Yes girls, the subject of cheating has made it's way to the IRR forum! :D

I can imagine you'd be boiling mad :angry: if you found out a period after release that your husband/fiance of color was out there cheating with several females. Once you found out who the females are only to notice a pattern that they all look "like him" and not "like you", would that make you even more angrier.

I would think some would say they'd just leave for the cheating period, but I also believe that many more would make excuses for him, like "it was a mistake, everybody deserves a second chance, we can move past it, we love each other", or whatever it is that you need to convince yourself that he's truthful when he pleads "it won't happen again."

Once you found out who the females are only to notice a pattern that they all look "like him" and not "like you", would that make you even more angrier.

I don't understand why this has to be about color. Cheating is cheating...period. It shouldn't matter one bit whether he cheats with someone of his race, your race or any other race, religion, or nationality. If we (those of us involved in IRR's) found ourselves in this situation and became more angry because the person he was with was the same race as he is....then we would be showing signs of the same prejudices that we face ourselves.

I agree with Amy. I find the post biased in that it was put in this forum in the first place, I'm hoping you can clarify your motivation. There are some pretty strong words about "making excuses for his cheating", are you suggesting it would be different if it weren't an IRR?

Motivation? The only motivation, like many of the other posters who ask questions on the board, is curiosity. No more, no less, at least on this end.

I'm kinda blown away that you guys find my curiosity offensive because it really comes from a honest place. I've heard of instances like what I've asked but never on an up close and personal level. To get an up close and personal response, because it is a relationship question that deals with IRR, that is why I posted it in this forum. That seems appropriate to me, and again, I don't understand why anyone would say "why post the question here".

Because race is no big deal or issue to me at all, and because you have said the same thing, I really don't get why people have gotten offended. :confused:

Well it wouldnt bother me that my man cheated on me with a person of color, it would bother me that he cheated period.

it would bother me either way but i think if it was with a female of his race it would make me feel like maybe thats what he really wanted was a black woman since i am white. when he was out he cheated on me with black females and i felt worse about that

it would make me feel like maybe thats what he really wanted was a black woman since i am white. when he was out he cheated on me with black females and i felt worse about that

Worse, but not angrier....right? I mean don't get me wrong here, but that goes more toward feeling that he doesn't want you in general. Wouldn't we feel that way even if he cheated with another white girl? Wouldn't we find some other difference to make it seem that he just wanted something else? If she was white we would say, 'she has money', 'she has a better body', 'she's thinner/thicker'...whatever the case might be.

I think it is all just a way to cope with the sting of it all. Almost every black man I have ever had cheat on me, cheated with a black woman. It never crossed my mind that he would prefer to have a black woman, and maybe that is just me. Around here, there aren't that many white women (or at least there didn't used to be) to choose from, so there was more logical opportunity to be with a black woman than a white woman. If I was ever 'more angered' by a man I dated cheating on me, it wasn't because of her skin color...in fact, the one time I remember being 'more angry' she was just plain old ugly. I think then, the only reason it made me feel 'angrier' was simply because I couldn't find that grand reason to take the sting out of the hurt I was feeling.

Here here, I agree with Amy also. What are you trying to find out? Can you clarify?

I don't understand why this has to be about color. Cheating is cheating...period. It shouldn't matter one bit whether he cheats with someone of his race, your race or any other race, religion, or nationality. If we (those of us involved in IRR's) found ourselves in this situation and became more angry because the person he was with was the same race as he is....then we would be showing signs of the same prejudices that we face ourselves.

Listen, when he goes to put his "you know what" into "you know where", it's all pink on the inside.....cheating is cheating! Good luck to you!

\[FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3]Because race is no big deal or issue to me at all, and because you have said the same thing, I really don't get why people have gotten offended. :confused:

I find it offensive because you are asking people to judge a situation by the color of someone's skin!

Although many of us are educated and aware enough to (try to) not consider skin color, that does not stop the fact that we live in the reality of a racist world.

it would bother me either way but i think if it was with a female of his race it would make me feel like maybe thats what he really wanted was a black woman since i am white. when he was out he cheated on me with black females and i felt worse about that

Thats how I feel too. Some of my boyfriends were black and they cheated on me with black women and it made me feel maybe thats what they wanted all along. I dont want to people to get offended by this. If you do, it's not my intention. I'm just trying to explain my feelings. When they cheat with someone that looks like me, of course Im still angry, hurt, and upset, but I dont think its as much. One time a black boyfriend cheated on me with a white girl. I think that made me more upset than the fact that he cheated. I felt like he traded me in for a white girl. I know that cheating is still cheating no matter the race of a person.

