First let me say hello, this is my first time posting in this forum even though I know I should have been here a long time ago.

For a long time I knew or at least thought I knew what he had done but didnt want to believe it. But today he sent me his court transcripts and charges, and I am numb because I know I shouldnt have read them cause I am in utter disbalief. I cant fathom the man I love and adore doing the things this transcripts says.

I am having to come to terms with what he did and how young he was(which is not an excuse) Its gonna be hard and now he is scared that I am going to stop speaking to him, Im not I cant this man is my future regardless of his past.

-Jessica

I am sorry for your grief.
My husband was honest of his past the first time we talked. I accepted it as part of who he is, and the man he has become. He is the most loving, gentle, patient man I have ever loved. I think that is why I fell in love with him so hard, is here was this man with blood on his hands, who I trusted with my life and everything I had and loved. Of course, I didn't know he was going to catch an old case, but I knew it was possible because he had done so much harm. I think I was more worried about karma than the police.

Love can change people. It is uncondional and forgiving. Have faith in your man. You have a right to be angry with what he did, but not to judge or convict him. With time, you will learn to accept his faults, just as he accepts yours. Everyone deserves another chance.

Stay strong and welcome to the VO forum.

I am sorry for your grief.
My husband was honest of his past the first time we talked. I accepted it as part of who he is, and the man he has become. He is the most loving, gentle, patient man I have ever loved. I think that is why I fell in love with him so hard, is here was this man with blood on his hands, who I trusted with my life and everything I had and loved. Of course, I didn't know he was going to catch an old case, but I knew it was possible because he had done so much harm. I think I was more worried about karma than the police.

Love can change people. It is uncondional and forgiving. Have faith in your man. You have a right to be angry with what he did, but not to judge or convict him. With time, you will learn to accept his faults, just as he accepts yours. Everyone deserves another chance.

Stay strong and welcome to the VO forum.


Those are strong beautiful words. Thank you so much for the support. I love Eddie and trust him with my life and its still unimaginable to comprehend his actions, but does not diminish the love I have for him.

Thank you.

I am sorry you were blindsided by the transcripts.... I was too when I first read my guys.....funny thing was is that I was at his trial!! I lived with my honey when he committed his crime...the way he was presented in court was not the man I loved....Thse transcripts didn't talk about his good traits, how he often helps others in need, like mowing the lawns of all our elderly neighbors, or how he worked on cars for them, or how gental he was with My autisic son, how he was able to teach him to talk and how he was the only one who could understand his words at first.
Just know that somewhere between what he told you and what those transcripts read is the real truth......judge for yourself who he is, what do his actions now tell you about him.


hugs!!

penwife

Thank you so much for the support.

Court records are cold documents, as the other ladies have said. They tend to, overall, reflect the prosecution's vision- and it is in the prosecution's interests to present everything in the harshest possible light. As Penwife says, the truth is somewhere in between...and there is a lot of him that is not reflected in those pieces of paper. It was considered irrelevant at the time. You are free to choose what has relevance for you at this time.
I get the impression that it's not that he lied to you, but that seeing the story presented in this new way has been a shock. OF COURSE. It lacks the human factor that only he can explain. That is part of the problem with the whole system.
Our case lacked an injured victim, not to mention it's a lie to begin with, but even so...the person on their papers would be a total gooney bird and is not the man I know. It's like looking at the sky through a narrow tube or something.

Jessie Girl, I just think of it like this, my man has 2 ((or more)) different personalities. And I am in love with Robert not Kreep!

You have been given some wonderful advice. I can't imagine how shocking it must have been to read about what he did. I fully believe that people can change and he's not the man he was when he committed to those crimes. I bet he's taken that experience and learned from it. It takes a strong woman to stand by his side and sweetie you are strong
((((hugs)))))

Coming in late on this, I just wanted to add it is the crime and behavior not the person himself.

While your loved one may have done terrible crimes, that does not mean that he is a terrible or a bad person.

Enjoy the person he is, the positive traits he has brought into your life. Enjoy the positive changes he has made in his life. That speaks volumes.

All of my best to you and everyone here who stands by their man. It just proves how really strong and compassionate we all are for real.

I went through the same thing except I didn't get the court transcripts. I read the newspaper articles, it was SHOCKING to read that the man I love was capable of doing what he did. I had to hide the articles from myself so I wouldn't reread them and freak myself out.
Not that what he did was INCREDIBLY awful or anything like that, but it was still a shock.
He's never talked to me about his case, I know what he's done, he's told me, but other than that we haven't talked about any details. He told me that we'll talk about it when I come out there to visit him.
It is quite a shock and I know what you're going through, let yourself process the information and I promise that it won't bother you as much.

When I read explicit details about my man's crime; I was in shock, too. Kinda' numbed out for a couple of days. It's important to keep in mind that the Court records don't give the whole story -- nor do the newspapers; just selected and biased portions. Neither one will tell you the circumstances, even miniscule ones, that fed into the situation and egged it on.

It's only human that it's taking you some time to absorb this. Very natural; nothing at all wrong with being shell-shocked.

If this helps; he sent you the information. Didn't hide it; lie about it; no deception played a part. It's important that you keep in mind that he's giving you this information. You didn't have to go out and get it on your own.

