okay my fiance has a very scary history. I dont know all of the things he has done to the women in his life before me, but i have a pretty good idea. This is the third time we have been together, the previous two are previous because of bad timing, and he has never so much as raised his voice to me. i sometimes wonder if someday ill say the wrong thing and hell hit me for it, or if after we get married all the abuse will start. i have never been scared of him, or ever thought that he would hit me...in fact i think hes more scared of me.:rolleyes: people have told me all the one liners youve all heard before, but im still not sure. i mean maybe if he has yelled at me before, but he hasnt even done that. kinda curious on what you all think. i have a two year old son, and i cant have him growin up watching me get hit, i cant have him growin up to do that himself. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Quick answer - if you've been together for quite a while and if he's been through counseling for abuse, and he hasn't acted out, then you MAY be safe.

Real answer - if he's already hit, smacked, bad-mouthed, bruised and controlled his way through a few other relationships and has not taken a year or more of counseling for domestic violence BY HIMSELF, then your odds are so poor that you might as well pack now.

Not very good news, I know, but that seems to be the reality of abusive behavior.

You've visited him only three times? Then take it slow and easy with him and try to keep it more on a friendship basis until you learn more. Your baby should take priority in your life and you don't want this guy getting out and moving in with you only to find out that he is abusive.

Can you talk to people who knew him before he went to prison? In fact, why is he in prison? Did he hurt someone? Has he taken the counseling for at least a year as suggested above? Just because he has been cool and calm with you during your visits doesn't mean that he isn't an abuser. The only way to know for sure is to ask him about his past. If he won't give you all the info and answer all your questions, as I said, talk to other people who were close to him and ask them for honest answers.

The only way to really get to know someone is to be with him often and in all circumstances. That isn't possible with a man who is locked up so it's much more difficult to know what his real personality is. Good luck to you = and keep your baby and his welfare at the top of your list!

so you dont know his real personality outside of prison?then naturally he is gonna be on his best behavior in there.i would only keep him as a friend for now when he gets out until you are sure that he isnt gonna snap on you.you be careful SISTER and ill keep you in my prayers.