After several years of being on death row... my guy's family don't come around nor write. Out of the blue an aunt of his wrote and asked to visit him... He in turn tells her NO, or she could contact me for a date that I wouldn't be there. I have mixed feelings with this. I want him to get all the visits he can... But he's been hurt by his family and I don't want to cause further pain by pushing a relationship. Can anyone help me? :eek:

you wouldnt be pushing a relationship, its her that has asked not you, and to be honest I think that if you dont give her the chance you might regret it.

Witchypoo,

Thanks, I would never stop anyone from visiting. Parts of me say its the pain he feels speaking... I will do what I must to bridge the gap. I just feel sooooo bad for him. Its knowing that he has a limited time here, and the fact that they turned their backs on him hurts... But, well there is no but, I'll just be strong as I can for him. I wonder if the aunt will contact me... I asked for information and he told me NO. Its all on her.:angry:

Hi ya,
as much as it may stress you out, this is his choice.
I know your priority is with trying to make his remaining time happy and stress free, and so would mine be, you probably dont want to hear this but when the time comes, his family will have to live with thier choices of not keeping in contact, believe me to live wth guilt is a life sentence. ( i had a friend commit suicide when i was young and i lived with the guilt for many years, because I hadnt been there when he needed me most )

I have like most people hear read so much about the death penalty and what people go through , so people turn thier backs because they just cann't cope with the stress and some because they just want to pretend it isnt really happening.
Wait and see if she contacts you, but please be as friendly as you can towards her because it will probably take a lot for her to contact you. and when the time comes it will help you to know that some one else cared.

My heart goes out to everyone who is on death row and those close to them, including you hun

I know its not the same thing but we all have a limited life time, some shorter than others , some previlaged some not, but you also have to stop bearing all of his troubles as well as your own, stress never helped anyone.

i hope that helps a bit hun

:thumbsup: Thanks, and it does... I haven't heard anything yet so Pray for us.

Tracy had a brother who for 13 years he wanted nothing to do with Tracy. Tracy tried many times to contact him, but to no avail. His brother finally came around the day of Tracys execution and we got special permission and Tracy was able to speak with his brother on the phone.

I spoke with his brother many times after Tracy was gone and he said that he lived with so much guilt for what had happened. He had left the home many years before because he couldn't take the abuse that was going on. He felt that he had played a large part in what happened to Tracy. So in order to live with that guilt and to carry on he walked away and ignore everything that was going on and pretended that it wasn't happening. To this day his brother is still eaten up with so much guilt over everything.

I don't agree with his decision to walk away all those years ago. But I also know as human beings we try and wipe things out of our mind as if they don't exist in order to prtect ourselves.

Maybe your honey will come around and want to visit her maybe he won't. But he has to make that choice. I know Tracy forgave his family many years ago for all the hurt and pain, because he didn't want to die with any hate on his heart.

Sometimes family comes and goes, so she may not contact you. Being family isn't always blood, it is what is in your heart.

You both will be in my prayers and thoughts.

softie

I think it is only his decision.

It may be his family has begun feeling guilty/bad about not visiting sooner. It is hard to adjust and understand that, but it should be his decision if he wants to visit with any of them.

:eek: Well, I got a chance to visit w/ my guy... It is a very touchy subject on family visits. I am the only visitor I found out. and I told him I support him however HE decides to handle this. He feels it's no change of heart, but he's been in touch w/ a grandparent that can't visit... It's more or less guilt. His GPop can't visit due to age and illness, but has continued a strong connection and communication w/ him. He feels he's getting worst, and has asked certain things of the family.

I wish my brother was close enough for me to go to visit him. Due to limited funds on my part I am unable to make the trip to GA to see him. I live in Michigan. We do have our monthly calls to look forward to and one day I will see him!

WandaMI,
As the Pto family has helped me understand that I can't decide for my guy and his family, I say to you... It is different when funds limited your visits. Your heart is with him and he knows. That makes the difference. and I am certain he loves you and your strength for being a sister to him. Be blessed