can someone here please tell me if there is a difference in the meaning of being slaped or being hit....because on the phone my man told me that it is different....and i dont understand that!...
i guess he means that hit is being punched and slap is being slaped...
but still im like...:confused:
he made it clear he would never "hit me"...but he didn't say anything about never to slap me...or does that make sense at all?....
im sorry...maybe i should not even ask...:(

it makes no difference weather its a slap or punch if someone is not handling you with loving hands and is intentionally putting force in their touch.....at that point there is only two hits....you hitting him and him hitting the ground!!!!!!

First of all I am confused. Has your man ever hit you before? Second, there is no reason or excuse for a man to hit a woman.

Dont be sorry girl .. your question may help alot of other ppl.. A slap is with open hand and a hit is most likely with a closed fist.. BUT they are both considered to be abuse. so neither one is acceptable at all .. unless yall are playing but a playful slap is a one that doesnt hurt at all .. my brother and i used to do that when we were younger.

I agree with ewife, but I don't believe in playful slaps! Maybe between siblings, but you NEVER let a man play with you like that! He may think he can take it further! I have been there and back and could write a book with abusive men! There is NO REASON for a man to hit, slap, touch in the wrong way...to do anything LIKE THAT!~

I agree that a slap is most likely open-hand...and a hit is a closed fist. But either way you look at it...they are BOTH completely wrong!!! A man should NOT put his hands on a women...in any way, shape or form that she does not want!! I have been there and back...all forms of hitting are WRONG!! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Hit or slap doesn't matter - it's abusive. So is choking, pinching, poking, tripping, biting. So is talking down, demeaning, dismissing. So is controlling your money, keeping you from talking with friends or family. So is sex you don't want, and irrational jealousy. Anything sound familiar?

First of all I am confused. Has your man ever hit you before? Second, there is no reason or excuse for a man to hit a woman.

no he has never hit me before...we didn't touch each other before....:o
he says...he don't hit women.,,,, he would not hit me... but he also says that a slap is different from being hit or beat....thats why im here because i dont understand what he is talking about...?

wow all of you know so much about this...
i don't think my man would ever do me that...i think he was just trying to make a point..
so is "putting someone in check"....is that being controlling???????:confused:

A slap is a type of hitting. Slap, punch, jab....they are all types of hitting. All are unacceptable. If your man cant promise to never lay a hand on you, you need to worry.

It is not his job to be your conscience. It is not his job to "put you in check" (which to me means he'll be mean in any way he wants). It's his job to support you. It's his job to love you. It's not his job to tell you you're doing something wrong that deserves punishment. You are an adult, with a full-blown conscience of your own. You're out here holding it down for him - who needs to be put it check here? Did you put him in check, slap him around for pulling a bonehead play that headed him to prison? With that in mind, what right does he have to sit in judgment on you?

well my man is one of the sweetest ppl in this world...he is better than an ex .....he put me first...he done proved his love many ways...
i love him and feel the same from him...
the problem is i think....he may be an anger mangement issue...lol itz not bad but when he gets mad....he kinda stress it out...but on the next call he will keep it sweet and thats real but im just here asking...the difference only because i was not aware of what he was trying to say...
im just the type of person....both of us in check or none of us in check..itz about how the relationship works...
well i guess i have some writing to do.....................

Just be careful! Watch for red flags and if anything bothers you like this punch/slap thing, put him in his place IMMEDIATELY!!!!! and you'll be fine! :)

I think the difference between a slap and a punch is that often men believe it is an acceptable form of violence. They tell themselves "it doesn't count".

"Putting someone in check" is demeaning, it's not something that is said lovingly, and it's as if he has control over you.

When people blow up, they often direct their anger toward the person the love the most, even though it's not initially their intention to hurt them. Most abusers are extremely sweet afterwards. Not saying your man is one, just talking about it in general. Like Philly says, just watch for red flags.