Hope you come to a peaceful resolution.

I am standing by him no matter what cause I love him and I know that he is not the person he was before. It took 12 years and a lot more hard knocks to get him to realize the mistakes he made in his life.

Thank you for the support it has helped me a lot in those first few hard days.

I am standing by him no matter what cause I love him and I know that he is not the person he was before. It took 12 years and a lot more hard knocks to get him to realize the mistakes he made in his life.

Thank you for the support it has helped me a lot in those first few hard days.

I am glad that we could help!!


pw

Personaly , I have to beleive , its not what a person has done in the past, but what their heart leads them to in the future.
lisa

I knew about my brother's violent crime in explicit detail. It did take me awhile, but I did forgive him. I also believe it is the person and not the crime. Don't we have to believe that? I know what drove him to do what he did, I don't know why he didn't choose to make a different decision. But I don't dwell on that now. Ilove him, always have, always will. Atalie

I knew Gary's crime right from the start. It was hard for me to wrap my brain around it at first, but now I love jhim more than I've ever loved anyone, reguardless of what he did in his past. People can change...hang on to that! :)

You have been given some wonderful and insightful advice.

It is amazing the person that the transcripts depict. In most cases it is not the person that he truly is. Events as experienced by the parties involved are rarely if ever as they are discribed in transcripts nor are the people involve.

Though you are angry at him now, your love for him and acceptance of his past and of who he is will help him accept and forgive himself.

Patti

Firstly let me welcome, glad you came to talk to us and share.:wave:
Wow the first reply was amazing and reflects my thoughts.
Although I know what my partner has done and some of the details, I have chosen not to know all the details, but thats me. I know what he did was then and know he has changed for the better. Everyone does say how different he is now. It can be very hard somedays, the reality. Nowdays I dont see that in him at all.
I hope you can see that with your loved one, and come to some sort of acceptance with it all.
Good Luck

Thank you so much everyone for the support, I really did need it. Since then Eddie and I have talked about and the thing was he was more afraid of my reaction then I was! He was scared that I would run or blow him off, but my love is much stronger then the his past or mine for that matter.

Once again thank you everyone for so much support your words brought so much light in to my heart!

-Jessica

Jessica,

You will never know how much that means to him. Mine was a violent crime, and though my life partner was present when it happened I was terrified that I would lose her. She saw a side of me that I knew existed, it still does, and always will. But, when Linda and I sat down and talked about it, well, she is slowly and steadily helping me deal with the hatred that I had allowed to develop inside of me.

He is so, so much more than his crime, but then you know that.

There is so, so much more to Patricia Dawn than my crime, but then Linda knows that - and I dont think she realizes how grateful I am that she does.

Life is so complicated in many ways but it is simple in some respects, it boils down to love and acceptance.

Patti

First of all i am sorry to hear how shocking this must have been for you to read them. I also have a question though... Is it wrong to ask to see the transcripts in a letter? Do u have to be family to see them? Just curious.. i have been kinda left in the dark mostly because i WONT ask in the letters about anything.... Any suggestions?

Jess, you know what it is that makes it so hard is that we know the side of them that wouldnt hurt a fly unless it came to us.. We know the men that we love for being everything we needed whether it is for support or just for a laugh.. but to put them in the violent offender or any prison category is hard for us all .. We know what they did and we take it the step farther and forgive them and continue to love them

Transcripts are public record, anyone can request them, you'll pay about 5 cents a page. You should tell him though that you are gong to look at them. I think you have a right to see them, but also give him a chance to explain.

I think the fact that they have committed this horrible crime that hurt someone else, but we know them to be sweet, loving, caring, compassionate men-we see the goodness in them- that brings us closer to him and wants to testify for their goodness. For my feelings about my husband, there has always been something extra, a deeper, stronger love, because of the horrors of his past. I just know that my husband isn't going to hurt anyone agan once he gets out of there. And I love him so much for walking away from that lifestyle.

I got to hear the whole story from him and it took me a week to get past the numb feeling... All along I'd been thinking he was not guilty, because I did not believe for a minute he was able to be so cold blooded as the trial record indicates.
I was right about that part, the DA had the motive and the details wrong, but....It was a shock to learn that it WAS my baby that pulled the trigger and that took me a while to wrap my head around.

I got to know my man for who he is before I ever looked into the crime. I knew what the crime was but just chose not to check into anything at first. I can honestly say that I love him more and more everyday. I can't imagine my life without him in it. Yes, he has "several" more years of the DOC vacation, but he is still in my life and I love him with my whole heart and soul. I have not read the court transcripts, but I have located articles that were in the paper. The media as well as the courts are very one sided, and this is a fact that we all know. Our loved ones have been painted into these incredible cold heartless monsters. We ALL know this picture is not who our loved one is.
Keep loving him and know that the man that you are in love with is the real person, not the picture that has been painted by transcripts. One day I will get the transcripts and read them, I know what awaits me and at the same time, I know the man I love and trust him with my life, my heart and my soul. It is VERY apparent that you feel the same about your man! That alone is a hurdle in life that you cleared with flying colors!! You are a very special person and so is your man!!