WHEN THIS FORUM FIRST STARTED THE NAME WOULD HAVE BEEN LOVING A MURDERER. I PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE POSTED TO THAT FORUM BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH MY SON BUTCH KILLED ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, HE DID NOT MURDER THEM. MURDER IS A VERY COLD WORD AND I BELIEVE THERE ARE MANY CIRCUMSTANCES THAT COVER MURDER.

ON MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1990 AT 9:30 P.M. AT NIGHT, I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM MY OLDEST SON. HE HAD A POLICE SCANNER AND HAD JUST HEARD THAT MY MIDDLE SON, BUTCH, HAD SHOT AND KILLED A MAN. AT THAT POINT, THAT WAS ALL WE KNEW. I WAS IN HYSTERICS. I COULD NOT STOP CRYING. I SCREAMED, YELLED AND CRIED FOR OVER AN HOUR. THEN, I HEARD KNOCKING AT MY FRONT DOOR. MY HUSBAND WENT TO OPEN THE DOOR. OUTSIDE WERE 10 POLICE CARS WITH AS MANY OFFICERS STANDING ON MY FRONT POARCH. WE BOTH WERE SCARED TO DEATH. THEY ASKED TO COME IN TO OUR HOUSE AND SEARCH. WE ALLOWED THAT BUT WE FOLLOWED THEM TO EVERY ROOM... OF COURSE, BUTCH HAD NOT BEEN THERE NOR HAD WE HEARD FROM HIM... THEY ASKED US IF WE KNEW WHERE HE WAS. WE TOLD THEM WE DID NOT. THEY FINALLY LEFT, BUT TWO CARS STAYED PARKED AT OUR DRIVEWAY UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING.

THEN CAME THE DECTIVES LATER... QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS AND MORE QUESTIONS. IT SEEMED THAT FROM WHAT THEY WERE TELLING ME, MY SON HAD VIOLENTLY SHOT AND KILLED THE BOYFRIEND OF HIS WIFE AND WOUNDED SEVERELY HER BROTHER. WELL, THAT WAS NEWS TO ME BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA FOR THREE MONTHS WORKING BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HER THERE WHEN HE GOT AN APARTMENT. SHE HAD A CHILD BY A PREVOIOUS MARRIAGE THAT BUTCH LOVED VERY DEARLY.

MY OLDEST SON AND MY YOUNGEST SON FINALLY GOT TO MY HOUSE. FROM THERE I WAS ABLE TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. BUTCH HAD BEEN CALLED BY HIS WIFE AND ASKED TO COME GET HER SO SHE AND HER SON COULD GO TO FLORIDA WITH HIM. HE CAME HOME AND WENT TO MY OLDEST SON'S HOUSE. SHE HAD CALLED HIS BROTHER AND ASKED HIM TO INSURE BUTCH DID NOT BRING HIS GUN WITH HIM WHEN HE CAME TO PICK HER UP. BUTCH HAD HAD THE GUN FOR MANY YEARS AND CARRIED IT IN HIS PICK UP TRUCK IN THE DASH. HE HAD A PERMIT FOR IT AND ONLY USED IT FOR PROTECTION. SHE KNEW IT WAS THERE.

HE WENT TO PICK HER UP AT HER BROTHERS APARTMENT. THEY WENT TO A LOCAL RESTAURANT TO EAT. THEN THEY DROVE AROUND AWHILE. SHE ASKED HIM TO TAKE HER BACK TO HER BROTHERS SO SHE COULD GET SOME CLOTHES AND HER SON AND THEN THEY WOULD BE ON THEIR WAY TO FLORIDA TOGETHER. HE DID. WHEN THEY GOT TO THE APARTMENT, SHE WENT IN. HE STAYED IN THE TRUCK. HE HEARD HER SCREME. HE GOT OUT OF THE TRUCK. THE FRONT DOOR OF APT WAS STANDING PARTIALLY OPEN. HE WENT IN. SHE WAS STRUGGLING WITH A GUY HE HAD NEVER SEEN OVER A RIFLE. HE RAN TO HER AND HELPED HER TAKE THE RIFE FROM HIS HANDS. AT THAT POINT HER BROTHER CAME UP BEHIND BUTCH AND HIT HIM WITH A BASEBALL BAT. BUTCH TURNED AROUND TO FACE THE BROTHER. HE HIT HIM AGAIN IN THE JAW, BREAKING HIS JAW BONE INTO. IT WAS SEVERED. HE THEN BROKE LOOSE AND RAN OUTSIDE TO HIS TRUCK... HE WAS DAZED AND STUNNED. HIS WINDOW WAS OPEN ON THE TRUCK. HE DOVE INTO THE WINDOW HEAD FIRST AND GRABBED THE GUN FROM THE DASH. HE CAME BACK FIRING. HE DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT WHAT HE WAS FIRING AT BECAUSE HE WAS SO DAZED AND STUNNED. HE SHOT AND KILLED THE BOYFRIEND, AND SHOT AND WOUNDED THE BROTHER. HIS WIFE WAS NOT HURT.
HE RAN FROM THE SCENE. HE CALLED ME AT ABOUT 11:00 P.M FROM SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH CAROLINA... HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS AT BUT HE DID KNOW WHAT HE HAD DONE... I WAS SO VERY UPSET THAT I TOLD HIM HE WAS NO LONGER MY SON BECAUSE HE HAD TAKEN ANOTHER BEINGS LIFE. HURT AND ANGER DOES MANY THINGS TO A PERSON.

I DID NOT HEAR FROM HIM IN OVER THREE WEEKS. I DID NOT KNOW EVER WHERE HE WAS OR IF HE WAS ALIVE. OF COURSE, THE NEWS AND RUMORS WERE RAMPANT HERE AT HOME. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE FOR US ALL. THEN, FINALLY, HE CALLED ME. HE WAS AT HIS FATHER'S HOME IN TAMPA, FL. HE HAD DECIDED TO TURN HIMSELF IN. HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS JAW BEING SEVERED. AT THE TAMPA JAIL THEY REALIZED THAT HE NEEDED MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR THE JAW. HE WAS TAKEN TO TAMPA GEN HOSPITAL AND A STEEL PLATE WAS INCERTED IN HIS JAW. IT IS STILL THERE TODAY.

