View Full Version : Back From Our Family Visit!...Long...


User9999
01-17-2006, 11:37 AM
Hey all,
It's been a week now since I got back and I know I should have come and updated y'all sooner but I just didn't have it in me. Don't get me wrong, the pfv was FANTASTIC but leaving and coming home was very emotionally draining for both of us. Part of the reason for that however, was because we set the alarm wrong and overslept so we were in a rush when we got up so I wouldn't miss my bus. We didn't have time for any morning cuddles (or a last minute quickie ;) ). But enough of the bad and onto the good...:p

I went up the night before the pfv was to start (Thursday) so I could visit him that night. When I got of the bus I went to the Mountaintop Hospitality House, a little place that is run by nuns for inmates families. It is $15 a night and $2 for any meal you want cooked or make while there. The guests sleep on one side of the house (think duplex) and the nuns sleep on the other. When I got there I was starving since I hadn't eaten all day. Within half an hour I was sitting at the table in front of roast beef, mashed potatoes, veggies and gravy. It was delicious and I was so hungry I even ate the carrots which I don't like cooked.

At 6pm she drove me to the prison (it is only across the street and up the driveway but she insisted on driving which was nice) and said she would be back at 845 after visiting was over. I thanked her and in I went. I signed in and J came out. I had requested a table in front of the t.v. so we could watch the hockey game as we had planned. It was the World Jrs, we watched the end of the bronze medal game and the beginning of the gold medal game (Yeah Canada!). I brought nachos, cheese, salsa and sour cream for us to make nachos in the microwave. He was excited about that, especially since I had told him not to eat supper. I showed him my iPod nano which I got for Christmas and he was blown away by it. It was kinda cute...He was just like a little kid. so anyways, we had our visit and I left. Went back to the house and watched the end of the hockey game (which we won of course!:thumbsup: )

I didn't think I was going to sleep a wink that night but after watching the hockey and spending half the day on the bus I was wiped. I went upstairs and crawled into bed and slept until 830am. The earliest I was allowed at the prison was 930 so i got ready and off we went. Suprisingly I wasn't nervous in the slightest. I think it was because we had the visit the night before. Anyways, we got there and they took us over. The sargent looked through my bag while we were exploring the place. He didn't seem to be going through it too thouroughly but maybe that was cause we were wandering around like we didn't care. We didn't really have anything to hide except I had 2 disposable cameras in my bag which "technically" you are not allowed to have according to some however we lucked out in that the guy doing our searches was the guy who said we were allowed. I hid them just to be safe and we would not have gotten in any trouble had they been found.

Anyways so after he left our groceries arrived. We put our groceries away and it was so weird but awesome weird to not have to do it alone for once. After we put the groceries away J found the disinfectant and sprayed the place down and washed the bathroom. I take a lot of baths so he wanted to make sure all was good before we did anything ... We threw the sheets and towels all in the washer to wash again. I brought my own sheets so we made the bed, which was a big ordeal in itself. The box spring squeaked but we thought it was the mattress so we kept exchanging mattresses (there's like 6 in the house) and testing to see if it was quiet. Eventually we figured out it was the box spring and just put the mattress on the floor and made it up that way.

After that we went out and chilled on the couch for awhile and watched tv, made out some but mostly just relaxed. We had talked about how we thought we would just run in there and wanna rip each others clothes off but really all I wanted to do after all this time was hang out and cuddle and be normal.

So we did that and of course eventually ended up in bed :rolleyes: . It was so amazing to finally be together again. Everything was so comfortable, not at all awkward or anything. After a couple hours of that :thumbsup: we went out to make supper. Again it was so cool to all of a sudden be insta family. I have never been so happy in my life. Basically the whole weekend went on in this fashion. We had a lot of fun...not just in the bedroom but hanging out and being fools together, something I'm happy we are comfortable enough to do.:cool:

I am not so delusional to think that real life will always be this way for us. It never is. However it is nice to see again how great we can be together. We very very rarely argue and we communicate really well and compromise, which we did have to do a couple times over the course of the weekend. But it just made everything feel even more normal. I think it's kind of funny how when someone has a "normal" relationship ( both parties are there physically) often times they want a "special" relationship or one that stands out in some way above another person's, but after this is all over all I want is the normalsy back. I want to blend in and be together. I don't care what others may say about anything, I don't want to be "the cute couple" or "the dramatic/fighting couple" or "the perfect couple" I just want to be "us".