Thanks for representing ladies. Me and my husband are of the same race but if he were to cheat with a few ladies and I find out they are of the same race that's different than ours, because I feel a woman is a woman is a woman is a woman, that would not make me any angrier. The cheating would infuriate me but the race wouldn't be an issue at all for me.

Because that's how I feel on the matter, I was curious to find out how you guys feel. I'm a believer of if you want to know something, just ask, so I did and I really appreciate your sharings. :o

honestly, i wouldn't care either way. this has happened to me...all i saw was red because i was hurt and angry, nevermind that she was his race. i mean...i never really thought of this. but then again, on the flip side, i wondered why my hubby chose me...being that i'm black and he isn't...and i'm the first person he's ever dated outside of his race. sometimes i wonder if people will think he "sold out" to someone of another race. of course this has nothing to do with cheating...ok...
*back on topic*

LOL!

I have to completely agree with Amy (both posts). It wouldn't matter who he cheated with...the issue would be he cheated period. I wouldn't care if she was black, white, yellow, red, blue, green...wouldn't matter...all that would matter was that he disrespected me by cheating in the first place. Yeah..I have been "more hurt" in the past when I've been cheated on...for the same reason that Amy stated..cause the girl was just ugly...not because she was a certain race...

Sel

If my husband cheats on me with a woman of his race which is white i would be pissed not beccause she is white but because i am out here being faithful and respect him to the fullest and he cheats on me .. that is unacceptable i could give a darn if she was purple and gold.. color doesnt matter so technically you cant put a color issue on it.. for it exsit in every race, creed and color.. in my opinioin everyone feels the same pain when their man/woman cheats on them..

If my husband cheats on me with a woman of his race which is white i would be pissed not beccause she is white but because i am out here being faithful and respect him to the fullest and he cheats on me .. that is unacceptable i could give a darn if she was purple and gold.. color doesnt matter so technically you cant put a color issue on it.. for it exsit in every race, creed and color.. in my opinioin everyone feels the same pain when their man/woman cheats on them..

AMEN! I wouldn't care what color she was, I would be done with him! Period. Cheating is cheating, I don't need to know what color she is, he would be gone!

[quote=HeSoHandsome]Motivation? The only motivation, like many of the other posters who ask questions on the board, is curiosity. No more, no less, at least on this end.

I'm kinda blown away that you guys find my curiosity offensive because it really comes from a honest place. I've heard of instances like what I've asked but never on an up close and personal level. To get an up close and personal response, because it is a relationship question that deals with IRR, that is why I posted it in this forum. That seems appropriate to me, and again, I don't understand why anyone would say "why post the question here".

Because race is no big deal or issue to me at all, and because you have said the same thing, I really don't get why people have gotten offended. :confused: [/quote

I have to say I wasn't even close to being offended, it's actually something i think alot of people can relate too. IRR isn't a topic alot of people like to talk about for some reason.. Myself I like being different, and enjoy the diversity!!! :cool: eh? sp??

okay ppl she was just asking a question!
now for me to answer it i would say heck yeah i would be mad if he cheated with anyone..but i would be even more jealous if he cheated with someone of a different race because i would not be that race...itz more of a jealously thing...you see since i am a mix...i dont have to be jealous of anyone of any race because im sure i have part of them in me..but i am saying that if i saw my man was more attracted to one type...the opposite type of female..i would be hurt and upset and that would be so wrong.... thank goodness that wouldn't happen because he loves my race to death!:thumbsup:

For me, if my man cheats, the race doesn't bother me, it's the fact that he broke our trust that would piss me off. Regardless of the race, he will be out of my life since we both have a mutual understanding that infidelity will not be tolerated in our relationship.
For some people it does matter what race their man cheated with. For me that's not the point.

I wouldn't care what race the person was that he cheated with. Just the act of him cheating would do it for me. I spent too many years in a cheating relationship previously and will never tolerate it again.

I am not only in an IRR relationship I am also 15 years older than my man so you could even ask me if I'd be angrier if he cheated with someone closer to his own age. In any case cheating is cheating is cheating and I'd make no excuses for him regardless of race, age or anything else.