THE TRIAL TOOK PLACE IN AUGUST 1991. IF WAS A FARCE. NO SELF DEFENSE ISSUE WAS EVER RAISED BY HIS DEFENSE ATTORNIES (INCLUDING THE ALCOHOLIC ONE) NO RECORDS FROM TAMPA GENERAL HOSPITAL TELLING ABOUT THE SURGERY ON HIS JAW WAS EVER ADMITTED AS EVIDENCE. THE DRUNK ATTORNEY MADE THE JUDGE SO VERY MAD THAT HE WOULD NOT LET THE PHYCOLOGIST WE HAD HIRED TESTIFY IN FRONT OF THE JURY.

BUT, ONE THING WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR IS THAT THE JURY COULD SEE THROUGH MOST OF THE FARCE. THEY WERE ABLE TO DETERMINE THIS WAS NOT A CAPITOL MURDER. THEY CONVICTED HIM OF MANSLAUGHTER AND ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON WITH INTENT TO KILL AND BREAKING AND ENTERING (EVEN THO THE DOOR WAS OPEN) WAS TESTIFIED TO...

THANK GOD HE DID NOT GET THE DEATH PENALTY.... I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR THAT....

WHO IS THIS MAN? HE WENT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL WITH A B AVERAGE. HE HAS DEXLEXIA. EVEN WITH THAT LEARNING DISABILITY HE WAS DETERMINED TO SUCCEED. HE PLAYED FOOTBALL, BASEBALL AND WRESTELED. HE WON ALL CONFERENCE, ALL STATE, AND ABOUT EVERY AWARD IN FOOTBALL THAT CAN BE WON... HE HAD SCHOLOSHIPS TO TWO SCHOOLS. HE PLAYED IN THE NC/SC SHRINE BOWL GAME WHICH IS AN HONOR TO ANY HIGHSCHOOL FOOTBALL PLAYER. VERY RELIGIOUS YOUNG MAN.. READ HIS BIBLE DAILY.

DID HE MEAN TO TAKE A LIFE? NO HE DID NOT. BUT IN THIS SITUATION, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? WHAT WOULD ANYONE HAVE DONE.....

WE WON TWO APPEALS BUT WHEN THEY WENT TO COURT, THEY WERE SHOT DOWN.... WE HAVE TRIED TO GET HIS SENTENCE REDUCED. HE WAS SENTENCED TO THE MAXIMUM FOR HIS CRIME... 52 YEARS. HE HAS SERVED 12 OF THOSE 52 YEARS. THE SO CALLED VICTIMS IN THIS CASE HAVE THREATHENED TO KILL MY OTHER TWO SONS, THEY HAVE DESTROYED THREE OF MY MAILBOXES ON MY PROPERTY.... THEY CALL MY HOUSE EVEN NOW AND LEAVE UGLY MESSAGES OR JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

AND REMEMBER - THE BOY WHO WAS KILLED WAS COMMITTING ADULTERY. THESE TWO WERE NOT SEPARATED. HE WAS IN FLORIDA WORKING AT A JOB TO TRY TO BRING THEM DOWN WITH HIM. THIS BOY AND HIS WIFE HAD BEEN LIING TOGETHER FOR THE THREE MONTHS BUTCH HAD BEEN GONE.

YOU TELL ME----- SHOULD I QUIT LOVING THIS GUY I CALL SON BECAUSE HE TOOK A HUMAN LIFE.... I REALLY DON'T THINK SO...

MY PRAYERS AND LOVE TO YOU ALL

DONNA F DAY

DONNA-NO DOUBT YOU SHOULD LOVE YOUR SON--MANY OF US CAN READ HIS STORY AND REALIZE THERE BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD GO I- THE STORY VERY CLEARLY DEPICTS A CASE OF SELF-DEFENSE-I PRAY HE WILL BE ABLE TO GET THIS CONVICTION OVERTURNED, GET A NEW TRIAL WHERE THE TRUTH WILL BE PRESENTED IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS-DONNA, I KNOW YOU KNOW I PRAY FOR YOU, BUTCH AND RENEE DAILY-I LOVE YOU ALL

thanks for sharing your story so completely, budwoman. i know you to be a very strong, loving mother. butch is so lucky to have the supportive network he has! i just think you are the sweetest woman.....bless you, honey. *hugs*

Of course you should do no less or no more than what you are doing. I wonder and I have to ask what about your daughter in law? What was her role in this? I know this is not really the subject but I just wonder where was her love and did she defend your son in court?

Well lleia, it seems that she was not the person Butch thought she was. At his trial, whe was with another man totally out of the picture and was 5 months pregnant with his baby. Since that time, she divorced Butch and married this man. She has had her oldest son taken away from her and I understand that a few years ago when the baby was about 5 years old, the took her away from her too. She was on drugs so bad that she left the baby alone in the house for several days at a time. No food etc.

I have not heard anything about her in awhile. Hope I never do. She once told me that she loved having men fight over her. Well this last one was a doosey.... I hope she never puts anyone in that situation again in her lifetime.

Donna

i was touched by your story, and ofcourse you should not stop loving your son! is there any change his sentence will be reduced in the future?
good luck to all of you, stay strong

tamara

Your story broke my heart and i cnt even imagine your pain as a mother my self i could never nor would i ever give up on my child. God dosent give us more then we can bare,lol LaTonya

First Donna, I just want to send you a big *HUG* and thank you for sharing with us your Love of your son. I just know, as your story did, this forum is going to open the eyes and hearts of so many people and yes, tears will come along with it, as in my case when I read your story. As much as Butch is bearing and going through right now, I am so thankful that he has such a wonderful supporting family and has found a true love with Renee.
I will continue to hold you all in my thoughts and prayers that the State of NC will do the right thing and grant Butch a new trial or sentence reduction, in terms of this ridiculous, so called 'lawyer'.