I know many of you ladies probably know what I mean by that. Perhaps I didn't explain it too well but hopefully you all get my drift. Anyways, the visit was amazing as I said although it was very very hard to leave him and we both went home feeling more alone than before which was really hard. I felt worse for him of course since he can't show any emotion in there. It may be minimum security but the same basic rules apply as anywhere else.

I truly think most/all families would benefit this program. Although it was terrible leaving it was a refresher while in there and now that the major sadness has worn off I am left with only happy thoughts of our time together. It truly strengthened our bond.

If anyone has any questions about the pfv program feel free to pm me and I will help in any way i can. I am going to pm witchlin with some info as well so if she wants to post that she can. I am hoping this helps others as theres not too much out there about the program right now. (not just here but on the CSC website either.)


Thanks for listening to me blab!


Erin

4ever2gether
01-17-2006, 12:10 PM
.... but after this is all over all I want is the normalsy back. I want to blend in and be together. I don't care what others may say about anything, I don't want to be "the cute couple" or "the dramatic/fighting couple" or "the perfect couple" I just want to be "us".

I know exactly what you mean Erin! So glad to hear you had a wonderful visit!!!! :)

talulahpeach
01-17-2006, 12:17 PM
Sounds awesome! Glad it went so well!

DLM
01-17-2006, 12:33 PM
I am glad you had such a great visit and thanks for letting us know about the program:) .
(The Mountaintop Hospitality House sounds terrific:thumbsup: )

Iloveyoujay
01-17-2006, 06:53 PM
Wow Erin! Sounds wonderful. I wish I could do a pfv with Jay but he is doing provincial time so its not available for him.... which really sucks :( Hopefully his parole will come through in March and we won't need to worry about it.

Anyway.... it was wonderful to hear how it went. I am glad it was such a wonderful opportunity that brought your love back strong!

T

haswtch
01-17-2006, 07:19 PM
those nuns rock! and what a wonderful love story

moniqueSC
01-17-2006, 08:59 PM
I thought it was a beautiful story too....

witchlinblue
01-17-2006, 09:47 PM
I think you explain it beautifully and I have to say Im so happy for you both !! I wish all married couples could have that, maybe someday.

Hugs,

Kettricken
01-17-2006, 09:51 PM
It's sooo nice to hear that things are going good for you :)

I got a question though ... how long did it take to get stuff approved for a family visit?
(just wondering 'cause my guy is gonna be requesting it for us)
:)

stevesboo23
01-17-2006, 10:27 PM
I am glad your visit went so well. I know all too well aboout the emotions that run wild when u are leaving him. I thought what u said was amazing ! Love Jill

PattiD1157
01-17-2006, 10:39 PM
Erin....what an awesome story!! I was sitting here smiling the whole time. Gotta love a good reunion!! I am so happy that things went great with you and Justin!!
A trip so worth taking!!

Patti

User9999
01-18-2006, 07:57 AM
It's sooo nice to hear that things are going good for you :)

I got a question though ... how long did it take to get stuff approved for a family visit?
(just wondering 'cause my guy is gonna be requesting it for us)
:)

After he put in the application they send someone to do a community assessment to your home. Basically they just come and ask a few questions about your relationship. make sure you know what he's in for etc., they explain a little about the program etc, although not as much as I would have liked. For instance they didnt tell me what I was allowed to bring vs what is not allowed.

Anyways. That portion of it all happened within about 2 weeks. Than it has to go to his P.O. who has to approve it, then to the unit manager and then to the Board. the board meets every 2 weeks so if you give every person who has to look through it 2 weeks to do so than it would take about 6-8 weeks. Generally the time frame for anything supposedly. lol.

Anyways. as soon as you all are approved you can pick a date. They have them during the week and on the weekends. The one we were in had a crap load of mattresses, a crib, high chair, toys and games for kids so that was kind of neat. We were going to play Scrabble (Jr actually :p ) and I went in the closet to get it and all the games were messed up, all the pieces and instructions were all over the place. So I spoent like 45 minutes sitting on the floor organizing all those darn game pieces for some little muffin...Justin was laughing at me the whole time ... I dont know I felt bad for the little kids. lol...

