View Full Version : Kids and their friends on loved ones crimes

01-29-2006, 05:59 AM
As my ticker tells people I am soon to get married. My children are 11 and 12. ( not his biological children) They are very proud of this and have told alot of people. Thing is their school friends and others are starting to ask questions on where he is and so forth. I have spoken to the my kids and they know the whole story but I have told them not to go telling people about this as people don't understand. I am worried they would lose friends and be shunned for this.
Family and close friends know the situation but I have been careful not to have the children suffer for his crime. I have thought up and sometimes use the he works for the government in the C.I.D, ( crimes in detention). I know that after the wedding the kids and I will get lots more questions.
Has this happened to others and how have you handled it? Have I handled this wrong, what do you say? Am I worried over nothing?
He went in for murder and thats hard to explain to others.

01-29-2006, 09:05 PM
I don't have any advice but I think that you have handled this well, especially with your children. I understand the fear of your children being shunned and what not. I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't.

I'm sure that you will find the answer that you're looking for though, and hopefully someone can come along with more advice for you. :)

01-29-2006, 09:39 PM
First congrats on getting married! This is a touchy subject and there is alot of black, white & a thousand shades of gray! But, I don't think you have handled it wrong. In fact, I have done the same thing with my children and my soon to be hubby in prison for murder. They would be shunned for it, we as wives/gf and loved ones have been, and kids are alot harsher than adults (well sometimes). We for the most part come here to PTO looking for true friends that will understand and not judge us for being with someone we love!

I am not sure what to tell you to do it is, hard I am in the SAME spot as you are, my hubby to be will be getting married next year. I have two sons (not his) they are small. To be honest I have put A LOT of thought into this and I am at loss for words.

Good luck with everything, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

01-30-2006, 10:31 AM
I let my kids decide if they want to tell where their dad is.....I don't want them to feel that their Dad is a dirty little secret we are hiding from the community. Besides......... If people want to judge us based on what my guy did 22 years ago then go ahead and do it. I am not really into close minded judgmental people anyway.......


01-31-2006, 10:08 AM
My children are grown and of course they know what their uncle did. I am kind of proud of the fact they never judged him harshly. I like to take credit for that, in that I tried to raise them to not be judgemental. They are supportive of me staying in touch with my brother. I think the way you are handling this situation is right, you need to protect your children. Best of luck on your marriage.

02-03-2006, 06:31 PM
Thank you
We have decided not to tell people or tell the kids its ok to tell their friends about his crime or where he is. He says it will upset him to much if they lose friends for his crime.
We feel the risk is too high for these innocent kids to pay.
We will keep telling people his work keeps him away alot.

Disco Lemonade
02-07-2006, 03:50 PM
I just posted something very similar. Johnny and I aren't getting married until after he gets out. My problem is deciding if he should move in with me once he's paroled next March.

This is such a tough subject. My 5-year-old daughter has so much ahead of her and I don't want Johnny's crime to affect her social life. I also have 2 sons that I share custody of - their dad will hit the roof once he learns about Johnny. I really fear that my custody could be changed or that my sons will carry a lot of disappointment and pain for my decision.

Let's stay in touch!