Just Wanted Some Opinions On Bm Drama My Husband Has Not Been Allowed To See His Child Now All Of A Sudden The Bm Decides I Guess I Will Let You See The Child After 3 Yrs Of Being Incarcerated I Had Already Planned To Visit Him On Visiting Day But He Calls And Says My Bm Is Coming I Am Upset B/c I Already Made Plans And He Should Have Discussed It With Me B4 He Told Her It Was Ok She Uses The Child Against Him And He Keeps Falling For The Games I Am Almost Ready To Give Up Can Anyone Relate Or Any Suggestions.

i understand where your coming from! my finacee self reports this wednesday to jesup federal prison and i swear if he told me that couldnt come see him because his ex-wife was bring their daughter to see him, i would go crazy on him! i would go anyway! she not with him! ill go see him when i please! you should tell ask him "who is he with? why does he choose her over you!?" i mean yeah hes got a child by her but why should that keep you from seeing him too? you know?

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U Should Come First Even If They Have A Kid Together Because Im Sure Your The One Doing Everything For Him Good Luck

Here's an idea:
Now, I don't know how likely it will be because women are women! But, you can try to work out a way to bring the daughter with YOU to visit since you ARE the child's stepmother. All the BM would have to do is write a letter allowing you to bring her. Eventually you and that baby will have to start some kind of a relationship...when you got him, you got her. So, why not try to bring the baby up with you.

I have BM Drama myself...in fact, we even had restraining orders and the whole thing. But, we finally came to the conclusion that the child has to be around me at some point since I AM married to her dad. Now, when the daughter wants to go, I pick her up at God's hour in the morning and we're off and then I drop her back off at the grandma's house. After a while of waking up at that time of morning, the BM may just let you have her.

It took us a long time to get to that point, but, she can't condemn you if you are willing to put in the effort in her child. Remind her that someone has to grow up!

I hope it works, but, of course, I don't know your guys' situation. Good Luck!

I have the same issue that they use the children as a excuse .... hell no you need to set your priority first you are his lady and she needs to understand and accept it. OMG your story is the same as mine I put my plans to the side 2 because she was going to bring the kids ///// Reminder I have children with him too.. (and he is my husband) any ways the B**** never showed up and it just messed with my plans and my feelings and his too, cause he loves his children.... Take my advice NEVER!! put her or anyones needs before yours TRUST ME!!!! I been there done that! He needs to understand it to also how is the one that takes the time to go see him? you or her so he needs to put you first than anyone, for the simple fact that you are there in hi time of need. Baby girl I know what you are going through trust me I do "BABYMAMA":blah: like to swing their kids around like there were some kind of meat or toy ""saying her you want it come and get it " But you have to go through this road first" AHHH I hate this it burns me:angry: up!! but dont let her get to you / because she will feel like she won over you ok its all good... love V




Just Wanted Some Opinions On Bm Drama My Husband Has Not Been Allowed To See His Child Now All Of A Sudden The Bm Decides I Guess I Will Let You See The Child After 3 Yrs Of Being Incarcerated I Had Already Planned To Visit Him On Visiting Day But He Calls And Says My Bm Is Coming I Am Upset B/c I Already Made Plans And He Should Have Discussed It With Me B4 He Told Her It Was Ok She Uses The Child Against Him And He Keeps Falling For The Games I Am Almost Ready To Give Up Can Anyone Relate Or Any Suggestions.

okay ladies, calm down a little, I know you must be upset about this however, you can't forget it is not about her it is about the baby, lets not forget. Anyway you look at it the baby should come first. Sadly, but its true. the BM on the other hand is a different story. If it seems to bother you that bad see if you can get him to talk to her and let you take the baby with you. Not only that i will be a break for her while you have the baby. unless she is trifling as hell.

I'm with diva - if this is the first time in 3 years that the child will be seeing her father, step aside. If you can work out an arrangement later with her mother, then put all sorts of energy (positive) into making that work. That baby needs to be able to see Dad without all the fraught emotions from outside - hers just being in a prison for the first time and seeing him will be enough.