Much love,

Pamela

Thank you for sharing this, for being so honest and open. Thank you for being here, for being strong enough to support me when I need to lean on you. Your love and strength never cease to amaze me. You are a wonderful human being and Butch is lucky to have you in his corner.

Donna..... I have known Butch's story... and it is heartbreaking..... but you are all that a mother was meant to be... the kind of mother that truly has a love for her children that is as close to God's love that we see on this earth.... I believe that is the love that God intended mothers to have... to not always agree with their children's choices or actions... but to love them in spite of their shortcomings... unconditionally..... You have shown others at PTO (including ME) that kind of love.... and some of us don't have moms to love us like that.... which makes you my PTO mom.... :)
Much love... and many prayers to you always.....

Donna: Even under the comfort and protection of PTO, I know that it is hard to tell Butch's story. Tank you for sharing it so completely with me. I have never had children, but as a woman, and a natural nurturer, I can only begin to understand the pain and anguish that you have been through. Yes, as jds said, I too would have loved to have had a warm, compassionate, loving mother like you when I was growing up...and now. So, do you wanna be adopted??
My love, and prays to you, Butch and your family.

Adelle

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN... YES, I WANT TO ADOPT YOU ALL..... MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU.... YOU KNOW, IT HAS BEEN HARD. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE GAMMIT.... ANGER, BITTERNESS, HURT, SCREAMING, CRYING ETC., BUT, I HAVE ALSO LEARNED A GREAT DEAL.... I REALLY HAVE LEARNED HOW TO FORGIVE... IF I HAD NOT, I WOULD BE IN A NUT HOUSE RIGHT NOW. I HAVE LEARNED THERE REALLY IS A GOD AND THAT HE DOES CARRY YOU WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER WALK....

I HAVE ALSO LEARNED THAT THERE ARE MANY GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD AND THAT GOD HAS GIVEN ME A CHANCE TO KNOW THEM. THAT IS ONE REASON THAT THIS SUPPORT GROUP FOR FAMILIES OF INMATES IS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.... I HAVE WALKED THE WALK AND TALKED THE TALK AND I REALLY DO KNOW WHAT ALL OF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOU ALL ---------- MY CHILDREN

LOVE YA
DONNA

Donna, you are an inspiration to everyone. Thank you for sharing your story. These are the things that people need to see and hear. "murder" is not just black and white, there are many things in between that people need to look at.

Donna, your son is very lucky to have such support from you and Renee....

Joy

P.S.. My mom died in 1984 and I dearly miss her, still cry myself to sleep some times, would you consider adopting me too? :(

I nominate donna as the official pto mom

I second that nomination!!!!!!!!!!!!

all in favor say "aye"

AYE here...Love you MOM!!!

aye! i can use a mom too!

Donna,

I can only say that your story of your Son touched me & my prayers go out to you both!

I could only wish that my boyfriend's Mom understood the true meaning of that word as much as you do...

God bless you for standing by your Son when he probably needed you the most! I wish you all the best...

Sincerely,
Mstryzone
(previously posted e-mail address removed as per PTO policy - Moderator)

AYE!!!!!

Gul-dang-it, can't be do'n dat mommy thang, her be younger den me. LOL

Donna,your story is heart breaking. God bless you.

Mom
I say love on and love strong.. He is human and reacted to defend himself and his wife.. He did not know who the guy was.. Natuarally he is going to defend them..

Donna,
Your story shows everyone just how boundless a love a Mother can have for her child. I, too, have sons and hope I can always show them the unconditional love and support you have shown Butch. I will always keep a prayer for you, Donna.


Shannon

Donna,

Thank you for sharing your painful story and for opening our eyes to so many things...how violent offenders are often completely misunderstood and incorrectly labelled...as well as for showing us how strong the bonds of love are...I am so sorry that you and Butch have to go through this. My thoughts are with you.

And here's another vote for honorary mom status!

Emme

I just had to reply to this posting because I am faced with a similair situation. My ex-boyfriend/best friend is being charged with murder. It has been almost seven months since I heard from him. He says that we should not love him anymore because of the crime that he has committed. I won't listen to him and continue to write faithfully every single week. He means the world to me and nothing can ever change that. I don't condone what has been done and am very angry that it happened however, you can't turn that love switch on and off. I love him with my entire heart. Both his family and mine are close friends and he shuts of his family as well. He says that he isn't her son anymore because of this crime...that his mom and dad should send thier love to his younger brother because he needs it more. I love my friend and nothing will ever change that...I continue to support and encourage him with every letter that I send. I will never stop believing that one day I will hear from him again...that he will come around and will make contact with those that are close to him. This is the longest stretch of time that I haven't heard from him and it hurts so much. It doens't matter what has been done...if you truly love someone you don't turn on them...you remain by their side.

Dannigirl, thank you for sharing that. You are very special to love someone unconditionally and to keep trying to reach out to him. With your persistance and with God's help, he will come back. If you think it might help, I and I know many others, would be willing to write him and share our experiences and let him know that he is a human being worth being loved.

I am looking forward to hearing more from you. I can learn a lot from you.

Thanks
Joy

Dannigirl, I can only hope that you continue to send that letter every week. I am so sure that he waits for it eagerly and it is very comforting to him that you care. He will come around someday and tell you how thankful he is for your friendship and support... Stay Strong!

