Seeing that ya'll got to know each other thru letters and I know that there are so many unknown mysteries about each other to explore . I was wondering how do ya'll retain that magic? Its different when you meet him/her on the outside and they goes in.. Cause then you know things they dont like , their favorites spots and things like that to talk about .. While ya'll get to know each other thru letters its different. Its like reading a book that only you 2 can create. Your dreams and wishes are what fill those pages. What is it that you two do to retain that magic in your relationships?

Talk, talk, talk and talk some more. The fun about our relationship is just as you said, we are reading a book that we are creating as we go. We make every letter and every visit count. We don't waste the little time we have together fussing and fighting over trival things. And we don't dwell, we talk about it and move past it.

Also you gotta keep them guessing, surprise them from time to time. My husbands is always telling me, just when I think my love for you is at the max, you do something to make me fall in love all over again. :)

Shared memories are lacking in a met while incarcerated relationship and are both a burden and a blessing. We can't say, "Hey remember that time we went to such and such a place..." On the other hand these relationships do not carry the baggage of "sorrowful times spent together in the freeworld" either. It's a trade-off and well worth it. Magic is made, magic is lived in our calls and letters and visits, it is really quite profound and I sometimes wonder if such a magic is only attainable in relationships such as these.

On a personal note: While I met Sebastian while he was incarcerated and created and retained this magic you speak of, I have now had him with me in the freeworld. I can say from our experience that doing a bid together was easier the first time around for the very reasons one would think it is not.

Thanks Jillian for another thought provoking question.

Patty

Well we have alot of good, honest communication between us. We treasure each second of our visits, letters and calls and never fail to say "I love you"! I am very fortunate and have an extensive wardrobe and I try to always wear a different outfit. Of course here as in everywhere else clothes is definitely difficult sometimes in choosing what one can wear there. But I do try to keep him guessing what I will wear.

I also send lots of different cards. I will mix them in between letter writing and also post cards. I also get a variety of postage stamps so every envelope is different.

We are not allowed to send in any packages of any kind. So for holidays it is either money on the books or a subscription to something. I always keep him guessing what it will be.

I also fix up what I call "goodie envelopes". I will cut things out of magazines, newspapers, crossword puzzles, even the placemat from the Chinese restaurant with the zodiac on it. I cut out articles on his favorite sport teams, singers, movie reviews. He enjoys the movie reviews because they do show fairly recent movies where my husband is and he is always interested in hearing about them.

When I am out and about at the gas stations, convenience stores, I always have my eyes open for the free literature describing different sights here in Kentucky. I will put those in the envelopes as well.

We celebrate our anniversary monthly, not yearly. We always send each other a card and I will get a phone call as well.

It is a little more difficult for him to surprise me. But he still does from time to time. He will make a card for me (the best ones) instead of buying me one. He will write a poem and I love it on visits when he sings to me, he has such a great voice.

He has also surprised me with gifts that he has made in prison. Always love those.

We still write our long letters of course and are always sharing what is going on in our lives. I keep him updated on his family as they are not letter writers. So I will share with him and then in turn share with his family what is going on with him.

We just have to work with what we have instead of what we don't have. Yea, sometimes it is a little more difficult, but that is what love is all about. Keeping it fresh and making every second count.

Magic is magic no matter where it started...

Babygirl, I do a lot of the same things but thanks for giving me some new ideas. I'm really good at getting the perfect card or finding some weird article on the internet that I know he will like. I use to send him the local alternative paper and I once included a personal ad in the I Love You column. He surprises me with poems or he'll send something to where I work 'cause he knows I take care of all the mail. Plus we never miss an opportunity to say I love you.

I do alot of different things like babygirl "The Goodie Envelopes" is something new to me and I will try it. Then my in-laws on special occasions will send flowers with a card or letter from him. Do what you can to keep the magic alive!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_11_61.gif

Everyone shared such awesome feedback.

Communication is so important. Also, some of the magic comes from bringing your phone talks, letters, fantacies, to life when he comes home. I kept a journal of things that I wanted to experience, share or do w/ him when he came home. As we did those things, I checked off my list.

With any relationship, it's important to keep it fresh, compromise and think out of the box. It's work, but definitely worth it.