I have known lots of women over the years who are not with their husbands anymore but occasionally take the kids to see him.Some of them are married to someone else or have kids with someone else. I don't think they even like going too much, but they do it for their kids, I guess. So I'm not sure about all this evil intention.

This BM situation is so over rated, if the man in prison wants to see his children, so be it. What some fail to overstand is that that same man had a relationship with this women and may STILL have some feelings for her, and you the second wife or girlfriend getting up set is just a waste of time and energy, focus on being all the women that you can be get and keep your man with kindness and being one hellva women - heck he is already stressed out from being in jail, and he we go giving them more issues to deal with - and IF he REALLY lvs you and cares for you he will be yours for life- if it is not to be and you are stressin him you will loose.

TKSLOV gave you some excellent advise - she is a smart lady.

U SHOULD GET OVER IT HONEY BECAUSE HE HAD THE CHILD BEFORE U MET HIM U KNEW HE HAD A BM SO YOU CHOSE TO DEAL WITH HIM HAVING A BM AND CHILD SO EVANTUALLY U KNEW HE WOULD WANT TO SEE HIS CHILD I FEEL U HAVE NO RIGHT ASKING TO BRING THE CHILD UP THERE. YOUR NOT THE MOTHER AND IF YOU HAVE NOT BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS CHILD THEN YOU ARE OVER STEPING YOUR BOUNDARIES BY ASKING TO BRING THE CHILD UP THERE. IF U LOVE YOR MANN AND OBVISOLY U DO SINCE YOU R DOING A BID WITH HIM YOU WOULD LET THE BM GO AND HAVE FAITH IN YOUR MAN NOT OVER STEPING HIS BOUNDARIES IF NOT THEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS KINDA QUESTIONED.:)

I agree I had the same situation with my huband and his BM. She lives in Texas and the day before she visited he recieved a letter stating that she was coming to CA to visit some friends and that she was going to bring the kids to see him. The kids havent see him for 3 years! I already knew that she was a approved visitor because my husband told me he sent her a form along time ago so if she did come to CA she might bring the kids to see him... So anyways I was ok with the situation. It did make me mad because it was short notice and I was gonna go the day she did show up. I have 2 kids and she does too so that meant that someone wasnt gonna get in, and I didnt want it to be my kids or hers. So I left the situation alone and had faith and most importantly TRUST in my man that he would not only handle the situation appropriatly but represent both of us out there in the visiting room!!! Guess what as soon as she figured out that she didnt piss me off she didnt even bother again.... I think also maybe she needed some closure being that she lives in Texas and we live in CA. Maybe she thought our marriage was not real but after she saw that tatoo and his ring I guess she was offiially NOTIFIED!!! Have faith ladies, its hard being the wife of a man that has previouse children but if you work through it with your man it will be worth it later!!!!

okay ladies, calm down a little, I know you must be upset about this however, you can't forget it is not about her it is about the baby, lets not forget. Anyway you look at it the baby should come first. Sadly, but its true. the BM on the other hand is a different story. If it seems to bother you that bad see if you can get him to talk to her and let you take the baby with you. Not only that i will be a break for her while you have the baby. unless she is trifling as hell.

I have to agree with the highlighted part of this... There is a time when YOU need to be the ADULT and STOP being so SELFISH!!! Children get unconditional love from the father and mother...no matter if the mother is a skank or the father a dog. Kids don't see that. Try and remember that. My Son is just now finding out how his "sperm Donor" biological father...(whatever you wanna call him) is like but my Son is 14 now and has a mind of his own. Personally I feel like nomatter what the kid deserves the time and NEEDS it more than you do. Kids are like sponges and soak up everything... positive and negative. How do you want them to remember you? Honey talk to your man, If you know he loves you there should be no problem with him seeing his kids even if SHE is there.
MRSGUTHMILLER

okay ladies, calm down a little, I know you must be upset about this however, you can't forget it is not about her it is about the baby, lets not forget. Anyway you look at it the baby should come first. Sadly, but its true. the BM on the other hand is a different story. If it seems to bother you that bad see if you can get him to talk to her and let you take the baby with you. Not only that i will be a break for her while you have the baby. unless she is trifling as hell.


