HI everyone I am new here to PTO since 11/28 and I just started corespondence with someone on DR (Polunksy unit) I really did not expect the first reply to be so emotional. He seems to have so much he wants to say and I could feel his pain honestly. I really want to be there and assure him that I will not give up on him. I don't think he has anyone to be honest he told me his family disowned him and it doesnt sound like anyone else will write him either. But my question is does anyone have any suggestions for writing, I do want to make his days a little brighter. I wrote him and told him I will not give up or walk away (yes I am aware of his crime ) and asked what he needed and said I will do what I can. So I know sometimes from what I have read mail is a huge problem, this one says ok to perfume that one says no most all say no polaroids. ( dont have any so that's no problem) what would be things that you would suggest for starter letters sorry I don't know what to say I am not great with words here in the public. Mostly I don't want to say the wrong things stuff like that it's very new to me to write someone on DR for the longest time I never dreamed I would and now I am glad I did and don't want to screw up and make things worse.... anyway I hope someone answers me thanks ....

Your a sweet girl and welcome to pto! Sweetie I would just write and tell him everyday things I wouldn't mention anything about being on death row untill he writes and starts to talk about it. Let him get to know you thrugh letters be formal as not to make him believe your rally involved with him but let him know you care! Let him know how your day went if it was good or bad and about your job! Nothing too personal let him know you want to be his friend! Other than that I don't know what to tell you to say. Those are the kind of things I would talk about. God luck and God Bless You

I think prisoners like hearing day to day things, just tell them about your day, what you had for dinner and something i do is tell him what is going on in the news, i read the papers and write articles for him, i give him song lyrics, just cheer him up.

Thank you both for the reply :) I really am concerned with mentioning things in my everyday, like even going to the store would be hard for him to hear. I hate shopping honestly but if I could never do it again it would seem like the best thing to do in the world. Does that make sense? But your advice makes sense and I will maybe send him pictures of places he wishes he could be. I thought maybe he and I could write a story back and forth about it as if we were traveling. I do not want him to get the wrong impression but I want him to know he has a good friend in me.... I am sure after a few letters I will be fine and it will be natural. I just worry to much I suppose?

Hi Silentdreamer - i used to worry that sharing all the fun things i do was somehow hurting my penpals feelings too. I would almost feel guilty in a strange way. I realize now that its okay - they love to hear about what we do - the only thing i try not to talk to much about is food - because they get fed trash. Just be yourself - you're right after a few letters you will be more comfortable - just like any friendship it takes time to get to know someone.

YES guilty would explain the feeling.... I would never bring up food because I cant cook anyway and I hate eating the same stuff over and over ( many times I cant afford more that ramen noodles ) so that would not be anything of interest anyway thank you for that advice though I would not have even given that much thought.

It is always important to treat them like you would treat any other friend. Don't make them feel different or anything. Let them open up to you but at the same time ask questions. Every guy is different in there just like every person is different out here.

:D Hi it's me again,
As I said before just write everyday things like what you watched on tv or what you have heard in the news or something you have read maybe some jokes anything that will brighten his day! Find the card thread and submit his name and address and sifferent people will send him cards or post cards as that really will cheer him up and let him know that he is cared about by alot of people.:thumbsup: :thumbsup: These are just a few more idea's I hope they help feel free to pm me if you need to chat or vent anytime ok hang in there you will do just fine! Have a good night, as always Cathy BBS MOM I can see I went to the wrong quote but i'm sure she will get the idea any way I hope so anyway sorry[ quote=sharj]Hi Silentdreamer - i used to worry that sharing all the fun things i do was somehow hurting my penpals feelings too. I would almost feel guilty in a strange way. I realize now that its okay - they love to hear about what we do - the only thing i try not to talk to much about is food - because they get fed trash. Just be yourself - you're right after a few letters you will be more comfortable - just like any friendship it takes time to get to know someone.[/quote]

A warm welcome to the PTO family and to the DP forums. You will find alot of Love and Support here.

As others have said write about everyday things. They love hearing about it, they see the world through our eyes. I took my daughter to the State fair this year and I wrote about it all to one of my pen friends at Polunsky and sent pictures. He loved it and I had no idea, but he told me he had never been to a fair ever. And me describing it made him feel like he had been to one. He asks me if he went would I buy him, a hot dog, some cotton candy and Carmel apple. So I looked on the net and found pictures of those and printed them off for him. He was so happy to see what I saw through my eyes.

You can print jokes off for him, also if he likes a certain sports team you can keep him up to date with what they are doing (in season)

We also have a wonderful thread here at PTO with lots of great ideas for Christmas
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=157842

softie

Oh wow thank you so much everyone :) I really need to find that card thread that is so nice.... I will also click the link softie and thank you all for welcoming me I really need the support your all offering here I am sure there will be tough times ahead but I can see there is a lot of love and support here and room for everyone.... I need to go shopping tomorrow since its my day off and get some xmas cards....

You can also contact CaliforniaSunshine or BSS about our volunteer card exchange program and get his name listed on that for Birthdays and Christmas.

Here is our card forum
http://prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=219

By the way we have plenty of room and Love and encouragement in this forum for everyone.....:) You have a whole new family here through good times and bad times.

