Hi. I'n new to the IRR sub-category forum. I'm not new to being in IRRs as I've been in them before and I think its fairly normal here in So. Cal. What I am new to is being with someone in prison (my bf just got taken in last week on a PV). My question is, I was wondering if any of you wouldn't mind sharing what you know about what it's like to be in an IRR for them. Them meaning our Sig. Others who are in prison. My bf told me that in the past he had known people in IRR while in prison and they would have to try to hide that fact or hide thier pictures because it can get them into truble. I'm just trying to figure out if this is true and how to deal with it. Would I be making trouble for him if I send him some pictures of us so he doesn't get lonely? Does it mean that he can't show them to people?

I'm sorry if these questions seem dumb, but I don't really understand prison rules or at least racial barriers and things in prison.

It really depends on your man and the crowd he falls with. I am Asian, my hubby is black (IRR is nothing new to either one of us) his boys don't care about my race, and he wouldn't let them make it an issue anyhow...but my hubby did have a celly a while back that was white who had a black wife and he hid her pics in his photo albums and never told his friends that he was married to a black woman and she never visited...to each it's own I guess on how they want to handle their IRR.

Alex show's my photo's to his friends, but doesn't advertise the fact that we are together(I'm white, he's hispanic),he know's he'll have problems where he is.

We did get some very funny looks at visit last week and a lot of men asked him after what was I doing with him?
I really can't see why some people react badly to people in mixed race relationship's,it's not like it is unusual these day's.

My hubby doesnt hide me at all. If anything he likes to tell people about me. Maybe it's how each individual feels about there situation. I could never see my man not wanting others to know who i am. And how much i mean to him. And i feel the same way. I've been in IR's for 13 years and people are still very ignorant in todays society. I call it un-educated! Good luck to alll and hold your head up knowing that you love him/her and you don't care what other people think!!

Thank you guys for your insight. I know my man is very proud of me and is very proud to present me to people, I've already met most of his family. I guess I'll just leave it it him to decide how to handle things. I guess I'm just worried about everything since he's only been in for a week and I'm super paranoid for his safety. The last thing I want is for him to find himself in a bad situation because he's with me.

I completely agree with all of you, and it shouldn't matter at all. It never has mattered to our relationship and I know our love is strong. But I know he's had some run-ins with some Arians in the past who have questioned his associations with me. (He's white and I'm so obviously not... I'm mixed Spanish and Asian.)

I can see where you're coming from. I don't suppose my sweetie has any problem with this. He hasn't mentioned it anyhow. But he is a pretty big guy so I don't think anyone picks on him just for the heck of it. He also does his best to stay out of trouble and out of the prison drama that goes on. I can see how some people might have a problem with it though. Personally, I just don't see how people make it through this without knowing Jesus Christ and praying A LOT. Best wishes to you AWW and everyone else.

When my booboo went into county, i was there 2 days later for visitation to see him. He didnt seem at all to worried about our IRR. He was showin me all of his "homies" that was in there with him, laughin and jokin with them, and he had me rollin with some of the stuff he was doin and sayin. He would just point to me, smile real big, and nod his head to his friends. So, no I dont think its much of an issue with him.:o

i don't think these thoughts/worries/concerns/questions are dumb at all. your man can let you know how racial tension is where he is at, and then you two can decide what's best. but remember, if he doesn't advertise the fact that you two are different races it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. perhaps it's just easier that way.

where my hubby is, he doesn't let everyone know that i'm black and he's not. he just lets people think what they will. when he's asked about my race (and he is asked), he asks them why do they care. it works!

I agree with mrschris.. only they can know how IRR is dealt with in the places that they are in. My husband hasnt had any serious problems a few comments but that is it and he says he lets it roll off his back cause ignorance is only fueled by attention. ...

I agree with some of the other comments here. It is different for everyone I think. My man has not had any problems that I know of but I do knnow that depending on the people he associates with it might cause a problem. Just ask him.

In the Illinois prisons my man has been a guest at and in HIS experience with the men he was incarcerated with, black men dating outside of their race is a status symbol, sad but true again IN HIS EXPERIENCE ONLY...