A slap, a hit, a punch, or even a push......it's all the same. If it comes from your man.....THIS IS A RED FLAG....This mia' is physcial abuse. There is mental and emotional abuse...."keeping you in check". All of this means you need to run and stop looking at life through rose colored glasses and face reality and take care of yourself and run!!! I had a man that I loved with my heart and soul. I trusted him so and he was very strong, had a temper, he had done some time in prison, had alot of ink on him but I found him exciting and I felt safe with him. He was the bad boy type but I was his woman. He told me he would never hit me. We would fight and yell. My man was great while he was in jail, spoke beautiful words, found God etc but when he would get out he would go back to the same if not worse. We would break up and get back together, he would push me a couple of times, he was jealous, he would say I belonged to him. One night I broke up with him well he broke into my house and beat me bad that wasn't enough he had to come back 2 days later and rough me up some more, he was so high on something because he had a look of craziness in his eyes. I had to have brain surgery. I had to learn to walk again. I can't pronounce alot of words still, there is a black hole in my head and I have to reach in there when I'm looking for information but I can't find it. They shaved my head. I had long black hair to my waist and it was all gone when I woke up from surgery and I was left bald with staples holding my scalp together. It wasn't a pretty sight. I was lucky because there were only 2 options for me death or mentally incapcitated and parallazed but God gave me a another chance to live. I believe to tell other women to leave men that will kill you if not at once then they will kill you slowly piece by piece through the months, years till your soul and spirit is dead and there is nothing left but a shell of a body and kids running around and where will he be? Still striking at you like a snake. This is the truth of Domestic Violence for women.

mamicita Everything you have asked about is a form of abuse, No One has the right to lay there hands on you like that. And to put someone is check is not a good thing eitheir. If you think that your man had anger issuses then you need to see that he gets in an anger class before he comes home. Cause once out the anger only gets worse. these are Red flags that he is showing you.

Mami - when I first met my abuser he too was the sweetest thing . . . wanted to help, wanted things to be easier for me. Started helping in the barn, cooking meals for me when I was teaching late, rubbing my back and feet when I'd had a long day. Then some of the things he was doing to help became things I wasn't ALLOWED to do (mind you, I'd been running this barn for 12 years without him). Then he started to not like some of my students, and began to insist that I drop them. Then he started to try to choke me when I didn't want to drive him somewhere. Then he pitched a fit because I was on PTO and threatened me with breaking up, telling me I was low-class and had no people skills. Then over something else, he ripped a bunch of clothing and poured kerosene over the rest, standing over them with a lighter in his hand. Then he started not liking my cooking - insisted he would do it (I'd gotten 2 stars from the NY Times for my soups and desserts). And it went downhill from there - drinking again, threatening, and still telling me he was the nice guy and oh so loving and it was my fault. By that time all I was thinking was how do I get him out of here without an explosion. (He promised that he'd destroy everything if I made him go). THEN the shoving, shaking, the heavy physical stuff started, and fortunately, he was so drunk that he fell down, and I scrammed to a neighbor's and asked them to call the police. I was lucky that he was so drunk, or it would have gotten REALLY bad. While I was waiting for the police to come, he threw anything he could get his hands on, and especially the Christmas presents for my grandchildren - destroyed!!

In other words - you don't want to go down this road!!! This was minor stuff compared to many DV stories, but I promise you it was no fun. When I asked him to lighten up because he was frightening me, he said "Good!". When I asked him to hug me he said no, when I asked him why he was being so angry, he said "I want to see you cry!" This was all OK with him - does it sound OK to you, does it sound like somewhere you want to go?

wow...i thank you all for talking with me about this...i am learning alot from you all....my man will call me today and once he calls i plan on talking with him about this subject.....is that okay?

