I've thought for awhile about posting this...Those who do not know I am a criminal justice major, after I get my Bachelors in this I plan on going on to get my Masters in Forensics. Right now I'm doing my undergraduate studies so I have many papers and what not that have to be done, and my boyfriend likes when I talk to him about what I'm doing in school because he wants to know more about my life and what not.

BUT sometimes I feel weird telling him what I'm reading about, or how I'm excited that I got a new book about something related to my studies...When I first started writing him (since we met as pen pals) he KNEW that I was a criminal justice major and this is what I'm studying, it had NOTHING to do with me writing him, he was orginally concerned that he was just a project to me - we've obviously moved past that. Orginally I wanted to be a normal beat cop, but I decided against that so I can persue the forensics side of things, which I am more interested in. He has handled it very well given the situation, he just asked that I don't be a CO, which is fine, I understand that.

But here's my problem: I have a paper due today and I'm writing it about violent criminals and social aspects that contribute to the violence. I want to be able to discuss this with him, but I feel awkward doing so as he is a violent offender. I'm just unsure how to handle this situation, I know this isn't going to go away until I'm done with school which is why it's a problem. I also know he's not that sensitive to this, BUT I don't know, what am I so worried about!?

Any feedback guys?

girl i feel the same way!!!!!...thats what i am about to take up...and i told my man about this..and he was like..."please dont be a co"...because i know how *****s are and i was like" whatever"
i know the feeling...itz a lil weird but it is something that must be talked about and done and i think it is an advantage in this kind of relationship...having us master and know all about it...we can better help them and ourselves....thats how i see it.....

Orginally I was toying with the idea of being a CO but he asked me not to. The more I thought about the more I realized how could I go to work every day and be looking at these men -- I would see my boyfriend in everyone of them and that would be my weakness.

I don't know why I have issues talking to him about things, I'm worried that I might say something that will upset him or that he'll think a certain way about me because of what I write or what I say I learned. It's such a tricky situation, I want to be able to talk to him about my studies, but half the time I'm worried what he'll say...

Sometimes he asks me why I don't talk about school more often and I don't know what to tell him? That I am worried about his response to the things I'm studying?

I think he should be man enough to face this.
He committed a violent offense, I hope he's past that and grew to be a better man, so there should be no problem discussing your paper.
By discussing it you are not judging him...maybe what he did, but as I said, that happened in the past and hopefully he learned about it.

As your partner in life you should be able to talk with him about everything. You know what he did, he knows that you know....so I don't really see the big deal, it's not a secret that you found out.

Keep your head up and just be tactful...and he should be fine with it.

Take care,
Julia

Thank you Julia!! Me too. I don't think that he has any problem with facing what he's done, I just worry about what he'll think when I say things regarding cases like his. I hope that he knows me well enough to know that I would never use him or write about him, or use his experiences in my academic studies, if anything studying all this has helped me understand HIM, the system he lives in, and everything else.

I should be able to talk to him about everything, and for the most part, I can. I just want to be clear that it's not HIM stopping me from talking about it, it's ME. He tries to engage me in conversations about my studies, but I kind of back away from those conversations.

Maybe it is just you, and you are still a little sensitive to the answers of the questions you will ask him. Making it personal could help your paper, but it may be harder on you. Throw the idea by him, and tell him how you are feeling about it. I am sure he will be understanding with you, and help you through this. He loves you obviously, and he asks you about school, so I don't think any of the concerns you are having have to do with him. I totally understand about being nervous though, but once you get it out on the table, you will feel better.

It is just me, that's the problem. And you're right, I should talk to him about this...Maybe that's what I'll do tonight. Thanks

Don't ever be shy or hesitate to discuss anything with your man. I've found that even when we discuss things that one or the other doesn't really want to hear or think about, it makes our marriage stronger!!!

