View Full Version : I haven't met my husband's family, yet. opinions please


4MyBabyBoy
10-08-2005, 08:28 AM
I haven't met any of my husband's family, yet.

I have spoken to 2 of his sisters over the phone a couple times. Usually just relaying messages with a little small talk in between.

One of them called me a few months ago b/c he had written her and asked that she does and she was nice and seemed easy going. She invited me to a family g2g in July but I never heard from her after that.

Then the beginning of August I got a call from the other one wanting me to tell my hubby to call her b/c she had another baby and a lot was going on...blah blah blah. He never had a chance to call b/c he can't call collect b/c of a block so it would have had to been on threeway. All the chances he had he chose to call me and he wrote several letters and she never replied, so he still doesn't know what's going on.

My point is, that I would like to be aquainted with them...so I have more support, someone to talk to and if I need somewhere to stay up there I have it with them. And it's like I want to call, but I don't know what to say, they're just not making it very easy for me. I feel like the ice was half-broken, but it froze up again.

Last week, hubby asked me to call and ask how his mom is but I feel hesitant to call.
Should I be the one to call, what do I say? Has anyone been in a sitation like this?

He just needs to be here...I hate this!

harry'sdaughter
10-08-2005, 08:43 AM
I haven't met any of my husband's family, yet.

I have spoken to 2 of his sisters over the phone a couple times. Usually just relaying messages with a little small talk in between.

One of them called me a few months ago b/c he had written her and asked that she does and she was nice and seemed easy going. She invited me to a family g2g in July but I never heard from her after that.

Then the beginning of August I got a call from the other one wanting me to tell my hubby to call her b/c she had another baby and a lot was going on...blah blah blah. He never had a chance to call b/c he can't call collect b/c of a block so it would have had to been on threeway. All the chances he had he chose to call me and he wrote several letters and she never replied, so he still doesn't know what's going on.

My point is, that I would like to be aquainted with them...so I have more support, someone to talk to and if I need somewhere to stay up there I have it with them. And it's like I want to call, but I don't know what to say, they're just not making it very easy for me. I feel like the ice was half-broken, but it froze up again.

Last week, hubby asked me to call and ask how his mom is but I feel hesitant to call.
Should I be the one to call, what do I say? Has anyone been in a sitation like this?

He just needs to be here...I hate this!

hubby's request last week may just be your
motivation to take a deep breath and make the call.
maybe the're thinking the same thing.
break that ice!
it is worth the try.
once again, let your heart do the talking!


:heart: :heart: :heart:

stormierain
10-08-2005, 08:58 AM
i agree, just call.

Manzanita
10-08-2005, 09:22 AM
I hear you, because I am in the same boat! he has a HUGE family! He is always asking me to call his mom, and she does not even speak english, so it's hard. I am close to one sister that I call often, but she lives far away. I met all of them and have talked to all of them, we spent some holidays together, and they have called maybe a few times, mostly for him. I would not say we are close, and over the years I see them less actually and so does he, seems us being married gave them a break, since he has been inside so long! I have gone on visits with his mom and should be this month too..

If you want to be a part of the family, you have to reach out, if they do not make it easy for you, it is not your fault, at least you tried your best! I wished the same thing, that we were closer, but it is harder with him locked up to do that. I often was at parties and felt left out, but I still try, I call and try to keep in touch. Actually, I will need their help soon, because he is coming home, but I am hoping he tells them!

also, he is close to my mother, they write to eachother every week now even! she has really grown to love him like a son in law and it is so comforting too. ;)

4MyBabyBoy
10-08-2005, 09:33 AM
Thanks girls...I think I'm going to try calling one of them tonight. I'll let you all know how it goes...:)

harry'sdaughter
10-08-2005, 09:54 AM
"If you want to be a part of the family, you have to reach out, if they do not make it easy for you, it is not your fault, at least you tried your best!"

yes, mrs g, you have said it all! :) :thumbsup: :yay:

haswtch
10-08-2005, 04:54 PM
yah, calling to say he wants to know how Mom's doing is a very nice opener! hope it goes well-

4MyBabyBoy
10-09-2005, 01:35 AM
okay, tonight i couldnt find her cell number, but i do have her house number...then i didn't have a chance b/c i went to the movies...so i'm planning on making the "big" call tomorrow...hehe.