Gee, Mamicita - I'd love to say talking will get through to him, and maybe it will, but from what I've read and what I've experienced, you won't really get far. The ones who are convinced that their feelings are the only ones that count are the ones that end up doing the stalking, or are the ones saying "I loved her so much I had to kill her." There is a chance that really good counselling (not for anger management!!!) will get him to understand, but the odds are not really good. In fact, they suck.

I keep trying to balance this reply with the positive possibilities, but I really can't, so I apologize for being a downer. These narcissistic guys are made early, and you can't get it out of them with a crowbar! In fact, if you tell them that something's got to change, they will tell you that they're fine, but you need some help. To quote my ex - "I'll applaud you all the way to YOUR therapist."

Mamicita, Glad to have you on PTO and really glad to have asked questions like this now. DV is a very touchy subject since its the one that will usually play with our hearts the most. I am also going to say that DV is two way street, having been victimized and beaten up several times my self by women in my life i can tell you first hand that it does happen and i have learned never to let it happen to me again. Women are not always the frail things every one trys to make them out to be and they can really hurt a guy the same way a guys can hurt them. I have been choked uncontentious twice and had my arms broken twice since i was the age of 12 by women around my same age, and i cant tell you how many stitches broken nosies, and bruises i have had.

There is some good warnings on here and you should really check out a book or two on DV at your local library if your still concerned about it even after your talk with your guy.

Mamcita remember just be aware of everything but before hand always make it clear that it not acceptable for him to do any of these things.

thanks.....................
well i talked to my man on the phone.... i think i know whats going on in his mind...i remember telling him that i like a man to get alil jealous...itz kinda cute....and i think he thought about that...and thats all that was.
but still...i still want to learn all the signs and follow all of your advice just in case so i can always know and be smart about it.

Just remember if you play with fire you will end up burned!!

I understand about you saying you like a man to get a lil jealous, it's kind of cute. I really see what you mean, but a man may take that differently! I have sooo many stories on DV myself! One time I had a man that wasn't physically abusive! He was mentally abusive! Used to make me walk on egg shells! I couldn't do this or that, I had to watch EVERYTHING I did! I finally left him because I didn't want to walk on egg shells anymore! That is when he changed and I seen this rage in his face/eyes. He beat me like a man and I thought I was going to die! I brought him to court, got a restraining order and he went to jail the night it happened! When court came around, they dropped the case! :( I said he beat me so bad that I couldn't walk! Then his lawyer says "I thought you said you just walked home." Then I said "I did, limping like this (and I limped across the court room.) They threw out the case because of that! :( :confused: I guess I should of never said I walked home! They threw out the case claiming that I lied! Maybe I'm getting a little off subject, but the point is: LEAVE as soon as you see ONE RED FLAG!!!!!!! Don't EVER think he will change! and You can not change the world! They won't change for love, etc...and there is not that much love in the world! I'm not saying your man is an abuser...I'm just saying if he comes home and makes you walk on egg shells, get OUT before it gets too deep!

Whether it is a slap, hit or "keeping in check" - it is all abuse. No matter how he does it. No person should put up with either verbal, physical or emotional abuse. If it happens the first time - get help, leave, whatever it takes. They will try to make up and say they are sorry and it will never happen again - but it does. It is part of a cycle that is very hard to break. Like some of the others here have mentioned, get some books on domestic violence and what to look for. These situations can really be difficult to get out of because we want to believe that either he really didn't mean it or maybe you felt you deserve it. No one deserves it. I speak from personal experience and one who has worked with a lot of abuse victims. It is a horrible life to live that way. Life is too short to deal with abuse of any sort. If you are in or get into a situation like that, get counseling immediately. It is the only way to work through it.

Me again - NO, JEALOUSY IS NOT CUTE!!!

Jealousy is a symptom of distrust. And a petty excuse for a scene. If you're with someone, then you're with them. All the jealousy in the world isn't going to change it. If you're not really with them, then jealousy won't change that either.