Patty

My Honeybabybooboobutt doesn't hide his pictures of me. He's said he showed pictures of me to his "roommates", even CO's too. Told me they said I was hot. Which made me feel kind of weird because I don't know who "they" are. But okie. I guess. But once when he was working in the kitchen a white female officer went off on him because he accidently brushed against her barely touching her. And she snapped saying "You're not allowed to touch me!!" It hurt his feelings and made him really feel like sh** because she just looked at him with such disgust and hatred and it was only an accident. I don't know if it was because he is black or an inmate or both. But he seemed to think it was more racial. And him and I are open together about that so he shared that experience with me. I just responded with love and reassurance and he was alright. And reminded him while there's a white woman in there that reacts that way to his touch, he's got a white woman out here finding it hard to survive without. What is she thinkin' anyway? I mean you're working busily in the kitchen you're bound to bump into people. I work in a kitchen type environment too and me and my co-workers are running into each other and tripping over each other and grazing each other accidently no matter how much you try to avoid it. It happens. Duh! If she has such a huge problem maybe she should get a different job or something. On the other hand, he also worked with another white female officer who he said he would stand and talk to about me and she was always really nice and stuff. So I guess where he's at it's really mixed. Some people still have problems, some don't. Probably just like life outside here for us. Out here we have people who disagree with it and people who don't, while in prison they have people who disagree with it and people who don't.

Missin' my little monkey... http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/51.gif
Is your man black, and is he aware that you refer to him as your little monkey. Are you aware that for anyone other than another black to call a black person, particularly a black man, a monkey is about the same or worse than to call him the "n" word spelled with "er" on the end? Are you aware that racist whites refer to blacks as monkeys and porch monkeys?

I was watching Tyra Monday morning and the topic was IRRs. A white guy was on there with a black girlfriend and when he said his friends call his girl a porch monkey, everything went quiet. His friends know it's racist -- that's why they do it -- and what he had to say in her defense was "they're just kidding."

I know I don't belong in this forum as I am not in an IRR, but your signature is extremely offensive and really should be changed. If you were on the visit and people heard you say as he approached the table "here come my little monkey" and you are not black, a riot could break out right then and there.

HeSo,

this member posted in post # 5 (He's white and I'm so obviously not... I'm mixed Spanish and Asian.)So obviously, she is NOT talking about a black man ;) Sometimes it's good to read ALL their posts before jumping to conclusions on what they mean ;)

I would write him a letter and ask him if he would like pics of you 2 together. Hopefully, sending him pics won't get him in toruble ;)

Good luck!

Stacy

I have been in an interracial relationship for many years. It has been much more of an issue out here than it has been while he has been incarcerated. We have had no problems at any of the prisons he has been in. Maybe I just don't notice or my bf does not tell me. I don't pay those attitudes or opinions any attention anyway

HeSo,

this member posted in post # 5 So obviously, she is NOT talking about a black man ;) Sometimes it's good to read ALL their posts before jumping to conclusions on what they mean ;)

I would write him a letter and ask him if he would like pics of you 2 together. Hopefully, sending him pics won't get him in toruble ;)

Good luck!

Stacy
Sorry if I offended you or anyone, and thanks for pointing it out to read the whole thread before responding to signatures.

I have to admit even if she was wrong hesohandsome is right! I am white but that kind of stuff offends me I have never agreed with someone trying to be something they are not or coming out of their mouth wrong just be yourself having people judge you and your man without knowing either of you is hard enough let alone being in a IRR!

My man sports me like a trophy. He makes up songs and sayings about his white gurl. It is a status symbol. It is assumed that he has (or has access to) money.

And the monkey thing got me too.

mY BAby is pr and mexican and Im blk. He shows me to his friends all the tyme.. He says that he has a pic of me on his desk that he looks at all the tyme! his roomates (hes on a trusty camp) remembered me when I came to visit. even the cos looked @ me like they new me. But majority of his friends are blk anyway sooo... wat could they say. But we did get some crazy looks from otha vistors when I was visiting last wk. I was like wateva... dont hate.