Patty

Ok well now I agree with all everyone who says cheating is cheating no matter what the race. But now My man and me have been together for almost 2 years. Now im white and my man is very very dark skinned. When we first got together with me he went and cheated on me with his ugly ex girlfriend. She ended up pregnant and while he was in jail she had the baby. I forgave hijm but now I guess shes been writing him letters talking about if he aint with her when he comes home she will take him to court and get full custody of his child. What should I do?

Why would it bother a white woman that a black man is sleeping with a black woman? I have no issues with interracial dating, I could care less about white women dating brothers...you like what you like. My boyfriend is Puerto Rican and if he stepped out on me that's what I'd be livid about, not the fact that he did it with a Latina. A lot of men nowadays are just into intelligent, attractive women regardless of the race. Cheating is cheating, doesn't matter with who. I read a reply in which a white woman said that when her black bf cheated with black women that made her feel worse. HUH? So if he was cheating with another white girl, that would make his cheating ok? I just don't see why it matters what race the girl is, the point is he's doing her at the same time that he's supposed to be with you.

Worse, but not angrier....right? I mean don't get me wrong here, but that goes more toward feeling that he doesn't want you in general. Wouldn't we feel that way even if he cheated with another white girl? Wouldn't we find some other difference to make it seem that he just wanted something else? If she was white we would say, 'she has money', 'she has a better body', 'she's thinner/thicker'...whatever the case might be.

Ok, here's my take. My husband and I are of the same race. He stepped out once w/ a girl who is shorter, thinner & has dark hair. I thought the type of girl he wanted. I felt quite fat compared to her. Course I was pregnant at the time too. It really all boiled down to the fact that she allowed him to use his drugs & be what he thought he wanted to be at the time. So I agree, no matter WHO it is, we will make things up in our heads about the others appearance as to why our man stepped out ;)

Stacy

I have to say...I understand your curiosity. I am guilty of telling my husband if he does cheat, it better not be with another white woman. I was the first & if I wasn't good enough then I better be the last. But the reality is that if he cheats or decides to leave, black, white, green or purple I hope she has more to offer him than I do. For God's sake leave me for better not worse.

I think cheating is cheating. Some people are bitter about who the person is because of the color. But if someone is unfaithful, at that point, does it really matter.

I did not find you post offensive....I am black married to a black man...but i think and correct me if i am wrong ...i never had this happened to me but i am assuming that you have posted this question because your man cheated on you with someone of his same race.....and the reason it bother you so much is because you feel they have more in common because they are of the same race so it makes you more angrier....It must make you self concious and make you think he really wants to be with a someone of his own race....If i did not understand this correctly... please correct me.

If that is what you are saying...You shouldn't let that bother you...the thing that you should be worrying about is the fact that he cheated and then once you work that out with him....tell him how it made you feel... talk about it.

But even if he is with his own race..you should'nt feel self concious..because the same way you pulled him in ....you can catch another.:thumbsup:


ps. vells your post was right on...Better and not worse...I feel you on that one!

I would feel the same either way................I think

I agree with Wendy. I don't think this was an outlandish question. I have heard alot of people say the black man gets a quote: "silly white girl" to get them what they need in jail and goes for what he wants when he gets out.... Now, what I think is that people do get taken advantage alot with relationships in jail, but there are as many that are sincere. Go with your heart, don't be foolish, and listen to you and not what everyone else has to say. If the guy is a cheat, get rid of him, and don't question his intentions. Color should make no difference.

Ok, here's my take. My husband and I are of the same race. He stepped out once w/ a girl who is shorter, thinner & has dark hair. I thought the type of girl he wanted. I felt quite fat compared to her. Course I was pregnant at the time too. It really all boiled down to the fact that she allowed him to use his drugs & be what he thought he wanted to be at the time. So I agree, no matter WHO it is, we will make things up in our heads about the others appearance as to why our man stepped out ;)

Stacy

If my man was to leave me for someone else, I know that person would defiantly have to be better than me, it doesn't make sense to go backwards :D I know that wouldn't be possible because I know who I am, and what I am... obvious he see's the same!! Believe in yourself and know you'll always be 'you' regardless!! :rolleyes:

OK CAN I BE HONEST......YES CHEATING IS CHEATING BUT......I am white and I have only dated black guys my whole life. I don't know why thats just who I am attracked to. But "black women" are a threat to me...to be honest. Do I have black girls as friends, of course. But me being with a black man, I always think "does he really want to be with a black girl"?? OK SO THIS MIGHT BE WEIRD BUT GROWING UP DATING BLACK GUYS THATS HOW I WOULD THINK ABOUT THINGS. BUT NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE i KNOW MY MAN WOULDN'T EVEN CHEAT IF SHE WAS black..yellow...white....red...blue..WITH NO ONE!!!!