But jealousy in a potentially abusive man is just the beginning of his realizing that you are not bowing every minute before his throne. Even if you are. The best two examples I can give: my husband used to tell me he was going somewhere, and I'd say I'd like to come along - he would accuse me of wanting to meet someone where he was going. If I said , OK, I'll stay home, then he accused me of wanting to meet someone while he was gone (this was all on the same occasion!); Later, a boyfriend (Oh, can I pick 'em!) accused me of infidelity because one of my (gay) students gave me a hug. Now, we knew these people - the student and his partner, who had been together for 11 years - but that was his excuse that day for getting angry.

Of course, these examples are taking it to extremes; I understand anyone saying that. But they are real, as ridiculous as they are, and these tiny incidents are what an abusive person will use to verbally or physically bash you with. Do you really have to explain that the gay guy wasn't making a pass at you????!!!

A hit and a smack are the same thing.

A hit, a slap, "keeping you in check", jealousy.....all of these are red flags...of potential control issues and/or abuse. Be careful with this one. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.....ever.......

Me again - NO, JEALOUSY IS NOT CUTE!!!



I agree with her too! It is cute to you at first, but it's not so cute anymore when he takes it to extremes!!!!!!

I agree with her too! It is cute to you at first, but it's not so cute anymore when he takes it to extremes!!!!!!

no i dont think he would take it to an extreme...he is a really sweet person...yall he done proved his love so many ways...;) :)
he just wants to be anyway i tell him i love someone of being...
if i said today..." i love men who eats sweet yams"...i bet yall any money that he would start loving yams if he didn't love it before...lol

THE DIFFERENCE IN A HIT AND A SLAP IS,,,,,(ACTUALLY NOTHING)
THE HITTING NORMALLY STARTS OUT AS SLAPPING...
HE SLAPS YOU AROUND A FEW TIMES, SEE THAT HE CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT AND THEN HE STARTS TO HIT YOU EVENTUALLY,,,,,
PERSONALLY TO ME THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE, A SLAP, A HIT, A PUNCH, A KICK, IT IS ALL INTENDED TO HARM YOU.... I HAVE NEVER BEEN SLAPPED, OR HIT, BUT MY SONS FATHER (WHEN I WAS 18) TRIED TO CHOKE ME AND HE GOT A HEEL TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, BUSTED HIM STRAIGHT TO THE WHITE MEAT.... I DON'T PLAY THOSE TYPE OF GAMES...

Woody's Girl you got the right idea IMO. My daughter's father came after me one night when I was pregnant. He was drunk and was angry cause I told him I was going to see a lawyer about the baby. I threw a frying pan at him and threw him into a bench and at some point I gave him a black eye after he almost pushed me over the balcony. My situation was not nearly as bad as some women have it but it was enough for me.

Mamicita: Those who have answered your starter-question for this thread have done so beyond comparison. Please don't make the mistake of thinking, "HE would never do that to me!" These are warning signals you're being advised to watch out for. Well, that ANYONE should watch out for.

I have never been abused physically; but I have been abused emotionally and verbally. It erodes the self-confidence and belief in yourself and promotes the feeling of not being able to do anything right.

I agree with Nimuay -- a little bit of jealousy is NOT cute. What starts out appearing as little, grows. I was with a man who was jealous -- I didn't think much of it at first, maybe I was a little flattered; then he started getting possessive and treating me as though I was a dimwit and not suppose to have any other interest than what he was doing. Having experienced it in a relationship years ago, I knew to end it. Quickly.

A hit and a slap are different only in the technical sense. They are both, however, painful and degrading. and WRONG.

I hope you and your guy was having only a general discussion and this was something you threw out to see how other people viewed it. Nothing wrong with learning from other people's experiences and paying attention to warning signals.

Mamicita, I think you and your man should work on communicating better (talk to each other). Neither of you should avoid directly addressing issues like anger and jealousy. If he's suspicious that you're messing around, he needs to tell you why he's upset rather than take out his anger by making a comment that may or may not have been a threat. And he should explain why he said that, and what he means by it.

