I can´t stop crying. This is killing me and my heart is breaking. My best friend got a date. He is in Polunsky and they have set a date for May. He is truly one of the biggest gifts I have get from this life. He is such a wonderful, the most caring and sarcastic funny person. I am writing for two deathrow inmates and I have always been afraid of this day, and now when it came: it feels like a nightmare. I know that always when there is life, there is hope, and I need to stay strong for him. I guess this is one of the most horrible moments of my life. I have lost many people in my life. I guess I have only left my mom and my son here... and one other good friend, but I dont know how I could manage to go on, if I would lose him too. I dont want to even think it. I am at work now and I cant concentrate for working at all. Thank god i am going home in two hours. I will be writing him tonight, but I cant find words now. I just wanted to share my feelings with people who understand this situation. I feel so lonely and desperate now, but I will keep hope up.. I need to!!!! Love for everyone. N.

Ram...i'm so very sorry.....it so very heartbreaking!!!!!! too many of these on PTO!!!!!!

Since I started writing someone on DR I have tried to ignore posts like yours but I just couldn't pass yours up and my heart goes out to you.

I worked with hospice patients for many years and our philosophy was to put as much living into their final days as possible. If my friend gets a date, I think I would concentrate on him even more, try to write him as if we needed to say everything we needed to, have as much fun as possible, take as many "fantasy trips" as we could on paper, shower him with photos, take him out of those walls.

Will you be able to meet him or speak with him? I hope so. May is so soon but there is always hope. I hope you find a lot of support here. Take care and get some rest.

Yes I will definitely send him bunch of cards and letters and photos. We write for each other once at week, but now I will send him letters more often. Only bad thing that those take to reach him a week. I left from work earlier and I will skip it tomorrow. This feels so terrible, but I cant let him be affected by it.. No unfortunatelly I cant visit him as much as I would want it. I need to find out about phone calls. Thank you for your support, all thoughts are welcome now. I am sure there are some people who have already been through this thing. I am thinking of him all the time and hoping....!! At the moment it is so hard to find the words... This is getting harder and harder for me. He is so special person and I havent ever met anyone like him. Noora :'(

Im so sorry. (((hugs)))

RAM.... my heart breaks for you. I was at work when I received the "Death Warrant" in the mail and my boss had to send me home, I lost it. It was the longest 3 months I have ever had to go through, and I have been through a lot in my life. Thankfully, God did spare his life 23 hours before he was scheduled to die. The hard work now really gets going to save his life.

If you need to talk.. IM me and I'm sorry to say, get ready for the biggest roller coaster ride you will ever ride....

Praying for you
Joy

I'm with chintah on this - i was a cancer nurse b4 i had the kids.
Do ALL you can for him - say EVERYTHING u need to say etc - trust me, IF the worst happens, it WILL help !!
I know as a nurse AND as someone who lost my mum to cancer - it DOES help - this is NO time to be embarrassed / timid about saying anything and everything that u want to say ok ? :)
BUT...having said that - don't just sit there and wait....FIGHT LIKE HELL - get EVERY newspaper u can think of (and more) behind ya !!!!!!
This is NO time to think ' oh but i'll feel such a fool doing that / this etc...

Here if ya need me babes x x x

i am so sorry you are both in my prayers

Thank you everyone, all positive thoughts and prayers for him are welcome! I finally finished a letter and I think it is quite good one. I am still feeling sad, but I really dont want to give up from hope. I know, that when I started to writing with DR inmates this would happen someday, but it is hard to prepare for this kind of news. I send him letter with photos and one card. He is also going to get a book from me soon. He is in Polunsky, so that's why I (unfortunately) need to be realistic, but still I stay strong and keep up our wonderful friendship. It hurts so much for me now, but I dont want to worry him about this... He has a lot of more to think now. I know there will be hard days during this time, but I keep my head up! It is nice to have all of you here, when feeling is really low... It helps me to stay strong.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ram}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry...Sending Prayers.

