Don't we have bigger issues to discuss???

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my response or repulsion to the subject of interracial relationships.

The whole word interracial in and of itself shows racism or fear of it. You want to feed the monster? FEAR IT OR FOCUS ON IT FROM THEIR EYES.

Being married to a man of another race the whole subject matter offends me.

And maybe this is why some people decide to glare, show offense etc. When a big deal is made out of it by the very people in the relationship, it seems to draw negative attention.

If any person has a problem with interracial relationships, then they are by nature (somewhat) racist. When we, as people IN an interracial relationship acknowledge it as a subject, we give them fuel for their racist fire and become a part of it.

You will never, I repeat NEVER, get away from racism in America or anywhere else. The only thing you can do is acknowledge your love for another human being. IGNORE their skin color and the "stares, glares or remarks" from another human being. Don't fuel it and DO NOT return fire for fire.

Unity to be real must stand the severest strain without breaking.
--Mahatma Gandhi

Have we forgotten how far our country has come and at what cost? Do we care? Can we not uphold all the work that has been accomplished by NOT feeding into this crap? Have we forgotten why we love our significant other? Are we that concerned with the color of our lovers skin?

OK, I'm done and I promise to close my eyes when I see this issue posted from here on out. (*Sigh*)

OK, I'll TRY. :blah:

I can not speak from present experience so I won't even attempt to all I will say is in my personal opinion obviously people to feel the need to discuss it as this was a forum that was requested by many.I'm sorry that the very mention of it offends you but people deal with things in their own ways and if talking about their relationship,no matter what type of relationship it is helps them and is the type of support they need then this forum has served its purpose and will continue to do so

Like I said, my response wasn't meant to offend anyone. Maybe you missed the deeper points in my post.

I also am one of those "people" who "feel the need to discuss it" which is why I posted my opinion and that of my husband.

I wasn't offended I was just stating why the forum is here,it was wanted and needed.I do understand where you are coming from and I did not miss your points I was simply replying to you with mine,some people may take offense to your thought that speaking of it is feeding into it when they are speaking of it because they feel the need to and to speak with others in their shoes.You are not getting an argument from me so please don't take it as that,just my thoughts.As I stated I am not speaking from present experience so perhaps I shouldn't have spoke at all.

No problem, everyone here has a place to voice their opinions and no one is expected to think like anyone else....beauty of America the great, right?

i understand that you have your opinion...but racism starts from discrimination...which is embedded in human nature, because human beings NATURALLY group people so that they can better organize and store information in their systems. you cannot go into a crowd of 1,000 people and remember every face. you will instead remember a heavy person, a slim person, a black person, a white person. that right there is the basis of racism and other forms of discrimination. it is a mental mechanism that starts it all.

that is human nature and anyone who denies that...well they need to be in psych 101.

because it IS human nature...it's NOT going anywhere.

it is ok to "discriminate" aka "group" in your mind. however, there will ALWAYS be people that bring that to the forefront and aire their personal feelings towards interracial relationships, people that always make differences into these huge things to be hated.

in order to understand what you're talking about...you have to understand where it is coming from. if you do...then you'll know that EVERYONE NATURALLY discriminates anyway, so some of your comments are a little off.

i wish that more people were able to "ignore" their habits, or easily change their feelings, but there aren't as many as i'd like to see. many people are racist...and many of us who are in IR relationships have to face these people daily. we come here to talk about OUR personal experiences, which may or may not be yours.

this interracial forum isn't here only to discuss negatives about IR relationships...but it's also here to discuss the positives and other aspects as well. the fact remains that my hubby and i ARE different to a point. i am very proud of that...and i do enjoy to discuss the explorations of our differences because we as a couple embrace it. if we were the same...we would have the same features, complexion, accents, cultures. obviously we ARE different and we are PROUD of that. we have the RIGHT like ANYONE else to discuss what we please...as we please...and how we please, and the interracial forum here is a place to do JUST THAT. to come in here and "suggest" to someone else how to live their lives or maintain their relationships or what to discuss or NOT discuss concerning their life is a bit unneccessary...as the only person you can live for is yourself and you do not know that many people here personally, i am sure. not only that...but you sounded a little harsh...as if you were just itching to get your comments off your chest. that may be fine and well...but not everyone feels the way you do, nor should they, so don't take offense if we all don't agree.

i am like Cali and NOT looking for an argument either...just responding to your OPINION with my OPINION.

by the way...if you are questioning why this forum is here...then question why ANY forum is here, or why PTO even EXISTS.