Pamela

Joy

I am hoping to use this site more often now that I now it is here. I mean it makes things a bit easier when you can share situations with those who have experienced a similair situation and know what it is like to love a criminal. to me I really don't see my friend Rob as a murderer because to me he is not that. I think it was just something that happened by accident but we can't change the past right.....now we just must live with the outcome every day of our lives. Every person is capable of murder..murder is usually committed without intention however, the court does not look at it like that. It is like they just want to punish punish punish. To the police and the court system that criminal is nothing but to someone else he may be the world.

I pray and hope that eventually Rob will come around and he will eventually make contact with us. I know deep in my heart that he will. Rob always told me that we had a special bond that could never be broken because we have survived so much together....so I will never stop believing in my friend. I put on a strong face and defend my friend to those who bash him and remark at what he has done and I proudly respond with "You may think what you want...but I know Rob and he is a great guy....a guy with a heart....a a guy I love unconditionally". I am proud to say he is my friend and would never deny the fact that we were once together and that he is my best friend. Last time he phoned his mom he told her that he still gets my letters and is glad that I write but is just not ready to reach out yet. Yet...when everything first happened he wrote and phoned but then instantly he stopped. Faith gets me through each and every day and like Rob told me once "to always believe". So that is what I do.

Take care and hope to hear more from you as well. Best of luck to you and your family.

Have faith and believe

Dannigirl

DANNI GIRL

RIGHT NOW ROB IS GOING THROUGH A DEPRESSION AND A GUILT PHASE... KEEP ON WRITING TO HIM.... CAN YOU VISIT? HE MUST UNDERSTAND THAT GOD WILL FORGIVE HIM AND THAT OTHERS WILL TOO. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, YOU HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM BECAUSE YOU KNOW HIM INSIDE... KEEP PRAYING CONSISTANTLY. GOD WILL STAND BY YOU ALL.

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS
DONNA

Wow Donna! As you told me in your past post for me, "love your son." Bad decisions were made, but love your son. I still read the post you sent me concerning my son. My son was also given a maximum sentence for aggravated robbery (99 years). We later found out the victim is not sure my son is the one who actually injured her. She was also the only eyewitness to this crime.

Hopefully your son can get a reduction in sentence. I don't know how that works, but I believe in miracles. Hang in there. You and Butch will be in my daily prayers. Take care! PEACE!!

Thank you Cyndie, I am so very glad that my post to you helped. I know it is very hard to believe, but really I do feel yours and others pain even over this electronic device we are posting on. I do realize how you hurt and I only try to share some of the things that have been my salvation. They may not work for some of you, but they do work for me.

Butch got out of Segregation on September 16th 2002. He was finally moved to another unit in Asheville, N. C. on 9/24/02. I understand that he is going to computer school. He only gets two telephone calls per month so I do not get to talk to him much. He cannot have visitation until November 17th. I cannot wait to see him. I have not been able to visit him since June 7th 2002 when he received a write up over his girlfriend and visitation policies. I have missed him so much. I have received many letters from him, but it is not the same as being able to talk. I just hope now that he will do what is necessary to keep himself out of trouble. Maybe just maybe he will be able to come home soon. If he doesn't, then it will be a very long time before he comes home.

My prayers are with you all and So is my love. Thank you so much for your support and caring... It means a great deal to me.

Donna

Hi Donna-Thanks for being there for me to "vent." Again, as you said it is very difficult, but you have to go on with your life. I can't say that it gets easier everyday, but I can say that I am handling it better. There are times when I just cry, cry, cry uncontrollably, especially when I see friends of my son. I pray and read the posts here at PTO, which seems to help a lot. As I mentioned before, I do believe in miracles and I am hoping one comes our way. Donna, I will say a special prayer for you and Butch. Take Care!! Are you coming to the get-together in Texas? That would be great if you come! PEACE!!

I read this thread again in order to get some perspective in my life right now. You know, I really do love this son of mine, even tho he still has not grown up. Even tho he is still a 16 year old in a 37 year old body. He is still my son.... I only hope and pray that he can see what he is doing to himself and his family.

my love to all of you again.... You have been my salvation and my ability to get rid of my hurt.... Thank you so very very much.

Donna

Donna,

Just hang in there! I know it is very difficult at times, but you are strong. All we can do right now is love our children and let them know we love them no matter what.

Butch will come around, you'll see. Hold on Donna!! Take care!! PEACE!

Actually, this Christmas was a great one, Butch got to call home on Christmas Eve and talked to about 10 family members. That was very good for him and for them too. He has been a little different over the last couple of weeks. My youngest son got to talk to him last week and he just told him how stupid he was acting. He really put him in his place but he did it out of love and Butch knew that. He and Ron have been very close over the years. They always have loved each other very much. They moved him from Asheville to Shelby again, where he got all the write ups. He just moved to Asheville in Sept. I am not sure what they plan to do with him, but I have told him to try and be humble if at all possible.


Donna

Donna-That's great you talked to Butch on Christmas Eve. I know that just made your holiday. Butch will be okay and so will you. As you told me in other posts, continue to pray. Enjoy the holidays! PEACE!

Donna,

I just finished reading your story and my heart goes out to you. What happened to Butch happened the same year as my boyfriend Brian was arrested for and later convicted of murder, so that fact alone sent chills up my spine. I have posted much of Brian's story in the "Introduction" section of the board today, so I won't repeat all the details here now... maybe someday when I have more time I'll post some more here in detail about all the headaches & heartaches we've gone through over his "violent criminal" (they call it "heinous offender" in Alabama) status. We suspect that label alone is what has made them deny his parole, three times now. He was 22 when he went in, he is almost 35 now, and approaching his 13th year of a 20 year sentence. His next parole hearing date is next year, and although he always says "hope for the best, expect the worst", I'm hoping a little more this time around.

My Brian was a young kid and screwed up on drugs and alcohol at the time, and got himself into a wrong-place wrong-time situation where he could see no way out than to kill to save himself. Poor judgment due to drugs & booze led to a rage that left a man who was much bigger than him, and whom had made it clear was going to hurt him or worse, dead after numerous blows to the head. Yep, that's pretty violent. I can't say that if I was in the condition he was in and had, especially, lived in his shoes and through his past that I might not have been capable of the same under such circumstances... other than the fact, of course, that I am a female and much smaller and would have no doubt been the one killed in such a situation rather than being the killer.

