Hi. I wrote in a few weeks ago, but haven't received any messages. This is my first time dealing with the prison system and a boyfriend in prison. This weekend will be the first time that I have been able to see my boyfriend. He has been gone to FPC in AL for one month. He will be there for 2 years. I just got approved after waiting for what seemed like forever. His ex and their kids have been to see him and I am jealous.
What do I need to expect? What can I take in? I have gone through all kinds of emotions the last few weeks and now I am so nervous about seeing him. I love him. I miss him. How do I hold on and get through this. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says things like - stay strong- keep the faith - but how do you do this?
It just seems like my life is spinning so fast. I have to get a handle on it somehow - I have to kids to take care of. Help.

Welcome, soconfused. It seems my questions are going unanswered too...
My husband's exwife and daughter made the trip to Beckley in June to see him. I haven't been able to take time off my three jobs to drive 500 miles. I asked him which was more important, sitting there looking at each other for 3 hours or having some money in his account every week!
My husbands was not fortunate enough to go to a camp, so I don't know the rules there. But you can read about the visitation rules on the bop website. Or do a search engine on the camp, you should be able to find lots of info.
How long does your boyfriend have? You should be fine as long as you can talk to him often and visit him occassionally. You will get stronger each day. I focus on doing as much as I can for James. Currently, he's in RDAP. His whole class has to give a report on a famous criminal. I am printing and sending info for everyone.
Your main concern should be keeping it together for your kids. The rest will take care of its self.

hello, I'm new to this to(posting) i havent gotton any messages. so maybe I will this time. My husband is in south west regional jail in duffield VA anyone know if that is a bad place? he says the food is awful and they hold up his mail alot too.how long does it take to get sent to prison from there.PLEASE SOMEONE ANSWERE,tHANKS

thanks for answering. it does make it better to hear from someone. my boyfriend has 2 years before going to a halfway house. we were together about 1 1/2 years
before he went in. I know he has it better than most being in a camp, i seem to be the one miserable. wish me luck on my visit this weekend. I live in GA and the drive is about 300miles.

The beginning is the hardest. Soon you will get into a regular routine of visits, phone calls, and letters and it will make it easier. My boyriend is in a camp and the visits are very layed back. Im sure every facility is different, but i can take in money and my keys and up to 20 pictures to show him. Try to relax and enjoy your first visit.

Thanks for the info. I am trying to relax, but as the day goes by it gets worse.

Hi... Welcome to PTO and the Federal Forum! :wave: Lots of advice, support and information here. Glad that youve found us and decided to join. :)

Thanks for the info. I am trying to relax, but as the day goes by it gets worse.

I know what you mean. I hope you enjoy your visit. There is nothing like the first one. The excitement and the anticipation. Enjoy!!

What I want to know is how ya'll (yes, I'm from NC) get those cute little glittery and waving thingys. They make me soooo happy. :)

Got back last night. First visit over. I am so glad that I finally got to see him. The visit went really well. He looked great. We were able to visit Saturday from 9-3 and then Sun from about 8:30 til 2:30. We talked and talked and held hands. Now I know what to expect. I met several people.
It was much better than what I had thought. Pretty relaxed. Wow he really looked great. Now, I can't help but think how long it will be before we can be alone together...Ok, everyone, how do I handle that?????
thanks for all of the support. it means so much.

Im glad you had such a good visit. As far as handling thinking about being alone together- I wish I had and answer for that one. My boyfriend has been in for just over 3 years and everytime I see him i still think d-mn what I would give to be alone with him for an hour!!

Thanks. I will just have to figure out what to do about that part. I was told at visitation, that the times really does go by fast. I am just not feeling that. What do you think? Maybe it is because he just started his time.

I visited my husband yesterday and I was just thinking to myself how badly I wanted to jump his bones yesterday, but we aren't even allowed to hold hands at this place...........just a hug in the beginning and the end. So I HUG I FEEL his every bone and muscle and soak it up! Sometimes it gets easier and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it will feel like time is flying and sometimes it will feel like time is crawling................it all depends how you look at it and how busy you keep yourself.............try your best to be positive, every day passed is a day closer to being together and that this is only temporary.

I have to agree with bailey on this. I try to stay as busy as I can. I usually do really good. Yesterday toward the end of our visit we were talking about how much longer he had left. (We are over half way done) Anyway I just started crying. I felt like an idiot. I hate crying in front of him. It is pointless and it makes him feel like crap. Now today I am fine. I still miss him and I still wish he was home but I am ok today. There are good days and bad days and this is an emotional roller coaster. Hang in there it will be ok!!

Honestly, there will probably be more bad days then good, because the reality is that someone you love can not be with you, but this can make you stronger......................

Exactly!!

If anyone figures out how to handle the wanting to be alone with him thing, you could probably patent it... :) Keeping busy is the key to making the time pass, I can't imagine sitting without work, school and my kids to keep me busy even if I do feel like a one-armed paper hanger A LOT of days!

thanks so much for your responses. Right now I seem to have more bad days or just bad moments. I have little "temper tantrums" like why can't he be here for this, or poor me, I will have to go by myself. But soon I get over it and get back to my life. I know that I have to keep together for me and the kids and for him. I sure hope all of this makes me stronger and us closer. Surely some good has to come out of all of this. Did I mention that he looked SOOOOO good this weekend.. Hot flash....

Be aware.. After all of the happy feelings from the first visit -all of a sudden- when your not looking - an overwhelming saddness arises. And that is why I am still awake tonight.

As I told you before my boyfriend has been in for over 3 years now and guess what? I still get sad and I am in a mood for 1 - 2 days after our visit. It is very hard to leave somebody you love so much. Do you ever get used to it? I dont know. I still have many visits that I leave crying from. I just usually make it outside before the tears come. Somebody once told me I should be used to it now. How do you get used to seeing the person you love so much there? How do you get used to leaving them there and going home alone when the only thing in the world you want is to take that person home with you? I don't know, I wish I did. I do know that in my case my mood or depression or whatever you want to call it usually only lasts a day or two. Take care and stay strong. (((hugs)))

How do you get away with that? The camp Sully is at won't allow us to take anything but twenty dollars, a change purse and limited items for a baby... No pictures. What do I need to expect when I go for these visits?

Hi! My husband (well, ex-husband) has been locked up this time since 2000. He has finally made it to the halfway house and is able to come home on weekends. 2 years should go by fast for you. I have made it almost 7! We have really had some ups and downs, and got divorced while he has been locked up (writing letters to someone else and she gave them to me) but I love him and I think everything will ber okay now. Good luck and keep in touch with all of us that know just what you are going through. They don't realize it but we are doing time on the outside while they are in there. Stay strong!

You get used to leaving him there but you never lose the sad feelings completely. I've been visiting my husband for 24 years now and I still feel sad and still cry sometimes but I also try to pursue interests out here that bring me joy and experiences that I can share with him. I always think, on the drive home, how beautiful the fields are - or the sunset - or that barn on the horizon and how lucky I am that I am free and I can enjoy it. And I realize that I am that feeling of joy for him when I visit. In the end, you just do what you have to do to be with the one you love. It's a choice you make - each and every time you visit - and since it's a choice, I can't wallow in sadness about it. Z.

Zelda you are an inspiration to all of us.
May God continue to always bless you.