So you met and fell in love while he/she was incarcerated. Have you considered that once they are home there is a possibility that they might go back? If the worst were to happen what are your thoughts on doing this again?

In my situation I was not living in a fairy tale assuming everything was going to be a bed of roses but I did have faith in him and hoped we would not find ourselves in a situation where he would ever face doing time again.

In the beginning things were okay. His various Parole Agents did make things rough for him/us but we got by. As time passed and job opportunities were not what we had hoped and the fact that he could barely leave the house without being harassed by law enforcement he became frustrated.

The conditions of his parole included: ankle bracelet, curfews, daily drug/alcohol tests and on-site check-in, and 6 hours of weekly group sessions. The staff at these sessions made it clear that he was to make them a priority above employment. Imagine trying to get an employer to take a chance on a parolee with such strict conditions. Mind you, Sebastian hasn't spent so much time behind bars because he was an angel but he isn't a wholly undeserving person either. His dealings with these authorities was rarely pleasant and he made things worse with his attitude towards them. Hanging out with certain friends whether he or they were involved in anything illegal was not the smartest thing he could have done.

On some level it was easier for me the first time because that is how we met. I had no choice in the matter I fell in love with a man who happened to be incarcerated. This time around I am feeling a bit disrespected by some of the choices he made as those choices have lead me to sitting here not hearing from him until the authorities choose to allow him that right. His mother feels the same way. It's good that we have each other.

In no way am I saying that I will not stand by him once again I am just saying that it is much more difficult this time around. I love him very much and we discussed before he was released what if...? I told him then that I hoped it would never come to that but that if it did I would be here for him. I meant it and here I am.

Patty

Wow, good question Patty. And although I told him I never would. In reality it would be based on the situation. In your and Sebastian's case, I would definatey do it again. Yes he maybe could have handled some situations differently, but the authorities were not making it easy for him to make sound decisions. Knowing that in three months he will be totally DOC free, that he will have maxed out, I definately would stay through it. Things will be different this time, he will not have the noose hanging around his neck, he won't have the same stressful issues to deal with on a daily basis, this will free up time and energy to channel that time and energy into more constructive thinking and actions. ON the other hand, I would feel the same way, disrespected about some of the decision he made, that maybe made things worse than they had to be...he is luckey to have you and I hope he realized that...

Staci

I did have a fairy tale life before my husband walked into it. I had the American dream. Everything and anything I wanted was given to me. I had a wonderful house a very nice car , a Harley and my house was full of every luxury known to man kind. All of that did not make me happy and I walked away from it all. For my now husband. He know all of this. I have told him this was my first and last time to do a bid with anybody. I mean it too. If he can not get home and get straight I will walk. Because no matter how much I love him, he has to love himself enough to want to do right and to have a good life.

we have talked about this and for me it depends on the situation...........

I agree with Vlfl, it would totally depend on the situation.

All depends on what happens to that gets us back in.

Well in all honesty, I am much too old to go through this again. I will be fortunate to get to live with him out here in the free world even for a short time. Hey God are you listening?

But if I am fortunate and he does make it home and finds himself reincarcerated, it would depend on the circumstances. If it was something that was beyond his control, yes of course I would stand by him.

If he deliberately breaks the law or rules of probation, no way will I be with him. Because to me that is disrespecting me and my needs to have him home with me.

Good luck to all of us. What a road to travel.

We met, fell in love and married many years b4 this. I would NOT do this again.

I honestly don't know.

But I love him so damn much I probably will.

I told him though, point ONE toe in the wrong direction, and I'll nail you to the porch...and I mean it too!!!

I honestly don't know. I love him with all my heart. If it was that he went back to crime I don't think I could do this again. I have already told him that. If it was a pv for something out of his control I would do it again.

Great thread.

It would really depend on the reason.

honestly everyone has their own opinion on that, but mine is i dont think so only because i want to BE with him and if he's going to keep going in and out what kind of life is that going to be for me, its not me making the wrong decisions, and yet i get the consequences of his actions also. Besides i want a family and in order for that i need him here, not there. But i say that now and i really dont know what i would do if i was in that situation. ya know? Just follow your feeling and do what makes you happy right?? :)

Like others have said, it would depend. Being that I'm from another country, I know it will some bumps in the road before we can work things out and be together on a daily basis. He needs to get out first, and then time will tell what happens next. Should he wind up in prison again, I would probably write him, but I can't honestly say that I know I would continue what we have today. It would just depend on what brought him back. If it was circumstances difficult for him to control, then yes. If he got caught up in the bad lifestyle he used to live, I think my trust in him would be too shattered to have faith enough to wait around one more time. I really don't know, and I hope I never have to find out.

Oh! Babygirl, I thought I was reading about myself as in a couple of months I get my bus pass!! I'm just hoping it doesn't take too much longer to get him out of there and I, too, have time left to enjoy life with him. Mind you, my family does have a record of longevity, so I could be OK.

We've talked about this, too, and I've already made it clear I won't tolerate him putting himself back inside. Any other situation I'd support him, of course, but not if he intentionally broke the law again.

Rose

If my husband got sent back for something beyond his control then yes I would. BUT he he goes back for something he did, I will always love him, but You can betcha that I will be doing the things I had put on hold when I fell in love with him, including moving down south.

My man and I have talked about this...I told him straight out...I can't do this again...but I know deep in my heart I couldn't just turn my back on him.
Like others have said too..it depends on the situation...if it was just a stupid violation he didn't cause yes, but if it's his stupidity that causes that violation....probably not! ( I say this now...but I think I would still stand by him)

At first I said no.. now it will depend on the situation. If it's because of a technicality possibly I'll do another bid... if it's because of his ill regard for the law, no way!!