I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and to him. My prayers are with you both.

(((hugs)))

I'm really sorry. I have not chosen to write people on DR but I am glad that there are others, like you, who are willing to write them, even though you go through this heart ache. If you want us to sign petitions, or write him at any point, let us know.

I am soo sorry. I will keep him in my prayers.

Thank you ladies. Your support means a lot for me. I am glad I've found PTO, because writing here is the best therapy for me. Here are wonderful, caring and understanding people.

This is second day after I received the news. It still feels awful, but I try to stay stong and wish.. for a stay and miracle. His date is in May, so there are still 3 months left.

I feel very tired. Last night I was shaking. I wasn't cold, but I guess it was a shock reaction or something like that.

I havent still got a letter from my friend, but I send him one today. Express letter cost a bit, but money is just a piece of paper. If it really reaches him fast - I am sure I will do it again too. Usually letters from Finland to Texas takes about 5-7 days. It depends if there is weekend or a holiday. I heard that there is holiday in US next monday, so I dont like that at all! Could you skip it :)

I saw a dream of him last night. It was my first dream about him. In that dream he gave me a necklace with tiny cross & sailing boat.

I also send him a "shout out" with music wish. I hope he is listening KDOL and I will be listening it online too. I would love to call to the show someday, so he could hear my voice. If someone has a phone number "pm" me, ok. I will have to set a day when I call, so he will be on line too. The best thing would be able to talk with him, but I am not sure how long it would take to be approved. I have meantion it in my last letter, which I send him 2 weeks ago, so I am waiting to hear something about it from him too. I have been approved for my AZ DR friend's visit/phone call list, and it took a while.

Last note that I got from him was this Monday.
It arrivived at the same day, when he got his date :(

It was just a one paper sheet, where he wrote with red pen:

"Will you be my valentine, Noora?"
and it had "I love you" & heart stickers.

It was definitely the sweetest Valentine's greeting I've ever got.

It is so hard to think anything else than this thing now, but I'll try to write him funny letters, send cards and photos. My son (5) is making him a drawing again.

I will do anything to make him happy & get his thoughts away from this hell.
He is very special person.

THere is nothing I can say to you that will ease your pain, but just know that I am praying for you and for hiim.

Chintath we are going to pray that you never see that day. I do normally avoid these posts, also, except to say the my prayers are with someone. But, I am learning that it is merely avoiding a very real part of my life and actually one that I should not overlook. I need to be reminded that the time that me and Eldon have together is precious, no matter the end that we face.

As well, I need to be reminded how precious the thing that I fight for is to me and how hard that I need to fight. I fear the day that Ram faces unbelievably and I have realized today that I am allowing that fear to control, my life and stop me from being as effective, in the fight as I should and to effect the marriage that is priceless to me.

This is not an easy road, for someone that has spent her life, in fear of everything, but it is the one that I have been given. And I offer whatever strength and wisdom, I may possess to Ram and any other, who may face the inhumanity and injustice of the system, in general and most especially the insanity of the death penalty.

If I have anything to do with it, Eldon’s dear friend will not face this moment, with him or with me. I pray for you, Ram and your friend. And if you think that the words, of the wife of a woman, whose husband stands in his shoes, might help, just PM me and I will be glad to share a few moments, with a man facing a thing that I do understand, but wish that I did not…

Kricket

My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your friend. Know that we are all here for you to help you through this terrible ordeal. One must never give up hope. There is always hope, miracles and laws changing, many appeals and you have a wide circle of friends here to help support you.

Everyone who mentioned this is right on target, say everything you want to say and do it now. Make those special moments and share them with each other.

Lots of prayers going up your way to help you. Just try to stay strong and when you feel yourself slipping, know that we are here to help pick you up.

My heart goes out to you... others who posted here are right -- make the most of this time so it can be a powerful, beautiful and profound time for both of you. He needs it and you do too... This is the truest test of love that ever existed.

