I was just curious .. I know a few who have met their loved ones while incarcerated.. Some from pen pals and other from being introduced from either a friend or a love one. What was it that made you realize that despite what this man or woman is going thru that they may be the one for you? Were you the first to initiate the relationship?

I knew the moment I looked into his eyes. So did he. We tried to avoid each other since he was an inmate and I was a c/o. Which we did not know at the time we met. When I first saw him I knew in my soul that this was the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. There were so many things that put us together we finally couldn't resist any longer. So in answer to your question neither one of us initiated the relationship. It was the Great Spirit who decided for us.

Good questions. Let me try to answer.

What was it that made you realize that despite what this man or woman is going thru that they may be the one for you?

About 3 months after we began corresponding and talking on the phone but before we met face to face I was going through a rough time. I was unable to afford the trip to California to spend the holidays with my children. We were discussing it on the telephone. He was very supportive and comforting as always. He asked me if I was gonna be okay and I told him that I would but that I was just missing the kids and that made me feel a bit lonely and BAM the call was done. He called right back which up to that point he had never done before and when I answered the first words out of his mouth were, "I don't ever want you to be lonely." At that moment I knew that I loved this man who had so much to deal with and yet was concerned more about my needs than his own. I never looked back.

Were you the first to initiate the relationship?

In my case he initiated the relationship but left the terms up to me, at least in the beginning. Once it was clear that what we felt for one another was bigger than prison walls could contain we began to function as a couple like any other couple that had known each other all along.

I love him,
Patty

I remember I woke up one morning, knowing I was going to get mail from him, i walked to the mail box, came back and sat on the couch with the letter. I read it over and over and it hit me, that I had major feelings for this man. I wrote him right away and I told him I was falling in love with him...That's all it said...

I just knew he was the one for me, when I sat down and wrote his address down on the piece of paper from the website, I remember thinkings to myself "Oh boy, here we go" I knew something big was going to come of it.

I met him when another inmate on his cellblock gave him my address and he wrote me. It started as friends and before we even met face to face I knew there was something there. I would go home on my lunch hour to get my mail cause I was so excited to read his next letter. Face to face it was love at first sight, and a year and a half later we got married. We believe we are soulmates and it was meant to be.

Oh I iniated the I love you, but he said that he loved me before I told him that

We both started to have feelings for one another after writing each other for a year. For the most part he brought it up, but the feelings were definitly mutual before either of us completely knew it. We're not a couple at the moment, but we're still talking about it (3 years after it first came up). I can't pinpoint what it was that made me realize he could be the one for me, at least back then I couldn't. Now, I would say it's his warm, gentle, and loving spirit. He's such a great man and has made so many changes in his life since being in prison. I have so much respect for him. He's been there for me through thick and thin, vice versa.

I knew because I couldn't stop thinking about him. No matter what I was always thinking about him.........I work as a c/o and never before thought about any inmate. Just something about him. We both tried to avoid each other. that didn't work, I would just look at him and never say a word. just do my job. he would stand right in front of the cell door as i shut it and not speak either. our eyes would lock and that was it. then one day he passed me a kite. all it said was that "he knew that we were meant to be together and if i did not feel the same then he would respect that. but he could see it in my eyes and to please let him know how i felt one way or another." that was it for me. I knew i loved him and told him as much. Not too long after that i quit my job so that we could be together.

How does anyone know they are in love? It's not that different for us as with all people. I knew within weeks of getting his first letter that Tony was the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. It was slow at first and I think we both gave out signals. It might sound stupid but his uncle was a singer and we started by quoting songs he'd recorded to one another. Songs that had a 'meaning' in the words like 'Where have you been,' 'I'll be there' and of course, 'Let me make love to you.' Then, a few months into the relationship I went to visit a friend in Australia. Those 4 weeks were hell, all I wanted to do was get back home to my letters. Not hearing from him for a month, and missing him so much made me realise once and for all that I loved him like I'd never loved before. Getting home and finding all the letters he'd sent while I was away was bliss. Shortly after that trip came the letter asking me to marry him.