He killed, yes, no question about that. The only other thing I can really say is what I know, and have known all the years I've known him; in his heart, he is not a murderer, even though the State says that's what he is.

In any case, my heart goes out to you and I am totally with you. No one knows better than me how difficult it is to deal with the fact that someone you love is a convicted murderer and for about ten years I chose not to deal with it at all, thankfully I finally did and my best friend of 15 years is not only still my best friend, but now also the man I love with all my heart.

My prayers and best wishes are with you and your son Butch, and I'll be hoping for good things for you and your family in 2003...

Lys

Dearest Lys

I really do understand your heartache also. I know the pain and the hurt you carry. I visited Butch yesterday and I found a peaceful calm man. Over the last little while, he has been very angry and bitter. He has been bitter at everything including me. But, yesterday, he seemed as tho he has actually come to his senses and realized what he has to do in order to come home.

Yes, taking a life is a horrific thing. But, sometimes we are put in situations that we must defend ourselves. Sometimes we make wrong decisions in our lives. I know your love is very appreciative of your support. He is a very lucky man to have you.... Thanks for your letter of support. This has meant a lot to me. I do love my son very dearly. I get upset and flustrated with him sometimes because I feel that he still at times makes bad decisions. Also, I have not actually known him as a person for 13 years. I have not been able to spend time with him except for 2 hours every other weekend. You don't know someone like that. He has changed. Sometimes I don't know if it is for the better or worse, but he has changed. He is in medium custody right now. I sure wish he could at least get into minimum and begin to do work release. Maybe someday.

May God Bless you Lys. Maybe next year will be better for each of us.

My Love
Donna

Oh Donna I applaud you with your strength and wisdom in your sharing with us your story. I know it has been a rough road for you but, I commend you for finding the forgiveness needed to move on with life on life's term even though it was tough you have managed to do it Donna. I am not sure I would be able to have forgiveness for my son had he done something like that so I think it is wonderful that you have and you are standing strong with him. And I also nominate you for the PTO mom you have helped alot of us on here with your support and love and encouragement when our chips are down and I thank you for being there for us on here. You are a truly wonderful woman and I am so glad that you are here with us at PTO.

Big hug from tx
Cherrie

Donna,

We certainly are sharing sections of the same boat, that's for sure... and I am certainly blessed in having lucked upon finding you here, I may be new to PTO but your strength is an inspiration to me. There've been many times I've felt a lot weaker than I know I am, but I know the truth is to be able to get through what you and I have and still be here TODAY means we are a lot stronger than we sometimes think and feel. Just gotta hold onto that strength, the faith in our loved ones, and lots and lots of hope, and we'll get by. I try to remind myself of that every day.

I am so glad to hear that Butch seems to be doing better than he was, that's a good, GOOD thing and something else to hold on to and hope. The period you talked of that he has been so angry and bitter up to now sounds JUST like Brian in his early years - even though we were estranged and I wasn't there at time, I heard all about it later, how he was then. So that should give you some more hope that things WILL continue to get better and he will learn and grow from all that bitterness. I think everyone has their own inner timetable, for some it just takes longer than others, and even though Brian and Butch have been incarcerated for nearly the same amount of time, maybe it's just that NOW is the right time for Butch to get it together and get his mind where it needs to be to get himself out of there. It took Brian a good three or four years to get past that angry and bitter stage, and even though it's been mostly uphill since then, he's still had to struggle at times... mainly because of his addiction, but still there's leftover pain and bitterness and resentment and anger somewhere under the surface. There's always gonna be. Brian had to learn how to let that NOT rule his life, and how to beat it when those old feelings surface. He got it together and he's stayed together. And Butch will too. It may have taken him a little longer to start getting to that point - and it sounds like he's in the beginning with it - but hopefully he will.

I will be hoping for you too that he will get into minimum someday. That has been a big blessing for Brian, being able to have some freedoms and privileges, even being in a position of some authority and being able to help others like himself, it's been such a great thing, I think it really does a lot for their self-esteem. I hope someday Butch will get to experience some things like that.

Brian has definitely changed in his years in there, probably not unlike Butch has, fortunately most of the changes have been very positive and very much improvements from the person he was before. I think one of the things that helped him a lot in those early years was that the day he was locked up, he vowed to himself that he was not going to change who he was and what he believed in just because his environment had changed, and he has managed to stay true to himself. I was so grateful to find, when we were first in contact again, that he was pretty much the same Brian I'd known and loved before, just new and improved. Having said that, I know when we get to be together in person again, there are going to be noticeable changes that are probably going to throw me off a little. In one of the first letters he wrote me when we got back in touch, he told me that he had changed in that he was a little harder and colder on the outside, but he was the same person inside and described for me in great detail just how much he was that very same person, so I knew immediately that "my" Brian still existed.

Going through all that Butch has, all that Brian has, where they are and what they have to deal with every day - they put up walls, they build harder and colder shells just to get by in there. There's not much of a wall or any shell between Brian and me, but still he is a totally different Brian there where he is, among his fellow inmates, than the Brian I see and know and hear all from. Trust me, your Butch is still under there somewhere, underneath that shell. And this new peace and calm about him is a good sign that the Butch you know and love is coming back to the world, and hopefully someday you'll be able to say too, like I was able to about Brian, that he's the same old Butch, just new and improved. That's what I hope in my heart for you.

I'm going to be tied up most of the rest of the week, so I'll have to catch up on posts and replies later, but I'll definitely be back. Donna, we are ALL - me, you, Butch, Brian - going to get through this, 'cos you know, if we've all made it almost thirteen years now and are still sane and alive to tell about it, we oughta all be able to get through anything!

