I've known C for almost forever...way before he took the name of "inmate"...so I KNOW him...I KNOW his family, his friends, the way he does this, that and the other...

My question to you all is...how do you KNOW when you've never known them before???

Peace and blessings...

i guess in my experience, me and my huney started out as pen pals only. We never had intentions of getting together nor planning to get married.

Over time our interest for each other grew and attraction grew even more. From his words of emotions to the passionate way he expresses his innermost thoughts grew the attraction that i had for him. For him, it was my outspoken thoughts and the determination of my goals that he fell in love with. He always tells me that he has the upmost respect for me due to my courage of being in the FREE and handling everything that comes across me. Also for being strong during this time.

The attraction grew and grew until we both delcared our love for each other. Many people may not understand the bond that one letter can express but its the words that can so explosive to where you understand. I didn't have to KNOW him before he was called an inmate... i know in my heart that I KNOW him for who he is in the present.

I am in contact with his family all the time and have been accepted. Maybe I don't know him to a perfect "T" but as the time passes with us as one... it will give us the time too.

I knew because they way he made me feel just with pen and paper. The second we met tho we both knew it was "real". But in the end only time will tell.

I believe thats already been covered under another thread ;)

http://prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=180956

We have great communication. So He tells me all his thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Sure, I dont know his little day to day quirks and habits, I dont know what he looks like naked, but I know his HEART and thats more than I knew about my last boyfriend. I think you can live with someone and not know a thing about what they are feeling. In this relationship there is no question.

Can you tell me your definition of getting to know someone? I mean how do you get to know someone? Through communication would be my guess and time. It takes time to get to know someone but just because they are incarcerated does not mean we cannot know them. You can't assume that just because they are locked up that they aren't showing their true selves. I mean sure the ones who are in it for the money and stuff are going to lie and paint a beautiful picture of themselves and how life will be when they get home but the real ones don't pretend to be perfect. When its real you go through good and bad times and during the trials and tribulations and the happy times you come to know a person. And it has been said that you only know as much about a person as they will let you. That goes with anyone on the inside or out. I can't speak for anyone else in this situation but I know him and continue to learn more about him every day. And will continue to learn new things about him for the rest of our lives together. I know him not only by the things that he has told me but I can see him, the real him, when we spend time together. I guess I'm just rambling now but the point is I believe in my heart that I know him and that is the most important thing.

Look at the thread MrsD posted - there's the answer. But it's also part of the fun, not knowing the little things. :)

We know the same way couples that meet outside of the prison setting. It's funny I don't get asked these types of questions and see them alot here at PTO... :shrug:

Patty

man this question is a trip it is all thru here. You just know who is right and wrong for you it is no different then finding a man at bar club dateing service an internet dateing site a chat site. how do you know you love anyone?

He was the only one allowed to stay w/in my life on a permanent basis. I believe God preserved us for each other. Therefore, I know that we were meant to be. Now, even though we're meant to be, it doens't mean that we do not have to work at keeping our relationship together. It's work and at times I want to throw the towel in and at times, I just love me some him.

Everyone has to find what's best for them. For me, my friend is what's best for me.

If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand....

Staci

Amen!

I had been divorced for 18 yrs when I met my husband. I had dated many men even had some marriage proposals. But it just didn't feel right. The gentlemen were fun to go out with, but definitely not marriage material for me. At that point, I wasn't even looking for marriage.

Then my husband came along and it was like wow there really is a man who will respect me and treat me with kindness and give me the respect that I need for who I am today.

We had and still continue to have alot of communication. Open, honest communication. I feel like I can say anything to him and am being heard. He is very empathetic to my needs, wants, desires and hopes for the future.

More importantly we respect each other. Headed towards our 5 yr anniversary and it seems like it was just yesterday we got married.

I wasn't looking for a husband when I met him, but I sure am happy that I got another chance to love again with someone as kind and gentle as he is to me.

Our last words to each other whether it is on a visit, phone call or letter, Is I love you.

In this day and age with no certainty of tomorrow, it sure feels good to remember I love you. It helps carry me though this journey.

If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand....Staci

Wow...what a response...:clap:

How would you know what I'd understand if you don't take the time to explain?

Each one teach one...

Peace and blessings...