When either of you are kept back from asking each other questions, asking what the whole story is, talking things out, there can start to be problems. That's where both of you start replacing words that address the problem, with words whose purpose it is to anger or intimidate each other (words meant to cause jealousy, words meant to cause fear). Tell him that violence is totally unacceptable, and that him even talking that way makes you nervous. He needs to tell you it would hurt him if you cheated on him instead of letting his jealousy turn into that type of anger.

I know some of the stories people have told here may have scared you, but remember that not all threats lead to that. Pay attention to warning signals, let him know he has to behave himself, but don’t automatically regard him as someone with the definite potential to take violence to an extreme. You don’t need to walk on eggshells, don’t feel you have to be very afraid of him. That sort of fear can get in the way of communication even more.

You two need to be comfortable enough to talk to each other about anything that’s important. You say you think you know what’s going on in his mind, but why should you ever have to guess?

i made a new post in the long term 10 years or more fourm...because they know what im going through but since it has something to do with this subject...maybe if yall take a look at it..yall can help me...
i tittled it " problem with 10 years.........":(

Mami - the problem is NOT the 10 years. You keep trying to ignore that he thinks being abusive is OK. That's the problem. You're going to wait that long for a man that just about everyone here agrees is already a loser. He's not going to come out better than he went in. and I will bet you almost anything that when he does get out, if you really wait, he will be the cheating-est SOB you ever saw. Most of the abusers are. He will cheat, lie, make you crazy and laugh about it, because nothing, I repeat, nothing, is more important than his sense of grandeur and what he wants. You aren't going to count. At all.

Mami - the problem is NOT the 10 years. You keep trying to ignore that he thinks being abusive is OK. That's the problem. You're going to wait that long for a man that just about everyone here agrees is already a loser. He's not going to come out better than he went in. and I will bet you almost anything that when he does get out, if you really wait, he will be the cheating-est SOB you ever saw. Most of the abusers are. He will cheat, lie, make you crazy and laugh about it, because nothing, I repeat, nothing, is more important than his sense of grandeur and what he wants. You aren't going to count. At all.


no my man is not a loser...believe me i really and truley know...he is really a good person..infact he is so much inlove with me that he wants to be like whatever he thinks i want him to be like.....
i did tell him before i like thugs and i do think alil jealously is cute....now he takes whatever i say so serious because of the love that is proven.

From this and other posts by you, I see some RED FLAGS. It doesn't matter what he writes in his letters. You've not been with him on the outside 24/7. He apparently has some anger management issues to deal with. There is no difference between hit and slap. No man should ever ever touch a woman in anger - even if he considers it to be "just a slap."

I get the feeling that when he gets out, you're going to have problems - and will end up being emotinally and physically abused. Please proceed with great caution!

From this and other posts by you, I see some RED FLAGS. It doesn't matter what he writes in his letters. You've not been with him on the outside 24/7. He apparently has some anger management issues to deal with. There is no difference between hit and slap. No man should ever ever touch a woman in anger - even if he considers it to be "just a slap."

I get the feeling that when he gets out, you're going to have problems - and will end up being emotinally and physically abused. Please proceed with great caution!

:( i know my man is not an abuser...he just does NOT want me with anyone else...or to leave him......he just cares so much that he wants to be the exact way he thinks i want him to be.

Mami - I would have bet the moon that mine wasn't abusive. I would have bet more . . . the stars, the sun, anything. It took 2 years, but that's where it ended up, after his release.

I would have bet my last heart's blood . . .

I think that regardless of what type of physical contact that hurts, then it is not right, some people are one sided on d.v. but I tend to look further into the reason, obviously the anger stems from early years if indeed you have not given him a reason. Because of my heart that never sees things black and white, I've always given people, friends, family, my man another chance, I don't regret it, I am still very much in love with him. Does anyone think I stand a chance in getting the warden to allow me to visit him being that there is still a r.o. but thats in another county than where he is serving time. I haven't seen or spoken or heard from him cause of the r.o. I am devestated, its been 20 months, I love him soo much. Donna

:( i know my man is not an abuser...he just does NOT want me with anyone else...or to leave him......he just cares so much that he wants to be the exact way he thinks i want him to be.