There are people that would look at my man and I and say there is a Black man and a Latina woman, they might also say there is an older woman with a younger man. The truth is none of this matters to Sebastian and I. None of that matters because it is not how we view ourselves or the world around us. I support this forum because for many couples this is an issue and for others it is cause to celebrate. I think that noone is here to as you have said "feed into the crap" but to invite discussion and support, two things those involved in the prison system cannot do without.

Patty

Hiya :) I didn't notice this post and wrote one very similar - sorry babes :( x

For some reason, and I don't know if this is because I'm slow or what. But I don't even think about that stuff. I never ever thought it was in anyway diffrent to have a black dad and a white mum. I've never thought twice about being with someone who is a diffrent color, race, nationality, religion etc. Seriously I guess I just don't care and if you asked me if I see alot of "interracial" couples I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you. Im sure there's lots, but I just don't see people in terms of color. I know that some people get offended by things (Like asking hispanic people if they speak spanish). But I seriously even ask light skinned people, black people, asian people, I mean, I know not everyone who is latino, hispanic etc. speaks spanish. I'm black I don't speak any African dialects, I'm Irish, I don't speak Gaelic (yet!). But really, I never see people as being one color or another. I literally have to put myself in someone else's perspective to see things like that. But maybe that's just because I grew up bi-racial, and with an open minded family?

if anyone pays no attention to color, race, size, age, etc...it's because they have consciously made that effort not to. grouping people is a sub/unconcious trait of the human psyche/brain, and it can only be "changed" with a consistent effort to do so. it's like breathing...it's an involuntary action until you "remember" to hold your breath. then and only then is it "voluntary".

it seems to be an issues i guess that some have to deal with it

Hello
I agree with having your own opinion. I agree with California Sunshine and HotLatina. I have interest in this in particular because of my relationship. People react to things that are similar to their situation. This is not to discriminate. Their are difference just like other posts. If everyone in the world were the same, things like this would not be an topic.

I just look at this fourm as another fourm where people with the similar situations can come and talk, just like the long term fourms, or lifer fourm or anyother fourm.

Hi all,
Quoting pepswife "The whole word interracial in and of itself shows racism or fear of it." In MY opinion, I feel that the word interracial is a label. It is just that! I know everyone hates labels but without them how are we to describe ourselves or our relationships. If the word interracial shows discrimination, wouldn't the words homosexual, heterosexual, and monogamous show discrimination too? How can this be when these simple words only describe the characters of our orientations? Once more I feel that these words only show signs of racism when you let them. This is just my opinion and not an arguement so please don't take it as such.

oh My Goodness I Love This Site And Come Here Everynow And Then Because I Have Something In Common With Some Of The Others That Come Over Here We All Dont Have To Dig So Deep,, I Also Come To Pto For The Same Reason Because I Have In Common What Most Of The Other People That Come To This Site Does Everyone Is Intitled To Their Opinion God Bless

I have 3 sons from a previous marriage.I am caucasian and so is my x..
I married a black man some years later...my children were grown with children of there own.
My grand kids called him PaPa and loved him dearly....
One day..The 4 year old grabbed PaPa's hand ,kept turning it over and studying it,PaPa said,What you lookin at boy?PaPas brown skin.?..He said No PaPa ...Look how long your fingers are aside of mine...Till the day he died ,he told that story.
Your not born predjudiced....
Beverly

I'm glad to have found this forum. I don't know anyone who has given me and Brooks personally any guff about being in the relationship we are in, however he does. He gets questions all the time as to my etniticity, and there was one place he was in where they really didn't care for our relationship at all. I think it's sad that people still look at race - but it's there, and it's not changing anytime soon. I will do my part in raising my own children to look past race and hopefully one day - race will not be an issue...

i agree with pepps wife this forum is old news we dont live in the 1940s and 1950s we should look foward not dwell over dumb comments.

