My birthday is on Friday and I just checked the mail and Robert (Boo) sent me this nice card and a long letter wishing me happy birthday and all that jazz.

The problem is this: I am so lonely! It was one thing when we could talk on the phone, but we got a little out of hand with the phone calls this year and my bill went up to $900. Until I pay that off, I cant talk to my sweetie on the phone. I miss hearing his voice so much and when I got that card, I just cried. His birthday was on Monday (20th), and I sent him two cards also, but it is nothing like hearing his voice.

We write eachother every week to compensate for us not being able to talk, but I am getting frustrated.

My girlfriends are trying to get me to go out with them on Friday, but I cant seem to get myself in the mood. I know it would be good for me, but I feel so depressed. I know its only a few more months until he comes home, but these last 4 years have been so hard on me, and they seem even harder now.

I guess that is all, I just wanted to vent a little.

Sorry for my whining.

Pat

Pat...Go out with your girlfriends, honey. You may not feel like it now, but trust me, once you get out and about, you'll have the time of your life! You're in a tough spot, so you have every right to feel down, but don't deprive yourself of FUN! >^..^<

PAT- FIRST OF ALL-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING AWAY FROM YOUR HONEY AND NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO HIM- I ALSO CAN RELATE TO THOSE SKY-HIGH PHONE BILLS- DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU COULD ARRANGE TO HAVE HIM CALL YOU AT ONE OF YOUR FRIEND'S HOUSE-JUST ONE TIME FOR YOUR B-DAY? I FEEL CERTAIN ONE OF THEM WOULD LET YOU DO THAT-

ALSO, I THINK YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS- IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL JUST SIT AND MOPE-OR IF YOU DONT WANT TO GO "OUT,OUT" THEN JUST DO SOMETHING!!! I SPENT MY LAST BIRTHDAY WITH MY GIRLS-WE RENTED A MOTEL ROON, SWAM, WATCHED MOVIES, ATE PIZZA, DANCED, HAD PILLOW FIGHTS, ETC--IT IS OKAY TO HAVE SOME FUN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY-DONT FELL GUILTY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO PSEND IT WITH HIM-THAT IS SOMETHING NEITHER OF YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER- AND I AM SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO BE A "GOOD GIRL"--WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO, I HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY-YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Pat - Happy birthday!!! I have to agree with the others. It won't do you any good to sit at home alone. Actually, it may make your depression worse. Go out, have a good time and be with other people.

Tracy

You guys are right, but I cant help this depressing feeling. Since we are not physically together, I got addicted to those telephone calls...and since they regulate them, 30 minutes was never enough, then 1 hr wasnt enough...by the end of the day we had talked 6 times for 30 min. each! And boy did that add up!

As for him calling me at my girlfriends house, the prisoners have to put the numbers they want to call on a phone list, and it takes 4 days for it to be approved, so even if i sent him the # to call, he wouldnt be able to make it in time to call me. But that was a great idea, thanks.

I am just being a big baby right now, thanks for listening.

Pat

As if all relationships weren't hard enough, ya know? Pat, were you already involved w/ your guy before he went in? And if you don't go out for yourself at least go out for ME!! LOL I had no idea this could be such a roller coaster!

We actually met while he was in...but he was/is a friend of my brothers and called to talk to him one day when I was visiting home in NY. We started out writing and talking on the phone for about a year, then I went to go visit him. That was 4 years ago. Now he comes home in Feb. next year!

I am probably going to go out, but I am just in a mood right now, I will get over it.

Thanks for your note

Pat

Pam,

DO NOT reject your friends! That's what I try not to do. When you go out on the town your stresses go away for the time being. I know how it is though when that happens so you're not alone.

o.k. I have ten years to go. I've only made it through one so far.. any advice from one of you veterans? And shouldn't Pat go out just to get her hair & nails done if for no other reason? It sounds like she deserves it!!

Oh trust me...I ALWAYS go and get my hair and nails done!!!! Like I said, I am just in a funky mood today because I cant talk to him.

Just being a bratty baby, spoiled! I will go out with my friends, I am sure by Friday I will be out of this funk. I just needed to whine a little bit! LOL

Thanks you guys

Pat

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL. GO HAVE A GOOD TIME. YOU DESERVE IT.