Thanks MrsDragon, I'm going to do that today when he calls :) I think that it will make ME feel better and he'll be happier because I'll talk about school, which he always wants me to do

Same problem here.....I attend John Jay College of Criminal Justice with a major of Legal Studies and I want to minor in Corrections ...because of my friend. For the same reason as you are experiencing now I don't want to tell him,yet. Only difference is that I knew him when we went to high school so he should know that I really do care for him. I think it's only natural for them to feel that way at some point but there has to come a time when they understand that we do really love them. I believe that time will come for you and him. Just stick in there......

Very interesting thread.

Thanks! Good luck with school :)

Hey hun... I think that if you have a certain opinion about something, you should tell him, regardless of what he might think. Of course you need to be sensitive with certain things, but never hold back how you really feel or what you think about certain things because that's the only way he is going to get to know who you really are. And who knows, maybe he can open up your eyes to some things and change your point of view. Point is, don't be scurred girl ;) ... If you start to talk to him about it and you sense he is getting really upset, just ask him if he'd like to change the subject. :)

Coincedentally, I am in a criminology class and currently writing a paper about crime correlates and chronic offenders. I am a social sciences major and criminal justice is not my intended career, so I don't know how much that aspect is part of your concern. But I do know that Chad really likes reading my essays and I copy pertinent pages from my text books and send them to him. He is interested in learning about the elements of crime to help him see how they work in his life and can prepare for a successful release. I used to worry he would maybe get defensive, or feel insecure (like my studies would make me wake up one day and end our relationship), but honestly that was me projecting my insecurities on him. He feels quite the opposite. He loves to read my writing and he sees it as a gift to be able to personally benefit from the concepts.

Whiskey, you can think about it as a two-fold exchange of information that can enrich you both. What you learn from him can enlarge your research and perspective, and what you learn from your research may help him understand himself! Win/win.

Well I am in the same situation. I am not a criminal justice major but a Psychology major actually. Right now I am in a behavior interventions class. We are having to write a paper about behavior modifications. I chose to do behavior modifications in prison, BUT now I am feeling really weird about it. I told my boyfriend and he said he would tell me anything I wanted to know but it is so strange to me. I guess I am afraid that I will see it in a different way and talk about objectively while it is personal to him. I just would not want to downplay the severity of prison or make it seem like these people deserve the things that happen to him. Anyways, I have read some of your other posts and you remind me a lot of myself. I used to be so afraid to say what I thought when we were still in the early stages bc I did not know how he would react. I quickly learned to be assertive. From the things that you say your man would probably love to hear your opinions on things. It will make for better conversation and your relationship will take on a whole new meaning and depth if you know ya'll can get through disagreements and still be as strong or stronger. Good Luck with everything!

I am about to graduate in December with a degree in the same field. I am now working as a C.O. and my man finds it funny that when I go see him I am all over him and at work I do the opposite telling people not to touch one another.

Whiskey,

Tell your man. My husband before he went in new what I wanted to do with my degrees and when I told him I was going to be a CO and go to training he was excited. He supported me and gave me advice since he has been inside, like don't be to trustworthy and always be fair and honest and consistent with inmates treat them like humans, and always watch myself rather it be with inmates or staff.

Honey, it will be okay just be honest. Wishing you the best!

i dont want to choose between my man and a criminal justice career...i mean it is what i want to do but he..................:(

i dont want to choose between my man and a criminal justice career...i mean it is what i want to do but he..................:(

You don't have to choose. If I remember correctly you said something about becoming a CO right? There are MANY other careers that you can choose other than this. The way I see it, if my fiancé cannot deal with my choice of career, he shouldn't be with me. This was what I wanted BEFORE he came around - BUT I am willing to discuss with him what he is and what he is not comfortable with me doing, and compromise on that.

You don't have to choose. If I remember correctly you said something about becoming a CO right? There are MANY other careers that you can choose other than this. The way I see it, if my fiancé cannot deal with my choice of career, he shouldn't be with me. This was what I wanted BEFORE he came around - BUT I am willing to discuss with him what he is and what he is not comfortable with me doing, and compromise on that.

yes but it must be hard on them....they do see what goes on...
hold on let me get the letter my man gave me reasons why he dont ever want me to be a co...