I agree his wife or not who are we to trip over his child comin to see him after 3 years. Even if it is drama from the mama or it makes you feel messed up you can't demand her not to go or for him to put a stop to it. I know the baby mama drama I lived it and it isn't easy and she sure isn't going for letting me take there daughtor to visit because she's triflin but I don't know if I would let my child , yes I do hell know I wouldn't for the simple fact I don't trust no one with my kids. Girl good luck and say a prayer for me also.lol

I personally have no problem with any of my husband baby momma's coming to bring the kids however since he is my husband there is no reason I can't be there also because remember she isn;t visiting him she is only bringing the kids. This shouldn't be a problem if all romantic feelings are over. I used to be a baby Momma and I never cared who my son father dated a few of his girlfriends actually became my friend because they alway had my child over. And yes to me since he is YOUR husband he should have discussed it with you FIRST!

I understand he wants to see his child but why can't you be there also? You are his wife and I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be there to meet his child. If she wants to get ignorant that's on her. He should have at least discussed what was going on with you.

I personally have no problem with any of my husband baby momma's coming to bring the kids however since he is my husband there is no reason I can't be there also because remember she isn;t visiting him she is only bringing the kids. This shouldn't be a problem if all romantic feelings are over. I used to be a baby Momma and I never cared who my son father dated a few of his girlfriends actually became my friend because they alway had my child over. And yes to me since he is YOUR husband he should have discussed it with you FIRST!
i agree with this response:D

UMM I HAVEN'T READ ALL THE POSTS, BUT UMMM AIN'T NO WOMAN BRINGING ANYONE TO SEE MY HUSBAND. IF HE NEEDS TO SEE HIS OTHER OR SHE CAN GO WITH ME WHEN ME AND OUR KIDS GO. NO ONE IS TAKING MY OR MOUR KIDSVISITS FROM ME. SHE SHOULDN'T MIND GOING WITH ME IF SHE'S COMING FOR THE KIDS AND NOT HERSELF. HOLLA:thumbsup:

WELL FROM TIME TO TIME WE FIND OUR SELF IN SITUATION WE WISH COULD DISAPPEAR BUT WE MUST FACE THEM HEAD ON SO I HOPE U THE BEST,,,,,,

Children should always come first. And we as woman should realize that. Why make your mate have to choose? Why should a child be escorted into a prison setting without her mother present? Do you honestly think a "stranger" is the best choice for a re-union with the other parent? I don't. As you build a bond and open repore with both the ex and the child I can see shared visits.

Well i am a BM, and you have no choice but to understand, even if she is using the kids to get closer to him it shouldn;t matter as long as u know he will do the right thing. If u have something to worrie about u must not trust him. And he doesn't have to discuss anything with u those are hiskids and they need to come fiist no matter what.

Hmmm..let Me See..children Always Come First. Thats Very Very True. My Husband Doesn't Have To Choose. He Would Want All His Kids There. If The Baby Mama Wants To Go She Can Go With Her Children. My Husband Has One Other Child And I Know The Mother. I Am Not A Stranger. His Daughter Loves Me. I Am Her Step Mother. If Your Involved With A Man That Has Kids How Could You Ever Be A Stranger To His Other Kids? Even If I Didn't Know Her Or Her Child I Still Think That Shared Visits Should Be Done. Why Should Any Of Our Kids Go Without A Visit When We All Can Visit At The Same Time? I Don't Even Think It's About Having Something To Worry About. If Your Married Or Your In A Serious Relationship With Someone You Should Be Able To Visit Whether Or Not Your Baby Mama Wants To Come And Visit With Her Kids. She Either Can Deal With It Or Not Visit. I'm A Woman And I Would Never Disrespect His Other Kids/kid So It Should Be All Good. My Husband Does Have To Discuss Everything With Me Even If They Are His Kids. We Are Married And We Are In This Together. We Don't Have Secrets. I Have 2 Other Kids From A Previous Relationship And I Discuss Them With My Husband. His Kids And My Kids Are A Family Also. We Are Step Mothers And Step Fathers. It Should All Be Handled With Respect And Honesty