Lysbeth
05-16-2003, 01:37 AM
Hello & welcome!
My name is Lysbeth and I am the moderator of the Loving a Violent Offender forum here on PTO. This forum was created especially for those whose loved ones are or were incarcerated for violent crimes, in the spirit of discussion, support, fellowship, and healing.
Some of us here most often in this forum are parents of violent offenders, some of us are wives or husbands, some are girlfriends or boyfriends, some are sons or daughters, some are brothers or sisters, some are friends. All of us have one thing in common - we care about someone who is or has been incarcerated for a violent crime. Many of us have been deeply affected by those crimes and their aftermaths - some of us are still struggling to find ways to deal with it, some of us have found some ways to deal with it and hope to help others by sharing our stories and listening to others' stories, as well as dealing with issues such as parole and release and other issues surrounding the incarceration of violent offenders. You will find much caring and supportive fellowship within this forum, and, hopefully, a little (or a lot of) healing as well.
13 years into my journey now with dealing with the aftermath & results of the violent crime committed by a loved one, and well past the worst of the anguish & pain chapters of that journey, I often still find myself continuing to feel "more healed" (for lack of a better phrase) by the understanding and support I have witnessed within this forum, whether it was to me directly or in responses by others to others. Whether you are newly dealing with your situation or have been for years, there is always someone here who pretty much understands EXACTLY what you are going through or have gone through.
You will also find many other PTO folks within this forum who have never been directly affected or known anyone involved with a violent crime - many wonderful people who are simply here because they care, and want to offer support. You need not be a loved one of a violent offender to post in this forum. Those with open minds and caring hearts are always welcome here.
That said... violent crime can sometimes be a controversial issue, and by the very nature of the subject, emotions on opposing ends of the spectrum can sometimes run high. Abuse in this forum of any kind - rude behavior, derogatory statements, harassment of any kind, or any intended or implied behavior that is contrary to the philosophy of PTO in general (a philosophy of non-judgmental support and caring) - will NOT be tolerated. Anyone deemed to be abusive within this site or forum will be immediately asked to leave, and runs the risk of being banned from the PTO site.
I ask all members that happen upon this forum and feels compelled to respond in any manner that does not adhere to PTO's policy of PTO being an environment of support, non-judgment, and understanding of ALL who have an incarcerated loved one, I ask that you please bypass whatever thread is bothering you without comment and move on to another forum on PTO where you may feel more comfortable participating in discussion. Posts that do not follow PTO policies of support and non-judgment will not be tolerated and will be removed.
It is an undeniable fact that violent crime leaves victims and survivors in its wake. This forum does not exist to offend anyone, nor does the fact that participants in this forum care about violent offenders mean that we do not have compassion for victims and survivors of violent crime. I would ask, as moderator of this forum, that anyone who may fall into that category and feel uncomfortable or offended remember that most of us here are survivors of violent crime as well, as the family members and other loved ones of those incarcerated for committing a violent crime. There are many websites online geared towards support of victims and survivors of violent crime, and I will be happy to point anyone uncomfortable or offended by the topics and discussions of the Loving a Violent Offender forum in that direction, just PM me.
In closing, I must say that I am especially thrilled to be the moderator of this forum as it was the very first forum I wandered into on my first day here at PTO, and is probably the biggest reason I continued to stay and become an active PTO member. It's important to me that it's here, and I hope to see it continue to grow and just brim to overflowing, as it so often does, with support and understanding, and NO judgment. :)
I wouldn't dare to suggest that those of us whose loved ones were convicted of violent crimes are so different, nor were our lives any more devastated, than anyone else here on PTO, because it's simply not true. ALL of us here at PTO are pretty much in the same, or similar, boat. We're ALL dealing with, or have dealt with, what I call "the prison thing", whether the actual reasons for having to deal with it were violent or non-violent, and as friends and family members of the incarcerated as well as the formerly or future incarcerated.
But if your loved one is, or was, convicted of a violent crime (in my case, convicted of murder) - then you know all too well that there are SOME things that anyone who hasn't been through the experience themselves couldn't ever 100% fully and truly understand, no matter how much they might try or would like to. The "violent offender" label tends to lead toward a whole 'nother ballgame, so to speak, in the legal system, not only in the beginning with the crime itself and initial proceedings, but for some time to come with issues like parole and release and other (and often long-term) incarceration issues. It can become quite the tangled web - at worst it's a nightmare, at better times it can be simply just oh-so-frustrating and annoying.
And that's what this forum is here for. If you love and care about someone whom the legal system has deemed a violent offender, I can guarantee that you are now in a forum where someone (many, MANY someones!) understands. Feel free to share whatever's on your mind - I can guarantee you someone who's been there, or pretty close, is listening.
Those of you who have struggled or are still struggling with the zillions of issues there can be dealing with loving a violent offender, I hope this will be an oasis and a home of sorts for you, not only for shoulders to lean on and cry on during the bad times, but to share your hopes & joys with us all too. And if you don't know any violent offenders and you're just stopping by to read and lend support, thanks for caring and being here too!