I can relate to what you guys are saying but actually, I'm glad the forum is here because it's an education for me. Reading the women in IRRs thoughts, feelings and expressions allows me to learn how they see and receive things. I take it as a learning experience.

I agree with Bonita... I am in an interracial relationship and I don't take the word interracial as discrimination at all, only a description. I think a whole lot of people need to thump the chip off their shoulder and get on with life.

I think that the whole reason for this to be a subject is for those of us who are in and IRR to be able to vent and in some ways console each other when we deal with people who don't like our families. It's meant to help us heal and deal. That's all.

Truthfully, I really couldn't be bothered to care less about what other people think about my family. I don't acknowledge the stares or comments. I couldn't even tell you what people say or how they act because I ignore them. They aren't a part of my world and they don't and won't change how I feel about my man. So, I hear ya on the why bring it up level. It's like the little brother who constantly bothers you until you ignore him, he gets bored and goes away.

However, like I said, this is just a healing place for people to talk about things that matter in their world. Not everyone is strong enough to ignore it or is too strong to let it go. Like with everything, we just need a safe place to be with people who are like us so that we are not judged. :cool:

Scbydru~ You said it beautifully.

I would like to give my opinion. I have been around inter-racial relationships my whole life and I am in one now there for I see no difference in the color of someones skin. But there are people in this world that do look down on those of us that decide to date out of our race. The point in this topic was to give us a place to come and vent about the dumb things that are said and done to us because of whom we fell in love with.
I don't believe it was started to say look at us and feel sorry for us because others pick on us but more of a grounds for us to see we aren't the only couple going through these things.
People can say some really hurtful things and not even realize that they are doing it and others do it on purpose but being able to come here and talk about them gives us a chance to get them off our chests and out in the open with people who know what we are going through.

I am glad this forum is here, although only peak in it very so often. I have been in a interracial relationship for three years.

I am really glad this forum is here because I feel that people are on all levels of this IRR stuff and it brings it out in the open more and more. If you can think back about segregation days and then maybe to the days where a black man would have been hung for being with a white woman and then look at it now where it is becoming more and more acceptable. It is not such a shock anymore when someone sees a white woman and black man walking down the sidewalk hand in hand in love. Some places may be more accepting than others, some may get more stares, more comments. But with each new relationship it makes it just a little easier. My family is totally prejudiced and doesnt understand it at all but I become prouder everyday. I think we are here to teach each other the different cultures and to grow togther and become one. My man says we have the best of both worlds.

Also, just say that I might be having a problem with something of a IRR nature someday, I know exactly what person I can come to for advice on here because they have probably been there done that.

I think what the topic starter was saying is that if you want people to accept more of these type of relationships, then why single them out in say the IRR board a relationship is a relationship and personally I think all relevant topics about relationships meaning boy girl should fall under General or the Husbands and wives board. A relationship is a relationship and some people may get offended ( not me cuz I can give a damn) but some people may feel oh I can't post in there because its for IRR when in actuality I think generally you guys talk about the same things that are in the two general boards.

I don't think any pun was intended but if these type of relationships are singled out as in having there own board than people are gonna vent so to speak such as the topic starter. Thats just like havin a black on black relationship board or a white on white relationshp board etc; a relationship is a relationship and we shouldn't have different boards to discuss these things. I guess that was what they was trying to say, but anyways carry on.:)

[quote=DEONAS]I think what the topic starter was saying is that if you want people to accept more of these type of relationships, then why single them out in say the IRR board a relationship is a relationship and personally I think all relevant topics about relationships meaning boy girl should fall under General or the Husbands and wives board. A relationship is a relationship and some people may get offended ( not me cuz I can give a damn) but some people may feel oh I can't post in there because its for IRR when in actuality I think generally you guys talk about the same things that are in the two general boards.

I don't think any pun was intended but if these type of relationships are singled out as in having there own board than people are gonna vent so to speak such as the topic starter. Thats just like havin a black on black relationship board or a white on white relationshp board etc; a relationship is a relationship and we shouldn't have different boards to discuss these things. I guess that was what they was trying to say, but anyways carry on.:)[/quote


I'm in a relationship with B, he's black, I'm white, so what We struggle with the same problems as any other couple. I have never understood the need for a different board either.