Manzanita
10-09-2005, 09:58 AM
Lara,
don't make it as BIG as you are and it will be easier for you to handle, no matter what ;) It is just a call and a start :)

BTru2Me
10-09-2005, 11:10 AM
4MBB,I wish you the best!And like everyone said,at least you have made the effort to reach out to them.Then it is up to them to decide whether they will reciprocate.If not,well,it's a shame,but you never know,they may just welcome you into the family & you will have that support!But you won't know unless you make the call!Good Luck!
Take Care,B

titantoo
10-09-2005, 11:59 AM
I am a gentleman not a lady :) but I agree with all who are telling you to call

LADYCEE
10-09-2005, 01:11 PM
4MBB I would have to agree just make the call, they might be feeling the same way. Out of one of them I'm sure there is at least one that would like to speak to someone that can bring them and their brother closer, and that person being you is great....Just breathe, relax, and let it flow, asking about his mother is a good start.. From there the visiting part should come easy....Good luck my sister...:thumbsup:

Remember not beats a failure but a try...:thumbsup:

LADYCEE
10-09-2005, 01:13 PM
Is that gentleman as in Mr. :confused: hey gurl we got one :D. We've been looking for your kind :cool: I am a gentleman not a lady :) but I agree with all who are telling you to call

Wife C
10-09-2005, 04:22 PM
Good luck with your phone call tomorrow. I'm sure everything will work out.

Ms. Cuteness
10-10-2005, 08:41 AM
4MBB....i know what you mean i am in the same position as you are and it does not make it any easier for me since i am a solitary butterfly...I am friends with one of his cousins, so thats not too bad.....i am going to dinner with her and one of the sis on Thursday....the sister invited herself along but at least that will give me the opportunity to get to know her.

This will be his second marriage while he is locked up, and the Ex was not too nice, so i think all eyes are on me, but i agree with everyone here that you have to put some effort into it and see where it goes from there.

I will keep you updated on my situation as it progresses and if i have any pointers i will definately share.

rywill
10-10-2005, 08:54 AM
I hope your call went well. Rome wasn't built in a day, so these things may take some time. Sometimes, family may attach too soon, and you may need some space, other times, they seem completely disintersted. No matter what, they are your family now.

Mrs. G have you learned spanish, or you make due with your conversations when you talk to his mom?

Manzanita
10-10-2005, 02:21 PM
rywill,

I know so much spanish, listening, but speaking? not so much! I try :)

kayos-grl
10-10-2005, 02:50 PM
I completely feel you on this situation. Kayo always said call my mom so you two can talk. I had to do breathing exercises and all before calling her because I was so NERVOUS, but everything went good. We talked for like an hour and a half. Even when we broke things off she totally agreed with my choice. We are actually meeting for the first time in a week:eek:

PowandVonne
10-10-2005, 03:27 PM
Lara~

I know how you feel. I haven't met any of his family except his favorite cousin, and we get along really well. I talk to his favorite aunt all the time, but we have never met. His mom doesn't call me, but if she is Aunts when her and I are on the phone, then we'll speak. I think she is on the coo-coo side anyway. :eek: His little sister calls once in a blue moon. His dad does calls me and emails me to check up on me, so that is good. I am just too nervous to meet them, but it needs to be done...I think once we meet, and put a face to the voice and name, maybe I can truly become closer to my inlaws. Hang in there mama...u'll be fine.

4MyBabyBoy
10-10-2005, 04:14 PM
Awww, thank you all for the advice.

I just tried calling and I had to leave a message on the voicemail. She'll probably call me back after the minutes are free on her cell.
I'll keep you all updated.

Kayos, lol @ breathing techniques...sounds like me. :)

4MyBabyBoy
10-10-2005, 07:53 PM
okay, she called me back and we talked for and hour and a half:) until her phone went dead...and she's going to call me later this week.
So I am glad i called her:)

thanks everyone!

harry'sdaughter
10-10-2005, 08:10 PM
okay, she called me back and we talked for and hour and a half:) until her phone went dead...and she's going to call me later this week.
So I am glad i called her:)

thanks everyone!

i am so happy for you and for her! :thumbsup:

"you'll never know if you don't try!" :rock:

so now you know, 'cause you tried! :hifive:

BTru2Me
10-10-2005, 09:27 PM
Wow 4MBB!!!I'm happy to hear it went well!!See?It all worked out fine!I hope you two will develop a close relationship!After all you have a special common bond!
Take Care,B

kayos-grl
10-11-2005, 07:05 AM
I am glad things went good for you!!! Yes girl...breathing exercises!!!!