I know it rips your heart out.... we are here.... ((((hugs)))))

Noora~I want to say how sorry I am. I also want to commend you on having the courage to write a death row inmate. I started thinking about writing a death rower last week and then I realized that I just couldn't handle it. Always knowing your days were becoming more and more unnecessarily limited. I get so worked up about my pen pals that actually have release dates that I just couldn't....
I didn't realize the kind of person it required....My heart goes out to you....

I'm so very sorry. Your in my thoughts and Prayers the both of you.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif

I will continue to pray for you and your friend that this crazy attitude of punishment will stop. And stop in time for your friend.

I am sorry to hear that!

Sorry to hear that my preys are with you both
respect
shaz

Thank you everyone!

All positive thoughts and prayers are more than welcome.
He is a wonderful man.... I guess I have been writing about him before in some other threads too - I just cant say enough how "lucky girl" I am to have that man in my life.

I have wrote for him constantly now :) and I am planning my first visit to Polunsky this May. Flights from here cost "a bit", so I need to work fulltime and have another job, so my trip will be possible.

If (!) the worse would happen: I couldnt live with myself; if I would lose a chance to meet this person in this lifetime - someone I love so much. See his face, hear his voice .....

I have also been sending him "shout outs" each Friday and Sunday :) and I have promised to drown him witm mail daily: letters, cards, prints of my favourite poems or lyrics, funny pictures, books, photos, papers with scents (he loves those) ---> I am trying to figure out something new for each day, so he just have to get used to mail call each day. :-P

This is, like someone said, roller coaster ride of feelings. I feel so broken, but also I am enjoying of his love and caring fullest and try to do my best to keep my hope up, keep myself together and of course trying to make him HAPPY :)

Even this is a horrible thing: it made me open in few things, I was too shy to share at first, but now this journey together feels even more amazing.

Noora

Still thinking about you. Even though it's been over a month since Julius got a stay, there are some days that I just sit and cry. It takes a lot our of you emotionally and physically. Remember, if you need to talk.... IM me..

Joy

No matter what happens Noora, you will rejoice in your love and not dwell on a thing. For it is better to know him and have to deal with the events that may happen, then to not know him and have missed enriching each others' lives.

You know I'm with you in May...so let's get on our cowboy hats and find a mechanical bull!

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) im so sorry ...we are here if you justr need a shoulder to lean on....

angela

I am so sorry to hear this....we're all with you here, as best as we can be.

Does your friend have any possible appeals left? Getting a "date" certainly does not mean that hope is lost. But I have to agree with those above who have advised you to put as much living into the time you know you have as you can possibly manage.

You might also wish to contact Amnesty International, which will attempt to work with any inmate who has received an execution date. How much they will accomplish in practical terms is an open question, but at the very least, they will do their utmost to publicize your friend's case and to make known any judicial errors involved in his conviction.

Above all, hang on....and we'll hang on with you, have no doubt about that.

I am so sorry for you. Just try to make the last days filled with joy, if that's possible.

im so sorry you are both in my prayers

Noora...I'm so very sorry about this. I will pray for you both...(((((HUGS)))))

((((((((hugs)))

(((((HUGS))))) to you. Stand strong, the lord will hold your hand through this.

I have tried to stay away from this forum because my pain was still to hard to deal with but I have been peeking in from time to time and I saw your post and it was like a bolt of lightening. I have been where you are and it is very difficult. But I found out with my dear friend, that he had alot of years to think and prepare him for this, you and I haven't. My friend was very calm and brave and refused to let the state of OK take his life one minute before it happened by being angry or giving up hope!! We always kept hope in our hearts. We laughed and enjoyed each other. There was alot of emotions flowing through letters and phone calls. Happy emotions and sad. Anger and love. He gave me strength, I stood by him. I listen to heavy metal, and he liked country. We exchanged song lyrics. He asked me why I listened to such angry music. I told him I'd rather feel angry then sad. He taught me sadness is not bad and doesn't last forever. I have been where you are and I know how painfull it is! You are doing the best thing anyone can do for him...be there for him. Be each others strength. I will have you and he in my thoughts! ((((hugs))))

Ram ... keep his mind occupied with life. Go on lots of "mental excursions". Spend as much time as you can with him and don't stop writing. He needs you more than ever. Let him live in your heart and let him know that you'll love him forever. You have given him the best gift that anyone can get . . . you have given him unconditional love. And you have given him the opportunity to love someone. You are both in my prayers.