This here screams WARNING! WARNING!

He is being what YOU want him to be, not who he truly is.

It's not that he cares, it's that he needs you and he has you manipulated.

How do you know he's not an abuser? Have you ever talked with an ex-girlfriend? Looked as his criminal record?

I don't know your man, but I know the type. My husband has so many homies, brothers, friends, who were always around me and very open with me about how they use and treat women. One of his step-brothers used to call me collect (he would have his girlfriend give me money for the calls) so I could 3-way her so he could talk to her. He also talked to 2 other girls this way, telling them all how much he loved them and needed him. He was one of the sweetest, most adorable, good-looking men you would ever meet. But he is a power-tripper, abuser, liar, cheater, theif. He is out now and still using women left and right and goes through a new one every few weeks. He was able to keep them longer while he was in because they didn't find out how he really was while he was in jail.

Anyway, I have known a lot of gangsta thugs as family and friends and they are not what they appear to be. I have had this mentality explained and openly shown to me, because I was "one of them". You play with fire you will get burned and the scars may never heal. Sure, there are a few good ones, maybe 1 in 2,000 and you have to be the right one for them to really change and give up the game. It's not so easy as it looks.

I am sorry that I am coming off harsh, but I had to learn the hard way about these types of men. While it may seem that I am being unsupportive, I am looking out for you. You deserve better than what you're going after.

This here screams WARNING! WARNING!

He is being what YOU want him to be, not who he truly is.

It's not that he cares, it's that he needs you and he has you manipulated.

How do you know he's not an abuser? Have you ever talked with an ex-girlfriend? Looked as his criminal record?

I don't know your man, but I know the type. My husband has so many homies, brothers, friends, who were always around me and very open with me about how they use and treat women. One of his step-brothers used to call me collect (he would have his girlfriend give me money for the calls) so I could 3-way her so he could talk to her. He also talked to 2 other girls this way, telling them all how much he loved them and needed him. He was one of the sweetest, most adorable, good-looking men you would ever meet. But he is a power-tripper, abuser, liar, cheater, theif. He is out now and still using women left and right and goes through a new one every few weeks. He was able to keep them longer while he was in because they didn't find out how he really was while he was in jail.

Anyway, I have known a lot of gangsta thugs as family and friends and they are not what they appear to be. I have had this mentality explained and openly shown to me, because I was "one of them". You play with fire you will get burned and the scars may never heal. Sure, there are a few good ones, maybe 1 in 2,000 and you have to be the right one for them to really change and give up the game. It's not so easy as it looks.

I am sorry that I am coming off harsh, but I had to learn the hard way about these types of men. While it may seem that I am being unsupportive, I am looking out for you. You deserve better than what you're going after.




i really do thank u all for giving advice but u don't understand...my man is not an abuser...he just does whatever i say.....he even told me he wanted me to be in control...i told him....i like it when we both in control because im not one sided... yes i have his ex girlfriend's number but im not calling there...i did once ..she was busy... anyways thats wayy in the past...
please understand my man is really a good man who has fallen inlove with me to the point that he will do anything or say anything he feels i need him too....i can sit here and name all the things he has done for me that no other man has ever done.....and i can all name the things that make him the person he is....so please understand that i am in fault...i am the one who told him jealously is cute....and nothing is wrong with alittle control....this man is against hurting females...u know how i really know?
because on his little sister's 7th b-day...his uncle raped the little girl!...and my man was so heartbroken of this..that he shot the uncle...and the uncle end up going to prison...
so again ladies...blame me...im the one who made his thuggish side come out..and honestly it is cute...
it is cute for him to keep it on a cute level...like he is alil jealous...nothing is wrong with that...please agree!