Well I didn't expect to fall for him in the first place but you can't choose who you fall in love with. I can say that I would never want to do this again but until I am in that position, I don't know what I will do. I know that we have talked about it and I'm confident that if he ever gets out I won't have to face it again. I'd kill him first anyway. LOL

I fhe did something stupid and broke the law, nope. Wouldnt do it. Its just too hard, and Im not dealing with a criminal again. If it was a parole violation, then yes, I would wait again.

NOOOOO way would i do this again! I do not care what the circumstances are. I love so much, but I am counting on that he will change his lifestyle. if he doesnt then it is not the relationship that i want.

mines has this 4 years for state and still looking at time from the feds so i will do that time with him too.

Me and Jerry have had a conversation about this. Im another one who will stick by their man if he happened to go back in for reasons beyond his control, but if it is a deliberate act, i will still try and be here for him as a friend, but i would not be devoting my life to him as his lover like i do now.

I am in the process of a "second time around" with him and what I can say is that it is not easy. To tell you all the truth, I would NOT recommend doing it. He went back on a parole violation. I broke up with him while he was still home on parole because I had hit my breaking point. Since we didn't live together, that was easy. When he came home on parole, he did the exact opposite of what he said he would do. But who does he call when he winds up back in prison??? He put me through a lot and there are times that I am angry with him for his choices but then I realize that we all make bad choices at one time or another and suffer the consequences. I care deeply for him and love him but I will not do this again. I can't. I've given him 5 years of my life that I will never get back no matter what I do. No matter how many letters, visits and phone calls you have, its hard to work out your relationship issues during incarceration because of the limits it places on you. We have so much to iron out and I think it will be that much more difficult when it happens simultaneously with him trying to get acclimated back to society. He feels he is absolutely ready to give me the relationship I deserve and yet I have reservations. He decided to max out and will be home in March 09. Part of me is excited and yet another part of me feels the anxiety that he will do the same thing and here I will sit with 6 years gone and nothing to show for it...

patty, you already know how i feel about my personal situation. for the most part, i do feel that those who are continually "disrespected" by a man that is a repeat offender while in their lives have way more issues with their man than prison, and i do not "condone" those types of relationships. at the same time though, i am only me and my opinion is only that, my opinion. at the end of every day we all have to make our own choices because our lives belong to no one but us individually.

i personally myself would NOT stick around for another bid unless it was some PURE fluke of nature and not his fault at ALL, or if it was something that he could not have prevented no matter what. if he were to go back because of poor choices, putting people, places, and things before us, or lack of common sense and judgement, he would be left and we would be over. i know this, he knows this, everyone who knows us knows this...and he accepts this...he has no choice but to. he knows that these last four years have not been a cakewalk and he knows that this last year we have to go is really kicking my heiny mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. our children miss him, he sees us all crying at the end of visits, we see him trying not to cry as he walks back towards those steel doors. he knows that this is something we cannot deal with again...this is something i refuse to deal with and put our children through. they are young and they deserve a father/daddy that will be HERE for them, not THERE for them in a limited manner. he also knows that regardless of his past in and out stints, that i would not be subject to nor subject our family to another prison bid, especially one done out of blatant disrespect for us, our children, and everything that we have/will build together.

with that being said, i know how difficult it is to leave love behind if it continually f***s up. but i can't help but to wonder, how much does his love count if he continually does things to destroy the foundation of the relationship he helped to build?

this is a pretty black and white view that i have, i know. but also, like we discussed patty and still do...it's not just me i'm living, thinking, and decision making for. it's my children also, and even to a point, my family. they love my hubby and would be so disappointed in him should he hurt himself and his loved ones by returning to prison--probably even moreso than his own family.

As I've said before...and this is something I've told him as well....I sincerely hope he doesn't land back in prison 'cuz I really don't want to go thru this again...but I would not abandon him. I'll be pissed as hell...but I'll still be by his side. He's been by mine, and I love him more than I could ever express. So, yes, I'd do another bid with him.

I have to go with the majority on this one. It would totally depend on the situation. If it was some random fluke that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time then I would consider it. If he did something of his own free will to put him back then I would be hard pressed to stick around because I would feel that his "pastimes" were more important than me and his family. I can not and will not be with a man who doesn't make me a priority.

I have told my husband I will NEVER do this again! He understands that I need to be one of the number one priorities in his life. He believes that I will leave him if he goes back, that's what I want him to believe. But in all honesty, I would wait for him if he goes back. I would be way more than pissed, upset, etc. but I do believe I'd be there for him. I don't know until that time comes actually what I'll do. I haven't walked in those shoes yet.

So you met and fell in love while he/she was incarcerated. Have you considered that once they are home there is a possibility that they might go back? If the worst were to happen what are your thoughts on doing this again?
Yes I have thought about it, know the reality that it can happen, and decided that I can not due another bid of any kind. Coming off a 22 1/2 bid this time (and I have been riding for one year and some change now), he realizes that going back in would mean under the system. So no, loving him much however not doing life with no body cause thats going to be the outcome for baby. Now would I support him with letters, groovies, and phone time over all he will always be my friend:D

What's a "groovy" ??? :o

So you met and fell in love while he/she was incarcerated. Have you considered that once they are home there is a possibility that they might go back? If the worst were to happen what are your thoughts on doing this again?
Yes I have thought about it, know the reality that it can happen, and decided that I can not due another bid of any kind. Coming off a 22 1/2 bid this time (and I have been riding for one year and some change now), he realizes that going back in would mean under the system. So no, loving him much however not doing life with no body cause thats going to be the outcome for baby. Now would I support him with letters, groovies, and phone time over all he will always be my friend:D