Rose

Well, for me...it took a while. Me & Kevin were the best of buds for a while @ work...then, one day I realized it was more than just "friendship" for me too. But...I didn't "know" then...it wasn't until after he got home that 1st time & I spent the night in his arms that I knew I was in love with him. It took me a while to realize it...but, to me (back then) it was so worth it. :)

I knew from the moment our eyes met, then he touched my hand and the rest is history...13 years and counting!!!

Personally I think you "know" the same way you would out in the streets. Its no different in my eyes. I didn't fall in love with a man in prison.. I fell in love with a man who happened to be in prison.

HELLO E-WIFE,
because of the cicumstances.....i was on job that i hated from the get go.....so the last thing on my mind was falling in love especially with an inmate....BUT...he came up to me demanding to know my name......it took less then a nano second to know that i would love that man the rest of my life...thats been ten yrs ago....and that feeling has never left my body!!!!!!!

I knew I had feelings for my penpal a few weeks after we started writing. we are taking our relationship slow for now and see where it goes.

MrsDragon, you took the word from my mouth literally. I have said that so many times. He initiated the relationship, but I knew that I had caught feelings for this wonderful, smart, articulate man. I went into this with my eyes wide open to walk blindly through the journey of being in love and in a relationship with an incarcerated person. I learned so much, not only about the system. But about myself as well. We I can't say we changed, each other, but we compliment each other in ways that change us. I love my man.

Staci

Once I began to allow myself to see him as a man as opposed to a man in prison, the love that I had for him began to un-fold.

He initiated it at least 1 yr into our correspondence. I think I began to feel for him at least 2 years into the correspondence. My safe guard was up so high.

I knew he was the one for me in 2003. He had come home in 2002 called and we rekindle our friendship. When he returned in 2003, that's when I realized that he was the one and that I truly loved him and was willing to fight for us. In spite of his return, there was truly a blessing in there for us. If he had not gone back, I was going to walk away b/c he was destroying himself due to the stress/conflict that he was getting from his mother.

I also knew that he was the one b/c he's the one that has been allowed to stay the longest. :) I feel that God had a stamp on my forehead that read "taken"; therefore, do not touch. :) I would be in relationships and for no reason, things would not last. My relationships all ended on positive notes and to this day, we are still close friends, but I feel that God did not allow any of them to cross the line, because they were not the one. I believe God did this because I would not have done it. I am so thankful that He gave me what I needed and not what I wanted; because wants come and go and are always changing - but w/ a need, it's always around.

I am so happy with him. No, things are not perfect, my life is not perfect and at times, I could strangle him and sometimes wonder, what have I've gotten myself into. But once I settle down, I know that I've made the right decision and I know that I know that I know, he is for me and is a gift/blessing from God. Therefore, daily I'm learning how to treat, love, appreciate and respect the gift that God has be stowed upon me.

Excellent and thought provoking question.

Thunder I loved what you said.

For me I have been in love with Andy since I was in 2nd grade, well that young crushy love, lol. But the first time we touched and looked into eachothers souls was all it took! Even though the feelings were there before that first union of souls. I mean that in a spiritual sense. Our souls were destined to be together.

I think I knew because I had been alone for 22 yrs and had dated many during that time and no one gave me the feelings I had that he gave me.

We became friends before we became "lovers" in the sense that we can with visits, phone calls and letters.

He also respects me for who I am. Just as I do not judge him for his past, he doesn't judge me either.

We have mutual respect for each other and I am doubtful that I have ever had that before even with my first husband who I was married to for twelve years.

Good thread, thanks for sharing.

I am with thunder, I have always seen him as a person and not a number, even from the first day I met him, while I was working there. Everytime I saw him he was always the same, he never asked me for anything or asked me to do anything, he never came at me that way. And then when I quit and we stared writing, as friends first and then more later one, it just got to where I started to really look foward to his letter, you know couldnt wait to get home to see had he wrote. :) We started out as friends and I think that is the best way for any relationship to start.