Maybe after this hectic week when I'll have time to read and write at PTO again you and I can talk about maybe getting the two of them (Brian and Butch) together in correspondence. They appear to have a lot in common, including being incarcerated the same year even for the same type crime, and Brian is not only doing so well himself but is so gifted at helping others and inspiring them, especially when it's a fellow inmate he has such things in common with - in fact, for a long time he had not only his "day" job in prison but his second, "night" job was counseling other prisoners like himself... a lot of that was in addiction and recovery, which I don't think I've seen you mention anything like that about Butch. But I think Brian would be real interested to talk to, and hopefully try to help some, someone around his own age who's in for the same kind of crime and locked up even the same year, who's had/having difficulties much like Brian did in those early years and maybe Brian can give him some good insights about how to get past all those difficulties.

In fact, what am I saying - I KNOW he'd be interested! He loves to help people and he's good at it (so much so that I've been trying to get him to consider counseling or something similar as a career choice post-prison). I'd love to print and send him your story (along with anything else you'd like to add about Butch and his difficulties coping with the anger and bitterness), give him Butch's address and let Brian work some of his magic there. He's truly an amazing and inspirational person, he's been EXACTLY where Butch has been mentally and emotionally, and he knows how to get past it to something better.

So think about it, and if you're interested let me know and we'll get together on it. In any case, I'll be here indefinitely now (at least back after this crazy week when I'm not going to have time for anything!) and will be here for anything - venting, joy, crying on shoulders, whatever. The reasons either of us or anyone else here who loves a violent (or, as they say in Alabama, "heinous" - I hate that word) offender is here are terrible and horrific. I've always looked at that and said well, I can't change that, but I can make something positive out of this experience, and that's what my relationship with Brian is really all about. Have faith that your relationship with your son will continue to get better - it sounds to me like it's already turning in that direction! - and the positives about the experience he's going and gone through will one day far outweigh all the negatives.

And I have LOTS of faith that 2003 is going to be a great year! Here's hoping!

See you when I get back later in the week, much love & best wishes -

Lys

LYS

I WOULD DEFINATELY LOVE FOR BRIAN TO WRITE TO BUTCH. BUT, HE WILL HAVE TO DO IT THROUGH ME. NCDOC DOES NOT ALLOW ANY LETTERS INTO THE PRISONS FROM OTHER INMATES. I REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEIR REASONING FOR THAT, BUT THEY DON'T. SO, IF BRIAN WILL SEND IT TO ME, THEN I WILL PUT IN WITH MY LETTER AND SEND IT TO HIM. BUTCH WILL HAVE TO DO THE VERY SAME THING.

I WILL PM YOU BOTH ADDRESSS'S AND MAYBE BRIAN CAN FIND OUT IN ALABAMA HOW HE CAN WRITE TO BUTCH LEGALLY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH HON. I NEEDED THIS PEP TALK.

MY LOVE
DONNA

Donna,
I just read your story and my heart goes out to you also. I just want to commend you with very high respect for having the know how to be a real mommy :) I say this bacause maybe had my husband had his mom by his side just once in his 29 years of life, he might not be locked up for the violent crime he is locked up for now. They tried to charge him with Attempted Capitol Murder of a Police Officer, but they had to bring it down to Aggravated Assault on a Police Officer and even that was a b/s charge. They were just mad because he ran from them at 90mph in a high speed chase, and unfortunately he wrecked at 90mph also...
Anyway, I do commend you for sticking by your son. I know that it means the world to him. Not many inmates even have anyone much less their own moms to stand by them. I just wish that I could just make all of the shitty moms in the world stop and love their children and always stand by them no matter what, and maybe, just maybe, this damn recividism rate will go down!! :)
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. Tell your son to keep his head up and don't let the people, and the C.O.'s in there get him all worked up!! I tell my husband to just try and focus on COMING HOME!!!!!
I will keep you and your family in my prayers!!
You're a wonderful human being Donna!!
Lots of Hugs to you and your son!
Diane :D

Diane

Thank you, The John Walsh Show is going tomorrow to do a Taped Interview with Butch at his Prison Unit. He is so excited. He probably won't sleep tonight. It has been a struggle, but, I love my son very, very much. Always have and always will. But, that does not mean I don't get agravated and angry with him at times, especially when he gets his little attitude that he gets. But, I don't walk in his shoes, so I cannot judge him

Bless You for your message
Donna

Donna,

Do you know what day the show is going to be broadcast? I must have missed it in all the posts there are about the show right now... (or do they even know what date yet?)

Lys

Gosh Donna, a movie star? :) just kiddin, but I bet you're right he won't sleep a wink!! Not like they get much sleep anyway, right!! Will you let me know when it will air so I can be sure to watch it??
I sure do hope that when I have kids, if I EVER do, you know it's kinda hard when my husband is not participating lol, anyway, I can only hope that I can have as much courage and patience as you. You are wonderful!! You be sure and tell Butch that i'm rooting for him out here ok? I think i'm gonna have to be adopted too :)
Don't you worry about the getting frustrated part of it all Donna, I can't even begin to explain how much I frustrate my parents lol, and they still love me too:)
Keep your head up and keep us posted!!
hugs
diane

Lys

I will know when the show is taped on Friday the aire date. I will post it for you all when I get back home.

Love Ya
Donna

Donna,
This is the first time I have read this. You are a strong woman, one that I admire.
My cousin( really is not, that is what we called each other as we grew up together) is in feds with life with out parole for murder. I remember when I was first told, it knock me for a loop. I still love him and will always be there for him. I guess that is where unconditional love comes in.