Im sorry but I think that we do notice the difference in the tone of peoples skin, otherwise there wouldnt be no such thing as different race's, they would just be people. I notice skin color, I just dont let it bother me. When people say they dont see the color difference, I believe that they are lieing. Its hard to miss the color difference, but its not hard to see the person. Thats what I see. I see the skin difference, but I didnt see the difference from what makes us(as in people) different, I have a heart, you have a heart, I have lungs, you have lungs, I have teeth, you have teeth. I just dont see it. Our bloods run the same course, they are the same color. Thats just how I look at it I guess but thats the way I think.

It's funny I grew up in a working class San Francisco neighborhood, truly diverse, I don't think I knew I was a brown skinned girl until someone pointed it out when I was in my teens and even then it was not in a derogatory manner. I am more likely to note you are wearing a fabulous pair of shoes before or if at any time I consider your race. My point being my experience in life, your experience in life and someone elses experience are always gonna be different. I for one embrace it and in a world where not everyone can say that this forum exists for those who take comfort in knowing they are not alone...

Patty

Hmmm well I was born in a little city in New Mexico, my grandfather being the biggest racist I know. I now Live in Texas, I still see racism every day ALL the time. I chose not to surround myself with these types of people because for every racist there is someone on the opposing side. Being in a IRR I do face struggles with society I would not face if I had a Caucasian boyfriend. It is still not socially acceptable to the point where it's "normal"(whatever normal is). So your asking why this forum is here that is why. It can sometimes be difficult if you are in a difficult situation. Just as PTO is here to bring together people with the ame experience, so is this forum. If you have had no comments or discrimination against you than this forum may not apply but It has for me. Just recently I was called a few horrible names by a friends brother who is a major bigot. Although I know it is ignorance it still feels shitty to be called names because of the way I chose to live my life. Maybe it is the Southern location, or maybe it's just me. I do see a need for this forum and apreciate everyones input on it.

i decided to have a read of this because i was suprised there was a disussion on interracial relationships...not that i think it shouldn't be discussed, everyone has there own point of view, but my opinion is the same as ravendemoines, and i was brought up around people of different culture, so don't really think twice about that sort of thing and someones colour or race has never been an issue for me. I didn't realise it was still such a strong issue in the US, but as i don't live there, i guess i wouldn't know...i am white and my ex who i lived with for 8 years was black, but i can honestly say it was never an issue and this is probably the first time i have ever given it any thought......

Pretending a subject matter doesn't exist doesn't make it not. Also I like talking to other white girls who dig black men. So if it's all right with you I'll continue doing so. I like sharing with my sisters. We have something in common. So you may feel that your real self rightous but I'm not impressed. I love talking about my interracial relationship you dig???

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE OUT THERE HAS EVER READ THE BOOK "BLINK" BY MALCOLM GLADWELL WHO IS BY THE WAY THE CHILD OF AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP (WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW I PICK MY BOOKS). READING THE DISCUSSION GOING ON HERE MADE ME THINK OF THIS BOOK. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE- HOWEVER IN THIS CASE- I THINK IT WOULD BE A LOT OF HELP TO PEOPLE SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY HOW THEY FEEL AND TO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.

I USUALLY READ STORIES BUT THIS IS A NON-FICTION BOOK I PICKED UP BY ACCIDENT AND LOVED IT SO DON'T BE AFRAID.

