Kody'sBabyGirl
12-20-2005, 10:28 AM
I posted this in the wedding announcement page and was told to put it here. I regularly check PTO but have never read anything in here. I added a little more detail below. So here's my story Well me and my guy are supposed to get married on Thursday 12/22/05. Let me first start off by giving a little background. he was in prison before I met him and he started working where I worked. I worked there for 3 years. He started last July and I was married at the time. I was having problems with my ex and by December I wanted a divorce and started seeing my man. We had a great couple of months but then he started into drugs again and I knew it and had one of his friends move in with us. Caused major problems I kicked him out of the house but he still stayed the night with me every night. He quit his job because they "wrongly accused him" of finding his crack pipe in the bathroom. We worked with 10 other people and never had this problem before. Things got worse, we got in an argument at a gas station where he slapped me and went to jail for the night. I bailed him out, he said he was sorry. Well it didn't end. I lost my job and moved my stuff to my grandparents. I stayed the night there and then wanted him so badly and he came and picked me up. Then, he broke into my new apartment and went to jail that night also. I would wash his clothes and find crack pipes in the washer and he's tell me they weren't his. he lied to me so many times. And he told me that I was lying and that I was cheating on him because my best friend was my ex boyfriend from the 9th grade. Give me a break. The last and final thing was when my dad was leaving to go to CA. My man took his stuff from my apartment in my horse trailer and my truck and we met my dad. Earlier that morning he held me on the ground and choked me. We went to meet my dad and my dad knew something was wrong. He asked if everythign was alright. I asked my dad if he would follow us to my man's house to drop his stuff off. My man got pissed. We got in my truck and he said I told you not to pull anything shady. He punched me and I jumped out. He took off after me and started fighting with my dad. He punched my dad's window and pulled a knife on him. This is why he is in there now. Anyways I moved to Utah to be with his mom but all my family in in Colorado. My family is very upset and disappointed in me and it really hurts. Over the last 3 months I haven't had a steady job, and my bills are really bad. My phone and my truck are on the verge of getting shut off and taken from me. I've sent him $1500 for commissary and clothes etc. I've also paid $1000 in phone bills and haven't even taken care of my self. I told him that I wanted to come home and live with my mom because it is not working out here. He flew off the handle and got pissed. I love him very much but the last year has been the worst year of my life. I've lost sight of me, my goals, my dreams, anything important to me. I let myself down also. I've never let anybody tell me what to do but I let him. I'm worried that this may all happen again. Especially after our recent conversation. My family always had a problem with him, because they saw me drifting away. I rodeo and my horses are so important to me and I am good at what I do. I slowly started to quit riding my horses and quit winning. I also sold MaryKay. I was very successful and the year ends in July and I wanted to go to the awards because I would be receiving one. Well he told me I couldn't go and I didnt. Also, my cousins like 6-7 years younger than me came over to go to a rodeo with me. He got pissed because it was a "we" thing. There are so many things and why do I keep doing this? I don't know. The words he said were so much worse than him hitting me. He would say things about my dad and I've always been my daddy's little girl. My dad is bad into drugs and has gotten worse because of all this. All my friends aren't as close to me anymore actually some won't even call me back. because I've left them high and dry. But why can't I do the same to him? He's been in there for 3 months. I talk to him everyday atleast 3 times a day. I write him everyday and wait for his letters. He found God in there. And really do notice a change in his demeanor. He doesn't cuss hardly anymore but I want to think he can change and that he has but I'm still afraid that this will all happen again. I am living with his Mom and worried about that situation. I mean I live 8 hours from my family and his mom has beenn very good to me. A really good friend and she says that if it works out between us good. I've been meaning to talk to her about this all. She doesn't know any of this has happened. he told her that my dad is wrongfully accusing him etc. I've never told her, afraid that she won't believe me. She is a very strong woman. My man actually has a 5 year old son which his mom has custody of. His ex was bad into drugs and abusive(so his mom and he says) to him. He had some domestic stuff with her but his mom says that she has seen her kick the crap out of my man. So I don't know what to believe. A part of me wants to get ahold of her to ask her but will she just lie? Because she does still love him and talks to him about getting back together. I don't knwo I'm really confused. I love him unlike any other but I don't mean to be conceited. I am a pretty girl, always had nice guys, homecoming queen and now I'm in a shell being told what to do still, even though he is locked up. I've never let anyone dictate me. I've always been a leader and smart but what happened? In the last 6 months I've thrown it away and for what? I know what you are all going to say. But I am really listening this time.Can any one relate? I can't talk to my friends as they don't understand. They think he is bad because he is in there. So I need some help here. I know this is alot to read but please I need some true advice. Thanks!