Oh yeah, another funny thing...I had brought all the stuff for nachos to our visit but I forgot a plate to put it on in the microwave. I looked in the gas station at the bus stop but they only had plastic kind of ones that would melt. So after I got to the nun house, I saw that they had like 40 plates in the cupboard. So what do I do? I STEAL a plate from a NUN HOUSE to go visit the PRISON! Alls I could think of was it was some kind of weird twisted irony or something. I was laughing to myself and Justin laughed too when I told him. But I took it back and washed it after and she never knew...lol I'm a fool anyways:rolleyes:

Thank you all for your kind words. It's so nice to have people who are truly happy for you in this situation.

Erin

Valentine4ever
01-18-2006, 07:57 AM
thats a wonderful story......i wish texas wasn't so stupid!!!!!!

Kettricken
01-18-2006, 12:15 PM
that's hilarious about the plate ... lol ...

thanks for the info though, it's nice to have a bit of a timeline in mind as opposed to this expanse of unknowing ;)

witchlinblue
01-18-2006, 11:56 PM
You now Erin, you have a real love story going on there !!!
Hope N.S. is treating you right, I miss it so much lately.

Hugs,

User9999
01-19-2006, 11:53 AM
I havent heard that one in ages,,the wait ten minutes one.
Ive been considering renting a car and going down there for march break actually. I need a good road trip. If I do go I will be in your neck of the woods for at least a day or so not to mention about 2 blocks from you and the rest of the time probably up in Pictou's homestead. If I do go I will let you know Im coming and we will have to have a mini N.S. g2g !!!

Thanks witchlin,
Yeah N.S. is doin me right right now anyways...we've had a handful of days below zero but other than that it's been around 7 or 8 everyday. Was up to 12 last weekend! But you N.S. weather...don't like it...wait 10 minutes! LMAO...

Miss you too girl!

Hugs back

Erin

badboyluv
01-20-2006, 11:56 PM
how sweet is that Erin!! thats great to hear..I finally got to talk to Kole on the phone after 5months WOW It felt good! but I'm happy to hear about your good time!

Kettricken
01-23-2006, 10:19 AM
Another question ... is there a time frame that you had to be visiting for before he awas allowed to put in an application for a private family visit?

User9999
01-23-2006, 11:09 AM
If you are married or common law before he went in than no. You do have to be approved for visiting though which can take a few weeks in itself.

If you are not common law or can't prove you are common law they will probably try to tell you that you cannot have family visits but it's not true. There is a loophole where as long as they can see that you have been in constant contact for a year or more since his incarceration than you can apply for them. This includes phone, letters and they usually want to see consistent visiting for a year or so.

Hope this answers your question!
Good luck on you pfvs!

Erin

Kettricken
01-23-2006, 11:32 PM
Bah ... he won't even be in long enough for it to get to that point actually ... so looks like I will just have to wait till he gets out to be able to get my freak on with him again ;)
hehehe

witchlinblue
01-24-2006, 01:10 AM
Oh you will get there, we will distract you !!

Kassiesgma
01-24-2006, 03:46 PM
Erin....from one who has been visiting for over 19 years...it doesn't get any easier leaving. I still get so depressed when I leave my hubby after a trailer visit. YOu'd think that after 19 years it would get easier...but trust me...it doesn't.
Good news for me...Rick is finally going to be getting escorted passes. whooooo hooooooooo....I can't wait!!!

witchlinblue
01-24-2006, 11:46 PM
Congratulations Kassiesgma !!!!

User9999
01-26-2006, 07:51 AM
Erin....from one who has been visiting for over 19 years...it doesn't get any easier leaving. I still get so depressed when I leave my hubby after a trailer visit. YOu'd think that after 19 years it would get easier...but trust me...it doesn't.
Good news for me...Rick is finally going to be getting escorted passes. whooooo hooooooooo....I can't wait!!!

Wow! Congrats to you and him! That's awesome! I can't wait until J can apply for his ta's but at least we have our pfvs...can't really complain huh? ... lol

Anyways congrats again!

Erin

whiteletters
02-06-2006, 06:40 PM
thats sucha touching reunion,..