hi, my name is Erin. Living in new york. My girlfriend is in jail..its been not even two weeks! I am having a hard time adjusting to all of this. She might be doing 3-6 years. But wih a chance of "Shock- Boot camp." If she gets that she'll be out in 6 months. I am having a hard time visiting her. The first few days were terrible. having to talk to her thru a little window. But now she is acrossed the table with a see thru plastic "wall." We give each other a hug and a good bye hug.....She has a two year old daughter, not living with me, but living with an ex....at first she was so postive and I am trying to stay postive when i see her....But when i'm at work or at home, i am completly depressed. I am very overwhelmed with all of this. I miss her so much that it hurts...like she died. I have searched and searched trying to find some support. Hopefully, after reading these posts, that there is someone out there that can "guide" me thru this. I have my good moments, then many bad moments. I'll just break down and cry. Sometimes, it helps me when i pretend that this and she arent even real. I know that that is a terrible thing to think. I do love her. I guess i just need someone, who understands and will give me postive feedback, instead of all the negativity around me.

Help me!!!

to add on to my last post.
I am so affraid for her while she is in prison. She isnt the type to "stand up" for herself. And the whole topic of rape.......thats completely unbearable for me to imagine......

it was a white collar crime.....she is so defenseless.....

i am sooo scared for her.....

Hi Erin
A warm welcome to the PTO family. You will find much Love and Support here. We are here to take your hand and help you through this time. I know how hard it is and at times it feels like it will never end. But we you can't hold yourself up, we will help hold you up.
There are so many here that can relate to how you are feeling, because they also have been there. I know you will get alot of support from them.

softie

Hi Erin , Welcome to PTO.. I hope that we can make this time away from your loved one a little easier for you.I'm glad you joined.

Consider this as positive thoughts being sent your way, as well as prayers

Welcome to PTO Erin. I am so glad you posted your intro. I look forward to getting to know you and reading your posts.

Karens girl, I know that we do have some lady members who have done time. I hope they come by and offer some advice. If memory serves, you said she may go to a boot camp. They are much easier I believe.

Erin,

Welcome to PTO ! You have found the right place...

We don't have a huge GLBT membership but it is growing and what we have is strong.

I would suggest that if you have specific questions that are GLBT in nature that you ask them here otherwise put them into the appropriate forum on the main site. You will receive the same support across the site.

Glad that you found us!

Erin,

I have merged your two posts together - you will find it better to keep the discussion going in one thread...

Hi Erin

Welcome to the PTO family and the GLBT forum :) Glad you found us, you'll find a lot of support and caring people here.

You have to stay strong and positive to help Karen go through this crap. When you're feeling down, take a pen and paper, and write her a beautiful letter, doing this will give you the feeling you are with her. Besides, she will just love receiving and reading your letters.

Know that we are here for you and Karen, so please come and post as often as you need, we're open 24/7 :)

All my very best wishes and stay strong
Philippe

Welcome to PTO!! The hardest time is the beginning as the visiting is thru glass etc... It'll be easier once she's moved...Hang in there. We're here for you....What you're going thru emotionally is normal..We've all been there.

Deb

hi and welcome to PTO. Good to have you with us

Hi, Erin,

Welcome to PTO! Linda and I are so glad that you have found this site. There are many wonderful people here who are a great support.

Linda and I would like to make a comment or two if you don't mind. I will start then Linda wants to say something so I will turn the keyboard over to her.

Last year we found ourselves in much the same situation as you and Karen.

December 20th I was sentenced to what could be up to a six year term in prison.

I was fortunate in many respects, because I have a wonderful attorney who on March 17th got me released pending appeal.

What I want to say to you is that during the three months that I was incarcerated - the letters, notes, and cards from Linda and my family, (Lulu I do consider you part of our family) and Lulu (PTO member) kept me going.

Linda made sure that I had something in the mail from outside almost daily. Those little notes, cards. etc., were such a wonderful blessing. After reception, I could have visits and I could call Linda and my family.

Linda would drive 160 miles one way every other week and those visits - though short - kept me going for another week. She still managed to make sure I received something in the mail almost daily.

I would call every Wednesday, Oh - just to hear her voice -made my day.

If it were not for the letters, visits and calls I would have shriveled up in dispair.

I am sure that is what is keeping Karen going too. Knowing that you are there for her.

Now I am going to turn this to Linda,

Erin,

This is Linda (Frisco's Girl)

I am Patti's partner, I hope that I can share some thoughts with you.

Every thing that you described in your intro, I have experienced. How you described Karen, is a good description of Patti, though her problem is that she will stand up for herself, but always at the wrong times. Which is what got her in trouble.

When I was at work or busy raising our Grandchildren, I could cope. But, later, in that time alone I cried and worried alot.

I know it is hard for both of you, and if you are like us, you show your positive sides (as you said) during visits.

I know visits are hard, but during that little bit of time you have each other, concetrate on that.

As Patti said - send letters, cards, notes, anything to cheer her up, and keep her included in daily life in those note, both the good and bad parts. That helped Patti sooo much!

I told her jokes, funny things that happened at home and work, I asked her advice on decisions that needed to be made. I also shared my frustrations, about anything, including eventually our situation.



I was afraid for Patti, that is a feeling I had to learn to deal with, that was hard. But, Patti made it, and if, God forbid the appeal goes against us, I know she can do it. But, I still deal with that fear. But, outside support is very important.

We are sorry to talk you ear off! :)

Just know that you have a wonderful family here at PTO to help you both. Don't be afraid to lean on us.

From both of us: God Bless you both and your family.

:) WELCOME TO PTO! :)

thank you all!!

Hi Erin...
I don't know that there's anything I can add to this, there have been many good things said already!
My situation was slightly different. Me and my (now ex) girl pulled our time together. The only problem was that she got out almost 4 months earlier than I did... I can honestly say that the last four months I was in prison was the hardest! What kept me going was the mail... really! Almost daily I received 'something' from Sheila... and tons and tons of pictures!!! She would send me photos of daily stuff... like something stupid the cat done, or the new curtains she bought, etc. With the letters, and pictures of everything, it helped me to feel like I was right there with her!

Just hang in there, girl... and remember we're here for you! I know it gets hard, but that's when we (PTO) come into play!!!
(((Erin)))

Jodygirl

Hang in there, and welcome to PTO!!!!!!!Steve&kids

Hi Erin,

Loving someone inside is very difficult the whole time. I wish I could tell you you'll get used to it but I don't think that's possible. It is as if they're dead in a way but there's no closure. Every day brings another pain. It isn't all bad, though, not if you love each other enough to stick together. You'll get used to visiting. It will seem almost normal in no time. Karen is going to need a lot of support, bath emotional and financial. She needs you to be strong and positive for her. She'll have bad days and she'll be moody a lot of the time. It isn't about you so don't let it get you down. She might even try to push you away just to test you. Stay positive and keep telling her and showing her you love her. You'll both get through it.

Yvette