How do I know? something inside tells me so. thats all there is to it! Because after all this time he still makes me feel like this :yay: :clap: :faint: :blush: :yay: :love: :drool: whenever I see him, talk to him, or get a letter from him! I know it in my heart, that he's the one! :heart:

How do I know? something inside tells me so. thats all there is to it! Because after all this time he still makes me feel like this :yay: :clap: :faint: :blush: :yay: :love: :drool: whenever I see him, talk to him, or get a letter from him! I know it in my heart, that he's the one! :heart:

:thumbsup:

How do we know when we have never known them before?...HMMMM...well it isn't any different than getting to know somebody that you would meet outside of prison, except it is so much more...more communication, more intense, more open...I have been married to two different men, that while they were dating me told me all the things they thought I wanted to hear, were what they thought I wanted in a man..and being the young naive fool that I was I fell not once but twice...the first man did not have evil intention he just loved me and wanted me to love him back..the second one did have evil intention..he was deceitful, a liar, and a thief and I had known him for six years prior to marrying him...the point is no body really "knows" it is just a gut feeling that you learn to heed to...as I have matured I know when my gut is telling me something isn't right...but with this relationship, from the beginning... my gut told me to move forward, it is safe ground...and it has been. Do we know what the future holds, no. Not is this type of relationships, but not in any relationship...the future will be what the future becomes...nothing more, nothing less...

Staci

Regardless of how anyone meet... you only KNOW what the other wants you to know! But if theres truth and honesty in any relationship, whether you met on the the streets of whilst he/she is inside... communication is the key to getting to KNOW! When you havent done much else due to meeting since theyve been in... you certainly do do alot of communicating!

How do we know when we have never known them before?...HMMMM...well it isn't any different than getting to know somebody that you would meet outside of prison, except it is so much more...more communication, more intense, more open...I have been married to two different men, that while they were dating me told me all the things they thought I wanted to hear, were what they thought I wanted in a man..and being the young naive fool that I was I fell not once but twice...the first man did not have evil intention he just loved me and wanted me to love him back..the second one did have evil intention..he was deceitful, a liar, and a thief and I had known him for six years prior to marrying him...the point is no body really "knows" it is just a gut feeling that you learn to heed to...as I have matured I know when my gut is telling me something isn't right...but with this relationship, from the beginning... my gut told me to move forward, it is safe ground...and it has been. Do we know what the future holds, no. Not is this type of relationships, but not in any relationship...the future will be what the future becomes...nothing more, nothing less...

Staci

I know more about my man than he knows about himself........LOL and I mean that literally..............
I know things he think I don't know.....I have a cousin that has been with her man for about 6 years, and she has known him since they were 2....She just "KNEW" everything about him. He always called her while she was at work or she'd call him at home (he worked nights) Turns out he was forwarding the house phone to his cell phone and laying up under his other (pregnant) chick at her house. And he'd even have the other chick meeting him up at his job at night for dinner............He let the other chick know "that is my wifey, I'm not leaving her, take it or leave it" and the girl decided not to "leave it." I know alot of ladies like this that have no problem in sharing their man and will keep quiet about it.......so see anything can happen........heck my step brother only stays with his wife cause they have kids and doesn't love her anymore at all. one of my good friends, he stays in and out of prison and uses ladies all the time and goes home to them because he says he feels obligated to not cause he likes them.
Maybe it's just me and the way I pay attention to EVERYTHING, no matter how little or big and I don't go for the relationship drama that has me not going through alot of the things i see here

I've been reading this love smart book lately.. and this really made me eyes light up...

The most powerful motivation in all people is fear. it shouldn't be. we would hope the most powerful motivation would be something postitive that would move you towards what you want, instead of away from what you don't want. it is an old adage in psychology that "what I fear I create." Some experts estimate that 80% of all choices are motivated by fear. it changes perception, it changes your behavior, it changes your reactivity, it changes you into a state of paranoid self-preservation that will contaminate any relationship you get into.

I know Maurice is the one because for the first time in my life I feel complete without the sexual attraction. This man can make me smile, laugh, cry and jump for joy with a pen and paper..I can only say that I feel him with every word, every conversation and every thought..this is one love, one heart one life..forever!!!

How do we know?? The same way as other people know, who meet in the 'traditional' way.

