I'm not sure if this post belongs in this particular category or the American Indian one but I'll go ahead anyway. My friend is Native American and is on Death Row. Because of his situation, he has lost all contact with the Reservation, where he grew up, and has stated that I am his last life line to the Rez. To surprise him, I contacted another forum, like this one, dedicated to his tribe asking for details of local papers etc so I could send him the latest news etc. I didn't mention he was on DR, only in SQ. And that was only after I was asked why he couldn't contact the forum himself. Well, the response was horrific. They accused me of being a fool, that he was a con-man who was only using me. Incarcerated men always use women, one person said. One even accused him of not being 'human', not even being Indian as a real Indian family would never turn their back on family. I know for definite that he has no immediate family. They are all dead. There comments horrified me. I'm feeling very upset at the moment. This is the first time I have admitted to anyone in public, apart from you all on this forum, that I even have any contact with someone incarcerated let alone on DR. And the reaction from these people has left me feeling as if I'm a worthless, stupid woman who should no better. As I'm writing this, I even starting to question everything my DR pal has said to me over the past 8 months. Which is stupid, because he has been nothing but respectful to me from the outset. I feel as I should keep my big mouth shut in future. What have been your experiences when you admitted to friends, colleagues etc that you knew/wrote to someone on DR?

Lorraine :(

I HAD MANY RESPONSES some like yours,others more positive, but it does not matter what those people think, not all the fuys incarcerated use women for anything, most of them want only friendship, to feel needed, cared for and loved like any human being wants, i have friends on the row and one killed by the system and would not give them up for the world they have brought so much joy and pleasure into my life itys truely amazing, i foolow my own heart, not that of those whoare so negative, so follow your heart too,

dont let those ppl get to you........they are sometimes uneducated about things....and say things that are way out of line but if the shoe was on the other foot they would realize....but hey its ok.......i was horrified in the beginning when someone asked me where my bro was and all.......and i would tell them in prison but i would dance around the rest of the convo but now....im like ask me ill tell you .....i could careless what you think...its my life and ill do as i please.....so do as elsa said follow your heart and it wont lead you down the wrong road........

angela

I am very sorry you had this experience. People, I should qualify that with ignorant people; can be cruel that is the only way they know to respond to something they know nothing about. Please do not let this color the way you feel about your friend, if your gut feeling tells you he has been up front with you, then go with that. Take solace in the fact you are a kind, compassionate person, that makes you so much better than them. Best of luck to you both.

Sweetie not all Indians are like that as I'm Indian and I don't feel that way and I am so sorry you were treated that way as it was wrong. He's a brother and we shouod all stand by him. He's in my prayers and so are you! Please know that some of us have common sense. We are not judges but keepers and it's not our place to judge him. Stand strong and don't give up. God Bless you both!

Thanks for the messages of support guys. it is much appreciated. I'm not feeling too upset today just DARN ANGRY :angry: How dare these people judge my friend and I, without even knowing anything about him, his situation or even our friendship??? Perhaps they were making judgement on the fact that I, as a white woman, was acting as a mouthpiece for one of their own? Who knows huh? Narrow minded, bigoted idiots, the lot of them. At least I'm educated enough to know that not all his people think that way and I have had positive responses from other quarters.

Lorraine :thumbsup:

hey i am glad you are feeling more positive about your friendship, after all it really dont matter what those negative people think it is your friend and you know himthey do not, good luck to both of you

I had a very good friend of mine tell me I was mentally ill for loving someone on death row. Ive heard it all, and most isnt good. Only you know what you have with your friend. Dont ever let people tell you how to feel.

I'm not sure if this post belongs in this particular category or the American Indian one but I'll go ahead anyway. My friend is Native American and is on Death Row. Because of his situation, he has lost all contact with the Reservation, where he grew up, and has stated that I am his last life line to the Rez. To surprise him, I contacted another forum, like this one, dedicated to his tribe asking for details of local papers etc so I could send him the latest news etc. I didn't mention he was on DR, only in SQ. And that was only after I was asked why he couldn't contact the forum himself. Well, the response was horrific. They accused me of being a fool, that he was a con-man who was only using me. Incarcerated men always use women, one person said. One even accused him of not being 'human', not even being Indian as a real Indian family would never turn their back on family. I know for definite that he has no immediate family. They are all dead. There comments horrified me. I'm feeling very upset at the moment. This is the first time I have admitted to anyone in public, apart from you all on this forum, that I even have any contact with someone incarcerated let alone on DR. And the reaction from these people has left me feeling as if I'm a worthless, stupid woman who should no better. As I'm writing this, I even starting to question everything my DR pal has said to me over the past 8 months. Which is stupid, because he has been nothing but respectful to me from the outset. I feel as I should keep my big mouth shut in future. What have been your experiences when you admitted to friends, colleagues etc that you knew/wrote to someone on DR?

