My best friend sent me a letter today and as of yet I have not stopped crying. No he has not received his date, however for the last several months he has been extremly ill. Today I got the letter that he is getting worse and has contacted is attorneys to give them his "good bye letters"
They claim they can not figure out why he is so ill, he is not only ill he is suffering to the point his attorneys have brought in their own private doctors. He is not saying anything as to what the problem is, but the mere idea he may not be here much longer is breaking my heart.
He is my best friend and I feel completly helpless to help him, or even ease his pain. All I can do is continue my daily letters letting him know someone in this world cares and loves him.
I promised him along time ago if and when the end came I would not let him go alone without someone who cares for him being by his side. Now, he is ill enough he is not sure he would even make it to the visiting area. So he is suffering alone.
I just feel helpless and I am scared. I am not ready to lose him, he means to much to me
All I can do is pray the doctors figure it out and can treat him
Please pray for him, as right now I do not know what else to do

I can only try to imagine what you must be feeling, and even trying to imagine it hurts. but one thing I am sure of: your letters, and him knowing you love him, are giving him comfort. I pray his doctors will find the answer

That is so sad. I think we all fear our loved one will get sick and we can't be with them at the end. Your friend is dealing with so much it is heartbreaking. I know you must feel so helpless right now and sad. My prayers are with you both.

My heart goes out to both your friend and you!! But know that he knows you are there with him in spirit and I am sure that is a great comfort to him . I keep you both in my prayers !!!
Huggzz

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, and I will keep him in my prayers, and that they find out what could be wrong with him, and that it gets treated fast!!!

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I will add you and him to my prayer list.

It is hard for us to deal with the unknown. I hope his attorneys can get some Doctors to find out what is wrong with him.
I can only imagine your fear and pain, I am so sorry.

But I do know that your letters and your Love for him carries him and helps keep him strong.
You say he is suffering alone. No he isn't, he has you and your love and caring for him. You are a good friend to him.

Stay strong honey and let us know if there is anything we can do.

Hugs
softie

This really is so hard and I feel for you both so much. Just know and remember that your love and support will mean so much to him; you are doing more than you probably think and giving him so much. Keep sending him love and let him know you are there and also if you can, try to look after yourself too as this is not easy for you either. The situation you both are in right now is very very hard, but the connection you share will transend everything and is a precious thing. Take care.

Some times when i reply to these kinds of questions , i think that others think i am heartless, but honestly i am not, i am a very sensitive person, but some times have different views ( mainly because of my beliefs)

I read what you had to say and i wondered if maybe your friend had just given up, maybe he just wants to "go" and once he started getting ill maybe he thought this would be the easiest way, if he knows you care about him, he will know he is NOT alone. This has to be so hard on you, but stop and think how much you have already given to him, Some people look at these people on death row with utter contempt and with so much hate in thier hearts, you have given him friendship and have shown him compassion, if it is his time to go then, use that pain and anger to give strengh to another lonely person.

Some times people who are dieing do not want others to see them in thier final moments, some like to be alone,

Is thier any chance that this prison will allow you to visit him in the hospital of the prison?

Keep writing your letters, keep the letters calm , still let him know how you feel,

non of us have easy answers , i wish you all the best

HL I am so sorry honey. I know you have a good heart and the fact you are there for your friend is MUCH more than you even know. Keep it up and know that sometimes our role in another's life is to help them ease the transition from this Earth plane to another. (hugz)
It means a great deal to him.

I am sure he is not getting advanced tests that would be available to him out here. Maybe this will help you http://www.library.dal.ca/kellogg/Bioethics/codes/rights.htm

Is it possible they know what is wrong with him and he doesn't want to face it or they are not telling him??

My thoughts and prayers are with you both, May god ease the pain for the both of you!

My heart and support goes to your friend and you! Remember that your love and support means a lot for him now. I will keep you both on my thoughts. Lots of strength and love from here. I hope doctors find out soon what's wrong with him. Please take care and let him know he is not alone. Hugs. N.

Mia thank you for the link it may help later

witchypoo, I do not feel you are heartless as I have wondered that myself if he has just given up. I pray that is not the case but since I can not see him right now I do not know.

As for them not telling him that is possible but against the law. As for not wanting to face it. This man is the bravest person I know and he wouldn't be scared to face it. He has faced more in a lifetime then most people could even imagine and in a strange sense if he knew and it was fatal I believe he would find peace in that and simply tell me not to cry for God has decided it is his time.

The biggest problem I am having is the not knowing and knowing nothing is being done to stop his suffering. At this point I have written him and asked him to have his attorneys contact me as I am willing to pay whatever it costs to get the tests done to find out what is wrong and get him some relief. I have checked with the bank and can get a loan if it is needed.
I haven't heard from him in a few days and am beside myself with worry and needless to say calling to check on him is a waste of my time. No one wants to tell you anything.

I am writing daily and trying to keep it up beat. He is a huge sports fan so I try to talk about sports. I am getting an education in football though because prior to all of this I knew nothing about it, and now I am writing three page letters on the subject.
I also tell him that he is loved and a part of our family, not just to me but my entire family cares for him. And I pray repeatedly and often
Hell I even have my pen pal in AC in San Quentin trying to find out if he is alright.

This is my best friend and I can not imagine a life without him in it, but i made him a promise a long time ago that when the time came I would be strong and not fight it when he said the fight is over and I will accept it. I just always thought it would be his murder I would have to accept, and that would be years from now. But when he tells me the fight is over I will accept it, kiss him goodbye and tell him yet again how much I love him. But until then I will fight and pray to find out what is wrong and get him treatment. He mean that much to me

thank you all for your prayers, Right now he needs all he can get.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. I hope he feels better soon.

what a special person you are, hugs to you , my prayers are with you

please keep us posted

It's strange....on another thread I once compared being close to someone on Death Row to striking up a friendship with someone suffering from a possibly terminal illness. Sometimes, it seems, both issues raise their ugly heads....

I cannot imagine what must be going through your head and heart right now, Hawk's Lady. In becoming acquainted with a Death Row inmate in the first place you demonstrated that you are a caring and courageous person. So the only advice I can offer is to keep being yourself. And save a bit of that compassion and courage for yourself when needed. Somehow it seems unlikely that you are ever likely to run out of either.

No news yet this week, so as soon as i find out more I will keep everyone posted.
I did call yesterday and I am sure the person I spoke to thought I was crazy but I inisisted on him calling east block and finding out if my friend was alright. Surprisingly he did it as I could hear him on the phone. I was told he was alright, but then again if they are breathing they are alright in their eyes.
Hopefully I will get a letter today

Quite agree with you on the prison definition of "ok". And of course, the Texas prisoner system, among others, has an all-purpose treatment for practically every ailment--Tylenol. I'm really glad your friend has been able to have outside doctors work with him--hopefully he is receiving proper medical treatment.

HL....i will keep you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers...<<<hugs>>>>

it must be a real strain not knowing what is going on, all you can do hunny is keep writing and hoping that you will hear soon. My thougts are with you, and with your friend.

I got a letter yesterday. No news on the cause yet and he is not any better. I am still praying they figure it out soon

Thank goodness you got a letter.

I will keep him and you in my prayers and hopefully they will figure it out soon.

softie

keep us posted and we will keep him in our daily prayers...god bless (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))

angela

My thoughts and Prayers go out to you and your friend!! You need to hang in there and be strong! I know, easier said than done. I'm glad you heard from him. I know that had to be a relief!
Hugs,
Tracy

my preys are with you
respect
shaz