Hi everyone, Im kinda new here. My fiance got locked up about two weeks ago for violating probation.The whole thing has just been a huge mess for me. Weve been together for 5 years, living together 3. And since then, there has never been one of us without the other. Now all of a sudden, I'm all alone, with the exception of my son, who is two. the two of them have always been really close, and when I ask him where his daddy is, all he'll say is" daddy gone ". When I go to drop him off at the babysitter, he'll cry, thinking Im going to leave him, too. Im trying so hard to be strong for the two of them, but it is sooooooo hard. I cry alot, and when I'm at home, I feel like Im about to go crazy because he decorated our apartment, and all I see when I look around is him. He only got a year, but I've never been alone like this before and its so freaking hard. I miss him so much that it is killing me.No one really understands what I am going through. My family tells me to move on and find someone else while he's gone, but I could never do that. He took my virginity, hes the only guy Ive ever been with -ever, he's really all I know. And besides thats the worse thing somebody can do is kick a man when he's down. Since he's in recieving right now, I cant visit and he cant call, be we can write each other, which is what weve been doing, but its not the same.All I do is pray that God will help me through this.

You're not alone in this, a handful of us is going through the same thing as you. He only has a year so it'll be over before you know it. I think it's wrong for your family to say to get over it and move on, you can't especially when you have a child by him. It's not like he has several years. They should be a little more sympathetic. Are you allowed contact visits with him? Perhaps you should bring your son with you during visits so that he doesn't think that his daddy is gone. Hope I can help you in some way!

As Leonda said you aren't alone in this & I also agree that your family is wrong for telling you to forget him. Unfortunately though it's always easier for others to tell us to say goodbye & throw our men away when they get in trouble because THEY are NOT in our situation!

No matter what stay strong for yourself & your little boy. Things should get a little easier once your fiance comes out of recieving & is placed in the prison he is to stay in.

Feel free to drop by herE anytime we are all here to help 1 another out & we understand because we all are going through the same types of situations.

Take care!

I have seen how "forgetting" the person inside really affects them. Please don't consider it an option! Perhaps that is all the people who say that know to do, but that doesn't have to be the case for you and your son. Keep talking!

mocha: welcome to PTO! you will find the support to help you get through this difficult time. these are the most welcoming, caring people i have met in ages. i see you're in south carolina...there are several of us from north carolina here. welcome! *hugs*

good point, vnv...so many prisoners are *forgotten*...it's so sad. :(

vnv....

Very good point, there are so many inmates that are so easily forgotten...it makes me so sad to hear about that.

I understand your loneliness and fear about being alone. My first husband (who will always be the love of my life), we were married for 11 years and had never been separated in that time when the military sent him to Saudi for Desert Storm. I was terrified, scared, depressed.... But I was more scared of being alone. While he was gone, I went into counseling and I took that time to strengthen who I was and learn to not be afraid. A year will go by fast and soon when he is out of receiving you will be able to receive calls and visitations. In the mean time, take this time to get to know you and find out your strengths. When he does come home, you will find that your marriage will be stronger, because you will be stronger.

Hang in there.
Joy

Hi :)
I agree totally with Joy. I felt the same way as you when my man got locked up. Lost, alone, rootless...totally scared. While I would not wish to be living this existence, I have found it has made me alot stronger and I know myself alot better now. Being alone for awhile can turn into a time of growth and self discovery for you. You keep taking care of yourself and your baby and your man will be home before you know it!!

Welcome here. I know you'll find a lot of support here. Concider this as your second PTO family. We won't tell you to move on, we'll be here to listen to you, support you and help you where we can. Many of us are going through the same thing. I hope to learn more about you sooner. You're kinda 'lucky' (lacking a better word) that your man only got a year. It'll be over real soon! Hang in there

Mocha....
Hey there!! I want to extend another welcome to PTO.... Whatever the differences in our individual stories... ALL of us ladies here in this forum can relate to what you describe you are feeling.... we know just how hard it can be to be forced to be separated from the man you love.... :(
Don't worry about what other people say you "should" do... just follow your heart!! You are going through the worst of it now.... It will get a little easier when you are able to see him and talk to him again... but I am not going to lie to you... it's not all that "easy" then... Please lean on us and we will do our best to get you through this time.... Donna (here on PTO) has a great saying that gets me through a lot of rough days... "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!!" So do your best to hang in there girl!!

MOCHA- SORRY TO BE SO LATE WITH THIS BUT WELCOME! I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE WHO CAN IDENTIFY WITH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH- WE ARE HERE WHENEVER YOU NEED US TO TALK, VENT, LISTEN, WHATEVER--WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER- GLAD YOU FOUND US AND LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING MORE FROM YOU SOON!

I just want to welcome you here to and let you know I know exactly how you are feeling -youare not alone..we are here to hear all your feelings...BUG HUGS!

Another belated welcome!

When things seem tough just remember each day is one day closer to your fiance!

:)

Welcome to PTO. It's hard, but you'll have to make your own decisions about staying or leaving. My husband gave me the chance to walk away more than once, but I chose to stayl. Don't let your family influence your choice. Good luck and God bless.
Cindy

Mocha, I know what you are feeling. I know about the pain, the family and the lonliness. I know it seems like a lifetime right now, but just relax, relate and release. Before you make any decisions try to think about what your fiance must be going through. I know it's hard, but if you guys love each other you can work it out. Don't concentrate so much on being apart, concentrate more on being there for him and how it will be when he comes home.

Hang in there!! I was sooooo scared the first few weeks and now a few months into what should be a year long deal, I am finding out that I CAN be alone, not easily, but I can find things to do to stay busy, I can spend some time on ME!! I deserve it and so do YOU! So try to use this time to take care of yourself, and your child, your feelings and thoughts are important . Don't feel bad about any emotion you go through, its all about healing and getting through it, and you will!! Annie

Welcome! I know you're going through a terrible emotional upheaval right now. We'll pray that things will calm down soon and you'll realize that a year really isn't all that long. I'm guessing you may have depended on him for income and that things will get very difficult financially. Find someone you trust to help you create a plan for dealing with the financial stress. There are prison ministries and state & local agencies who can help you through this time, but the key is to seek help early. It'll be tough, but you can do it! You're about to find out that you're a lot stronger and much more capable of handling things than you ever dreamed! Keep posting...we're here for you!

Hi. I'm new here too but I'm feeling just like you are, and I think I've seen from the few times I've visited PTO that we have alot of company here. And Joy, I loved what you posted, it was just beautiful. Thank you.