Thanks Pam!

I know I deserve it. I feel like I am in prison sometimes too! But I do know that at times I have to pamper myself and feel good about being me, so I will do that.

Thanks again

Pat

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAT!!

I know exactly how you feel about the phone calls. Stephen used to call me at least once a day (which I relize now was too much for what they charge) and then the bill got so big that it was cut off all together..:( Now that he has been moved from the county jail to the prison he doesnt have ANY phone priveleges..just keep telling yourself-ONE DAY CLOSER! when he comes home you can make up for all those birthdays you were apart--how sweet they will be! Even if you dont feel like it now I am sure you will have a good time with your friends on Friday--beats sitting at home thinking about how much you miss your man right? maybe you can get your mind off it for a while and just relax. have agood time and enjoy your birthday! Dont forget to make a GOOD wish on those candles!!!

Hi Pat....Happy Birthday....have a great time and just keep remembering you don't have that much longer till you'll have plenty of time together....

happy birthday, i know it is hard but trust me it would be really good for you to go out..

Hey girl... another HAPPY BIRTHDAY.... and one more thought.... as much as I sometimes don't feel like going out and having a good time... and then as guilty as I feel for being out and about with friends when my JD can't be.... I know that HE always feels BETTER when he hears that I have gone out and had fun. As much as he would like to be with me, is also makes him hurt to think of me being at home and alone and stressin and depressed... So go ahead and go out and toast to your boo... and know that thankfully this is the LAST birthday celebration you will have to have without him... so celebrate that too girl! I know it's hard to have limited contact.... I haven't talked to JD on the phone since January and won't be able to hear his voice on the phone til July 2004.... But just as we tell them to not let the situation kills their spirit... we can't let circumstances keep us down either....

>>>but I cant seem to get myself in the mood<<<

Well maybe those girl friends needs to kick your butt! Then while your trying to figure out why, hog tie ya and drag you out for your own good. ;-]

Pat - Happy Birthday! I just look at my situation like this - if I was locked up and Wayne was out, I would want him to go out with friends for his birthday. I trust him - completely. My baby isn't dead and as much as I hate it that he's locked up, I don't have to act like a grieving widow. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't cheat on him for anything in this world, but I don't have to punish myself either. Go out, have a good time, and celebrate your birthday. Girl - it's your day!

a belated happy birthday from me too girl, and a big hug!! I agree with the others, go out with your girls..maybe start somewhere relaxed and give yourself the chance to get in the mood a little more. I'm sorry you didn't get to speak to your Boo, but we both know he was there with you, mentally and will be there with you, having fun, when you're going out with your girls.
This is probably harder because his release is getting closer too?
You do deserve to have fun, and like you said, not only the inmate is in jail, but also their family and spouses. and sometimes I think the jail we're in can real hard too. because we can do whatever we want, go whereever we want. because of that we might feel guilty for having fun while our man can't, at times...

feel free to whine here anytime and let us know how much fun you had with your girls, ok? loveya

Another Happy Birthday from me as well Pat!!

I totally agree w/the others on going out w/your friends & having a good time!! It's been a hard 4 years, but just think in a couple more months it will be all over & you will have your man w/you where he belongs!! HEAVEN!!

Take care girl!
Diona

You girls are all so sweet! And each and every one of you is correct in that I should go out with my friends, which I have every intention on doing!

And I know that its only 8 1/2 more months left until Boo is home, but it seems like it is so hard now that the time is almost there! When I knew it was years, it was easier, now that its only months, I am beginning to get anxious. Let alone the fact that I cant talk to him on the phone as much as I used to.

But like I said, I will get over it, I just needed to whine a little. Thank you all for being there for me.

And thanks for the birthday wishes...I will make sure I have a drink tomorrow for all of you guys!

Pat

YOU SHOULD BE FLYING PRETTY HIGH AFTER YOU HAVE A DRINK FOR EACH ONE OF US :)

HAVE A MARGARITA FOR ME...

AND REMEMBER DONT DRINK AND DRIVE ....BE SAFE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

hey have a purple hooters for me!!! :)