I'm feeling the same on the cheating is cheating thing. I would be pissed as all outdoors if he cheated. However, if it were with a woman of his same race I would be hurt. That is something that I can never be. I mean, you can change your hair color, lose weight, have plastic surgery, but unless you are Michael Jackson, you are the same race until you die. So, it isn't something about me that I can change and it does bother me a little. However, the cheating itself would overshadow any hurt. If he truly wants to be with a woman of his race then he shouldn't be with me.

I can't believe I am reading this in 2006. I find this post extremely offensive.

I can't believe I am reading this in 2006. I find this post extremely offensive.

Is it really 2006?? :D I find that offensive myself, we would have to be completely out of your mind to not know that right?? :idea:
You find what offensive??? Come on this is 2006... there's always been racism in the world and most likely will be as long as shallow minded people exist!!! lol.. :rolleyes:

I wouldnt care if he/they were black/ blue or pink with green spots he'd be DEAD man !!! lol

I can't believe I am reading this in 2006. I find this post extremely offensive.

WELL SAID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

OK CAN I BE HONEST......YES CHEATING IS CHEATING BUT......I am white and I have only dated black guys my whole life. I don't know why thats just who I am attracked to. But "black women" are a threat to me...to be honest. Do I have black girls as friends, of course. But me being with a black man, I always think "does he really want to be with a black girl"?? OK SO THIS MIGHT BE WEIRD BUT GROWING UP DATING BLACK GUYS THATS HOW I WOULD THINK ABOUT THINGS. BUT NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE i KNOW MY MAN WOULDN'T EVEN CHEAT IF SHE WAS black..yellow...white....red...blue..WITH NO ONE!!!!

I THINK i relate to this - its NOT that you're being racist - it's exactly the same as say - an english woman was dating a frenchman - (both white) and you wonder if the french WOMEN have more in common and know what the guy WANTS more ??? Its NOT a colour thing - its a CULTURAL thing ? :)

OK CAN I BE HONEST......YES CHEATING IS CHEATING BUT......I am white and I have only dated black guys my whole life. I don't know why thats just who I am attracked to. But "black women" are a threat to me...to be honest. Do I have black girls as friends, of course. But me being with a black man, I always think "does he really want to be with a black girl"?? OK SO THIS MIGHT BE WEIRD BUT GROWING UP DATING BLACK GUYS THATS HOW I WOULD THINK ABOUT THINGS. BUT NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE i KNOW MY MAN WOULDN'T EVEN CHEAT IF SHE WAS black..yellow...white....red...blue..WITH NO ONE!!!!

Ya think mayve its time ya stopped USING BLACk guys (as u call em ) to **** off your parents ??? and be with MEN (they come in ALL skin colouring -its hiow they TREAT YA - NOT what their skin is ) - how sad !!

I think I would be mad either way, my man had a baby with a black woman but he has lived with white women the several years before I knew him so I think I'd feel threatened by either one.

Motivation? The only motivation, like many of the other posters who ask questions on the board, is curiosity. No more, no less, at least on this end.

I'm kinda blown away that you guys find my curiosity offensive because it really comes from a honest place. I've heard of instances like what I've asked but never on an up close and personal level. To get an up close and personal response, because it is a relationship question that deals with IRR, that is why I posted it in this forum. That seems appropriate to me, and again, I don't understand why anyone would say "why post the question here".