Sweetie, most of us will just never agree with you. You make too many excuses for him, and you think you're in control. YOU made his thuggish side come out??? What did you do, load the gun and hand it to him? And that he shot a man is cute? I'm so lost here, I don't know how to respond!

I will add that my ex told me I would be the one in control, too. And wondered why I called the police, when I had all the control. I couldn't understand him, either - he was throwing things, including his wooden clog at my head, and picking me up to shake me, and telling me he wanted me to cry. . . I controlled him doing that??? I was begging him to stop, to go to church with me, to hug me. . . I had no control at all.

You want so very much for him to be a good guy, and I know how much we all want that. My heart breaks for you, because we will never convince you to be guarded about him. We don't have the emotional attachment that you do, and so all we have done is draw conclusions from the information you put out here. If your information was wrong, then we could have drawn wrong conclusions, but if what you have said is true, then we are all telling you the truth. We have been there, we have seen what you are seeing now, and we have seen what comes of it. . .but you will have to see for yourself, I guess.

Mami..., You must feel we're trying to hammer you into believing your man is something he is not. We've all been down maybe not the same path, but close enough to recognize red flags.

No partner should be in control. Period. Having a good relationship means making compromises; but at no emotional cost to either partner. You say he's trying to be what you want him to be -- so if he slapped you because he believed you were no longer a virgin or that you were with someone else, would you accept his reasoning of, "it's all your fault, you said jealousy was kinda' cute" or "it's all your fault, you wanted the thug in me to come out" or "it's all your fault, and besides it's not the same as hitting you with the fist..." Would you then believe it was all your fault for him hitting you...'scuse me...'slapping' you?

I don't mean to rag on you, sweetie, I really don't -- but he's his own person. He doesn't need anyone to make excuses for him.

As Nimuay said -- we all may be drawing the wrong conclusion. I hope we are; for your safety. But we may not be. Nobody is telling you to "end it; right now!" Just try to bear in mind the posts from those who have been through hell and back are putting on this thread.

i really do thank u all for giving advice but u don't understand...my man is not an abuser...he just does whatever i say.....he even told me he wanted me to be in control...i told him....i like it when we both in control because im not one sided... yes i have his ex girlfriend's number but im not calling there...i did once ..she was busy... anyways thats wayy in the past...
please understand my man is really a good man who has fallen inlove with me to the point that he will do anything or say anything he feels i need him too....i can sit here and name all the things he has done for me that no other man has ever done.....and i can all name the things that make him the person he is....so please understand that i am in fault...i am the one who told him jealously is cute....and nothing is wrong with alittle control....this man is against hurting females...u know how i really know?
because on his little sister's 7th b-day...his uncle raped the little girl!...and my man was so heartbroken of this..that he shot the uncle...and the uncle end up going to prison...
so again ladies...blame me...im the one who made his thuggish side come out..and honestly it is cute...
it is cute for him to keep it on a cute level...like he is alil jealous...nothing is wrong with that...please agree!





I"m so confused over this. What in the world does this have to do with him hitting or slapping a woman.. I know that my ex would do the same thing but beleave me he beat me to no end whenever he had the chance. IF you think that he wants you to be in control that is nuts. They all have the words to make you think that you are in control but in the end when it all goes down He will tell you that you made him do it. I guess running from him and pleading for him not to kick you cause he will hurt the baby is enough to make it your fault. And just because he has been locked up for 10 years does not give him the right to hit or slap anyone!!!!!!!!!!

Each time I read these posts I get totally confused. What is the question? Do you want your boyfriend to slap or hit you?

Each time I read these posts I get totally confused. What is the question? Do you want your boyfriend to slap or hit you?

well i don't see why or how you can be confused on this.... i did not say anything to sound confusing...did i?...my question was if anyone sees a difference in a slap or hit...and no my man is not an abuser unless i allow or make him be.

and no my man is not an abuser unless i allow or make him be.