I also agree with babygirl350: me and my husband have a strong mutual respect for each other. Without that we would be nothing.

Great question. I think it is pretty much the same as when anyone knows they are in love. I couldn't stop thinking about him, then my days began to revolve around the mail and phone calls. Then everything i did i wondered how he would react to it and I began wishing he was with me through all my happy and sad times....
As to who initated it, we always disagree about that. I wrote to him first regarding his brother (who was a patient of mone at the time) then we started writing back and forth. I really still had no feelings for him, but i was cursious what it felt like to go all that time without sex, so i asked him and he took it that i was coming on to him, so then he went in for the kill and i got a personal letter. So he thinks that i initated it and i think he did. But I definatly kissed him first, out of nowhere.

I think I started to have feelings for him before we actually met in person but I didn't realize it until the day I set eyes on him. After a couple of visits he confessed his feelings and I did the same. The rest is history. I love him for the man that he is prison has nothing to do with it. This is just an obsticle that we have to get through in our relationship and we will do it together and be stronger in the end because of it.

i knew from the moment that i read his words on paper... the expression he had on things that was important, the realness of his actions... that was the start of the attraction to him....

then when i went to go see him... that sealed the deal with me and him... he was the one that declared his love for me and how he wanted me in his life forever... that he couldn't imagine anyone but me in his life.... it's been 2 1/2 years and we are holding on strong.

i knew i had feelings after a year of writing and speaking on the phone he was the one who said it first 5 years on we are stronger than ever

Wow....I've known my love since I was like 7 years old and he was always my impossible love....we both grew up and went our separate ways and destiny took him into a dark path that soon will be done, we stopped seen each other for 8 years and when I saw him coming towards us all I wanted to do is hug him, now Im part of his life as he is part of mine...yesterday, February 13 we had one year and I love him more and more as days go by, I am now engaged and we should be getting married in a matter of months and I will stick with him to the end of this journey.....

It didnt take long after we started writing each other for me to have feelings for him. I actually came to him and said, I think Im falling for you, and he was scared. He didnt want to drag me into the hell of death row. He still to this day is terrified of me getting hurt. I told him I could deal with it, and we've been a couple ever since. Engaged this past Saturday. I think if there was one thing that really got me, it was when I was having surgery. He sent me the sweetest card, telling me he wished he could be there for me. Ive been in a lot of relationships, but nothing compares to the love this man shows me. Sure, its a tough ride, but I wouldnt give him up for anything.

We started out on a pen pal, friends basis. After about 5 months of us writing each other, we both could tell our feelings were changing. I was trying to keep it as friends, but that feeling was there. We finally met 3 weeks ago after 7 months of letter writting. When I first saw him it was like I had known him forever. As I tell him "he is the missing puzzle piece to my life". I love that man!!

I love all your storeis..............
I think I knew I was in love when I couldn't stop thinking about this man and dreaming about our future together. I've never thought that about any guy. I read somewhere on PTO that someone wrote, "I didn't fall in love with someone in prison, I fell in love with someone that happend to be in prison". I think that's how this person said it, but it's true. I've known my man for years and years, before and after he was put in. I'm only thankful God has given him to me completely. Funny how life works. But, that's the beauty of love.............you never ask for it, it just happens....:heart:

Well, long story short, I watch a lot of shows on A&E. They had a show on there about prison pen pals and of course, being curious, I had to go to the website they advertised just to be nosy. While cruising through the ads, I saw Eric's picture. He stopped me right in my tracks with his eyes. I kept going back to his picture again and again and decided, oh hell, you know you are going to write to this man so just go ahead. And... I think I knew that I would fall in love with him if given the chance. We wrote religiously for 2 1/2 years, have shared phone calls and I have flown across country to see him in Arizona from New Jersey and became best friends in the process.

