there are many other forums to choose from.

All my best to you.

One of the things I love about PTO is the varied personalities of the women here. Admittedly I do come hard in a thread here, a thread there, but NEVER do I come hard on a person when they indicate that they are merely "venting".

And on that note shall we get back to the original topic...

We are here to support all those who met while incarcerated whether you personally feel you are not getting that support elsewhere on PTO or anywhere else in your life or if you just want to celebrate and share your joy.

As Always,
Patty

When I first saw this forum, I wasn't too sure if it was a forum that related to my situation since my friend is home. I wasn't too sure if it was dealing w/ those who loved ones are still in prison, etc. Therefore, I try to be sensitive/careful of what I post.

I did meet my friend while he was incarcerated; however, he's home; therefore, when I post, I try to convey that he is home in this forum if it is warrented.

If I see a topic/thread that does not apply or if I am clueless, I won't post.

Hope this makes sense. :-)

Oh, I do so agree with you Patty.

That is the beauty of PTO, there are many options here where people can post and share. This forum has really taken off well as there are so many of us.

If someone doesn't wish to post in it, that certainly is their choice. We want to encourage the support, knowledge and info just as it is in any other forum.

If you are not getting the support that you need in this forum, please walk on by as there are many other forums to choose from.

All my best to you.

:thumbsup:

. . . If I see a topic/thread that does not apply or if I am clueless, I won't post. Hope this makes sense. :-)
Of course it makes sense thunder -- makes so much sense that from this corner, I can't speak for others, it's an automatic given that even goes without saying.

This forum does make me feel like the women who post in this forum are on display for scrutinization for their choice to continue on with what their heart has commanded. Since the forum is for them I think it would have been nice to have a survey to ask how do we all feel about having such a forum.

I wasn't really planning on dropping in on this discussion as Patty has said most of what I or anyone else in PTO Administration would have said and has explained things thoroughly, but this caught my eye and what I've got to say addresses not only it but a few similar statements from others, so I'm compelled to respond.

There pretty much WAS a "survey" of sorts - for a number of years and among countless members.

Let me explain.

I see you have been a member here since October 2005. I have been on PTO staff since May 2003. And I can say with no hesitation that if I had a dollar for every time I/we have been asked for this forum since I've been on staff anyway and probably before - I would be a wealthy person right now.

Hundreds of times this forum has been requested over the last three years. Possibly even thousands. Believe me - you might not like the idea of this forum, but hundreds and possibly thousands of your PTO sisters in the same situation have been the very ones asking for a forum like this time and time again, for years. A very large and overwhelming majority of those who met their loved one after incarceration have been asking for this brand new forum for - literally - years. And I do NOT exaggerate when I say years.

PTO Administration had some concerns about it creating a divisiveness of sorts, but in the end and after what has been literally YEARS of discussion about a potential forum like this and with - literally - hundreds of PTO members, both staff and regular members who met their loved one after they were incarcerated - we agreed that there are issues and situations you guys face and deal with that someone like me, who has known their man since long before prison, doesn't, and vice versa.

The bottom line is that people have been asking for this forum and wanting a place of their own to discuss those issues for literally years. And if no one was interested in it and no one wanted it and hadn't been asking for it for years now - it wouldn't be here still.

A majority of PTO members in that situation have been asking for a forum of this type for nearly three years, probably longer. PTO staff has been discussing the possibility - or not - of this forum, for well over three years. And now it's here, and a lot of the reason why is because a very definite majority of people in that situation requested it.

So yep. I think you could say the survey had pretty much already been done long ago and had continued ever since - and three years of discussion about it & requests - I'd say the survey was pretty much very, VERY thorough.

So I just wanted to clarify that. As Patty said, this forum didn't spring up overnight. It's been 3+ years and hundreds or thousands of requests for it in the coming, and in light of this comment and a couple of others in this thread, thought you might be interested to know.

And there's 100+ other forums on PTO one can participate in so by all means - if you are not comfortable with this forum - there's plenty of others to participate in, including the Husbands & Boyfriends forum...

Hmm I never said anything about this forum singleing out anyone period. I just said something to a comment that was made to me. Try not to take what i say personal cause it is not ment to be personal attack on anyone it is my opion on something that was said to me. peace tami

If patty you guys get tried of this thread u can delete it anytime :)