What does this mean?

What does this mean?

this means he will only be that type if i tell him to be that type...
like for example...my man was never jealous..until i said alil jealously is cute... so u see...my man loves me that much to do whatever for me:thumbsup:

there is no difference if you are being hit or slapped its all abuse and its not healthy at all........

angela

i'll never hit/punch you...because that would be wrong..
but a slap is different

u know what....i just dont want to hear anything anymore...im so upset with the world.:angry:

i'll never hit/punch you...because that would be wrong..
but a slap is different

u know what....i just dont want to hear anything anymore...im so upset with the world.:angry:

mamicita what is wrong? Why are you angry with the world?!!!

mamicita what is wrong? Why are you angry with the world?!!!

the thing that is wrong is that he believes in the difference between the slap and the hit...to him...hit means punching..and punching can hurt...bruise or damage...make bleed...so that is something he won't or would not ever do...oh no!
but a slap if "get out of line or out of hand"...that is okay because it is not the same as a hit which is the worse thing in the world....
well thats all how he sees it...he is a good person but im mad at the world because rite now him and i are fighting....about the cards situation and more..:mad: :(

mamicita I'm sorry that he feels that way. But as everyone has said here in this thread that there really is no difference at all. And please know that a slap can make you bleed all so.. The emontions that come with being slaped is just as hard as being punched. cause in the back of your mind you wonder when it will get worse. It took me years not flinch when some one was movong to quickly at me.. Louis my ex thought it was cute to make me flinch and I ever thought to much about until the first time it was not to make me flinch at all but contact!!! Hang in there!!!! and dont be mad at the world. I have walked around being like that for years and when I think about it I was the most miserable (sp?) person and missed out on a lot in life...Stayed angry to protect myself!!!! If you ever need to talk out of the thread Pm ME anytime!!!

Amy

mamicita I'm sorry that he feels that way. But as everyone has said here in this thread that there really is no difference at all. And please know that a slap can make you bleed all so.. The emontions that come with being slaped is just as hard as being punched. cause in the back of your mind you wonder when it will get worse. It took me years not flinch when some one was movong to quickly at me.. Louis my ex thought it was cute to make me flinch and I ever thought to much about until the first time it was not to make me flinch at all but contact!!! Hang in there!!!! and dont be mad at the world. I have walked around being like that for years and when I think about it I was the most miserable (sp?) person and missed out on a lot in life...Stayed angry to protect myself!!!! If you ever need to talk out of the thread Pm ME anytime!!!

Amy

thanks...you are so sweet.

A lots been said on this as i see,but a slap or hit is the same to me.Most of the time it starts with a little slap them wham you just got hit.Been there and will never go back to that!

This website will answer this question for all forms of abuse: www.edvp.org/AboutDV/wheel.htm

They both can send you to jail so theres no difference. I beleave that about sayes it all:thumbsup:

i dont think that there is a difference emotionally or the action that is actually taking place, either way it is abuse. but in my opinion there is a difference about the impact one has on your body.

Is there a difference between drunk and wasted?

Is there a difference between drunk and wasted?
Thanks bunny! That made me smile today. :D

OMG He is making excuses for "slapping you" before he has even done it???. Is this right?. He is explaining to to you that "slapping you is NOT ABUSE because it is not hitting you???. He is already preparing you for your life of violence and you see no red flags here????. I bet you are sorry you posted this question as you do not seem happy at all with the plain and honest answers you have recieved. You sound like me in the first 3-4 months of counselling, I would spend the first half of my sessions raging against him and the way he treated me and the second half making excuses for his behaviour and taking the blame on myself-defending him!!!. I WOULD DEFEND HIM!!!. Well no more. I hope you make a decision that makes you happy and keeps you safe. You really do sound just like I used to be. BE CAREFUL.