Lorraine :(
Lorraine
I am so sorry you are going through such tough times. I too have been the target of nasty things on other forums because of my support for my penpal. Hang in there and dont let these mean people make you doubt the strength or integrity of your friendship.
C~L

It seems a terrible shame that people should condemn both you and your friend when they are not well-acquainted with either. That's just prejudice, in an especially ugly form.

That's not to say that I haven't heard my share of similar comments from people who, as a rule, haven't the faintest idea what they are talking about--I do find it comforting to "consider the source" in such matters. Sure I'm angry with the anonymous person who threw a rock through the car window I keep a bumper sticker about my friend in. But I also know that people who do things like that are already far more miserable than anything they could do would make me.

My friend and I have been acquainted for nearly six years now--people who know me realize that she's going to be part of my life for the forseeable future, and very possibly even after she walks out of prison as I believe she will before much longer. Some respect that, others remain silent....I have my doubts about the latter were an argument to arise, and so avoid one.

There is a saying in an organization I belong to which may fit: "stick with the winners". You and your friend know the truth better than anyone commenting from the peanut gallery. Remind yourself of that as often as possible, and remember the words of those who support you and him. And if some of your friends insist on badmouthing him....perhaps it's time to get some new friends. Easier said than done, I know, but remember that your peace of mind is worth much--so is his.

Life has taught me not to judge people BUT to be the best person that I can be, so that God may be glorified in everything I do. I am sure most of my friends would be horrified to learn that I write to inmates all over, but that is their prerogative, for me I just do unto others as I would have them do unto me; in any case my friends are a source of happiness to me and their friendship to me is an honour as they don't have to agree to be penpals; it is a two-way beneficiary venture that I am glad I got into. As for the judges (those who think that anyone in prison is not worth anything), that is between them and God and they will answer for it.
As for me, I am smiling and anxiously waiting for letters from my friends and as for the haters.........let them eat cake!

Brent’s Mom is right, not all Native Americans are like this, thank God. But, I can tell you, as well that not all Indian families stick by their incarcerated loved ones. In fact, from what I have saw they are no more likely to do so, than any other family, which is not likely, in a majority of cases.

Eldon’s family will tell you that they know that he is innocent, but will not lift a finger to help free him. For 14 ½ years, before we married he was also almost completely alone, on the row here. That is with some of them only 20 minutes away, on the rez and others an hour away, in Phoenix.

If I have my way he will never be alone again, but the family too turned on me, certain that I must be up to no good to marry a man condemned to death. They tried to tell me that I do not know the man that I married and give me basically the same grief that you got. They got told just like everyone else that I love my husband and that my loyalties lie, with him. Damn the opinions of others, I do what I know is right and being Eldon’s wife is right, for us both.

Do not let these people get to you and if you have trusted the person that you write, before their comments, why would you not trust him, now? I married the man that I was writing, in the beginning and just made it clear to all, including my kids that if they did not support my decision to the marry the man that has brought me more magic to my life, than anything else to keep their opinions to themselves.

Many who are incarcerated never were the horrible people that they are made out to be. Many were not angels and had their faults for certain. Eldon fits that category. But, noone can be within the system, for years and not change, within. Eldon has changed and the anger and pain that once drove him and that I not only recognize, but understand have gave way to great beauty and forgiveness, after 16 years, on the row.

I do know the man that I married, in a way that no other ever wanted to know him and do not care if others say that I am foolish. If it is foolish to love someone, for who they are and not what they did years ago that society can not forgive, despite it’s own imperfections, then I guess that I am pretty proud to be a fool!

This life is yours, My friend - let no other live it for you or you will miss all the magic that could have been yours……..

God bless you and your friend, always

People can be so ignorant at times. It is really sad.

I never have known anyone on death row, but I have my boyfriend in prison, and several friends. That alone gets people thinking negative about me. I can just imagine what you are going through. I've been told that they dont feel sorry for them, because they deserve what they got. Now the question is does he deserve what he is going to get? I guess that depends on who you talk to.

. . . I contacted another forum, like this one,
Nah girl, that place wasn't like this one.

I can imagine how hurtful it must have been to read all those prejudices when that was the last thing you were expecting to see. {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Big {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} all round
respect
shaz