" I sleep with thee and wake with thee,
And yet thou art not there ;
I fill my arms with thoughts of thee-
And press the common air.
Thy eyes are gazing upon mine
When thou art out of sight,
My lips are always touching thine
At morning, noon, and night"

That's when I knew.....

So i'm going to throw my 2 cents in here. I didn't meet my man WHILE he was locked up but still..i wonder..how well does ANYONE really know someone? COMPLETElyhis said she knows what he does, his family, ect...but i know married people out here who live secret lives and their significant other doesnt have a clue. Hell i know men in marriages that are having sex with men (because they are gay on the d/l) and their wives have no clue and i know THEY think THEY know their man. Love is love. Most people recognize it when it comes. It's not a word or an explanation.. it's something that can only be felt. Meeting while incarcerated or beforehand it doesnt matter. Love is love.

I know Maurice is the one because for the first time in my life I feel complete without the sexual attraction. This man can make me smile, laugh, cry and jump for joy with a pen and paper..I can only say that I feel him with every word, every conversation and every thought..this is one love, one heart one life..forever!!!

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

So i'm going to throw my 2 cents in here. I didn't meet my man WHILE he was locked up but still..i wonder..how well does ANYONE really know someone?[quote]

Good point!

[quote]COMPLETElyhis said she knows what he does, his family, ect...but i know married people out here who live secret lives and their significant other doesnt have a clue. Hell i know men in marriages that are having sex with men (because they are gay on the d/l) and their wives have no clue and i know THEY think THEY know their man. Love is love. Most people recognize it when it comes. It's not a word or an explanation.. it's something that can only be felt. Meeting while incarcerated or beforehand it doesnt matter. Love is love.

Maybe it's just me...but isn't this the "met while incarcerated forum"...:confused:

Yes it is the "met while incarcerated" forum, only point I was trying to make i dont think there is any difference when it comes to meeting them inside/outside of prison. How did you know that your husband was for you? Probably the same way these ladies do with the guys they met while in prison. It seemed as though you were trying to imply that because they did know their man on street they dont know them. My point was inside or out how does anyone REALLY know someone?
Not trying to be arguementative...i think i'm just a sucker for love..lol

Moesha I so agree. TOmmy told me in his last letter that he knows Im the one for him cause we haven't slept together and he feels deep about me like no other. Its not for lust....and its beyond compassion. I feel the same. I've never felt this wonderrrful about anyone and I have loved b4. I have a complete connection with him and he can just look at me and make me laugh. Its beyond his words...its the fact he trusted me and let me see his soul. I love this man for live.....bars or NO bars. Great THread by the way.

~Bella~

You know when you listen to your heart. I have asked myself, do I want a future without him? The answer is no, and when I feel my heart for him my feeling is he and I will be together for a long time to come. I can't imagine a future without him

Moesha I so agree. TOmmy told me in his last letter that he knows Im the one for him cause we haven't slept together and he feels deep about me like no other. Its not for lust....and its beyond compassion. I feel the same. I've never felt this wonderrrful about anyone and I have loved b4. I have a complete connection with him and he can just look at me and make me laugh. Its beyond his words...its the fact he trusted me and let me see his soul. I love this man for live.....bars or NO bars. Great THread by the way.

~Bella~

This is beautiful, your love shines through in all your posts! Its the way I feel about my baby too

and yes it is a great thread

I've been reading this love smart book lately.. and this really made me eyes light up...

The most powerful motivation in all people is fear. it shouldn't be.
I so agree with that W8NDY and that's because I saw it in a book too, and the book I saw it in is called the Holy Bible (NIV).

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. {2 Timothy 1:6-8).

How did I know? I didn't KNOW. What I KNEW, however, is that if I put my hands to it that IT WILL WORK. What really kicked it off for me is he spoke my language, he was my cup of tea. And nine years later having lived together through the inside and the outside of prison, I'm still sippin cause that mane is my flavour!! :D

I so agree with that W8NDY and that's because I saw it in a book too, and the book I saw it in is called the Holy Bible (NIV).

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. {2 Timothy 1:6-8).

How did I know? I didn't KNOW. What I KNEW, however, is that if I put my hands to it that IT WILL WORK. What really kicked it off for me is he spoke my language, he was my cup of tea. And nine years later having lived together through the inside and the outside of prison, I'm still sippin cause that mane is my flavour!! :D

Woo Woo..:p
I always enjoy reading your posts, your live the real life, and can accept the real for what it is and defiantly not for what it's not.