Donna,
I read your story, and all I can say is, thank the Lord for mothers. My brother is in prison, his is due to drugs and alcohol, but my mom has had problems with him since he was young. My dad was abusive and a alcoholic, and my brother was the one who took the brunt of most beatings.
I can remember my mom putting my brother in a boys home because she just couldn't handle him, he would steal from her, one time it was the rent money, and would not listen to my mom for nothing.
Many a nights she would cry because her friends would tell her to "forget about him, he is no good", yet my mom would tell them "that is my son, I will never forget about him."
Since he has been incarcerate he has finally begun to think about what he has done over the years to my mom, and it has changed him, he even told my mom that he is done with the drinking and drugs. I hope he will stay away from it too, when he drinks--he blacks out, and can be a scary fella to be around! :) I give mothers alot of admiration, there love for their children is unconditional, as I can see yours is for Butch.
You will both be in my prayers.
*hugs*
Cindy

keep loving your son. i have one of my own. he is now 15, and i love him no matter what he does now, and in the future. i cried when i read your story. i cry everyday of my life. my husband is in prison for murder1. we were only married 12 days when he got arressted. and it is so hard. it has been 1yr, and 3 months since he, and my brother were arrested, but i still love them both very much

Donna I admire you so, hugs, JER

Donna,
I have read Butch's story before but when I read it here, I can't beleive his trial was so botched. Is there any hope of opening this up agian and doing it over?

We are trying now. His sentencing attorney is a publically admited alcoholic. He was the only attorney for Nathan Bowie, the ladies son who was on John Walsh with me. Nathan is on Death Row.... We have 136 pressed charges against this attorney and this case is before the NC Bar Association now. We are hoping to get him disbarred. The only thing other than that, is filing a Habeus Corpus. I have talked to several attornies about doing this and the lowest charge I have gotten, Is $15,000.00. I don't have that kind of money right now. I have spent so very much already...

Yes, I know how botched it was. We have been through every appeal possible, but all of them have been heard here in Catawba County, N. C. The judges and attornies here are a club that spend their off time together. So.... We have had no results.

Donna

Donna
I was just thinking... have you tried something called "The Innocence Project"? They help innocent people who are wrongly convicted, FOR FREE!!!! I think that they have a website, its innocenceproject.org. You might want to just check it out...
Keep us updated!!!
diane

My Heart goes out to you Donna. My Billy is serving a life sentence for murder. He was 18 at the time. He went with three other guys much older and all have been in and out of prison. They robbed a business man's home who dealed drugs on the side. They were armed during this robbery. Anyway the man they were robbing pulled a gun and one of the other guys shot and killed him. Billy is guilty of armed robbery there is no dening that fact. I disagree with the murder rap he got. Only two out of the four got a life sentence. If they were all there and involved it doesn't seem right two should get off. Why because they lied in court about things and worked out a deal. Those two had been in and out ever since that trial. They hit my baby with 8 life sentences for one death that he didn't do. He is guilty by association. Before this just one year ago he was working two kobs to support his girl and baby. He would help in senior centers and volenteer his time to other charities. He was a good kid that got into some bad stuff with bad people. His trial was very public and he was railroaded into this bullshit sentence. Many trial errors now try to appeal this stuff, try to get it back into court.
I truely understand how unfair the court system can be and how costly it is to correct a wrong. They have no trouble putting down a decision but refuse to look at things when there are mistakes that they have made. It is very frustrating to say the least. My heart goes out to you. This is what Billy and I say to each other to maintain Stay strong, Focus, And Breath. It sounds so simple but it works for us. God Bless

Princess and Billies Angel... Thank you so very much for your support and comments... Sometimes I get real down, but I know that I absolutely must stay strong for Butch's sake.... He has been so great to me lately and he worries a lot about me and what I go through... Even tho at times I do get exasperated with him when he gets stouborn, but, I really do understand why he feels that way.

May God bless and Keep you Princess. It hurts a great deal when you watch a child go through such pain. I really do underatand that.

Billie, Thanks for the advice. I may try this...

My Love and Prayers to you both..

Donna

Donna believe me I know how frustrated you can get. Billy gets upset with things and gets into his modes and it makes me wanna cry. He'll call back and appologize and try to explain why he acts so moody at times. Then he begs me not to stop loving him because he got moody. How petiful. I tell him I love him regardless and try real hard to understand where he is coming from and be supportive. I know it's hard at times to stay focused and stay strong but we are tough and we will do o-kay. A big hug to you Donna. God Bless

Princess,
Maybe you should try something like that innocence project thingy too... just a suggestion... I feel gor both you & Donna!! I wish there was something we could do to help. But I will keep all of you in my prayers!!
oh princess, my honey is Billy too!! And he is VERY moody too, which is very ironic because thats our last name!! lol
hugs & stay strong!!
diane

The problem with the innocence program is Billy was guilty of armed robbery but not the murder that occured when one of the guys he was with shot and killed that man. In Michigan he is just as guilty as the guy who killed the man because he was there with a gun. So I don't think the innocence program will help him. It's so frustrating. They hit him with every single thing they could because the prosecuter was out of control. He got a total of 6 life sentences for this, it makes no sence at all. He gets 6 life sentences and two of the other armed guys are out on the streets already. I lost all faith in our court system, it's so biased it makes me want to throw up. If we can get things back into court he will have justice done but no one cdares because he's already incarcerated so lets just throw away the key and forget about him. Man there has to be someone out there who cares enough to help my baby out, isn't there? Sorry.

Donna,

your story has touched my heart in such a way. And I think your faith in God is what is such a joy to read. It's easy when bad things happen to turn backs on him but in the end he is the one who will get us through whatever it is we have to get through. From my own experiences i have known this to be true and have been given the grace of his love even when I did n't deserve it. It does not mean that he will take away the feelings since there is still a process to forgiveness or greif, or loss, that we have to go through, but what God does do is give us the ability to feel we can get through it even when it seems impossible. 30 steps back, 1 step forward at times...You and butch will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, and You my dear are a class act. I saw you on the John Walsh show, and you are such an assett and inspiration to everyone who comes into contact with you, personally or through this pto board.

