Hello, first I would like to say that being a member of PTO has helped me through some hard days(and nights). I think you're such a sweet group of ladies. It is NOT my intention to cause conflict of any kind with this thread. I am just having some issues with my fiance that I would like some advice or thoughts on.
My loves name is Andre, he is currently serving a life sentence at SCI Somerset. He is going through appeals though. (cross your fingers!)
Anyway, he and I are different religions. I never thought that something like this would come between us. We are both good, loving people, and I love him with my entire being. But he is making a HUGE issue about it! He will not stop trying to "convert" me! I have told him and asked him to stop, that if he loves me he will accept me. I have never asked him to become the religion that I am, and I never would. I believe it is a very personal choice. I am beginning to wonder if he really loves me or is just trying to score a point for his religion. It is getting to the point where I am starting to dread opening his letters or accepting his calls because that is all he talks about! I love this man. I don't want to lose him, but I am getting tired of not even being able to have a non-religion based conversation with him.
What do you all think? I will not change my beliefs, and I do not expect him to either. I don't know what to do or say anymore. I love him so much. But I love and respect myself also. :help:
Any thoughts would be appriciated. Thanks!

I would tell him straight up that this is my religion and I won't change, so you can either stop wasting your breath talking about it OR keep talking as it falls on deaf ears ....also explain to him that perhaps ONE day you might be interested in his religion and he might be in yours but until then let it go.

Steve and I are totally different in religion but we agreed to each practice what we are, not try to change the other and it is working out just fine.... I'm Catholic and he's Jewish ...

well we both believe in god....
god put us together and he is the only one that could break us up...no hater can do that...so itz real like that.. we dont talk about reglions...i am catholic and i dont know what he is...but to me itz dont matter...as long as we agree and believe in the one lord there is!:)

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you...but I was kinda going threw the same thing. My fiancee is Muslim...I am NOT! When he first converted to the Islamic religion...he would push it on me all the time. Everything we talked about he would mention religion...it got on my last nerve. Finally I just had enough of it...and I told him that I am NOT Muslim...I will NOT be Muslim...and if he couldn't take that, then we couldn't be together. Well, for US, that straightened him out quick! He still mentions it to me...but he doesn't try to push it on me. I am respectful of his choice...but some of the Islamic ideas and "rules" *if you will* I just don't understand. We still have our issues...b/c he wants things to be like this...and I want things to be like that. So we don't always agree....but we've come to an agreement to agree to disagree for the time being. IDK what it will be like when he comes home, we'll just have to see.
I think you should tell your man AGAIN that you have different views on religion...and you WILL NOT change it. It's YOUR decision...and it's what works for you, so you are not gonna change that. Mention to him that you respect his choice, you are not trying to change him...so he should try to change you. Hopefully time will work for you two...and eventually he will realize that him bringing up the religion thing is like beating a dead horse, b/c you are not changing! Also, I know that when I became willing to UNDERSTAND more about his religion and was willing to try to see what makes his choice right for HIM...he laid off of me. Maybe try to understand his choice more...and what makes him feel that this is the right religion for him...hopefully that will help. I am sorry that I don't have any better solutions for this...but I know that's what worked for me. I hope you 2 can clear this up real soon and it does not come between you both. Keep your head up!! And also....my fingers are crossed for your appeal!!:grouphug: Hugs:p
-Jackie
*BTW...Welcome to PTO:wave:*

Thank you all so much for your input. I really apprieciate it. I'm glad I am not the only one who has gone through this. I think I will write it all out in a letter. Usually I just try to get him to chill out on it all, but maybe now I will tell him why I believe the way I do, and have him tell me why he believes the way he does. Maybe then we will both understand more of how and why the other feels as they do. Our beliefs are not as different as he seems to think they are, maybe I will send him some info about mine so that he understands it instead of just going on hear-say about it. Hmmm...
He always tells me how open-minded he is. I think it's time he proves it. We have enough differences between us that we have had to work through(interacial relationship, families, etc.), I don't want this little one to end us. I love him so much.
Thanks again for the thoughts...:)

IMO religions are a way of making a code of how to treat each other in a society. But along the way, they've had all sorts of "stuff" added to them, like a Senate bill. If a religion doesn't teach you how to treat ALL other people with respect, then it probably isn't the original version. And it's all the little decorations that start to get in the way of amity - it's whether full-immersion is the only way to truly be baptized, or whether Ali was the proper successor of Mohammed, or whether the commentaries decree not touching the light switch on the Sabbath.

Y'know, it's too small to worry about and hang your whole existence on.

I also have been through this situation. My ex tried to get me to convert to Muslim, but I am a Christian and I do not sway on those beliefs for anyone. He could not accept it and so we aren't together. He wants to be back with me, but I have issues with the way my children would be raised and he wants his children raised Muslim, so I figure there is no reason for us to be together because we will just fight about it again in the future. I feel like if someone tries to change who you are then they are not worthy of being with you anyway. I did what was right for me and you just have to do what is right for you

I say, he should love you for who you are and if he can't - then he should kick rocks!

Well said!!!!!
I say, he should love you for who you are and if he can't - then he should kick rocks!

Hi Sz4ag,

I dont know if this will help but when I became a Christian my husband and I were separated. I had to learn the definitions of religion and a relationship. I love Jesus Christ but I couldn't impart that on my husband ...I tried and it pushed him away and now I understand why. My husband and I both profess Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior today but it was not always like that. One of the things I did learn was that I could not be unequally yoked with him because it would interfere with my relationship with my GOD and that relationship is far more important than an earthly marriage because I believe GOD is eternal. Marriage is for a moment.

I can relate to you girls in a way. I am Catholic and my boo is Mulsim . However he has never tried to push me into converting . He shares what he has learned with me , his ideas and opinions but he has never forced me to listen . I have told him I willalways be open to listening and one day I might be interested in more than listenning and that has satisfied him. We have both come to the agreement that as long as we both know that God is an important factor in our lives ( less important is how we praise him) religion should not be an issue for us.

Ray and I talk a lot about different religions, mine included. His background is complicated, but he was turned off religion by his family members and fought very hard against it for a long time. Now, ironicly, he has the time and will to look into it all again, slowly this time and to make his own mind up (if he can, he doubts that) eventually as to exactly what he believes and why, even if its a mix of things from several beliefs. He is drawn to Deism because of its simplicity, but he also see the simplicity in my beliefs too (they are not so far from Deism really apart from being polythesic), and he knows I have no need for him to believe the same things as me ~ in religion or anything else. He wants to believe in *something* but if anyone started telling him their way was the right way he would close up again quicker than tapped limpit.
Communication is the key, as in all things.

OOhhh, you know the old saying - never talk, sex, religion, or politics.... Differing religions can be a problem. I am not saying that it will not work, but in some cases it can be a big hurdle. Bus and I believe the same, but before he was arrested he really wasn't into God. Some religions are pretty set on both being of the same mind. I have a friend who married a Catholic and he had the choice of either joining the church or promising that the children would be raised Catholic. Other religions frown on marriages where both parties are not the same. Some scriptures do say to not be unequally yoked. I would discuss this with your man and get it set. I would not want a lifetime of proselytizing.