Communication!! Getting to know someone is always exciting, but it is especially exciting when it is with someone you fall in love with. We talk about any and everything... no subject is a taboo subject. Also, it is also good to add humour in the mix. When the humour goes, the relationship can get dull and boring! But that happens even with a relationship which started on the streets!

This is like our secret world for just him and I! It is so awesome and special and I am kind of afraid of losing that when he comes home soon.

We kind of slacked off with his homecoming making us anxious, but I did prepare some things for us, and I want to declare one day a week at least to US time ;) BUT.....

I have to agree that magic is magic, no matter where you experienced it or with whom ;) If it is there, it will never go away, it just lays low sometimes I think.

Babygirl350...........yer man sings to ya too huh??? Tommy will do that for me on every visit and it just comes out so natural. Hes not shy but hes always keeping me laughing I think laughter is the best medicine for anything. He always tells me that if he wants to always keep me..he has to keepp me laughing. Blah I tell him that is not the only reason I love him just maybe a part of it. I met Tommy 17 months ago thru a pen pal web site and til this day hes been in there for 3 yrs and I think we have grown alot. I always send long letters, poems, song lyrics, cd's, money on his books, and I even send him u guy's posts. I'll send him things from the kids and hella pictures.

THis last time I was in Ohio when I came back I was so happy to find that about 12 ppl from here made me a thread and gave a shout out from where they was each from and wanted to let him see the world thru me. I cried....I know hes gonna cry cause he didn't understand how a web site can be filled with ppl that care so much for their loved ones that are in prison. He says it truely amazes him of all the support. I even have had some ppl send me post cards thru the mail to send to him and u guys are the best!!! We keep it going strong cause we are best friends and we are so compatible that we tell each other everything..silly or not. I didn't know that 2 ppl on a visit could be as silly as we are. He says that our visits make him feel free. I love my TOmmy!!!


~Bella~

I would have to say talk talk and talk some more. You have to get to know each other. I also did the goodie envelopes, sent mags and books, etc.

communicatin, first.... then we always make sure we keep one another as a priority and consider the others feelings with every decision. The little things make is good to... we read the same books, follow the same news- we always have conversation that is POSITIVE.

I send things that he needs like stamps, envelopes and paper.
I also love to write letters, send cards and I also send him fun things to do like word searches, crossword puzzles, mazes, etc..
I print off articles off the internet that I think he would find interesting.
Its fun looking for things to surprise him, but its hard at the same time finding things that are acceptable at SQ.
C~L

Magic is magic no matter where it started...


I agree 100%:thumbsup:

I would not say it is magic dear. Nor like a book. You can find love in the strangest places. Rather it be the pen or a dating service. When you use the dating services do you really know those people? This is basically the same you get to know people by talking talking talking talking. We do not just use letters honey we see our men as well. My man tells me everything and i mean everything about his life. He often asks me would you like me to lie to you and i say um no. Him being honest is different for me i am not use to a man being so honest with me. He is the first man ever in my life to be honest with me. Ike is my man but he is my best friend and he is my family too. I keep my relationship going by doing what i have to do. Ike is very spoiled if it is not me doing it is his mother. He does what he can do for me from there. I go see him once a month for 3 days. So dear it is more than writeing. I had his pictures and everything before i seen him. I was in love with him when i first seen his picture i know that sounds weired but that is how i felt and the words he put in his add. I keep him cause i am a person with a good heart and i am a very loving person. When you pick pen pals you have to do a lot of weeding out. Before you find the right one. Here is an Idea someone gave me. they told me to sit back and write out what i wanted in a man and what would make me happy. All i could come up with is i wanted a husband that is not into games and that can keep things real. Someone that is loving caring and understanding like me. I was looking for another me in other words. Me and Ike are alike in the things i mentioned. The first letter to him was i am looking for a friend then lets see what happens. My interests are finding someone that is Husband material.
Relationships are a lot of work rather he is out here on the street or in prison. What you put in a relationship you get back.

I send things that he needs like stamps, envelopes and paper.
I also love to write letters, send cards and I also send him fun things to do like word searches, crossword puzzles, mazes, etc..
I print off articles off the internet that I think he would find interesting.
Its fun looking for things to surprise him, but its hard at the same time finding things that are acceptable at SQ.
C~L
forgot to add....my penpal is only a friend so I guess that really doesnt apply to "retaining the magic in your relationship" but I still wanted to share the things I do to cheer him up.
C~L