Because race is no big deal or issue to me at all, and because you have said the same thing, I really don't get why people have gotten offended. :confused:

Aparently you were not to far off because others responded with feeling they may possibly feel worse if there partner cheated with some one of his race. What I don't understand is if some thing affends you why respond then. It wasn't as if any one was speaking against IR couples or saying if you are in a IR relationship your man IS going to cheat with someone of his race. I could see how some thing like that would require you to speak up but just on the grounds you are affended over what? I find it messed up that when you come to this forum you are bashed by the same people time and time again that seem to be offended simply because we don't think alike . And what is bring up being educated, and be fore you even try to run with it you know exactly what cotext I am refering to isn't that a form of prejudis? I would say yes it is. This is why I really do not partisapate in this forum much any more. If I was affended by every one appion I didn't agree with I'd be a very bitter woman . I am not very good with puting things or my thoughts in to written words but I'm still sure you all get what I mean. :( There are threads on here that totaly burn me up and affend me but I look past them and the person who wrote them because the way I see it just as I am feel affended they have the right to feel the question is jutafied. Any way I tried to find the words to explain what I want to say so I hope you can respect my apinion.

I find it offensive because you are asking people to judge a situation by the color of someone's skin!

Although many of us are educated and aware enough to (try to) not consider skin color, that does not stop the fact that we live in the reality of a racist world.



This is what I find offensive so then what are you saying about the uneducated? they don't have the sence to not judge based on color? Or is what you are saying is racism isn't ok but the judging people or nocking other people for there education level or what ever is ok? :confused: I am so done here.

HeSoHandsome: don't feel bad for asking. how will one seek truth if one doesn't ask questions? props to you, and by the way, i love your siggy.

as for the question,
cheating sucks, period. you cheat on me prepare to feel the wrath of a powerful woman scorned.

Ok it would piss me off if he cheated on me at all with any1 of any race or sex for that matter... but after thinking about this question of *if he did it with someone of his own race* I guess that would just add more to the fire. I would be angry regardless but that would just hurt if he went and did it with a bunch of latin girls, because then maybe all along I was nothing but a fling because he must want a girl that can identify with him and his family to be serious with.

I don't know how many of you girls are dating a latin or mexican male, but as most people know they don't really date out thier race, yet alone someone who is part black. So this is something I do worry about time to time because of that, but hopefully he will be the first in his family to break the race barrer, and really mean it, not just do it as a passing phaze like his older sister and her second husband.

Okay please no one take offense when I say this but Oh My Good God please, PLEASE let's get over the whole INTER racial relationship thing. I have never, ever in my life looked at my man and been like hey, your my INTERracial boyfriend. I actually just posted a response to someone about ignorance towards couples of different races and the more I read on here I feel it necessary to say the following.
When you look at your man and he smiles and kisses your fingers, are you looking at HIM or his skin? By discussing our relationships in this manner, we are no better then the people that have problems with is. By this I mean, we are talking as if people in an interaracial relationship are DIFFERENT then those that are not. I don't know about you all but my relationship has the good, bad an in between just like any other relationship.
:thumbsup: Sorry Just had to throw my two cents in.

I don't think the color of the other woman's skin makes a difference at all. Like one poster said it's all the same color inside. I would be furious because he cheated in the first place.

My feeling is that I wouldn't be angry, I think I would be hurt because it would make me feel like he wanted something that I couldn't provide. Like if he cheated with someone prettier there wouldn't be anything in my power to do anything about that because I look like I look and I can't change that. Or if he cheated with someone from a wealthy family I can't change that. It would give me a helpless feeling. Hopefully I never have to worry about it at all because he loves me unconditionally. I would think that maybe he is still attracted to black women. I don't think this question is bad though, its just a question like all questions on here about curiousity.

All I can say is Wow ... I can say that being a women that has dated out side her race for years a man is a man.. No matter the color of his skin, culture or background.. Cheating is cheating no matter the situation and he would be OUT and GONE.. That is point blank.. This is 2006 and if people are going to be in any relationship be happy & confident in who you are and love your man or lady for the person they are not the race... If he or she cheats Kick them to the curb ... Just my .02

Im gonna be totally honest here... Im mixed race (black & white). My honey is black.
Now if her cheated on me, i would be really peaved off and would seriously contemplate kicking him to the curb for that alone. But to be totally honest, if he cheated with a white woman, i would be all the more upset!! Im not too sure why. All i know that is springing to mind right now is: "Am i not white enough for him?"
I dont mean to offend anyone here, but that is just wat i think and feel! Its weird because i dont have a problem with a black man with a white woman (which is the case for my mum and dad). I just know that it would hurt me even more than if he cheated with a woman of his own race.