Longer story shorter, we got married this past February 1.
I love this man...yes,the man in prison. I know who he is, what he is about and what he has to give. He is my soul and my world AND

still my best friend. :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :drool: :drool: :drool:

We both were just out of bad relationships..........he was left for dead by his ex shortly after his incarceration and we had been telling eachother "if I was looking for a relationship, I'd pick you" Then one week we both wrote eachother telling our feelings toward eachother. Weird , we got our letters the same week.......he signed his "your Boyfriend to Be" and then his P.S. said "it will be official when you take the 'to be' off" Since his letter arrived first, I guess it was him who initiated, lol.
Shortly after we decided to take it to the next level and get engaged...........
Everyone else I've been with, I just settled because I was too lazy to find the right one and figured I could force myself to be happy and while I cared about them, I never truly "loved" them nor was I ever "in love" with them.
But with Vincent, I am completely in love with him, I am happy and we don't even argue. We have had a few minor disagreements however we resolved them quick. Neither of us wants to argue.......... in the past we both did and said things to provoke whomever we were with to get out of the relationship instead of just breaking up with the person.......... awww E now you have me thinkin of my baby and how much I truly love him

I met my new guy.. after going through pure hell with Tat..
Yea ( I still have the screen name ) and I am trying to get rid of it..
Thanks Patty!!!

Any how, after going through pure hell with Tat upon his release. He was in the streets and I had gotten a letter address to him.. I opened it!!
There on one page and one page only.. was this letter to Tat from a former roomie that had goten moved. Telling him life was short, and that he should do the best he could do and to follow God .. that was the whole letter ...
I got mad and went to my computer and printed the story I had posted about my times with that jerk!!
And I sent it to Risco with a short note saying "This is what your friend did"

I didnt get a reply back right away.. and then one day I got a letter addressed to me this time!!!
Telling me how sorry, he was for what Tat had done. Explaining to me about how he thought that Tat really loved me but the drugs had him more..
It helped alot with my healing...

I wrote back, letting him know. That I was ok and that I thanked him for his letter.. Nothing again for a few more weeks.. then I got another letter..
We wrote back and forth after that for about a month.. then I decided, I wanted to meet this wonderful man, so I applied to be able to go and visit him..
The moment he walked in the room, I was taken over by his smile, his ways, his out look on life, and his love for God...

I felt no game, no BS .. just love and thats was all I needed to know
that all things happen for a reason...

I may have went through hell with Tat but thats ok...
Cause I got the best out of it all.... I found the love of my life

I know that Risco is the one for me...
I have no doubts about that at all....

I am Tatsbaby Nomore.........but will forever be Risco's Angel


Blessings
Tina

R and I met in Nov 98 by pen pal correspondence. I was corresponding with two other men -- just friendship basis -- and when I got my first letter from R, I knew.

What I "knew" I can't tell you; 'cause, hell, I didn't know what I knew. He introduced himself and cut directly to the chase and told (without me asking) why he was incarcerated. The this-is-me-and-what-I-did-if-you-don't-like-it-don't-let-the-door-hit-ya-where-the-good-Lord-split-ya attitude was exactly what I needed to hear.

Sadly, us two old farts were carrying our own personal emotional baggage -- we split up for roughly a year and a half. Both had our own things going on during our split. We corresponded on a friends-only basis -- you know, the short "how are you" letters that didn't say much on the surface.

When I ended a relationship, that never really began, I began writing to him again. We're back together again, since early '04, and before the year 2006 is over, I'm going to have legal papers on his a$$. We want to get married -- we'd be hitched now if Wisconsin wasn't so anal about prisoners getting married.

Anyway, that's my noise. :D

All I know was I didn't go looking for it, because I was a CO and I always told people I would never dated a inmate and could not see how female officers did that because it made us look bad. so now here I am, I kept thinking about him,and so I took the scarest move of my life, I quite my job, so I could write, etc to him, and the only thing that he did was look at me and smile , and it made me smile and feel good inside.