Sunnie

my fiance is also named butch, and he also killed a man. some would say it was out of cold blood and others would say it was self defense. i myself don't know. hang in there. the best thing for all of u is to pray. never lose hope and the love of a family. we are also your family now.

Haven, you in time will know.... There is a part of a person that cannot be hidden. If he says self defense, then it probably was. Sometimes we all have a point of breaking. I do know that is what happened to My Butch..... I had been hit with the baseball bat, his jaw was broken and he was afraid... He ran back to his truck and came back firing, very violently, not even realizing what he was doing....

I know about the faith. If it were not for that, Butch nor I either one would have lived through the last 13 years.

My prayers are with you too, honey...

May God Bless and Keep you

Donna

:( BudWoman/Donna,

Your story was very touching, thank you for sharing it. It sounds like your son was set up by his wife. Sorry this all happened. How is your son doing these days? You should always love your children no matter what. Especially this because this was clearly self defense.

Is_Dfaith/Donna :cuffs:

Dfaith/Donna

Actually, he is doing pretty good right now. They have moved him 250 miles away from me and it is hard to visit more than once each 3 weeks, but I am still doing it... I was able to see him this past Saturday. His spirits were good, but he has a major health problem with his back that could possibly paralyze him if he is not careful.... I have turned all this over to God and he takes care of it for the both of us.... I have 2 other sons also and we are a very close family, and yes, I will love them all unconditionally.... They are my children and they have many good characters about them.... Butch is a very loveing and caring young man....

I love your name (Donna) Ha Ha

Love Ya Girl

Donna

Thanks for replying BudWoman/Donna,

I'm glad to hear that your son is doing okay under the circumstances. I feel so bad for your family. My husband has been in prison for 22 years and it looks like he did not commit the crime as the Supreme Court is looking at his case to possibly overturn it. If this happens then that is 22 wasted years sitting in a prison.

I like your name to. :yes:


Is_Dfaith/Donna

Donna..... I sure hope that he will be able to get his sentence turned around real soon.... Then, when he comes out, you two get involved in Church and helping others in your same situation.... You will find that will help both of you melt the bitterness..... It is hard to loose 22 years of your life for nothing.... It creates anomosity and bitterness..

My prayers are with you both... May God Bless and keep you..


Donna

Hi Donna/Budwoman,

Thanks for your kind words. Both my husband and I are very involved in our religion. It has been very hard. Although I did not know him all of his time in prison I have been with him the last 9 years. It's hard to keep trying to encourage each other through the bars but we continue to try with God's help. I keep myself busy and try not to think about the situation at hand. Keeping myself busy is what helps the best. I crochet and write stories, read and I will be learning how to sew and play the piano soon. All this with keeping myself busy with my church activities gives me a full life. I just don't have my husband in it at present. If the supreme court overturns his conviction then he will have a chance at life again. Again, thanks for your kind words.


Donna/Is_Dfaith:dance:

Hi Guys.

Today (Easter) has been a very hard day for me. I have not been able to see Butch since March 26th. I miss him so very much.. He only gets 2 phone calls a month, and this month I have not heard from him because he calls his girlfriend. They cannot visit, so I agree, he should call her the two times he can. But, I have cried a lot today. I really don't know why. I don't know what is going on in my feeble brain at this point, but, whatever it is it is not helping me.

I was with my other two sons today and my grandchildren, but even that did not stop the pain I am feeling. I am spending absolutely too much time thinking. I have got to get out of this mode.

Love Ya
Donna

WHEN A PIECE OF US IS MISSING, THE PAIN IS JUST THERE! BUT I THINK WAY TOO MUCH, TOO, ESPECIALLY ON WEEK-ENDS. THANKS FOR SHARING! :)

Hi Donna / Budwoman,

My heart and prayers are with you. I find it hard sometimes to go from day to day but I find that if I try as hard as I can to keep myself busy I can "sometimes" get through the pain of thinking about what is bothering me. Prayer to God also helps. With your son Butch in prison, it is like he was taken away from you in death. Try to write him and keep his spirits up and that will help him as well as you. Know that everyone with a family member in prison cares for you and understands the frustration, tears and depression that lives in the household with us.

Take Care......Is_Dfaith / Donna

Donna Faith... I do that all of the time. No, I will never walk away from him because he is a wonderful person, both in spirit and in heart.

There will be a day when he will do what God intends... There is a reason behind all things and the reason for this will come forward someday.

By the way, everyone, this young man is learning how to play the guitar... Of course, John Walsh made a lot of fun of him for that, but actually, he is getting pretty good. He is singing with the Gospel singers at the prison during Yokefellow ministry... Good HuH!

Donna

Hi Donna,

It would seem that we all are coping the best way we know how and that is good. That is nice that your son is doing something to keep his mind busy. I wish I could get my husband to do something to keep his mind busy. He is very hyper, nervious, etc. so it has not been easy all these years. May God Be With You.

Is_dfaith/Donna :wave:

Dear Donna:

I already admire you greatly for all the love and support you give unconditionally. Am glad I finally read Butch's story. Yes, a violent crime was committed -- Murder, no. The fact that you love your son doesn't surprise me. After all, I would hope that we are all worth more than our worst act.

Linda,

He is exactly why I have spent so much of my time helping families and inmates in prison.... I have learned a great lesson from this situation.... THE NEWS MEDIA ONLY TELLS PART TRUTHS.... No one ever knows the real truth.

I know too, that all persons in prison are not there sometimes for the right reasons... Sometimes, there is pure out and out making a mistake that each and every one of us could make if we were put in the same situation.. Thank you dearest for your careing.... I will always love my son Butch, he is quite a man in both Body and Spirit.... Not too many can handle the 13 years he has handled and still be sane.

I have two other sons and 6 grandchildren and will have a greatgrandchild in November.... I stay very busy with my family. Always will honey..

Sincerely

Donna

*Closed*
Please start a new thread to continue this one if needed.

Thanks,
Fed-X