Happy Day off and have fun shopping.....:)

softie

thank you for that info softie I did laundry that was not fun but i bought 4 xmas cards so far it's hard to find semi plain ones though because i know some places wont let you have glitter or foil or even pop ups so i will look for more next week maybe go to the hallmark store next . I am off to grab some names from the card forum to send some good cheer to others in need.

silentdreamer-

hi! i also had difficulties picking out jsut the right cards to send to my friend. i stood in the hallmark store for probably 30 minutes, opening and reading card after card and getting frustrated at how there was no 1 perfect card. the peropl in the store must have thought i was nuts!

Every Death Row inmate I have had contact with has mentioned missing the same thing: color, in a world where everything is gray and even seeing the sky can be an unimaginable luxury. An easy way to share some color and help introduce yourself: buy a few color postcards of your area and send them with your next letter. Write a line or two on the back of each--some states will confiscate blank postcards (try and figure that one out!).

I quite agree with those who suggest not trying to ask questions about life on Death Row, though as your friendship develops, your pen pal will probably tell you many things you would never have thought to ask. If s/he starts offering comments, questions are probably welcome. If you ask questions and don't get a direct answer, don't feel as if you may have asked the wrong questions. You may simply have mentioned something the prisoner does not feel comfortable discussing in a letter which, after all, will be read by prison censors and quite possibly photocopied for his or her file before being sent on to you.

Remember that you're corresponding with someone who is lonely in a way the vast majority will never have to even comprehend. Be aware that there are a few con artists out there and exercise the appropriate cautions, but congratulate yourself for reaching out. You will almost certainly be glad in time that you made the effort.

Hi silentdreamer,
I have a few penpals at polunsky and with all of them, after about the second letter that I sent to them I have sent them postcards of the town that I live in and they all love photos heaps!!! All of my penpals want to hear what I have been doing, whether I have only watched tv or have gone down the street shopping. Happy writing and I hope you enjoy PTO as I do!!!
Ness

Thank you all for your replies sorry I have not been here in a few days a lot going on with work and I finally got a reply from another pal I wrote . He is a lifer... I have sent each of them xmas cards that were cute and bright my gift to each of them was my friendship so I am hoping that is a gift they will treasure as I will. Nessynou since you have friends in Polunsky I am glad you let me know they can get postcards there I have asked each of my friends to send me what they can and cannot have in prison in addition to what they might need of course with the understanding I am not rich but will do what I can when I can... MY pal in polunsky seemed so lost and alone I got him a special friendship card for xmas I felt he needed something extra special this year. I wish I could send more.... I don't know all the rules yet though.

Just an idea you could also go to www.puzzlemaker.com (http://www.puzzlemaker.com) and make up your own crossword puzzles other different lil puzzles i am doing that and they seem to like it !!!!

the rules are pretty simple. I keep my letters to about 6 pages max, a few photos and then also little cards when I know that they are down and need a bit of cheering up. I am so glad that you got a letter, it is such a great feeling, seeing the mail in the mailbox!! Oh and one of my friends replied today that he loved the vanilla perfumed that I sprayed on his letter so it was nice to share my favourite scent with him. And all of my friends loved all the post cards that I sent them when I was away on holidays. They felt like they were with me the whole time!!

I send postcards of my home, pictures of plants I am putting in my garden, photos from everywhere with my family, brochures from religious events (we are same religion). I always write him a normal letter and 2 pages of religious information and he does the same back. I also send him my course reports.

We have a very similar upbringing ie both grew up in farming areas and like animals. Both ended up in the city. Both converts. Both eldest children. Both bad tempered ;) So we always find lots to talk about.

Finally I involve him in my life. I ask his opinions about how to do things ie my son wasnt making friends at his new school and I was worried about him so my pen pal said he should join the sports teams- which worked a dream. I am amazed at how many good answers I get.

I wasnt expecting anything from a guy in a 7 x 3 concrete slab 24/7 except to make him smile... but he has been one of the kindest people I have met in my whole life. So relax and write I am sure it will all be fine.

i also write 4 death row guysthey love the jokes, news articles,cross words, word searches and mazes that i find in the net for them, they love to know and hear about all the things already mentioned and even what my favorite t v programs are,poems, and i even make them certificates, book marks, the certificates say things like the words most awesome friend

Warm welcome to wonderful PTO-family. I have also really dear friend in Polunsky unit. I just got X-mas card and long letter from him. He really is the most caring friend I ever had. I enjoy our long talks... He has so much to say and has burned true place to my heart. Have a wonderful time here, and enjoy your friendship & merry christmas!!!! Lots of love, Noora.

Thank you for all the info I did wind up sending him a nice xmas card and a few long letters to make him feel special and wanted as a friend. He seems to be pushing me for more mail I dont think he got my last two letters yet because he keeps saying things like as I told you in my last letter as if to say I have yet to get a response from you. OH man he is telling me about his horrible childhood it's breaks my heart I mean I too have a bad childhood but at least I managed not to go to jail and I am thankful everyday for that I know I spent many years feeling worthless getting involved with users and abusers because I never felt any self worth. I have since overcome a great deal of those feelings and can look at myself now and am happy who I am but now I need to get him to see he is a wonderful person and we all make mistakes some just get caught up in the bitterness of the world. I am so happy he feels he can open up to me but I dont want him getting made because I cannot control the mail system :( I know he does not get much if any other mail so maybe he does not yet understand the way it is??? Speaking of I better get to writing he sent me the sweetest handmade frame and xmas card he just melts me ( not in a romantic way ) I just wish I could give him a big hug and tell him someone really cares!