THERE WAS A Q & A W/THE AUTHOR ONLINE SO I COPIED IT HERE AND TRIED TO CUT OUT THE UNAPPLICABLE STUFF HE SAID BUT MAYBE IF YOU READ THIS IT'LL GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHY PEOPLE IN THIS FORUM WOULD FIND THE BOOK INTERESTING AND THE BOOK DOES SPECIFICALLY TOUCH ON RACISM.
(SORRY SO LONG)
"1. What is "Blink" about?
It's a book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye. When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or read the first few sentences of a book, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions. When are snap judgments good and when are they not? What kinds of things can we do to make our powers of rapid cognition better?There's a wonderful phrase in psychology--"the power of thin slicing"--which says that as human beings we are capable of making sense of situations based on the thinnest slice of experience. I have an entire chapter in "Blink" on how unbelievably powerful our thin-slicing skills are. I have to say that I still find some of the examples in that chapter hard to believe. There is a lot of psychology in this book. In fact, the core of the book is research from a very new and quite extraordinary field in psychology that hasn't really been written about yet for a general audience. But those ideas are illustrated using stories from literally every corner of society. In just the first four chapters, I discuss, among other things: marriage, World War Two code-breaking, ancient Greek sculpture, New Jersey's best car dealer, Tom Hanks, speed-dating, medical malpractice, how to hit a topspin forehand, and what you can learn from someone by looking around their bedroom. So what does that make "Blink?" Fun, I hope.
6. What do you want people to take away from "Blink"?
I guess I just want to get people to take rapid cognition seriously. When it comes to something like dating, we all readily admit to the importance of what happens in the first instant when two people meet. But we won't admit to the importance of what happens in the first two seconds when we talk about what happens when someone encounters a new idea, or when we interview someone for a job, or when a military general has to make a decision in the heat of battle.
"The Tipping Point" was concerned with grand themes, with figuring out the rules by which social change happens. "Blink" is quite different. It is concerned with the smallest components of our everyday lives--with the content and origin of those instantaneous impressions and conclusions that bubble up whenever we meet a new person, or confront a complex situation, or have to make a decision under conditions of stress. I think its time we paid more attention to those fleeting moments. I think that if we did, it would change the way wars are fought, the kind of products we see on the shelves, the kinds of movies that get made, the way police officers are trained, the way couples are counseled, the way job interviews are conducted and on and on--and if you combine all those little changes together you end up with a different and happier world."

Another great book is "The Color of Water" by James McBride. He is a brilliant author whose mother was white and raised by a VERY strict Jewish father and his father was a strong, caring black man. The book is the tale of his mother's life. My daughter read it also when she was 11 (I am white and my husband is black) and she completely enjoyed it.

I did not marry my husband 11 years ago so I could have something to talk about. I love who he is and what he stands for as a man. We have so many things that we care about and have to deal with that color just isn't much of an issue in our lives.

No matter what we view our selves as dating out side a so called race society still calls it interracial. I am multiracial and i am with a blk man and the reason i am on here is cause I like to talk to people that understand what it is like to be treated like shit at one time or another because we are in a relationship with a man that doesnt look like us in color. However people want to call them selves being just in relationship or in a interracial relationship is on them and no one has right to tell them they are wrong. So to me I love that there is a place people an go to talk about things they need to say about what they are feeling or what they have experienced because of ingnorant people that doesnt like people going out side their race.

Personally I wish there was no need for this forum BUT, IMO I'm glad it is here. I am in my first IRR and honestly I'm finding it to be a learning experiance. And this forum is another means to my learning. I have never (untlil the last 1 1/2 years ) even been around very many people of any other race than my own ( which is white) and I'm 41 yrs old. I want to know about others experiences and cultures so I know what to expect and even save myself from making an unitentional blunder by saying or doing something that may be veiwed as offencive.I have learned alot in the past 10 months with my guy but I know I still have alot to learn. I know what one person may find offensive someone else may not due to personal experience. I just love my man so much that I never want to offend him or emberrass him and if I learn just one thing to do or not do in this relationship than this forum has helped me ( and sometimes I think I can use all the help I can get. lol) PTO has helped me in this new experience of doing time with my guy and in understand more about the legal system:angry: and how things are inside for our guys. There is not a forum on PTO than I cannot learn something from.

Now, if there was only a forum for age differance relationships I'd be all set. I'm 10 yrs older than my guy.

I cannot agree more w/everyone that has posted to this forum. BUT we all need to realize that other then the color of our skin, the realtionships we have with our men/women is no different then any other that you may have had. We still have to deal w/cultures, insecurities, money problems, communication issues, sex issues & the haters in the world. I, too, am a older then him by 17 years. But you know what, its just a number - just like my weight. May everyone have a great visit this weekend.

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Thank you for your cooperation,
Interracial Relationships & The Prison System Staff,
HotLatinaMILF4U,
StacysWar030
e_wife03
Sel