LADYCEE
10-11-2005, 07:41 AM
Glad to hear it went well....

Ms. Cuteness
10-11-2005, 07:51 AM
hey thats a start

bishopnsandy
10-13-2005, 02:38 PM
I met my husband's mom and aunt before he was my husband. I spoke to them on the phone at first initially. They were sooo sweet,it took me a while to realize that they were desperate for my husband to have someone in his life that would stay. Whenever I do something they think is wrong,I get the attitude.I am talking bout cousins,sisters,aunt and momma.Mind you my husband has not seen his aunt in years, his mother visits every few months,his cousins,well he's been locked up for 13 years, and he can't remember when he's seen them last. I finally met another aunt and several cousins this Summer. Well, none of the cousins talked to me other then "HI". The aunts talked to me the whole time,but one aunt did say: "I wish you could visit John more". Well, I am a mother of three, I get childsupport for one child,my transmission blew so I have no car,and I make $9 an hour. I do not work 40 hours.I can't send packages every month, visit every month,pay MCI every monthas well as send him money.
I personally think they have formed opinions based on what he tellsthem,so I blamehim for that. Of course, he denies it....sorry I went on and onbut I am tired of it really. And still when I speak to him it'salways "when's the last time you spoke to my mother?" The mother who does not call me,oh yeah she claims not to have my number but her sister puts my husband's calls through for him every month,and it's long distance,so it comes up on her phone bill as well as her caller ID.
Hope u have better luck...

4MyBabyBoy
10-13-2005, 08:36 PM
Wow Sandy, that's not right at all. You should be appreciated for the things you do, how could they not understand that you do all you can.
My husband wouldn't be my husband if he took me for granted. I do what I can for him, which is not much, material wise anyway. I have never sent my husband a package or money...ever. I can't. I can barely afford to live. But he wants me to take care of me and our son first...and that's how it should be.
(((Hugs))) take care.

Wife C
10-14-2005, 02:35 PM
Glad that the call went well.

laflor
10-15-2005, 08:53 AM
bishopnsandy I hear what ur saying I met my mother-in-law 3 yrs ago myself and she's cool and all but what I've realized is since I came into the picture visits have stopped, money and packages. You know I work, go to school and have three kids and a granddaughter to support, rent is like through the cealing but what gets me is his family assumes because I work I have it like that. Not so I also have to survive his mom never calls me and the times that she has is for favors come on be realistic here it has to go both ways. But recently I know I am not on her good side she went on vacation and called me, I thought ok that's nice of her calling me to see how I'm doing. Forget it she wanted me to western union her $500 dollars becuase she was broke I was so pissed off that I had an attitude for a week. Did I send her the money NO:angry: and did I tell him yes,he was also fuming I can barely help him out let alone someone else. So gurl don't feel bad there are some of us that are not on mother-in-laws good side.

Ms. Cuteness
10-17-2005, 08:54 AM
Well ladies, i have met big sis, and to tell you the truth, i dont think she likes me, not that i care, but i think she thinks that i dont love her brother and i am embarassed to be married to him.

Mind you i love him to death, and no i am not embarrassed to be married to him, i was just embarassed because she was asking me my personal business, and she was a little condescending, she should be happy that her brother has someone to love him and visit him, because they dont visit much, maybe i should say once a year.

i also dont think she approved of the way we met, but hey i dont have to live with them and i dont really have to deal with them, i really only tried to make the effort because i know he loves his family and it was important to him.

Both him and myself decided that we will just stick to each other, and leave them out of it. I should not have to be watched so to speak, because his first marriage was a disaster, you know what it could be a disaster if he was living out here.

By the way at the end of the visit, she says if there is anything you need you can always call me

Sorry for the long post, i needed to vent

stormierain
10-17-2005, 05:46 PM
mrs.cuteness
you married him , not her!

4MyBabyBoy
10-17-2005, 08:22 PM
let me just say that i called this chick back on saturday and left a message on her cell and she never called me back as of yet....

LADYCEE
10-17-2005, 08:30 PM
Evening Mrs. L
I know you just wanted to vent, but don't dwell like it was said you didn't marry her she will get over it....:thumbsup: Sis just enjoy the man you married there enough going on with him there and you out here with worring about anything else...PEACE