"It's all about being remembered, They can love you or they can hate
you, but one thing for sure they'll never do is forget you." :idea:

I so agree with that W8NDY and that's because I saw it in a book too, and the book I saw it in is called the Holy Bible (NIV).

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. {2 Timothy 1:6-8).

How did I know? I didn't KNOW. What I KNEW, however, is that if I put my hands to it that IT WILL WORK. What really kicked it off for me is he spoke my language, he was my cup of tea. And nine years later having lived together through the inside and the outside of prison, I'm still sippin cause that mane is my flavour!! :D

Woo Woo..:p
I always enjoy reading your posts, your live the real life, and can accept the real for what it is and defiantly not for what it's not.

"It's all about being remembered, They can love you or they can hate
you, but one thing for sure they'll never do is forget you." :idea:

Yes it is the "met while incarcerated" forum, only point I was trying to make i dont think there is any difference when it comes to meeting them inside/outside of prison. How did you know that your husband was for you? Probably the same way these ladies do with the guys they met while in prison. It seemed as though you were trying to imply that because they did know their man on street they dont know them. My point was inside or out how does anyone REALLY know someone? Not trying to be arguementative...i think i'm just a sucker for love..lol

I'm not implying anything...everyone's situation is different...I'm just trying to understand.

I know and have known MANY, MANY, MANY men who have/and are play(ing) THOSE GAMES with women...the "misdialed" telephone calls...and so on...

I was just curious because you never really know who you're dealing with when you meet people on the street, but to deal with an incarcerated person that you've never met before...you only know what they're willing to share with you.

Peace and blessings...

I know Deon is the one because when I look into his eyes I see my soul!

. . . I was just curious because you never really know who you're dealing with when you meet people on the street, but to deal with an incarcerated person that you've never met before...you only know what they're willing to share with you. . . .
Most men will tell you what they want you to know anyhow -- that's just how many get down. So, when he shifts from the streets to prison, he's gonna do the same. No matter where he is, that's just a man thing, but not an "every man thing".

The basic difference with your argument is THE TIMING. A woman having a relationship with a man on the outside is more likely find out "his withholdables" within or up to a year. Whereas if you team her up with an inmate or convict, she may not find out "his withholdables" until after he has pulled his time and then come home and then a period afterward, usually within or up to six months.

The bottom line -- by the time both women find out "his withholdables" she's already in love with him. So whether she finds out in a year in the streets or after they've done a 12 year bid she's still in the same situation. That situation being "damn, I'm in love with him -- what do I do now."

It's been said "it's better to have lived and loved rather than . . ." whatever the rest of that is, so she does walk away having loved.

The basic difference with your argument is THE TIMING. A woman having a relationship with a man on the outside is more likely find out "his withholdables" within or up to a year. Whereas if you team her up with an inmate or convict, she may not find out "his withholdables" until after he has pulled his time and then come home and then a period afterward, usually within or up to six months.

The bottom line -- by the time both women find out "his withholdables" she's already in love with him. So whether she finds out in a year in the streets or after they've done a 12 year bid she's still in the same situation. That situation being "damn, I'm in love with him -- what do I do now."

It's been said "it's better to have lived and loved rather than . . ." whatever the rest of that is, so she does walk away having loved.


Great point and well said.:thumbsup:

I know Deon is the one because when I look into his eyes I see my soul!

Happy couples can see things through eachother's eyes.:)

"You can't possible see things the same way as your mate, because you're
just not the same people. You're diffrent genetically,physically and psycholically and you've had diffrent experiences in the world.
You're the woman and he's the man, and you're not wired the same."

Love is powerful and beautiful, if you love from your heart, it is felt by the other one...

Listen all i can say is, i met him while he was "in", i love him with all my heart and to the best of my ability

He is intelligent with a beautiful heart and i don't think he's going to find anyone better from the inside or when he gets out

Not being egotistical but my love runs deep, because it starts from a very unconditional love that I have for him.