You are ALL so wonderful. Thank you everyone, I really (!) appreciate each word and thought... and my "PM" box is also open, if someone is interested to pm :)
I have been working days and nights (literally) so I can pay my flights and living and Texas this May.


Luckily I have got so much of extra work, so there is not anything what would keep me here in Finland ! I am going, and I have made my mind. I couldn’t live with myself, if I missed the last chance to see man I love in this lifetime, IF the worse thing happens.


I have been so confused past months about my feelings and tried to hide from those, but now I feel myself free. I know love is not anything you can plan and you should not hide it either, and the most wonderful thing is that I have received the most beautiful letters from him – he has been afraid to open his heart too, but we’ve done it and we both are really happy now and enjoying this journey together the fullest. I have been crying happy tears reading his letters and I know he has done the same.

Someone here told me, that this will be rollercoaster ride of feelings and I agree that. I am very emotional person, but I havent ever experience anything like this – I have cry like crazy, I have felt PAIN, but most of all I am grateful that I can give him my love and receive pure love from him.


I would love to yell to whole world how wonderful person he is :) Wise, amazing and beautiful soul.. I am a lucky girl to have him in my life ;)

I'm happy he didn't live his last years alone and somber. But, instead, with the love and sunshine that you brought into his life and world.

I'm sorry that your time together is coming to an end but I am equally happy that you both had the opportunity to share and nurture what you have.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

{{{{hugs}}}} My thoughts are with you both at this time... I know it's been said, but whatever happens, make his time as fun and carefree as is humanly possible (which is hard knowing where he is!). My love is on D/R also and I know that if he got his date i would move heaven and earth to tell him everything i wanted him to know... things from the heart. I will pray for you and feel free to pm me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. May God bless and keep you both within his arms. If you want or need to talk.. please feel free to pm me.

I will be praying for you both...

My prayers are with both of you. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Thank you for your love, sympathy, prayers, thoughts and all heart felt words. I really appreciate everything!!

I am going to visit him next month, and I am waiting it more than anything ever. I can finally see his face, his smile, hear his voice - and finally laugh & talk with him in person. Wow, I will probably faint ;) It’ll be my first prison visit ever, and I am bit nervous about that too.

In some level I would love to turn back time or even stop it, because unless he does not get a stay, those will be the last times I can spent with him, but at least I have that possibility.

Yeah sometimes it is hard to face the reality and be prepared, but I just try to skip all negativity.
I enjoy about this. We finally opened our hearts, after months of fighting against our emotions.
… I didn’t plan to falling love with someone I write with, with someone in another country, prison or death row, but hey love is something you cannot plan. It finds you, and usually when you least wait for it. He didn’t plan to love anyone beyond a friend, but it happened.

We are very happy now, and we found completely new perspective to our journey together: and all feels so amazing, wonderful and stunning. This is beautiful and deep love. I am the luckiest girl in the whole universe. He owns my heart. No matter what happens at least we both found a true love in this life time, and we will find each other again.

For now I still have my hope that our journey here can continue for longer.

Sorry to hear of the date , Glad about the **love** you will share in the meantime..


oh ... you are gonna have to post the pics of u and Sewer on the mechanical bull !!!

oh ... you are gonna have to post the pics of u and Sewer on the mechanical bull !!!

LMAO, ha ha, I am not so familiar with that thougt... yet.., but we will ;-)
Yeah, I am really happy about love-part too :)
Hugs *Noora*