* it is low income
* inmates can do things to me..like jack off on me or abuse....
* a woman co is a sign of loneliness...she come to work to look for a man.


***********************etc but i'll stop here.

so u see....this is causing problems...i dont want to feel im going against his best wishes for me...he is just looking out for me....



what are the other things besides correctional officer?

you sound like my man!

i'm a cj major also, i started this after he went in..now i'm too the point where i'm getting ready to get a job in my field (i'll have my Assoc. in january), then get a better job w/my BA........theres so much to do, and so many routes i can go

in the end i wanted to be a parole or probation officer, but i know i've slighted my chances for that by being w/him.......it can be done, just a bit harder to get!

he is very adament about me NOT being a C.O....because of what he sees in there and how those women are abused sometimes.....i can feel that, even though i feel i'm strong enough to handle whatever comes my way, he feels i shouldn't have to deal w/it ya know?

i've told him one of the best ways for me to get experience w/being a p.o. is 2 work in a 1/2 way house first.......he feels the same about working in prisons........i finally decided IF i choose this route, i'll just work in a female one for starters.......

but the whole thing w/being in this field and getting excited about your career is a roller coaster ride for me, considering my man is in the cj system!.......i can relate.......i don't really have any more suggestions to add.........i guess being w/someone in the system we just have to be a bit more flexible.......its something i'm willing to do though

what are the other things besides correctional officer?

Anything, do you have a CJ degree? You can be a cop, a probations officer, etc etc. Look it up online, there are a million different jobs in the criminal justice field.

i'm looking into a job as an investigator for the dept. of jobs and family services now........theres jobs in places you wouldn't even think of!

exactly sam

well if someone ever finds a list of all the different jobs with this degree ...let me know

go to your local community college and talk to an advisor or go to a library, Nicky there are BOOKS with careers listed for this degree. here's a site with some links: http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/employ.htm but it's always better to look them up on your own and find exactly what you want to do.

If you do not have a degree in this yet, go talk to a college advisor about employment oppurtunities with this degree.

I know I'm kinda off topic but Mamicita... figure out exactly what you'd like to do then figure out what degree would position you to best get there. Don't get a degree in CJ just because it's there or it's convenient...


Back on topic... what did your man say Whiskey!?

:)

Jenn

Oh man, I just typed a response and lost it because the server was too busy!! Good point about choosing a major Jenn, I choose this course of study because it's something I am PASSIONATE about.

Anyway, I told my man how I was feeling and we talked about it, he told me I was crazy for feeling that way and that he enjoys hearing about what I'm studying. He pointed out that because we're both on different ends of the system we can learn a lot about it from each other.

I didn't tell him about my last paper, but he helped me choose the topic for this one and always is asking me what I've found out.

Even though we argue about the criminal justice system, when we do so we're learning from each other, and it'll all in good fun. Thanks for asking!

I think your man will feel great about being able to help you with my paper. I did a 100-page project on sentencing laws- I interviewed my husband and 2 of his friends and considered them "sources". They were happy to have thier hard-knock life and experiences help me with the project. So often, in criminal justice research, the personal perspective of prisoners and families are missing.

Exactly, he does like when I take his ideas and use them in my homework/papers, etc. I told him that maybe when I'm working on my Masters I'm going to interview some prisoners, he said lets get there when it comes to be time. lol

thanks jenn!
whiskey i do want to thank u for starting this thread...because on first i was sad that my man does not want me to do this...he told me i can take only the classes online but he does not want me to work with inmates at all...but after reading your thread and learning from you that you and your man are actually helping each other...i believe that i can explain this to my man and that he will see the side that i have seen through yall.:) :thumbsup: i mean just reading about it sounds so fun.......

I love talking to him about it, he gives me SO much perspective that I never thought of before.

When my man said he didn't want me working in a prison, I heard him out, and thought about it long and hard, and I told him that whatever decision I made, I was making because of what I thought was best, not because of what he said. I know that there are many other paths that I can take, and there are many that I want to persue more than working with inmates, so he gave me a nudge (or a shove) back in the direction I was supposed to be going