Now I have been gone from DOC for a year and just hope that I can get approved so I can actually see and touch him but it is not up to me, only the spirits above know.

There is a reason why we met, that he is on the inside while I am on the outside, all I know is I have lessons to learn and so does he and I guess this is the only way that the Spirits above knew how to handle us,

What I have learned so far is that inmates are human, that no matter what a person does he is still a human and it is not my job to judge anyone but I will say working for DOC opened my eyes to a lot of BS on both sides

We met at the place where we both got our morning coffee. I knew immediately that I wanted to know him but didn't know how to approach it and then he disappeared. I located him at the county jail through a google search and wrote him a letter so I made the first move. I knew I was falling for him when I lost my job and he was the only one to know just the right thing I needed to hear.

I knew that i loved him when not getting any mail from him depressed me... when i found myself hounding the mail person... willing the phone to ring and him being on the other end... my heart beating fast everytime a letter from him dropped on the doorstep!
I dont think that either of us innitiated the relationship. It just flowed naturally. We both told one another that we were in love with the other at the same time... our letters crossed where we were expressing our love.

I just knew....

everything about him fit me and everything about me fit him...it wasn't just love, it was just a mutual respect, admiration, loyalty, devotion, friendship, everything clicked, chemistry from day one. And we built it in time and with care, a bond I never knew existed. A man I never knew existed -- he just fit me and I fit him..."the first one who's light ever got to my heart" someone sings that song... ;)

In my case, I always loved to write him, and get his letters. We never ran out of things to say. And after meeting him, and phone calls, and a few rough patches in our relationship, it's been three years now. When he gets out it will have been five years. Wow! We feel that we are really going to know each other by the time we get to be together.

He initiated it and said I Love You first

I just knew.

I met him through my best friends boyfriend.

I wrote him, and made it clear that WE WERE ONLY GOING TO BE FRIENDS. He would write me, and it would take me 2-3 weeks to write back.

Then one day I wrote him, and he was so happy to hear from me, and he had all these jokes in his letter that he bit off all his finger nails nervous, waiting for me to write back, and how he was about to starting biting his toe nails. :ha:

Then after that I started picking up the pace writing, and then we both were writing every day. I could truly be myself with him. So I said to myself "He is going to love me one day".

After about 3 months of writing, I decided to go see him. MAAAAAAN...when he came up to me and smiled, and those dimples started showing, it was a WRAP. I was like "yep, this is gonna be forever"

2 years later we got married. He is the best friend I needed in my life. ;)

We were writing for awhile, and I had to have surgery. No one was there for me, but him. He sent me the sweetest card telling me he was thinking about me. Feelings were growing before that card, but that card really made me realize I was in love with him. I wrote him a fifteen page letter telling him how I felt. He wrote back and was a bit hesitant, as he didnt want to drag me into his hell, but he agreed to give it a shot. That was last summer, and we are still going, stronger than ever.

he initiated the relationship with me. the way that i knew was the way he responded to my questions, his genuine interest in conversation, his ability to listen without fail, the way he always expressed interest in taking care of me, then eventually doing it, the list goes on...

Six years ago I read a column in a magazine written by an incarcerated felon. His story, his struggles and his sincere desire to turn his life around touched me. I wrote him and encouraging letter and soon after we were both spilling our guts to each other through our ever lengthening letters. I had a boyfriend at the time (and would for about a year after meeting him) and he was married. Both of us were experiencing problems in our relationships and it felt good to have someone, especially a man, who understood and supported me. There were things about myself and feelings I had that I felt I needed to hide from my boyfriend. Not so my new penpal. He didn't demean or belittle anything about me, or make me feel inferior about myself. And I think he felt very similarly about me.

I don't know exactly when I knew, it didn't happen all at once. The feeling crept over me slowly and then I was enveloped with the giddy knowledge of where things were headed. Eventually he came out first and said he'd fallen for me. When he told me he didn't want it to place restrictions or barriers on me and he just wanted me to know, he didn't expect me to reciprocate or anything (though I am pretty sure he *knew* I felt the same way)..... well, I knew he just loved me for who I was and how we interacted. And I knew I loved him too. I couldn't help it, didn't plan it and was/am powerless to change it.

