I saw my girl, I f****** hurt okay, I hurt. I love her and I felt so bad. I an trying so hard to be sober, I am trying so hard. Tonight on the 13 I am again Joe drunk. She was so warm, so together, and me... Arrrrgh.
Let me tell everyone how hard this is, to try and be part of a human being. I love god and I love the whole world, let their be no doubt.
Today I face charge of felony dui, I f****** hurt and it is not right. I let down my soulmate, I have let her dowm.
What is so wrong, I may do time and she may go free and only support me, arrgh.
I have let my Heidi down and I f****** hurt
Do not fear, Joey can deliever, Alone i AM one, I am two people, I am three together I am for each other.
I hurt tonight and I am alone

Remember. you are NEVER alone. no matter what your belief system (bs) is, you are never alone or you wouldn't reach out in this web site. we are all on you on your side. people use alcohol because it works, it makes you forget everything. too bad we have to wake up in the morning but it's ok. each morning we get to try again. one day follows another and before you know it, it's a week later and you haven't had a drink....i'm pulling for you and so is your girl!

I've been sober over 18 years. You can do the same. What did it for me was going to AA, following their suggestions, and not drinking one day at a time. You don't have to drink anymore. Give it a try.

Thanks I do hurt so bad. I have friends who think more of me. i need more....
Tonight I threw my keys outside
I know not where they landed
I called thiose whom I trusted
I prayed
I hurt so bad
I love my girl, are you knew?
This is so hard for me....

Joey and to others out there who hurt,
I think back to days when I thought I really didn't want to be here in this big world, how could I deal with it all by myself. Divorce, missing my kids, my job falling apart, my kids were troubled including my ex. Second divorce, starting over again. It took me a year after the first divorce to convince myself that I wanted to hang around a little longer.

The second divorce wasn't near as bad because it was actually less stressful than the first.

What I did was focus on my children. I told myself you need to be here for them if not yourself. Then, I found the more I focused on them and their problems, I knew why god left me here in this big world that is scary at times, so many uncertainties. It was no longer about me, it was all about them. I even tried harder to work with their mother as parents to give them more support.

I have been so scared for the things that my kids have seen and gone through but I think it has made them all stronger including myself going through it all. Yes, I hated seeing everyone in pain during so many times during this period.

Life is love and life is pain. I think it makes a difference on where we focus our thoughts in these times of troubles. I have seen those that drink, those that cut themselves, those on drugs, those that wasn't quite sure who they were at one time or another. Depression is a killer, the loss of hope is a killer, but love and focusing on others and their problems can be a life saver.

When you are caught in the middle of the storm, you may find it is safer than being on the outer edges of it.
God Bless you all. Joey I hope things are looking better for you and your lady.
Randy