Lys
My name is Lysbeth and I am the moderator of the Loving a Violent Offender forum here on PTO. This forum was created especially for those whose loved ones are or were incarcerated for violent crimes, in the spirit of discussion, support, fellowship, and healing.
Some of us here most often in this forum are parents of violent offenders, some of us are wives or husbands, some are girlfriends or boyfriends, some are sons or daughters, some are brothers or sisters, some are friends. All of us have one thing in common - we care about someone who is or has been incarcerated for a violent crime. Many of us have been deeply affected by those crimes and their aftermaths - some of us are still struggling to find ways to deal with it, some of us have found some ways to deal with it and hope to help others by sharing our stories and listening to others' stories, as well as dealing with issues such as parole and release and other issues surrounding the incarceration of violent offenders. You will find much caring and supportive fellowship within this forum, and, hopefully, a little (or a lot of) healing as well.
13 years into my journey now with dealing with the aftermath & results of the violent crime committed by a loved one, and well past the worst of the anguish & pain chapters of that journey, I often still find myself continuing to feel "more healed" (for lack of a better phrase) by the understanding and support I have witnessed within this forum, whether it was to me directly or in responses by others to others. Whether you are newly dealing with your situation or have been for years, there is always someone here who pretty much understands EXACTLY what you are going through or have gone through.
You will also find many other PTO folks within this forum who have never been directly affected or known anyone involved with a violent crime - many wonderful people who are simply here because they care, and want to offer support. You need not be a loved one of a violent offender to post in this forum. Those with open minds and caring hearts are always welcome here.
That said... violent crime can sometimes be a controversial issue, and by the very nature of the subject, emotions on opposing ends of the spectrum can sometimes run high. Abuse in this forum of any kind - rude behavior, derogatory statements, harassment of any kind, or any intended or implied behavior that is contrary to the philosophy of PTO in general (a philosophy of non-judgmental support and caring) - will NOT be tolerated. Anyone deemed to be abusive within this site or forum will be immediately asked to leave, and runs the risk of being banned from the PTO site.
I ask all members that happen upon this forum and feels compelled to respond in any manner that does not adhere to PTO's policy of PTO being an environment of support, non-judgment, and understanding of ALL who have an incarcerated loved one, I ask that you please bypass whatever thread is bothering you without comment and move on to another forum on PTO where you may feel more comfortable participating in discussion. Posts that do not follow PTO policies of support and non-judgment will not be tolerated and will be removed.
It is an undeniable fact that violent crime leaves victims and survivors in its wake. This forum does not exist to offend anyone, nor does the fact that participants in this forum care about violent offenders mean that we do not have compassion for victims and survivors of violent crime. I would ask, as moderator of this forum, that anyone who may fall into that category and feel uncomfortable or offended remember that most of us here are survivors of violent crime as well, as the family members and other loved ones of those incarcerated for committing a violent crime. There are many websites online geared towards support of victims and survivors of violent crime, and I will be happy to point anyone uncomfortable or offended by the topics and discussions of the Loving a Violent Offender forum in that direction, just PM me.
In closing, I must say that I am especially thrilled to be the moderator of this forum as it was the very first forum I wandered into on my first day here at PTO, and is probably the biggest reason I continued to stay and become an active PTO member. It's important to me that it's here, and I hope to see it continue to grow and just brim to overflowing, as it so often does, with support and understanding, and NO judgment. :)
I wouldn't dare to suggest that those of us whose loved ones were convicted of violent crimes are so different, nor were our lives any more devastated, than anyone else here on PTO, because it's simply not true. ALL of us here at PTO are pretty much in the same, or similar, boat. We're ALL dealing with, or have dealt with, what I call "the prison thing", whether the actual reasons for having to deal with it were violent or non-violent, and as friends and family members of the incarcerated as well as the formerly or future incarcerated.
But if your loved one is, or was, convicted of a violent crime (in my case, convicted of murder) - then you know all too well that there are SOME things that anyone who hasn't been through the experience themselves couldn't ever 100% fully and truly understand, no matter how much they might try or would like to. The "violent offender" label tends to lead toward a whole 'nother ballgame, so to speak, in the legal system, not only in the beginning with the crime itself and initial proceedings, but for some time to come with issues like parole and release and other (and often long-term) incarceration issues. It can become quite the tangled web - at worst it's a nightmare, at better times it can be simply just oh-so-frustrating and annoying.
And that's what this forum is here for. If you love and care about someone whom the legal system has deemed a violent offender, I can guarantee that you are now in a forum where someone (many, MANY someones!) understands. Feel free to share whatever's on your mind - I can guarantee you someone who's been there, or pretty close, is listening.
Those of you who have struggled or are still struggling with the zillions of issues there can be dealing with loving a violent offender, I hope this will be an oasis and a home of sorts for you, not only for shoulders to lean on and cry on during the bad times, but to share your hopes & joys with us all too. And if you don't know any violent offenders and you're just stopping by to read and lend support, thanks for caring and being here too!
Lys