Anyone in doubt about their relationship started with someone while they were incarcerated, pour some prayer on it. You'll be okay no matter what

How do i know? I met my husband while he was in the big house and i met him off a prison chat site he's the sweetest thing in my life, he helps me out when i need the help i have a son and he's not the father but he tells me that he's his father cause he knows my son has no relationship with the real father and he tells me that the one reason why he married me was because having kids really shows you alot about a person. He also told me no matter what happens in the future he'd always be there for him. As for me i love everything about him, his family and i are really close i visit then when i can cause in from another state but i go at least 3 times a year. Our love has growin within time and there is alot more in the future to come.

How did I know that he was the one? There are a few things that sort of made me realize that I didn't just "sorta" have feelings for him, but that I was and still am for real deep in over my head in love with him. The fact that we were friends first and sex didn't have the chance to mess that up as we all know it does sometimes is one of the main reasons. He and I have both said that we've never really had a relationship where we had feelings of love for someone we hadn't slept with before, so I have to believe both on his part and mine that those feelings are genuine. It took him quite a while to start expressing those feelings to me, which also leads me to believe that his feelings are real. He's never asked me for anything at all, except to not stop writing to him, and while I've offered to do things for him or send him stuff he needs, he won't hear of it because he knows I have other things to do with my money instead. He actually sends ME money once in a while for the phone or whatnot to make sure that he's not taking away from my babies when he calls me. :thumbsup: :heart:
And to be 100% honest here, I have to tell you guys that I've been with my ex, my twins' dad, off and on for over 3 years. I started talking to Jesse just as friends when Bill and I were still off and on, and he knows this. Jesse's been there for me thru lots of things, and I can tell you that the absolute top reason I know for a fact that Jesse is THE ONE for me, is that I've waited for my ex for so long to pull his head out and decide to be with me and only me (he's a cheater from hell, but that didn't stop my dumb ass from loving him even so....). So just within the last few months, Bill decides that all of the sudden he's ready to be with me. I won't even lie, dumb as it sounds, I would have jumped ALL over that chance a while back because I loved him so much. But I was honestly able to take that and without much thought tell him that his decision was "too little, too late" because I had found exactly what I was looking for in Jesse, for Jesse has given me everything that Bill was never able to. And to be able to feel that way and express those feelings to someone who I'd waited on for so long, well, I knew and still know now that those feelings came from one place and one place alone, and that's my love for Jesse.
Maybe I don't know what it's like to spend a day with him in person, and maybe I don't know all of his little habits, good or bad, and we are still learning things about each other as we go, but I don't feel that is a bad thing. In the 9 or 10 months that we've known each other, I can honestly say that I know more about him than I think I've known about any of my ex's the whole time we were together. He cares for my children, he makes a definate effort to make me feel good about myself and to make sure I know he's thinking of me and he loves me. I have to say that this is the happiest I've ever been in a relationship, because trust me, you can meet a**h***s ANYWHERE, and you can also meet great guys ANYWHERE. :D

I've known C for almost forever...way before he took the name of "inmate"...so I KNOW him...

The answer to your question is easy as I married my husband whom I have know since 5th grade...WAY BEFORE HE TOOK THE NAME OF INMATE!!! I know how who and how he was before going to prison and though I have always caared for him as a friend, I never looked at him in another way. We were ALWAYS friends, nothing more. He went to prison in 2002 and I wrote him letting him know I was here for him if he needed a friend. We began writing and in April of 2003, I went to visit him and continued to visit as a friend. I was married at the time and my husband did not care because we had always been friends, nothing more. During our visits, I could see how he had changed, and the change was taking responsibility for his drinking and drugs and not blaming his messed up childhood or other people. He also accepted who he was and was humble and at peace. He realized it did not matter what other people thought about him and that he did not have to meet everyone's expectations but his own. This is when I realized I was falling in love with him. You see he has always been a wondeful man but he did not know this and so he did drugs and alcohol to deal with problems.

I know I am rambling here but the answer to your question is:
YOU KNOW WHEN AFTER KNOWING EACH OTHER FOR SO LONG AND NEVER HAVING FEELINGS OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP THEN SUDDENLY YOU FALL IN LOVE AND KNOW IT IS MET TO BE. FOREVER

Tracy ~ it's great that you had the opportunity to know your man before he was locked down but for those of us in this forum who met while incarcerated that was not an option. I'm willing to bet that there are a great many couples who have never dealt with incarceration and did not meet when in the 5th grade so don't count the rest of us out, we know!!!

Patty