Hello all,
I have a problem and could use everyone's insight. My man, who hasn't even been to trial yet, is very depressed. No matter how hard I try to keep up his spirits and encourage him he can't seem to stop thinking about having to go to prison. His trial is in around 8 weeks and I can't get him to do anything even remotely productive. He basically feels that there is no point in it because he will be gone soon. He feels that he can't get a job because he has been arrested with a felony charge, he sits around all day at his moms, (we are living there because he lost his job when he got arrested and we had to sell the house) and I am scared that he has just given up. Has this happened to anyone else out there? We have 2 kids and I am working full time. I'm scared that I'm beginning to feel resentful toward him because I feel like I'm giving 110% and he's just given up. I love him so much and don't want to lose him. I want us to spend the time we have left enjoying each other and bonding as a family. Not dreading each day because it's one day closer to "D" day or so to speak. We are also trying to find a house that I can afford on my salery but are having a hard time finding anything and living at the in-laws is getting harder and harder for me every day. If anyone out there has any advise about how to get him hubby to wake up and remember to appreciate what he has I'd really appreciate it.
Tiredly yours, Tommy's girl

Wow, he does sound completely depressed, which is understandable but at the same time it is not fair to put all of the burden on you. I don't really have any great advice or anything, but if it were me, I would just give him your love and be there for him through this and try to remind him that his life is going on right now and he's not in prison yet - to enjoy every moment you guys have together until he has to go. And when he does have to go to prison, it will NOT be the end of the world, he'll have you guys supporting him, and he WILL get through it. And don't forget to take care of yourself Tommy's girl - it sounds like you are way overdue for some rest and relaxation.

It's hard to know what to say that may be helpful. These are dificult and trying times for you and your family, and no one is suffering more or deeper, but all suffering in their own way.
Just remember that we are never given more than we can handle, you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.
Situations such as this can strengthen a family or allow it to tear the family apart, just know that there are many others that have gone through the same things.. and have survived and are still standing (even with joy and smiles)... although @ times it seemed like we'd never laugh or smile again, but we do.
God Bless

Thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I guess that I get depressed and need to sometimes vent and/or ask for advice. I'm not giving up and things are looking brighter. Thank you for cheering me up and giving good advice. I need to remember to take things one day at a time and that it's ok to ask for help. You guys are the best.
:thumbsup: Tommy's girl

Glad to hear things are looking a little better. And yes, we all need to vent and let it all out sometimes. Best of luck to you guys!

Tommy's girl,

I haven't been in your shoes but I've been in your boyfriends. Judging from how I felt when it happened to me. I felt like I let my family down, like I was the lowest thing on earth, I was scared of prison, I was thinking of ways to fix everything and had no motivation. Please don't resent him for being "useless right now." He really has a lot on his mind. I know you do too, but imagine having someone else decide if you can stay with your family or not. It's frightening. You never know, the court system is unpredictable, he could walk with a slap or something else, but in his mind, it's over.

My advice would be to reassure him that you are going to be there for him NO MATTER WHAT. Tell him that you aren't upset with him and that we all make mistakes, take on more of a motherly role (in the sense of being kind and soft and supportive.) I honestly believe that in time this will get better for both of you. They can't keep you down forever.

Goodluck and Best Wishes.