I wouldn't have it any other way!

We met through someone I worked with so that is how it got started but I knew he was something special from our first phone call that lasted 3 hours. I can't say either one of us ever initiated it cause from that first phone call is was just assumed we were together. A couple of months later I wrote Love, Anitra in a letter and after that he has been sayin I love you ever since. Although I didnt mean it as I love you I guess he took it that way. I'm not complaining cause that was almost 6 years ago and I love that man more than anything in this world.

I sae Bill on a penpal site - long hair - into art (two of my main things in the first place)
Had a pal here whose hubbie was in prison and she kept on abot how lionely he was - so started off looking for UK prisoners and landed up on a USA site - saw Billl and just thought WOW !!!
Anyhow - we wrote for a couple of months, then i forgot to put his number on the letter and it took MD a MONTH (over sxmas) to return it :(
Jan we finally got backk in touch - admitted we were in love 2 months ago and he proposed last week :D x
NOW we FIGHT over WHO feel in love first - HE says it was ' that first letter adnd i said ' yeah but i wrote it !!! LOL !!!

I knew Tommy was the one for me cause despite all the moving around I was doing and or working and constantly busy because he would write me asking me to please not forget him this time around and he was politely persistant. I wasn't gonna get rid of him and Im glad I didn't. Its been 19 months with him and I honestly can say that I met the love of my life despite him being incarcerated. I wasn't looking for love when I first wrote him and actually to tell u the truth in my first letter it was basically a paragraph long and that was it!!! However he did feel that I was on his level even from that short letter!! I never regret falling in love with him I just can't help from wondering how come I couldn't of met him in Cinnci when he was a free man. We both have asked each other that and we don't feel it was luck to come across each other....we feel its GOD's PLAN.

~Bella~

I knew Rob was my soulmate, from the start, we fit so well together! I couldnt ever see my life without him! Everytime I talk to him I get butterflies in my stomach, and getting a letter, no matter how short I cant stop smiling :)

I love threads like this :love:

I had know my honey from before he went in. He is my friend's brother. But when we first had met I had another boyfriend so I just crushed on him from afar. Then after he went in his sis told me he asked if I would write to him , so I did. My first letter to him was so silly. Asking him if he liked cats and what was his favorite color :haha:
But he wrote back !!! So happy that I wrote to him . We wrote back and forth back and forth and after 3 months of writing I went to visit him .
When the visit was over we went to hug and out of no where I kissed him !
As I was leaving I looked back and saw him there at the table still all aone and I felt my heart in my stomach and I just knew he would be for me forever.

We're getting married this fall :yay:

As I was leaving I looked back and saw him there at the table still all aone and I felt my heart in my stomach and I just knew he would be for me forever.


Gurl that is exactly how I felt. I really hate to leave him on every visit but I know hes mine and hes not going anywhere and we will be getting married in the next 6 months to a year.

~Bella~

as Soon As I Saw His Picture On The Net I Got A Feeling... A Good One! I Wrote To Him Specifying I Only Looked For Friendship ( Since I Was Going Thru A Divorce) And We've Been Friends For Four Years Now.

For a man facing a possible 15 yrs,he still had a sense of humor. He was honest with me from the start.I would almost say love at first sight,but it is so much more.

I dont like people much...and i was able to be myself with him through our letters and he made me so happy...i looked forward to getting my letters...when i saw him the first time i knew he was my forever

I knew by the way things were so comfortable between us. When we met, it was if we had known each other for years.

What was it that made you realize that despite what this man or woman is going thru that they may be the one for you? Were you the first to initiate the relationship?

Well, this is a kind of left-handed answer. I didn't know for sure, but when she started talking about coming home and decorating the apartment, I figured that was it. Otherwise, I don't know. It just sort of crept up on me.